Stockholm syndrome

When I left that home, I only took three things with me, my ID card, my wallet, and myself.When I first came here, I came here empty-handed, and when I left, I was clean.I remembered Xu Zhimo's farewell to Cambridge, waving my sleeves, not taking away a cloud.I don’t know when, I actually called that house home. Sometimes I fell asleep in the dormitory and wanted to get a drink from the refrigerator when I got up.His head hit the door, and he woke up suddenly, only to realize that he had left.Habits are sometimes a very worrying thing.Lying alone on the narrow bed, without Li Weiran, I would suffer from insomnia all night long.

Hu Yidao didn't ask me anything, he was taken aback when he saw me coming back, and soon returned to normal.It's as if I just went out to buy some fruit and didn't leave for long.We sat on the mat in the dormitory and smoked. We hadn't come back for a long time, and the room became much tidier. Hu Yidao said that it was Yuanyuan's cleaning.Senior sister is really diligent, and the direct result of this is that Hu Yidao's shape is getting more and more strange.

One month, two months, without any news from Li Weiran, our lives really have no intersection at all, just like 9 years ago.I have always felt that things between us are like a reincarnation, from being together to being apart to being together.It's just that I guessed the process, but not the result.The final result is, together, apart, together, apart.

The reunion is a miracle, but I don't think there will be a second miracle.Occasionally, I would receive calls from some unfamiliar numbers. When I answered, the other party did not speak, nor did I. Only slight breathing could be heard.Sometimes I can even face each other like this for half an hour. I don't know if the other person is him, and I don't dare to ask.

Later, I changed my mobile phone number, and there were no such calls anymore, and my life was lonely like a pool of stagnant water.There are more and more surgeries, and I am also starting to prepare for my Ph.D. defense.Such a busy life gave me some comfort. Only when I was busy did I have no time to think about him, and I would not feel that kind of bone-chilling emptiness.

Time flies, and it's New Year's Eve again.Wu Qingfeng and the others had winter vacation, and my dad and I were very busy with work, so he and Jiang Zhe came to help us clean up.Even if the two of them are a little deserted, they still have to look like they are celebrating the New Year.Li Weiran's mountaineering bag is still on my bedside. Wu Qingfeng's major is related to art, and he pays attention to aesthetics in everything he does.Then the big bag is ugly to put there, I have to stuff it in the cabinet.I hesitated, but declined.After they left, I sat on the bed alone and stared at the bag in a daze. For so many years, I never opened it.I've always been curious about what's inside, but I've been telling myself not to open it.As if this bag is Pandora's magic box, after opening it will fall into despair, and we really have no chance to meet.I was amused by my own thoughts, unexpectedly, I still don't give up.This time I pulled the rope without hesitation and opened the mountaineering bag that had been dusty for 9 years.

As imagined, what was inside was just a few clothes and shoes hastily stuffed.There was also a kraft paper bag. I took it out and opened it, and it actually contained five stacks of RMB. The pink color is so pretty.I love money, I always have, but I'm not at all happy to see so much money in front of me.I continued to look through, it was a small box.It contained some messy scraps of paper.Among them are a few of my high school test papers, all with full marks, and Li Weiran even signed his name next to the name column.Most of the rest are useless pieces of paper, and the paper leaves have turned yellow.Some were torn from homework, and some were case paper I gave him as draft paper.Some words were written in a mess on the paper, most of which were my name.Ye Shen, Ye Shen, Ye Shen, Ye Shen, Ye Shen, he never wants to call me by my name properly, probably to show that he is different from others.The crooked fonts are ugly, but you can still feel that he is writing seriously, with force penetrating the back of the paper.I seemed to see 5-year-old Li Weiran, such an awkward child.I poured out all the paper, and there were still photos inside.In addition to the group photo on the coming-of-age ceremony, there are also photos of me alone.The way I am doing my homework, waiting for the bus, and holding a pen in a daze.I don't even know when he took these photos, never.Looking at the immature face in the photo, I suddenly felt like a world away. 17 years, how many 10 years can there be in life.It's like being trapped in a cage in the name of love, with no way out.The existence of Li Weiran has infiltrated into my veins, and I cannot give up.In a person's life, how many people can live with you forever.Such tenacious feelings, after all, cannot withstand the cruelty of reality.

The last photo is just after the exam, I was lying on the table to catch up on sleep.Li Weiran sat next to me, hugged my shoulders, turned his head and stretched out his hands to make a V, showing a big smile.

How can I forget it?When I was suffering before, I would use the method of fighting poison with fire, that is, to keep thinking about those painful things, and my heart would gradually become numb, maybe I can try.

So, I decided to record the goings and turns of the past 10 years, and then I can forget it.Just like a terrible nightmare, after waking up, there will be no more pain.

The story ends here.From 17 to 27 years old.I am a man and shouldn't lament my own elegance, but I really feel that the relationship with Li Weiran has exhausted all my youth and passion.I think of a few ancient poems, which are particularly artistic when put together.

once having seen the best, the rest is not worthwhile looking.In the middle of the night, I don't dream about juvenile affairs, I only dream of idlers, not the king.

So be it.

The author has something to say: If you like BE, don't scroll down here, there will be a shocking reversal in Chapter 79, come here with a handful of melon seeds, be anxious.

The source of the ancient poem is as follows

Tang·Yuanzhen·Five Poems of Lisi·Part [-]

once having seen the best, the rest is not worthwhile looking.Take Hua Cong to look back lazily, half destined to practice Taoism and half destined to be king.

Tang · Bai Juyi · Pipa Xing

In the middle of the night, I suddenly dream about juvenile affairs, and the dream cries, make-up and tears are red and dry (the whole poem is too long, so I won’t list it)

Tang·Yuanzhen·Rewarding Letian Frequent Dreams

Thousands of mountains and rivers are cut off from the book, and I read the king to pity me and hear each other in my dreams.I am now in a state of insanity due to illness, only dreaming of idlers, not of you. (This poem is Yuan Zhen's reply letter to Bai Juyi. Look at Yuan Zhen's collection of poems, all kinds of gifts, rewards, and gifts for happy days. What kind of trouble is this! How can I not think about it when I am swollen...)