A wild horse with a protruding "anus"

Of course, Jiang Bin also knew that Zhang Miao would not actually get the ladder to climb the stairs again.He could see that Zhang Miao cared about Jiang Yirong very much, and those who were hiding under the strange words and deeds were anxious about losing and not getting what they wanted.It is precisely because I have no experience and dare not face it directly that I use such a method to make sidesteps.But now, Zhang Miao seems to have made a certain determination that once people can face their own feelings, they can move towards happiness.

Jiang Bin was sitting in the subway, the darkness outside the window always made people feel stuffy.People in the car avoid eye contact with others, nap or play with their heads down to play with their respective devices, appearing indifferent and self-sufficient.

Jiang Bin was also very tired. When he closed his eyes, he remembered everything from yesterday, so he could only stare at the pictures on the mobile TV in a daze.Although he was going to see He Jian, all he could think about at the moment was the person who lied to him but cared so much about him.

What happened to him?Have you discovered the reason why you "purified yourself and became a monk"?Do you feel overwhelmed but don't know how to explain it?It's actually easy to guess, right?Where he went...he didn't find it, because he didn't know how to get it back, right?Speaking of which, I am also a pretty useless person, I dare not confront each other, I don’t want to quarrel, I don’t want to lose... If you are mature enough, you should have a calm and open talk, talk about each other’s feelings, be considerate of each other, and give inappropriate behaviors. Appropriate punishment, three chapters of the agreement, not to repeat the same mistakes, and then hold each other's hands and walk firmly.But in the end, I only chose childish escape.It's like an awkward child hides in a place known to his parents, waiting for his parents to coax him back... Feelings can make people regress to an immature appearance, lose rational judgment, lose habitual control, and lose the courage to face it directly , lost the original self...

There's nothing wrong with going with the flow, if there's an end...

Jiang Bin got out of the subway and took another bus to get to school.

When entering the school gate, the guard did not stop him, perhaps because he still had a student spirit.During the Chinese New Year, only a few students from other places remained.All the way to the auditorium, there was no sound, but various memories rushed up one after another, making my heart feel panicky.Maybe there were some good memories back then, but they were all covered with a thick layer of grayness by the bitterness and despair experienced repeatedly, and lost their original luster.

The auditorium occupies two floors in the teaching building. When Jiang Bin walked to the auditorium, he found that the door was ajar. He pushed open the heavy door, as if pushing away the barrier of memory.There was darkness in the auditorium, only a few beams of light focused on the huge stage.There was only a lonely figure standing on the stage, with his head down, as if he was in deep thought and waiting for the end of the story.

Hearing the sound of the door being pushed open, he raised his head.

He was too far away, Jiang Bin couldn't see his expression clearly, but suddenly recalled that year, when he walked into the dojo wearing a pure white Taoist uniform, his whole body exuded the breath of sunshine, so dazzling, so warm, so impressive Longing, also standing on the stage where the lights gather at this moment.

Jiang Bin walked towards him slowly.

Before they met each other, they looked at each other from a distance more than once, and the slow motion was played back in their minds repeatedly, predicting the beginning of a romance, but unexpectedly such a sad ending.The ignorance of this road has wiped out the initial ignorant longing and derived passion. His face gradually became clear as the distance drew closer. Jiang Bin finally saw from his face that he often appeared on his face in those years. expression.

It turned out that he would also suffer, would be reluctant, and would also be sad.But he never revealed it...

Jiang Bin stepped onto the stage and walked in front of him, like the protagonist in a story, reunited in the clear days after many years.

"Senior..."

He Jian's expression changed in an instant, and then he took a deep breath and adjusted to his usual calm: "You're here..."

Jiang Bin met his eyes and carefully traced his facial features with his eyes.

He's matured, haggard, no longer trying to pretend...

"I'm looking for you today..." I swallowed a sentence I had thought up on the road when I saw his expression, and after a moment of silence, I mustered up the courage to say: "Senior, can you sing a song for me?" ?"

He Jian's expression froze in an instant, as if time stood still at the moment when he was completely seen through. After a long time, he whispered stiffly: "What do you know?"

Jiang Bin heard the forced composure in his voice, avoided his sight and said:

"I asked the juniors in the student union."

Based on He Jian's understanding of Jiang Bin, he naturally knew that he was lying, but he did not expose him.In fact, by contacting the matter of the temporary departure before his birthday, He Jian can guess roughly, but He Jian doesn't have much anger at this time. Seeing Jiang Bin protecting him so much, he just smiles wryly.

"What do you want to hear?"

Jiang Bin moved his eyes to his beige sweater:

"What did you want to sing to me?" Jiang Bin felt that He Jian had seen through his mind when he saw that wry smile, so he stopped hiding it.

"Sit down and listen!"

Jiang Bin obediently got off the stage and sat in the middle seat in the second row.Only then did I notice that there was a suitcase leaning against the chairs in the first row...

Not allowing him to think too much, He Jian has already stood in the center of the stage and started singing a cappella. ("Lan Yu", singer: Lan Yu, lyrics and music: Jiang Taigong)

"Perhaps faith is like a strong seed

Lonely but when the night comes

become extremely presumptuous

pity

I can't see the next life

otherwise

i would rather die once

Rather than let loneliness consume me

better to enjoy love

let love burn away

I can be irrational for love

are you as stubborn as me

Even if the world sees us as

a strange look

For love we are still holding on

Even if you never get to know

Anyway, this life

heart is dead

pity

there is no next life

no amount of effort

Rather than let loneliness consume me

better to enjoy love

let love burn away

I can be irrational for love

are you as stubborn as me

Even if the world sees us as

a strange look

For love we are still holding on

Even if you never get to know

Anyway, this life

The heart is already dead. "

At the end of the song, the aftertaste of the singing echoed in the auditorium.

So heartbroken, so desperate, like an emotional funeral.

For those who mourned, tears fell on the back of the chair covered with red flannel.

He Jian walked up to him and hugged him across a row of chairs.

"It's my fault...it's all my fault..."

Jiang Bin tugged at the skirt of his shirt and cried:

"You never told me..."

He Jian was suppressed, but tears hit Jiang Bin's neck, just like that day when he gave him the farewell ring...

"Yes, I took it for granted that you would always wait for me...I have been in pain for the past three years with you...everything you do reminds me of my mother...she was my father's mother... The student, so fanatical, so fascinated, but overnight, she abandoned her husband and son to pursue her so-called love..." He tightened his arms: "I never escaped from you, but the fear of losing—only You can easily control my feelings, no matter how I struggle, you are always with me."

"I don't... just want to be with you... just to make you suffer..."

"I know..." He Jian choked up and said:

"I came back because I was ready to make you happy... But you already have a better choice..." Burying his face on Jiang Bin's shoulder: "You don't need to take into account my feelings, I did all this on my own ...I am very satisfied that you can come today..."

Jiang Bin let him hold him, and heard him murmur "I'm sorry" in a strong nasal voice, and tears couldn't stop falling down.

"Are you going?"

"I just want to change my mood..."

"When are you coming back?"

"I didn't think about it..."

"Will you still come to me?" As a friend...

"Yes... When I can face you calmly..."

"how long it takes?"

"Maybe a year or two, maybe a lifetime..."

A lifetime... I would have heard "a lifetime" from him, but this "lifetime" was really the opposite of what I expected.

The two hugged each other for a while before Jiang Bin remembered something and said softly:

"The coat... I keep it all the time..."

He Jian was stunned for a moment, another sourness came up, his eyes were red and he pulled away a little distance and said: "I also..." After a pause, he gave up the topic, and said instead:

"Give me one last gift...I will remember it in my heart."

Jiang Bin raised his head and stared into his eyes.After a while, He Jian leaned forward, also lowered his head, and kissed lightly.

This kiss came too late.

In those three years, Jiang Bin had fantasized more than once that the Dao at this moment would come—either on a sunny day, hiding under the shade of a tree; or on a drizzle day, hiding under an umbrella or hide in his arms on a snowy day...

Shameful, yet unbelievably sweet.This belated happiness makes people sigh, but it is also like a rest, because it is not beautiful, but it blooms in the best years, a love song written with the purest emotions, and it ends in a proper place.

It has a fairytale beginning, but no fairytale ending.

After experiencing this relationship, there is still a long way to go in the future, and it may be like two parallel lines without any intersection.Let's cherish this throbbing together, this parting song, this faint light that was once abandoned...