Summer in Hagawa

Pushing open the door of the living room, the man who forgot his name was Wu Ming or Wu Ming was already sitting on the sofa by the window waiting for me.Sitting next to him, Li Mingqi was making tea with her head lowered. From my angle, I could clearly see the soft orange color on her lips.This made me wonder if Li Mingqi really fell in love with this barefoot doctor.

Wu Ming, let me call him Wu Ming for now.This man who looks about my age is Li Mingqi, oh, the psychiatrist my second sister invited me back.She thinks it is a pre-symptom of schizophrenia when a man asks others whether they believe in past lives or not.It is likely to get worse if not treated.However, after seeing Wu Ming himself, I began to suspect that the person suffering from schizophrenia was not me, but Li Mingqi.Because the Li Mingqi in front of Wu Ming is obviously not the same person as the Li Mingqi who usually appears in front of me.

Well, the most popular psychiatrist in city B, a young talent, and a close disciple of a famous foreign master, these halos can still confuse a stupid woman who is confused.Especially this barefoot doctor looks pretty good.

Wu Ming nodded at me, his smiling face looked gentle and kind, "You look better than last time, how's your sleep these days?"

I sat down lazily across from them, "This is the beginning of the treatment?"

Li Mingqi's face darkened, but she soon returned to smiling, "Doctor Wu, please have some tea. I don't know where to go, so please forgive me if I'm not careful."

"Miss Li is too polite." Wu Ming smiled at her very politely, "Then please avoid it for a while."

Li Mingqi said a few more polite words and reluctantly withdrew from the meeting.I watched with a little amusement as she walked out of the drawing room in an effort to appear ladylike, and closed the door softly for us with the same prim air.

Wu Ming followed my line of sight and glanced at the closed glass door, and said with a slight smile, "Your sister cares about you very much."

I glanced at him, "She cares more about you now."

Wu Ming didn't show any embarrassment, but instead asked me with interest: "Are you unhappy because of this? Because she didn't put all her attention on you when she arranged this matter? Or , didn't put your feelings first?"

I find his question simply inexplicable.

Wu Ming showed a thoughtful expression.This is the most annoying thing about a psychiatrist. He pretends to be a ghost, and he can analyze the ABCDE for you in small details that are obviously meaningless.

"Did you sleep well these few days?" Wu Ming smiled and looked at me slightly, "Do you still have the same dream?"

The hand I was holding the cigarette froze involuntarily.

The first time I had that dream was the night when Ye Shizheng was treating guests.

Ye Shizheng inexplicably hooked up with the young girl from the Chen family, and brought her out to meet relatives and friends before the official engagement.Although I'm not familiar with Ye Shizheng, but where is the relationship between me and the Ye family, so I must go.What's more, I still have a little selfishness in my heart, I want to meet Ye Chuan.

I don't know how to position Ye Chuan as a child.Before I met Ye Chuan, I always thought I liked Ye Shifei.Ye Shifei is the person with the best personality I have ever met. He is gentle and rational. No matter how difficult the problem is, he always has a smile on his face. Even if there is a knife in the sky, he will make everyone think it is no big deal. You can still live with the lid on.

If I were a warrior, then Ye Shifei would be the breast shield on my chest.We are the best partners in the business field, and we have a perfect understanding from the beginning to the end.

I used to think that would be enough.But this cognition ended at the moment I saw that child.

I still remember the way Ye Chuan stood in front of the pastry counter in his white uniform.It was a beautiful child between the ages of a teenager and a young adult.Different from Ye Shifei's delicacy and gentleness, Ye Chuan's beauty has something very flamboyant, jumping like a small flame.He stood there looking at us stupidly, his expression was a little dull, and his eyes were extremely surprised.That expression didn't look like meeting a long-lost family member, but more like a passerby witnessing a mudslide eruption.

It was so obvious that it was hard to ignore.

Sure enough, he must be a person with mental problems, I thought so at the time.Ye Shifei talked about his situation.How can ordinary people react so much to strangers' overtures?

His attitude really confuses me.

I've had some pretty boys around me.Ye Chuan is also beautiful, but I always feel that he is a little different from those beautiful children.What is the difference, I can't tell.That kind of feeling is like seeing a light floating in the dark when walking at night. I know that it is not the direction I am going to go, but I still can't help being attracted by the light, looking around involuntarily, and wanting to approach it involuntarily. he.

Maybe everyone will meet such a person at a special moment in their life. They know that they are different, but they will still be attracted.

contradictory.

seductive.

In fact, there is not much intersection between me and him, and I have hit a wall when I approached him several times.I've never even had a formal date, but for some reason, I felt an inexplicable displeasure when I saw him sitting next to Hei Yi happily.It's as if the baby I fancy has been hugged in someone's arms before I can pay the bill.

I was in a bad mood and couldn't do anything in such an occasion, so I drank two more glasses without knowing it.When I got home, I felt dizzy and felt like vomiting.Maybe it was because of my physical discomfort that I had such a bizarre dream.I dreamed that I was standing under the wisteria trellis in Ye's garden, at the end of the path, Ye Chuan, with green brows and eyes, was walking towards me in a white shirt, with obvious enthusiasm in his clear eyes.

Even in a dream, I know I'm dreaming.Because Ye Chuan has never looked at me with that look since he met him.

The scene changed, and I saw him circle around me like a little follower.He is obviously an impatient person, but he was able to wait patiently downstairs in my dormitory, and bought the things I needed for me before I asked.A pat on the head now and then would make him happy like a fool.

To be loved so innocently and straightforwardly is a completely new feeling for me.That feeling... It's as if he only has me in his eyes and can only see me.

The world is so big, every day we pass countless people, but he only sees me.

Wu Ming silently handed over a tissue.

I wiped my face in surprise, and my hands were full of tears.

Damn it.

"Usually we think that dreams are to relieve the pressure in our daily life," Wu Ming's eyes are gentle and transparent, as if he can always see into the soul of a person.This is an uncomfortable look, but at this moment, it makes me feel comforted, "When we first talked, you once said that you had a good impression of that child. But because of various The reason is that you didn't come together..."

I closed my eyes for a while, and asked him tiredly, "Do you still think it was just a dream?"

Wu Ming was noncommittal about my question, "I'm more inclined to mental power, or the role of self-suggestion."

"What do you mean?"

"Let me give you an example." Wu Ming pondered for a moment, then slowly said: "Several people saw the same...a shadow at the same moment. Think someone just happened to be passing there, and some people are convinced they saw a ghost."

"Do you think I'm suggesting myself?!" His conclusion made me want to laugh angrily, "That is to say, you still agree with Li Mingqi, thinking that I'm mentally ill?"

Wu Ming shook his head lightly, "I think your subconscious is willing to believe this kind of suggestion. Therefore, this kind of self-suggestion is constantly strengthened in your cognition."

I shake my head.I know that what this Mongolian doctor said is completely wrong, what kind of bullshit hint, it is simply... just...

"You know very well," Wu Ming said slowly, "What you saw in your dream didn't really happen."

Yes, that's the problem.

Those pictures that make my heart move, indeed, never happened.But all the plots are too clear, I can see the child looking at me affectionately when I close my eyes.When my kiss falls on his lips, his eyes will be covered with a thin layer of water mist, with a youthful and intoxicated look, which is extremely alluring.I even remember the smooth, delicate feel of my palms on his skin.

so true.How can I believe it was just a dream?

"In the last conversation, you said that you started living together." Wu Ming paused, and asked gently, "Is this dream over here, or..."

I felt a sudden pain in my heart.

"Is it convenient for you to tell me?" Wu Ming looked at me keenly, "I see that your complexion is not good, do you want to take a rest?"

I shake my head.There is nothing inconvenient to say about these words, I have to say them first, and then it is possible to find out whether this dream... is a product of my insanity.Obviously, Li Mingqi's nonsense at the dinner table had already caused the family members to panic.

And myself, I don't want them to think I'm crazy.

"It's cohabitation." I leaned tiredly on the sofa, covering my eyes with one arm, "I bought the house. I remember the address, and I went to see it last weekend. Can you believe it, that house doesn't matter Both the structure and the exterior are exactly what I want. I don’t have any doubts that if I were to buy a house, I would buy it there.”

Wu Ming didn't make a sound.

"We lived together, and everything was perfect at first." I paused, recalling the instant surprise and... undisguised joy that appeared on the child's face when I invited the child to move in with me, and my heart suddenly twitched pain.

At first everything was fine, even though I didn't really love him because I invited him to live with him, I have to admit that living together feels really good.He has a good personality, is very sensible, knows how to do housework, and cares about me.Waking up to the aroma of food every morning always makes me feel at home.Since I was a child, only my nanny has cooked for me. I never knew that simple poached eggs and white porridge would be so delicious because of the warmth added to them.

In the dream, I suddenly couldn't understand why it changed after such a beautiful start?I can't even remember where the original changed node came from.The first time Ye Shifei dragged him to the bar to drink after work?The first time you accepted Ye Shifei's invitation to go on a trip, but called and lied about a business trip?

Even if it's a dream, I can't tell.All I know is that once things start, they get out of hand.The gap appeared, and the gap deepened.The most terrible thing is that I never thought of taking the initiative to communicate with him.Because I know he will always be there, waiting for me, whenever I look back, I can see him.

But Ye Shifei was different, he was the first man who made me fall in love, but he was always as close as if far away.I always thought that he refused to accept me because of the family background of both parties.It wasn't until that day, when he found out about me living with Ye Chuan, and showed me a complicated look, that I vaguely felt that maybe he hadn't really enlightened.He never thought that two men could confess their love to each other and live together like an ordinary couple.

I think Ye Shifei started to regret it at that time.

I rubbed the soreness between my eyebrows, and suddenly felt a little confused.Ye Shifei in the dream and Ye Shifei in reality seem to be the same person, but there are subtle differences.I know that he has always been a scheming person, otherwise he would not be called the red fox behind his back.but he treats me...

Has he really never used any tricks on me?Suddenly I couldn't be sure.

I'm not sure if the Ye Shifei in my eyes and the real Ye Shifei are the same person.This is also the reason why I deliberately avoided him these days.

The pictures I saw in my dream made me feel like a weird bystander.And because of that, I saw how badly I was dealing with these two men.When I first accepted Ye Chuan, I wasn't sure about my feelings, so I couldn't treat him wholeheartedly.I have Ye Shifei in my heart, but because of his attitude of being far and near, I dare not go any further.When I was growing up, many people taught me how to be famous and famous, but no one taught me how to love.So when I faced these two people, I didn't know what I really wanted in my heart.

I waver between them.Ye Shifei was tolerant and determined, while Ye Chuan became more and more irritable.I know he never got the security he wanted from me.So, he became more and more out of control in front of me, and finally broke up unhappy.

"No, it's not a bad break up." There was a rush of heat from the bottom of my heart, which made my eyes heat up instantly, "I kicked him out. I think he is annoying, always pestering me about his brother, I have already Explained that it was just my partner, he still..."

Wu Ming interrupted my narration very suddenly, "His brother, is he really just a partner?"

I am silent.

"Although I think it's strange to talk about a psychological case in the tone of a marriage mediator, I still think that in this three-person game, your attitude determines the ultimate fate of the three people. This dream , is this the end?"

I shook my head, "Ye Chuan is gone, I don't feel relaxed. I know he's having a bad life..."

"Do you know?" Wu Ming asked me back, his eyes seemed to be a little confused, "Mr. Li, did you analyze the situation of that child after you woke up, or did you know it in your dream?" gone?"

I suddenly didn't want to answer his questions anymore.The emotion I felt in the dream once again surrounded me silently, making me feel tired and depressed.

I experienced a love in another illusory world, but in the end, the flowers fell apart and the yin and yang were separated.

"He's gone." Wu Ming asked me gently but stubbornly, "You know. What happened afterwards? Did the dream end here?"

Suddenly there was a feeling of dizziness in my mind, as if sinking into that dream again.

"He's gone, but I'm not doing well."

Although I don't understand why I have cut this person out of my life, he still attracts my attention.But damn it, I just knew.I stepped back from the negotiating table distractedly, and would always drive my car and stop downstairs in Ye Chuan's company, watching the off-duty employees walk out of the office building in twos and threes, watching the familiar figure silently Walking at the end, getting thinner day by day.

I thought about taking him back.But I'm afraid that the unhappiness that happened after I got it back will happen again.I was not sure of his temper, nor was I sure of myself.As for Ye Shifei...

Ye Shifei did not deny that he had feelings for me that went beyond friendship.But his cool head has analyzed it in its best light, and he thinks we can maintain a secret intimacy without hurting our public image.This used to be my attitude towards Ye Chuan... I have to say that Ye Shifei and I are truly of the same kind.

How ironic.I once told Ye Chuan that I would follow the family's wishes to marry an appropriate family, marry a wife and have children, but I would also take care of him and live with him.I used to think this was the perfect solution.But when this arrangement was spoken out by others, I just felt discouraged.My feelings are just invisible things in his eyes.It's just... just a dispensable existence behind many things.

does he really love me

I started to alienate Ye Shifei.This made Ye Shifei a little confused.

"Where to go, I love you." He blocked me in the office, his gaze was gentle and melancholy, "You know that. Long before Ye Chuan stalked you, I loved you."

"Your love dares not even see the light."

"This is the best arrangement for us." Ye Shifei was a little anxious, "Your family will not tolerate you making such a scandal. The Li family is a big family, and they have to pay attention to their public image. Once willful If the matter is made public, the Li family will absolutely erase your taint without mercy. Sober up, whereabouts, you can't bear the consequences."

"Just like that?" I sneered.

Ye Shifei looked away uncomfortably, "My parents won't accept this either. My mother has severed ties with Ye Chuan..."

I've never been so disappointed like this moment, "I'm beginning to doubt what you mean by love. In fact, it's not just me who is reluctant to part with the big tree of the Li family."

Ye Shifei's face changed slightly, "How can you say that about me?"

"Because..." I paused, "I'm beginning to believe that you love me."

Ye Shifei was stunned for a moment, with a slight joy in his eyes, "whereabouts..."

I took a step back, avoiding his extended hand, "However, I also discovered that you love yourself more."

Ye Shifei seemed to have been hit by a sap, and his face lost all color in an instant.

"I love you too." Such Ye Shifei made me feel pity, "Because I just found out that you are like another me. We are so similar, I can't help but love you."

Tears welled up in Ye Shifei's eyes, "Your whereabouts, no one in this world knows you better than me."

"I know." I knew he was telling the truth.But at the same time, I have never seen the distance between us so clearly like this moment.He may love me, he loves ten points, he will leave seven points for himself, and give three points to love me.And the other person, the one I kicked out of my home, will love me with a full heart.

Maybe before that, I was indeed tempted by Ye Shifei. I admired him, trusted him, and even... loved him.But at this moment, I just want to chase that boy back.Holding him in my arms, kissing him, I want to say to him: Let's do it all over again...

"I feel like I've messed up with you," Wu Ming rubbed his brows, and said with a wry smile, "OK, no matter what we take all of this, I won't interrupt you for a while, do you think so?"

I nodded, originally I didn't want him to interrupt frequently.If he really treats me as a patient, then he should let me speak clearly what is stuffed in my heart.

Wu Ming smiled and gestured for me to continue talking.

But I suddenly couldn't continue.In fact, there is nothing to say next, I started looking for Ye Chuan, I searched everywhere, but I couldn't find him anywhere, until one day I met his friend Shao Kai on the street.When I stopped him and wanted to ask about Ye Chuan's whereabouts, he kicked him with red eyes.

It hurts.

Even in my dream, that kick hurt so much that my internal organs were displaced.On the noisy streets of City B, I was pushed to the ground by this red-eyed man and beat me up severely.

When I fell down, my head hit the ground first, my brain roared, and what I saw in my eyes became a static picture: the black leather shoe that Shao Kai stepped on my chest, what I saw through his shoulder The gray sky in summer, the blood splashed on the gray ground...

The gray ground is lined with such a dazzling red, like some kind of symbolic pattern.It made me feel cold for a moment.I knew something must have happened, something...something terrible.

Someone was pulling Shao Kai from behind, and my assistant also surrounded him.Shao Kai spat at me viciously, wiped his face, turned around and left.

"Where is he?" I rushed over and grabbed Shao Kai's arm.I was still thinking, anyway, it would be worth taking a beating in exchange for his whereabouts.

Shao Kai turned his head and looked at me with a dazed look on his face, with an indescribable sarcasm, "Are you looking for him?"

I nod.My heart suddenly flustered.

"He is dead." Shao Kai looked at me indifferently, his eyes were empty, "If you still have a conscience, go and burn incense for him. But I don't want you to cry like a cat. Li Xingzong, you are a The beast also begs you to show kindness, he is already dead, so you can let him die quietly. Don't torment him anymore."

I grabbed his sleeve, and my whole body seemed to be struck by lightning. At that moment, all my feelings were turned into dust and dispersed with the wind.

Ye Chuan...how could Ye Chuan die?

"He has made such a mistake in his life. He has taken a fancy to you, a beast. Now, he has risked his life for this mistake."

"He really doesn't owe you anything, so please forgive him."

I let go of him in a daze, and the whole world seemed to change suddenly.Such a lively market, so many pedestrians, everything is the same as every day in the past.

Only that person is missing.

Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, no matter how much time has passed, I will never see that face I was so familiar with again.The existence that I always thought I could see just by looking back, actually...disappeared?

Shao Kai asked me to spare him.But I spared him, who will spare me?

Wu Ming obviously showed a surprised expression, "Is he dead?"

I nodded, my heart sore and unbearable.Facing a stranger who had nothing to do with these grievances, I suddenly couldn't tell that Ye Chuan's death was not a complete accident.I really can't say it.Not trying to defend anything, just because I was also part of the conspiracy that forced him to die.Even the main reason.

What qualifications does a murderer have to jump out and express his sorrow to the victim?

When I woke up from the dream with tears streaming down my face, God knows how glad I was that it was just a dream.

"The dead child...Ye Chuan, right?" Wu Ming asked me thoughtfully, "He is now?"

"He's a freshman now."

Wu Ming looked at me thoughtfully, "Excuse me, what is Mr. Ye's attitude towards you?"

I shook my head and said with a little self-deprecation: "It's like an enemy from the beginning..."

Before I finished speaking, I froze myself.At this moment, an extremely strange idea suddenly popped up in my heart: If Ye Chuan also knew about this dream, and knew that I had such an entanglement with him in the dream, then when I first met him, he would That kind of reaction seems to make sense...

"I suggest you not to bother this Mr. Ye hastily," Wu Ming gave his expensive opinion as an expert very pertinently.

I smiled miserably, "You think I can bear it? You know how lucky I was when I woke up crying and found it was just a dream? I just want to get down on the ground and kiss the soles of God's feet."

Wu Ming's expression was tepid, "Then what identity are you going to use to find him? Suitor? If I remember correctly, you are living with your partner, Mr.... well, intimately."

I froze as if hit by a sap.

Ye Shifei, Ye Shifei.

"Mr. Li, as a general view of doctors, we believe that a person's dreams often reflect the pressure he is under in life. My suggestion is to put your dreams aside first, and you can go out and take a walk for a change. Circumstances. Perhaps you and your partner do have some kind of problem, and the pressure of these unresolved problems piled up on you, causing you to create another image of loving you wholeheartedly.”

I shook my head. What he said may be reasonable from the perspective of the medicine he has mastered.But such a dream was so clear to an unparalleled degree.How can I believe it's just a dream?

"You also have a good impression of Mr. Ye Chuan in your life, so it is understandable that this image is projected on him. I think the problem that needs to be resolved now is the conflict between you and your partner. Maybe wait for you Solve these contradictions, and this strange dream will not bother you again."

There are indeed many problems around me, and I cannot appear in front of Ye Chuan with a huge hidden danger.I can't let that horrible dream happen again under my nose.

Maybe I should go out for a walk.

What Wu Ming said makes sense, a dream doesn't mean anything.I can't live in this dream forever.I have never been someone who is willing to treat myself badly, and I have never known how to back down.The truth that has been instilled since childhood is: what you want must be fought for.

To fight, to grab.If you can't grab it, you have to find ways to create opportunities for yourself.

This is what I should do.

"Thank you, Dr. Wu." For the first time, I expressed my sincere gratitude to this Mongolian doctor, "I will not always be indulging in dreams and not thinking about making progress."

However, Wu Ming showed a worried expression, "Please stick to taking the medicine I prescribed for you."

"I will, I will." I said yes.

There was a knock on the door, and Li Mingqi appeared wisely at the right time.I hurriedly pushed the Mongolian doctor to Li Mingqi, using the excuse of leaving in advance.

It's not really an excuse.I really need to get away.It's time to put some things on the agenda.But before that, I need to have a good talk with Ye Shifei.