bullets and roses

It rained lightly for a long time, and suddenly it cleared up one day, which made people feel uncomfortable.

Luo Muxiao took off the long sleeves he had been wearing for a while, and changed them back to short sleeves. Although it was the end of summer, there were still scorching cicadas singing loudly in the air.Outside the cemetery, the surrounding area was exceptionally quiet, and the humming of cicadas became even more obvious.

Luo Muxiao registered at the door, and went all the way in with a black umbrella that was prepared in advance but was not used, looking for those three words while looking.

He didn't tell anyone when he came back, and bought the ticket secretly and impromptu by himself.

It was to satisfy Luo's father's request, and it was also an idea of ​​his own.

Before Li Yuan'an was alive, although he had met him, he didn't know his name, nor his identity. He only regarded him as someone close to Gu Zhubai, and when he saw him, he was like an enemy—in fact, the relationship between them Blood is thicker than water, and there is a kinship relationship that can't be parted for a lifetime.

He was even luckier that he survived.

But Li Yuan'an was not so lucky, his life would always come to an abrupt end in that year—perhaps, at the last second before his death, he was still thinking about why things became like this.

Luo Muxiao finally saw three words that were both familiar and unfamiliar.

Putting the bouquet on the cemetery, Luo Muxiao took out the wine prepared in advance and poured it all on the cemetery, squatting on the ground and looking at the faded photo.

After the wind and rain, Li Yuan'an's face was hardly visible in the old photos - but for some reason, Luo Muxiao still remembered, and remembered very clearly, as if they had just met yesterday.

In the middle of the afternoon, the sun was a little bigger, and Luo Muxiao got a little headache from the sun. He was just about to get up when he heard the sound of footsteps behind him.

Luo Muxiao knew who it was.

A sun umbrella blocked Luo Muxiao's head.

Luo Muxiao raised his head to look at the person, the other person's complexion was better than the previous few days, but he still looked haggard.

"Why don't you hold an umbrella?" Gu Zhubai asked him.

"It's not raining again." Luo Muxiao said, standing up with support - he ignored the hand that Gu Zhubai stretched out to grab him.

Gu Zhubai lowered his eyes, and placed the bouquet of flowers he had prepared beside Luo Muxiao.

The two stood side by side and bowed towards Li Yuanan's grave, but no one said a word.

After a while, Luo Muxiao said: "I have to go back."

It is rare for Gu Zhubai to ask to stay: "Stay a little longer."

Luo Muxiao shook his head, took two steps outside, most of his head fell into the pursuit of Sunlight, he paused, and suddenly asked: "Are you here to pay homage to Li Yuanan, or to find me... ?”

Gu Zhubai answered him very honestly: "There are all of them."

Luo Muxiao smiled and said, "Gu Zhubai, there is something I've always wanted to tell you."

"what?"

"Do you know what was the first thought that came to my mind when I knew what Li Yuan'an meant to you?" Luo Muxiao didn't even think about waiting for Gu Zhubai's answer, he continued on his own. Go on, "I think——then can I become Li Yuan'an for you? What kind of personality is he, so I will be a person with that kind of personality."

Gu Zhubai frowned.

"But later I found out that I couldn't do it." Luo Muxiao sighed lightly, and said, "I can't be Li Yuanan... and I can't be Li Yuanan for you."

Gu Zhubai held the umbrella hard, and the knuckles of his fingertips turned white. He stared at Luo Muxiao, moved the umbrella forward, covered Luo Muxiao's head, and let the tanned face The painful sunlight was blocked outside, but he was completely exposed to it—it seemed that the pain of being sunburned could make him more awake.

After being silent for a long time, Gu Zhubai only said three words: "I know."

Luo Muxiao didn't know what he was expecting, but Gu Zhubai's answer made him feel inexplicably disappointed, and he quickly said: "Well, it's good that you know."

"You don't have to be him," Gu Zhubai said, "I have never treated you as him either."

Luo Muxiao was stunned for a moment.

Gu Zhubai continued: "You are different."

In fact, Gu Zhubai realized long ago that although they shared the same heart, no one is the other.They are two completely different individuals.

During the days when he was with Li Yuanan, Gu Zhubai was actually always accepting the other party's company, he thought that it was liking and love.

But when he was angry, worried, and anxious because of Luo Muxiao, and had the mood swings that he never had in the past 20 years, and the feeling that the whole world lost color when he lost someone, he realized that, that are different.

For him, Li Yuanan is family and companionship.But Luo Muxiao was the change that made his life alive again, and it was his only salvation in the dark.

Luo Muxiao has changed, why not him?

One is companionship, and the other is change. The world seems to be able to turn around without anyone, but for Gu Zhubai, without his salvation, every day of the rest of his life is unbearable.

"He won't be as disobedient as you." Gu Zhubai didn't know what to think, the corner of his mouth pulled slightly, showing a slight smile, "He never made me worry, made me anxious, and even made me afraid of anxiety— —”

Luo Muxiao frowned: "You seem to be blaming me."

"You're in more trouble than anyone else."

"But I would rather these troubles stay with me in this life." Gu Zhubai took a step forward, the two of them were under the same umbrella, so close that each other's breaths were intertwined.

Gu Zhubai could even smell a faint scent of traditional Chinese medicine on Luo Muxiao's body.

"You are different from anyone else." Gu Zhubai said softly, "You can also be completely yourself. Because no matter what you are, in my heart, you will always be the same."

"What kind?" Luo Muxiao asked him.

"The way I love it." Gu Zhubai said calmly, "So you don't have to change yourself for anyone."

After getting on the plane, Luo Muxiao originally wanted to catch up on sleep, but the expression of Gu Zhubai's words still kept swaying in his mind.

He couldn't be more calm.

The confession seemed to be talking about the weather today, but Luo Muxiao's heart was beating like crazy - the other party's calm appearance made him wonder if his ears were broken.

Gu Zhubai sent him to the airport and saw him board the plane with his own eyes.

Today's Gu Zhubai looks different from the previous Gu Zhubai - obviously not long ago, he locked him in the hospital and didn't let him go out.

How come it looks different in the blink of an eye?

Luo Muxiao really couldn't figure it out.

He closed his eyes, and saw Gu Zhubai standing there confessing his love to himself again, feeling a little bad all over.

Even though he told himself to calm down over and over again, his heart, which had been beating thousands of times for Gu Zhubai's sake, still started to beat again.