Summer in Hagawa

Among a group of foreign faces with high noses and deep eyes waiting to pick him up, Ye Shifei saw Gao Lang at a glance.

A face that had been blurred in memory suddenly appeared so vividly in front of his eyes, even though he had made enough mental preparations, Ye Shifei still felt somewhat unreal in his heart.

Gao Lang was still the same as he remembered, with gentle eyes and a warm smile.It's just that the inadvertent childishness in the corners of the brows and eyes has been replaced by the elegance and mellowness of a mature man, as if a high-quality rough stone has been carved and polished by a master, revealing the light hidden deep inside, low-key but luxurious.

This is the one with the best temper among the six brothers who slept together at the time. No matter who he talks to, he always smiles, and he has never turned his face on anyone.It is also because of this that Ye Shifei didn't notice for a long time that he looked at himself completely differently from others.

Thinking of these old things now, Ye Shifei will inevitably regret it.But at that time, he really didn't notice this person—his attention was almost taken away by Li Xingxing, and he wished that only him and Li Xingxing were left in the world. How do you look at yourself?Even if you notice it, you won't take it to heart.He knew this, and obviously Gao Lang knew it too.So in his sophomore year, Gao Lang quietly won a place for himself as an exchange student. After the visa was approved, he put his arms around Ye Shifei's neck and asked him half-truthfully, "Will you be with my brother?" Fly away?"

Ye Shifei couldn't remember how he answered at that time.I just remember that at the farewell party before leaving, Gao Lang got drunk, hugged himself and cried loudly, and the corners of the eyes of all his bedmates were red from crying.

It was at that time that Ye Shifei was ignorantly aware of Gao Lang's petty thoughts that were not humane.

In all fairness, Ye Shifei didn't dislike Gao Lang.Gaolang is good-looking and has a good personality. When he is with him, he always takes care of his smallest needs quietly: the towels and water bottles that are handed to him very naturally, and the special leftovers when he returns late at night. The supper for him... What he gave was natural, and Ye Shifei accepted it naturally, never thinking about the deep meaning behind these small actions.

Until the parting mystery is revealed.Ye Shifei also felt a trace of regret.

Such a man is naturally very good as a partner.Gentle, considerate, everything will put you first.But whenever Ye Shifei looked at the extra empty bed in the dormitory, and recalled Gao Lang's temptation to "go far away with my brother", he would always shake his head involuntarily and sigh secretly: It's a good dish, but it's a pity that it's not the bite he wanted.Ye Shifei knew that he not only wanted a boyfriend with a good temper and good personality, he also wanted many other things.Therefore, compared with Gao Lang's somewhat ordinary family background, Li's whereabouts obviously became a pursuit that attracted his attention more.

Ye Shifei carried his poor light luggage bag, and walked step by step towards the man who once loved him in a foreign land.Every time I take a step closer, I can't help but feel a little more regret in my heart.

Ye Shifei knew that he really regretted it.

After going around such a big circle, Ye Shifei couldn't help but ask himself in his heart: If he hadn't been dazzled by questions like family background, who would he choose?

When Ye Shifei looked at his old friend who had been reunited after a long absence, he was full of melancholy, but he never thought that regret would be like a tide, rising from wave to wave in the blink of an eye.

until it dies.

Along the way, the topic of the two never left the current situation of the classmates they knew well.Gao Lang didn't inquire about Ye Shifei's personal affairs, so it was naturally inconvenient for Ye Shifei to lead the topic in this direction.Perhaps the evasive attitude also represented a kind of concern, but Ye Shifei was somewhat moved.After a long separation, no matter how good the friendship is, it is inevitable that there will be some estrangement.It's like the man in front of me who is concentrating on driving. He is obviously a very familiar person, but looking at him coldly, he seems to be a stranger.

Ye Shifei was slightly disappointed.After realizing what this loss might mean, Ye Shifei felt a little surprised and happy.A little unexpected, but more of a subtle warmth.This person used to pay attention to himself silently with unspeakable thoughts; he once hugged himself and cried bitterly on the eve of parting, because of the secret love that had ended before it even started.In those long-distance calls that Ye Shifei couldn't remember the number of times, and the time difference was reversed, he had tried it, but unfortunately, he was pushed back every time.

At that time, he only had Li's whereabouts in his mind, so he was distracted.But now, with a heart full of pain, he just needs such a generous embrace to accept him and accompany him through the healing process.

Gao Lang is definitely a man who makes people feel warm just by looking at him, he is considerate and considerate.All those things that you can't ask for in Li Xingxing can be obtained from him.But he missed this person for so long by accident. Ye Shifei compared Gao Lang before and after the parting over and over again, a little surprised that his sudden heartbeat happened so naturally, as if It's a matter of course.

After more than ten hours of long-distance flight, Ye Shifei did not miss Li's whereabouts.It's just that whenever he thinks of that familiar face that he can no longer be familiar with, he will feel a strong sense of tiredness in his heart.He knows better than anyone how those strong feelings are wiped away.After all, that person was too similar to himself, and he couldn't fully trust his own feelings or the feelings of others.Therefore, although he was reluctant to refuse, he couldn't accept it sincerely, so he continued to hold back and forth until Ye Shifei brought a barrel of gasoline and personally put a painful end to this relationship.

Ye Shizheng was right, there was actually nothing wrong with Ye Chuan.But he was so angry that his plans and calculations over the years had all come to nothing, and he really had no interest in life.As he poured gasoline on the car, the only thought in his mind was that the two of them might as well die together.

Fortunately, Ye Shizheng arrived in time, otherwise...

Hearing the sound of sighing, Gao Lang turned his head and smiled at him, "Tired? Sleep for a while."

Ye Shifei stared at him, a warm smile slowly formed on the corner of his mouth, "It's great to see you again."

Gao Lang's expression was as gentle as ever, but there was a trace of complicated expression in his eyes, "Sleep. I'll call you when we arrive."

Gao Lang arranged for him to stay at his friend's house, a middle-aged couple with a lot of temperament, and it seems that the relationship with Gao Lang is still very good.Ye Shifei took a shower and changed his clothes. When he got off again, Mrs. Wang had already started preparing the ingredients for the evening party.

Ye Shifei felt a little embarrassed, "Living here has already caused you trouble..."

"It's too polite to say that," Mrs. Wang quickly waved her hands, "Both Alang and Xiaojie are not outsiders. You are Alang's good friend, so don't make friends with us."

Ye Shifei's heart moved slightly, "Xiaojie?"

Mrs. Wang pursed her lips and smiled, with slight hesitation in her eyes, "There are some things that friends in China don't quite understand. For example... same-sex marriage is legal here."

Ye Shifei was taken aback.It's not because same-sex marriage is legal, but because of some kind of hint in her words, "Xiaojie is?"

Mrs. Wang nodded slightly, "Xiaojie is Alan's lover, and the two of them already have plans to get married."

Ye Shifei looked at the water glass in his hand with a dull expression, "Lover?"

"Speaking of which, the two met at my place." Mrs. Wang pursed her lips and smiled, "Xiaojie is my student, and he comes to me every week for piano lessons. Alan just came here at that time, I don’t know the place well, and was introduced by a friend to live with me. The two of them just got to know each other like that..."

A trace of pain slowly emerged from Ye Shifei's numb heart.

Gao Lang has known him since he arrived here...At that time, Gao Lang still had his own in his heart?Ye Shifei recalled his temptations on the phone again and again, and he could hear the deep meaning contained in it.But when did Gao Lang's relationship begin?The more Ye Shifei remembered, the more he couldn't figure it out. Gao Lang never mentioned anything on the phone. He only remembered that the time between Gao Lang's calls was getting longer and longer, and the voice on the phone was getting lighter and lighter.

The pain became more and more obvious, bit by bit, it spread from the bottom of my heart to my limbs.Ye Shifei leaned on the chair beside him as if he was unsteady and sat down.For a long time, the fragility and sadness that had been suppressed in his heart rushed to the surface, and he couldn't suppress it even if he wanted to.Ye Shifei felt physically and mentally exhausted for a while.Loss, depression, embarrassment... all kinds of feelings are mixed in the feeling of pain, chaotic, but painful.

Ye Shifei couldn't figure out why such a deep pain came from.He didn't think he was in love with Gao Lang, at least not yet.But such severe pain had never been experienced when he was carrying the petrol can and planning to die with Li.

Could it be because he raised hope and pinned this new hope on Gao Lang, but this hope was shattered in an instant?

Could it be that if you make a wrong step, you will miss it for the rest of your life?

Ye Shifei suddenly felt a strong urge to go up and leave here with his luggage.

The doorbell rang just in time.

Ye Shifei heard Mrs. Wang pass through the living room to open the door, heard the voices of a few people talking and laughing outside the door, and also heard Gao Lang's voice, a low voice, slightly magnetic, and the tone was still so gentle.

Ye Shifei suddenly felt his nose a little sour.

"Ye Shifei?" A woman's voice yelled carelessly, "Where's the person?"

Ye Shifei wiped his face, trying to make himself look more energetic.This was a guest he hadn't expected, and the first comfort he felt after suffering repeated blows.With her present, at least he wouldn't be so embarrassed.

This woman's name is Cai Ling, the senior sister who worked together in the student union.Ye Shifei shared it with her as soon as he entered the student union, and the friendship between the two of them is quite good.If Ye Shifei counted how many friends he had with his fingers, Cai Ling would definitely rank first.However, Ye Shifei really didn't expect to see her here. When I contacted her by email a few days ago, Cai Ling was still on an academic exchange with her mentor in the island country, and she didn't expect to come back so soon.

Ye Shifei was hugged by Cai Ling before he could see the figure clearly.Cai Ling was a girl after all, and before meeting her, she thought it would be a happy thing, but when she saw the real person, she still couldn't hold back, and cried while hanging on his neck.Ye Shifei patted her on the back to comfort her softly, and he had to put aside his a little bit of carelessness.

During the whole night, apart from reminiscing with Cai Ling and greeting the host, Ye Shifei hardly glanced in Gao Lang's direction, and naturally he didn't look at the boy named Xiaojie beside him.Whenever they talked, Ye Shifei listened quietly, with a smile on his face, but his eyes fell on his hands.

The matter before him was so embarrassing that Ye Shifei couldn't raise his head.

He didn't want to see two people flirting with each other, and he didn't want to see expressions such as apology in Gao Lang's eyes.You can lie to yourself if you don't see it, but if you see it... you can't even lie to yourself.

The next morning, Cai Ling came to pick him up to play at the appointed time.When he saw the travel bag in Ye Shifei's hand, he was shocked when he saw the long series of travel plans that he had drawn up.

"What's this for?" Cai Ling's face changed, "I'm leaving just after coming? Are you okay?"

Ye Shifei threw the fluffy luggage bag on the back seat, "I'm sorry, there is something urgent at home. If you need something, I'll go to the airport by myself."

Cai Ling looked at him, her eye circles slowly turned red, "Are you here for Alang?"

Ye Shifei shook his head, "Let's go."

"You can fight for it." Cai Ling persuaded him unwillingly, "He and Xiaojie haven't known each other for a long time. Besides, Xiaojie initiated their relationship..."

Something sank in Ye Shifei's heart, and floated up lightly again.

The resentment and grievance of the past flashed through his heart like a fleeting image, and Ye Shifei's eyes showed a blank look, "Sister Cai, you know how I fought for Li's whereabouts. What happened to me and Li's whereabouts?" ,do you know?"

Ye Shifei paused for a moment, with a half-smile expression on his face, "I kidnapped my younger brother and exchanged him with Li Xingxing for my company. I also kidnapped Li Xingxing... When my elder brother found me , I was pouring gasoline on the car, planning to die with Li's whereabouts."

"Ye Shifei?!" Cai Ling showed an unbelievable expression, but tears flowed down her cheeks.

"I tried everything to win him, even my brother's life was almost at stake..." Ye Shifei looked at his outstretched hands and shook his head slightly, "I don't want to fight for anything anymore Yes. Sister Cai, this may be my fate. My brother said that I am inhuman. I also feel that I am inhuman. I didn’t soften my heart at all when I attacked Xiao Chuan’er... People like me don’t like themselves , why should A-Lang like it? Why should A-Lang like it?"

Cai Ling shook her head, crying so hard that she couldn't speak.

"Send me away, sister Cai. I just don't want to see Alang again, and I will meet you again."

Cai Ling sent Ye Shifei to the airport crying. Ye Shifei had no destination at all. When he arrived at the airport just in time for the flight to Vancouver, he hurriedly bought the ticket and went through the check-in procedures. Not much left.Ye Shifei left a check for Cai Ling to forward to Mr. Wang and Mrs. Wang, and was promising to call Cai Ling wherever he went to report that he was safe, when Ye Shifei's cell phone rang.

Ye Shifei took out the phone from his pocket, watched the word "Gao Lang" flickering on the screen, but didn't intend to pick it up.After a while, the ringing stopped and the phone screen went dark.

Then Cai Ling's cell phone rang.

"Don't answer!" Ye Shifei pressed Cai Ling's hand, with a pleading look in his eyes, "Sister Cai, don't answer."

Cai Ling was so angry that she wanted to pinch him to death, "You were originally a jackal, but you're still a jackal even after being clubbed. Why are you pretending to be a good person now? Ye Shifei, I really look down on you!"

"I also look down on it." Ye Shifei smiled wryly, "But I can't help it. Didn't I also say in the art of war, one effort, then decline, and three exhaustion. My life-hanging energy has been used up, and there is no more gone."

Cai Ling's eyes turned red again.

"Sister Cai, tell me that I have something urgent and I'm going back. I won't come here again in the future, let him live his life well." Ye Shifei smiled self-deprecatingly, "I seem to be I haven't done anything good, really. It's the first time I've done something good in my life, and Aaron caught up with me. How lucky is this kid..."

"Talk about yourself." Cai Ling pinched the buzzing mobile phone like a bomb, and kicked him on the leg angrily, "If you want to get out, get out, don't let the old lady see you again."

Ye Shifei leaned over and gave her a hug, "Sister Cai, take care."

Holding the phone in his palm, it started ringing again, Ye Shifei waved his hand at Cai Ling, turned around and entered the boarding gate.

The call was still from Gao Lang.Ye Shifei looked greedily at the flashing names on the screen, until the screen turned dark again, and he came back to his senses as if he had just woken up from a dream.In this short moment, no one knew how much struggle was surging in his heart.It's not that he didn't think about snatching people back, playing tricks and scheming, it was a common practice for him.

But, just like what he said to Cai Ling just now, his breath of suspense has been exhausted.To rob, to snatch, to go to great lengths... These things are too tiring to do, and he can't do it anymore.

So his greed, at this moment, is pure, just greed.

Ye Shifei indulged himself in recalling all the good things about Gao Lang, like a dying patient yearning for the world, replaying that person's bright or reserved smiling face scene after scene in his mind.

But indulgence is just a blink of an eye.

Ye Shifei turned off the phone, quickly removed the phone card, and threw it into the trash can beside him.

Ye Shifei, who had never done a good deed in his life, finally did a good deed.Ye Shifei thought to himself mockingly, that's all he can give back to this good man.

Ye Shifei didn't know where else he could go. He might stay in Vancouver for two days, or he might buy a ticket after getting off the plane and fly to another city.Since there is no destination, it doesn't matter where you go.

just walk around.Maybe one day, I suddenly want to stay somewhere.Maybe start a little business, open a shop or liquor or something.When I settle down, maybe I can bring my parents to live together.In that case, you can count yourself as a companion.Even if you can't live there, it's good to meet a few times a year.

Maybe try dating someone.It’s best to be an oriental person, don’t look like Li Xingzhang, and don’t look like Gao Lang... You don’t need to like it too much, just be a companion to each other, so that when it’s cold, he can shrink into an embrace as soon as he turns around .There is no need to like each other, so even if we are separated, we will not feel sad.Or just open a Cowherd House by myself, in this case, even if the old people leave, new people will come in, and there will always be people around, so I shouldn’t feel lonely...

This unbelievable thought made him want to laugh, but before the smile formed, tears fell down.

Ye Shifei never thought that he would live such a life, lingering in a foreign land, but he didn't know where to go.He always thought that the path of his life had been planned, at least until he was 40 years old.But in the blink of an eye, everything was gone.

The world is so big, but there is no place where he can look forward to.

The plane slid across the runway, climbed slowly, and left the city that he hadn't had time to take a look at.That person, the man he traveled thousands of miles to join, lives here.Ye Shifei watched this still unfamiliar city slowly shrinking under his feet, and finally disappeared behind the clouds. He suddenly felt a sense of powerlessness as he watched the last connection be torn off.

He always thought that this would be his last retreat.Even when city B was at its worst, he thought so.But when he really retreated here, he realized that he had no way to retreat.

The plane continued to climb, and the last vague outline of the city disappeared behind the clouds.

Can't see anything.

Ye Shifei covered his face with his arms and cried quietly.