Summer in Hagawa

When I was young, the elders always reminded me: Lying is not a good boy.

After growing up, I gradually felt that some lies could not be avoided no matter how much they were told.For example, the elders would ask me: Why doesn’t Xiao Fei have a girlfriend yet?Or the mother tried insinuatingly: Feifei, if there is a girl you like, please bring it back and show it to your parents, we will never interfere with you.

Whenever this happens, I respond with a smile.The smile is gentle and harmless, even a little shy.

I don't say anything.But I know that such an expression is also a lie to them.

At first I was a little apprehensive when I was asked this question, but after a long time, I gradually became numb.Even learned to answer in a roundabout way.For example, when I was young, I wanted to work, to...

Later, I started to get impatient.What kind of people do I live with around me, and what does it matter to others?Why does everyone worry about this more than myself?

Why does the person who should care, never care?

I watched him walk quickly through the corridor outside the glass wall, and I felt so complicated that I couldn't explain it clearly.

I know he saw me.He also knew, and I knew the fact that he saw me, but he still left this diamond club that made me sick to the point of vomiting without looking back.

"I'm going back," I put out the remaining half of a cigarette in the ashtray.It was a bit too hard, and half of the cigarette was almost crushed by me.

Ye Chuan said goodbye to me as if he hadn't seen anything. With calm eyes, I began to wonder whether he really didn't see it or was just pretending.

That's what I dislike about him the most.

He is always extremely sensible in front of me, and every word he speaks seems to be cautious.I always thought that I was more easy-going than Ye Shizheng, but every time he would go to Ye Shizheng after fighting outside, he would keep it from me.I've always wondered why this is.I have seen him quarreling with Ye Shizheng before, arguing that Ye Shizheng got angry, and he just kicked his leg.However, the relationship between the two remained the same.I don't think I would ever act so rudely towards him, but he is still closer to Ye Shizheng.

When I walked out of the Diamond Club, I could feel Ye Chuan's eyes glued to my back.But I didn't dare to look back, for I was afraid I might see a look of ridicule or sympathy in his beautiful eyes.

Compassion from this child is the last thing in the world I want.

The car was driven away by Li Xingjing.I didn't want to take a taxi, so I walked slowly along the sidewalk.

City B is always windy in winter, and it's so cold that people don't want to go out at night.I don't like places that are too cold. When I was just in college, I swore I would go to Kunming to settle down after graduation.At that time, I never thought that I would fall in love with this city because of his appearance.

In this city where winter and summer are almost half the year, the shadows of spring and autumn are always fleeting.Every time, the autumn I like has not had time to see enough, and the winter has come in a hurry.Canadian friends always tempt me on the phone, "Come here, Shifei, this place is so beautiful. The autumn you like is the most beautiful season here. Every September, the maple leaves turn red. You can't imagine the maple How many colors are there on the avenue of trees: purple, deep red, fiery red, orange, bright yellow and shades of green... "I closed my eyes and fantasized about the picture he painted, I think it must be better than my It is more beautiful than imaginable.

But how can I go? Everything I care about is here.

I stood outside the window on the street and looked at the pale and dazed young man reflected in the window.I know it's me, but he really doesn't look like me.

At least, that's not how I think I should be.

I sat down on the steps outside the window and lit myself a cigarette.My mind is in such a mess that I have to think about it, and I can't just go home in a dazed state.Whereabouts will get angry, will question me, will quarrel...

And I don't want to face him so passively.

I didn't know Li's whereabouts until I came to City B.At that time, the conditions in the school dormitory were not as good as they are now. It was still the old-fashioned bunk bed, and he would sleep on my lower bunk.In the boys' dormitory, any bed would be a mess, but his bed was neatly made, and the quilt was folded into square tofu blocks, like a well-trained soldier.

A clean and well-organized boy is always easy to win the favor of others.In particular, he has such a hearty and good-natured personality.Looking back now, I had a crush on him from the very beginning.That's why they deliberately approached each other and let each other get acquainted with each other bit by bit.

Everything is fine.

From acquaintance to familiarity, from familiarity to more intimate.Everything has been realized step by step as I expected.We started planning the future together.The expected future includes both him and me.

It should be so.

My life with him should have been so beautiful.

If not for that summer vacation.

Watching the taciturn child in my memory germinate like a bean enchanted by magic, and all the shrunken vines stretch out, turning into a dazzling boy with beautiful facial features, is a very scary thing for me.I forgot how quickly teenage kids change.What was even more frightening than this was the look in Li Xingxing's eyes when he looked at him.

I started to feel uneasy.Some things that I held in the palm of my hand suddenly became less certain.So, on the day he went to Haitian Building to pick up Xiao Chuaner from get off work, I lied to him for the first time in my life.

"Your brother's temper is very strange." Li Xingxing asked me with a slightly confused expression while lying on the window of the guest room. "Actually, I didn't say anything, but he got angry very suddenly. The very angry kind..."

The hand on the trousers clenched into a fist involuntarily. I avoided his sight and tried my best to say to him in a calm tone: "There are some personal reasons for this. You are not an outsider, so I will not I kept it from you. However, you have to be more careful in front of him in the future. "

Li Xingxing's curiosity was really aroused, "What?"

I lowered my voice and sighed softly, "Xiao Chuan has mental problems."

Li Xingzong stared at me dumbfounded as if struck by lightning.

My heart shrank slightly, and my palms were instantly filled with cold sweat.But the words have been spoken, and there is no room for change.I was cruel, "I told you that he was adopted by my parents. When he first came to my house, he couldn't even communicate normally. Now the situation is considered good."

Li Xingxing looked at me stupidly, with an expression of disbelief all over his face.

"So, our family follows him in everything. The doctor said he can't be stimulated, otherwise it will be... very serious." I went to him and looked out the window together, not wanting him to see my eyes, He continued to speak the lie that he obviously didn't make a draft beforehand, but he said it very smoothly, "No wonder my dad just asked when we were leaving..."

Li Xingxing's thinking obviously couldn't keep up, "Uncle doesn't welcome me?"

"It's not that you are not welcome." My expression became moderately embarrassed, "It's because Chuan'er is so scary when he gets sick, um, you understand?"

Li Xingzong's eyes revealed a...a look of pity.

I suddenly feel jealous.

My hand trembled, and I shook out the cigarette butt that almost reached my finger.A little distracted, I re-lighted one.

In fact, if there is such a thing as lying for the first time, the rest will be easy.For example: Xiao Chuan, I heard that he has a little girlfriend.Really, I'm almost graduating, and I'm still doing this...

For example: How do I know if he likes men or women?However, he has a very awkward personality and can't be stimulated mentally. If you really like him, don't stalk him. He is tired of this...

I don't know how much these words hindered him.Maybe it didn't work at all.I'm just kidding myself.I even wondered if it was my repeated obstructions that turned the faint interest in his heart into another more focused attention.He always asked about Ye Chuan, and while I was prevaricating to him, I also had to be wary of Ye Chuan, for fear that he would make a fuss about me behind my back.

Life in the cracks is really not for people.

I don't think it's a good idea to procrastinate like this.Apparently, his attention to me hasn't increased a little bit with the passage of time.I know that he regards me as a reliable companion who can fight the world together, but this kind of relationship, just standing together, can no longer satisfy me.

So one day after socializing, I took him back to my home while he was drunk.Since doing business together, he would occasionally stay in my guest room, but this time, by some strange coincidence, I helped him into my own bedroom.

I know that he is a clean person, although he is so drunk that he can't take a shower, but at least I can help him wipe his body.The underwear was wet with the towel, so I found a new pair of underwear from the drawer and put them on for him.Fortunately, although he is taller than me, he has a thin waist and his underwear is the same size as mine.After tossing all this, I fell asleep beside him drunkenly.When I woke up, it was already daylight, and Li Xingxing looked at me in horror.I looked at him for a moment, and I understood everything in my heart.But I understand, I understand, and I am unwilling after all.

I put on my clothes without saying a word and went out.

I know, the more I say nothing, the more he will think.Maybe it wasn't until this moment that he realized that we had really come too close, far beyond the distance that two working partners should keep.In my home, there is a room specially arranged for him to rest, his spare clothes, and a pair of toothbrush for couples in the bathroom at all times...

He hid from me for a few days, and finally met.

He said: "Feifei, I thought about it carefully, let's be buddies. We have known each other for so long, I have never trusted anyone like I trust you, we are the best partners in business. I don't want to ruin this relationship."

"Try, whereabouts." I begged him with the most earnest attitude, "Let's try, maybe we are still the most compatible lovers in the world."

Li Xingxing looked at me with tangled eyebrows, "Feifei..."

"Where to go, I know what you're thinking." I really do.I believe that no one in this world knows him better than me, "I even know who the person you are thinking about is. But, whereabouts, are you sure that there is really nothing beyond friendship in your feelings for me?" ?"

"Even if you still want to go to him in the end, I hope you go after you are completely sure of your own mind. I think, even Xiao Chuan, he would not want your relationship to swing back and forth between us brothers, right? "I looked at him, and subconsciously slowed down my tone, "Why don't we set a deadline."

"You mean..." Li Xingxing looked at me hesitantly, as if he had been dazed by my explanation.I really hate that look on his face, if only he was as stupid as he is.

"Let's be contract lovers for a month. One month, okay?" I almost begged him.

Li Xingxing's eyes finally began to loosen.I knew that a man like him who pretended to be strong would never be able to resist the entreaties of others.

"After one month, if you still have this attitude, I will let you go, and I will be your best partner wholeheartedly. I will never mention the word "love" to you in this life." My eyes were sore.I don't understand, I have worried so much for this person, why can't he see my goodness?

"After that, no matter who you go to or fall in love with, I won't ask any more questions. Just one month, give me one month, let you and I give up, okay?" I kissed him lightly, and he Her lips were cold and soft, exactly as I had imagined.

My tears flowed down.

The resistance in Li Xingzong's eyes finally collapsed.

We began to get along like a pair of real lovers: walking hand in hand on the streets late at night, hugging and kissing in corners where no one was around, waking up in the same bed every day, and falling asleep next to each other at night.

I feel happier than ever.Although even this feeling of happiness was fake, I was still addicted to it like a drug addict.It was a crazy feeling, like the heat in my life would burn out in just one month.I don't even dare to think, if we have a future, whether I still have the passion to continue loving him.

I fell into a trap I had set.

There is nothing more tragic than this in the world.

I can't guess what kind of attack I'm going to face when I go back tonight.

He might feel cheated by me.In fact, I did lie to him.From the first lie, the people in the trap have to keep lying, patching up the old one with new lies.

Although in my plan, this is not the way Li Xingxing and I should get along.

My perfect plan, I don't know at which point there was an error, and he and I deviated from the planned track step by step, and went further and further until it was completely beyond my control.

In fact, I really want to tell him that I just want to prevent him from getting close to Ye Chuan. As for who Ye Chuan is with, I have no idea at all.But I guess Li Xingxing won't believe me.

Maybe from now on, he will never trust me again.

I can't imagine what awaits me and him.Maybe it's just a quarrel, maybe our friendship for many years is really over.I dare not think about such a possibility.

I was driven to a dead end by myself, and I had no choice but to keep going.