Xiaobing Fang Heng

But once you have this thought, everything seems to be connected in an instant.

The company commander and Lin Feng knew each other from the military academy, and later went to the special forces together, and retired a year earlier than the company commander.

What did the company commander say when the exercise ended?

I quit smoking for six years, and in the last year I started smoking again due to emotional reasons. Could it be because of Lin Feng's departure?

Yang Yi Lenovo was frightened and kept ordering himself to stop, but he kept digging out some dusty memories in his head.

On the day the exercise ended, Lin Feng said that he had no right to object from his standpoint. What standpoint?Is it because they are the same type of wandering marginalized people?So there is no position to object?

The company commander said that he would return to the special forces sooner or later, and a long time ago, the company commander also said that Lin Feng would go back, and the two of them would return to the same place again. Why?Is it for being together?Is it because some institutions are there to deal with pressure from the outside world?For example, from the family, Commander Lin?

By the way, the company commander asked for two days' leave after the end. I remember he heard that Lin Feng asked for leave from Lei Ying. Did the two stay in Tibet together?What are you doing in Tibet?Could it be! ?

Yang Yi wiped his face hard, his head seemed to be hit hard with a big hammer, no way... it was a showdown with his parents, so why did the company commander's mother have such a big reaction?

day!

Yang Yi got up and rushed to the toilet, twisted the water vigorously, washed his face, and calmed himself down, not daring to confirm that his thoughts were correct.

But how to explain that this can connect everything?

How to explain why the company commander confirmed that there was a problem between him and Fang Heng when he didn't even think of it?

How to explain the company commander and Lin Feng's excessive concern about his relationship?

How to explain that Lin Feng would talk on the phone behind his back today?

How to explain Lin Feng's different attitude from the past?

……

How to explain all of this?

Yang Yi looked at himself in the mirror, frowning himself, and finally only one thought came to his eyes, could it be true?

Yang Yi felt that he was going crazy, could it be that he liked a man and looked at others and also liked men?

But... isn't this what Lin Feng wants to tell himself?

Think with your head, connect all the clues, and get the final answer.

"Ha..." Yang Yi laughed dumbfounded, thinking that either he was crazy or the world was too crazy.

Yang Yi stood up straight, took the towel, and slowly wiped off the water stains on his face. His face was full of disbelief. After the final result, it really made his hair stand on end. He really didn't want to believe it. For him As far as the company commander and Lin Feng are concerned, both the company commander and Lin Feng have an indescribable kindness to him. Just like Fang Heng, in fact, he himself is looking up at them, envious of their kind who always walk in front and stand on a high place. Life.

That's why I hope that they will always be role models, and I don't want to think about it?Because just at the moment when he figured it out, he felt a kind of helplessness like these two people were struggling in the human world, and it turned out that this social reality is so fucking angry!

When he went out, the light on the phone screen had just disappeared. Yang Yi sat on the chair as if he was exhausted, and took the phone. It contained a text message from a child, saying that the discipline inspector had come to inspect the store.

Yang Yi glanced at the paper on the table, his eyes condensed a little, and asked, [During the exercise, you heard what the company commander and Major Lin said in the woods] After typing quickly, his finger was on the send button He froze, hesitated for a few seconds, pressed the cancel button with his backhand, threw the phone on the table, and sighed.

Actually... Whether these conjectures are true or false, it doesn't matter, after all, it's a private matter between those two people, isn't it?So what if he confirmed it?Why bother to get to the bottom of it?

Just this toss, Yang Yi was completely dizzy, lying on the bed weakly, not even wanting to move his fingers, when he was drowsy, the mobile phone on the table vibrated and "buzzed" again, Yang Yi took it I glanced at Fang Heng's good night message through the phone, and inexplicably remembered Lin Feng's question in the car, are you and Fang Heng really ready?Are you ready?

So...is that what you mean?

Are you ready for the courage to face the future, the persistence of your family, the strength of society, and your choice when you face the disciplined forces?

Yes... Are you ready to go down with Fang Heng?

In fact, even Yang Yi didn't think deeply about this issue. Although he could see the future clearly, he was immersed in this relationship, holding the self-deception that there are infinite possibilities in the future, and he didn't even think that he would be with Fang Heng. walk forever.

why?Perhaps it was because he understood that the road ahead was too difficult, so he chose the easy and simple road provided by Fang Heng, to fall in love, vigorous and affectionate, and then return to each other after the love wears off and condenses. The life that should go.

Just, is this really right?

The next morning Yang Yi saw Lin Feng. As expected, the major held up his spirits, but his eyes couldn't hide the sadness, showing a little tiredness in his whole body.

Because he couldn't restrain himself, because he wanted to prove it, he clearly knew that he shouldn't stare at people, but he couldn't restrain himself. Several times of peeping finally attracted Lin Feng's attention.

Lin Feng's brain was a little slow, yesterday's experience made him more tired than fighting, so it took a long time to realize what Yang Yi's gaze represented, he looked at Yang Yi with a wry smile: "Let's have a meal together at noon. "

Is there an explanation?Yang Yi frowned slightly and nodded.

After work, Lin Feng took him to a western restaurant and asked for a separate space, because neither of them had time to take off their military uniforms. This kind of dress was particularly abrupt in a western restaurant. When the waiter took him to the seat, Yang Yi even He heard curious discussions from the shop assistants behind him.

After sitting down, the two of them were extremely silent. It was not until the coffee was served that Lin Feng said, "Ask me something?"

Yang Yi picked up the coffee and took a sip. It was rich and mellow, but he couldn't hide the bitter taste on the tip of his tongue. After passing such a complex taste in his mouth several times, he nodded: "Has the company commander solved it?"

Lin Feng shook his head and smiled wryly: "The old man's emotions are very intense, and he can't listen to anything."

"What does the commander mean?"

"What's the point? Now that we've reached this point, the two of us are actually going all out. This is not something that can be threatened with crying and death."

Yang Yi opened his eyes wide. He didn't expect that the old man would really use the way of crying, making trouble, and hanging himself three times. After calming down the sudden storm in his head, he asked covertly, "Well, it's because you stayed in Tibet this time. the reason?"

Lin Feng looked at him deeply, his eyes were very quiet, it was just the expected problem, so he just smiled and said: "You didn't think about it, it's just what you think, Zhu Zi and I have been together for many years."

Yang Yi frowned slightly, and took a sip of coffee in embarrassment, not knowing how to continue this topic.

Lin Feng waited for a while, and simply said: "We have passed the age group that we didn't care about at the beginning, and tried to find new directions after we matured, but now we have returned to the same place after going around, so from reality. You have to face the pressure. You know that we are not young anymore. If we go on in such a secretive way, it will be a kind of torment for the family... Hehe, of course, in fact, what happened this time is in the hearts of the two of us. There are bottoms."

"Then your family...has it been resolved?"

Lin Feng shook his head: "No, how can it be that easy? It's okay for Zhuzi to talk about it. There are more brothers and sisters. Even if it really gets to the point of severing relations, Zhuzi can at least take care of her parents and take care of her parents, but you will know if I don't tell you Right? The situation in my family is really a tough battle."

"Is it really appropriate to go back to the special forces?"

"This is already the best route I can choose, you..." Lin Feng paused for a moment, and looked deeply at Yang Yi: "Disciplined troops, as long as you are still wearing this clothes, you will do some things forever No, I don’t want to say that there is a problem with the level of acceptance in this society, it’s actually much better than it was a few years ago, but we soldiers are different, it’s actually very difficult to get a balance between the two.”

Yang Yi nodded in agreement. Chinese people are becoming more and more accepting. Although there is no legislation on same-sex marriage, even if men and women start a family, at most, they will talk about it behind their backs, and it has not reached the point of splashing paint on the door to protest, so he understands what Lin Feng means. If you want to be with Fang Heng, you must leave the army, otherwise some problems will never be avoided.

The steak set meal was served, and the two settled the food in silence. Then Lin Feng continued the previous topic and said: "I may have said something too early, but I can provide you with a reference. If you two really want to continue The idea of ​​going on, it’s better to have one to leave the army, it’s very difficult to keep going with this kind of physique.”

Yang Yi frowned slightly and looked out the window without saying a word. In fact, even he himself was not sure whether he could go that far with Fang Heng. A child who is less than 20 years old is just when he loves to be crazy and loves to play. As a spice in adult life, and he is ready to find new substitutes at any time, so, from the bottom of his heart, he is not even willing to think so far, everything is ready, but in the end it is just a dream , why bother?

After pondering for a while, Yang Yi looked at Lin Feng and said, "Can you do me a favor?"

Lin Feng raised his eyebrows.

"Can you help me find a place in the military academy next year?"

"Fang Heng?"

"Yeah." Yang Yi nodded: "I don't know if it's troublesome or not?"

Lin Feng laughed: "It's a trivial matter, but are you sure it's really good?"

Yang Yi shook his head: "I don't know, but no matter what, academic records are always useful, no matter where they are."

"I've heard that Zhuzi has said a lot about you. Is it really appropriate that you have been helping him arrange his future path? After all, he has never experienced anything, even..." Lin Feng paused and smiled at this point. Laugh, yes, as long as you are willing to do it, as long as you can figure it out, why bother to worry about whether there will be rewards, life is alive, but what you want is to have a clear conscience.

"If we can really get there." Yang Yi looked at Lin Feng: "I might choose to change jobs and work in the army until I'm in my 30s, and it's the end of my career as a major. If I can have a good unit by then, Leaving may not be bad, although you may be reluctant, but there is still a long way to go, and you can't just keep going like this."

"No." Lin Feng shook his head: "In my opinion, you should still be able to walk a few steps. What you showed me is a person with a very clear sense of purpose, and can make appropriate sacrifices for this purpose. Of course, this It is to praise you. These days, it is most important to know what you need. At least you should live with a goal, so don’t arrange your life too early, try to move forward, and let’s talk when there is nothing you can do, otherwise you will It doesn't matter whether you take the postgraduate entrance examination or not, but Fang Heng, I can bet that he will leave the army before you, after all, most people are not suitable for this system by nature."

Yang Yi didn't refute. Lin Feng's words were very accurate. He set himself the goal of being a lieutenant colonel, at least at the deputy regimental level, and then changing jobs. It would be much better to work in a local area, and his opinion of Fang Heng was the same as that of Lin Feng. I still don't quite know what I want. I can stay in the army for a relationship, and I will also leave for a relationship. That's why he helps Fang Heng find a school. At least he doesn't want to stay in the army anymore. He has a diploma. If you are a military officer again, at least you can help to transfer to the public security system, eat a public meal, and you can be regarded as worry-free for the rest of your life.

As for the relationship between him and Fang Heng... To be honest, Yang Yi confirmed that for the time being, he really can only wait and see.

After that, they chatted for more than an hour. They talked a lot and deeply. From Yang Yi's point of view, Lin Feng seemed to have been overly depressed these years, and said a lot of things to him that he shouldn't have said.

Yang Yi understands why Lin Feng is like this, because Lin Feng wants too many things. If you want more and want more, the one who is sad is naturally yourself.

Lin Feng is different from all of them. Having a good background can make him a smooth sailing in his career, but Xiao He fails Xiao He. When love and career conflict, the final result can only be that one side is completely wiped out, at least in his case. In my cognition, people from families with such backgrounds have much stricter requirements on life than ordinary people like them. They may not be smart or capable, but they must live well and not allow any stains.

So if you want to take care of everything, the difficulty can be said to increase geometrically, but because of various reasons, you can't talk to others. Under such huge pressure, even Yang Yi feels that if it is him May directly collapse and choose to compromise.

But no matter what, he is still envious, envious of them having the courage to face a difficult life. Under such a big environment, they can get to where they are today. Even if they really can't get what they want, they have tried their best. .

After returning, Yang Yi stayed in the office for a long time, and he also needed to calm himself down. The incident between Lin Feng and Jizhu Karma shocked him a lot. It was a more intuitive understanding, and he was obviously in a dilemma He was working hard, but he was more or less lucky, thinking that no matter how difficult the difficulty was, he had fallen into this impasse ahead of time, and he was even afraid of the future.

After work, Yang Yi went back to the dormitory and squinted lazily for two hours. When he opened his eyes again, he had already missed the time for dinner, but his stomach was very full. It was very uncomfortable, as if it started from the stomach and fell heavily, but it always failed to fall to the bottom, just hanging like this.

At night, Fang Heng sent another text message. As his exam approached, Fang Heng's contact became more frequent. Although he didn't say anything, Yang Yi knew that Fang Heng was reluctant to let him go. Every word and every sentence seemed to be squeezed. The strong feelings, those uneasiness, are clear.

Yang Yi confirmed that he has now entered the maze, can delicious love be exchanged for a happy future?Can the cruel reality lead to a successful life?He didn't know, he was afraid that if he made a wrong choice, he would regret it for the rest of his life, so he could only let this kind of cancer grow in his body, whitewashed the peace and only dared to look at his feet, hoping that one day the god of luck would suddenly come and guide him. .

Yang Yi went to Xi'an for four days. On the second day after returning, Fang Heng ran over. It is said that he exchanged leave with Yue Zitong. After that, he came to see him every week until he left.

From that moment on, Yang Yi felt that he was torn apart completely. While making love with Fang Heng on the bed, in the bathroom, anywhere possible, Yang Yi felt extremely tender and lingering, while thinking calmly, letting go. Can driving this person really avoid those cruel futures?