star shift

[I stayed by the river, feeling empty in my mind.But when the light shines on me, I think about many things. ]

There was a strong wind beside the Linglong River, and the stack of papers Tang Liyan was holding was blown to pieces.But he was too lazy to pick it up, so he simply let the ink-soaked paper drift in the wind, and then changed to a blank paper to write on.

[This process was so sudden that I almost forgot, this is obviously a scene I have dreamed many times.I shouldn't have thought of it, but now that I saw it, I had to go for something. ]

This is the method that the psychiatrist mentioned to him at the beginning.When you encounter something you can't figure out, you resort to paper.But it didn't work this time, and it didn't seem to work very well before, especially this time.

Tang Liyan still felt as if his heart had been poured into lead water, depressed, distressed, and painful.

He couldn't figure out what was going on with what he saw, and he didn't have the experience to explain those strange dreams, blurted names, and strange familiarity.

"It should be nice in summer—" Tang Liyan heard the ringtone of his mobile phone, took it out and saw that the caller displayed "Xiaoshan".After being stunned for two seconds, he cut off the phone.

[Am I to blame him?Or should I accept this affection? ]

Tang Liyan sighed, tore off the page, and crumpled it into a ball.

[I can't even tell now whether he is loving me or atonement. ]

Re-opened one, but I don't know what to write.

The memories of his previous life came flooding back, and he could even empathize with him, as if the healed scars were aching again.His mind was full of the blood-stained cell, the battlefield where corpses were strewn all over the field... He saw his friend being blown away, and he was beaten into rags; he saw Pei Shan, wearing a long gown, standing outside the window like honeysuckle.

At that time, Pei Shan was cruel, cold and spotless.

But now?Pei Shan fell into the same quagmire as Zhibai, dressed up like him, imitated his stalking, and remembered everything he taught.Tang Liyan didn't know what the purpose of this move was.

If it was so affectionate, why was Pei Shan unwilling to admit this relationship?

What happened to Mr. Pei who escaped unscathed?Are you married and having children?

Since everyone is going to fall into reincarnation, why is it that Pei Shan has the memory and is so accurate in finding someone?Even if you find it... so what?

Confused.

[who I am? ]

Tang Liyan wrote: [I have never experienced war, I have never accompanied him through those miserable winds and rains, I have never lost, and I have never paid for six years. ]

At this time, several children ran over with a smile, shouting "Uncle", "Brother", "Can you help us pick up the ball".

Without looking up, Tang Liyan leaned slightly and threw the ball to them, then wrote: [I have only seen Yancheng in the 21st century.People don't seem to need my protection, and there's no bloodshed or torture here.So, is Pei Shan's infatuation for me? ]

[Do I deserve to love him? ]

Tang Liyan smiled wryly, cursed, stomped his feet, crumpled the white paper in his hands, and put it in his pocket.

There were no answers to these questions, and he still didn't know why Pei Shan said those words at that time, let alone what Pei Shan beside him was thinking.

Tang Liyan walked aimlessly along the Linglong River.

I don't know if this is the place where the war was the worst in his memory.Now it is so harmonious, a couple of children are making noise, several adults are chatting about homework, and there is a vendor pushing a cart selling cold drinks.

"Strawberry ice water thia-"

"Shaved ice for two dollars!"

Tang Liyan wet his eyes in disobedience.He couldn't control his thoughts, and drifted to that distant last century with the cart, and saw corpses piled up in mountains and bleeding oars.

"Oh, if you don't buy it, the young man won't buy it. What are you doing with such a scary expression!" The boss spared him, and went away yelling.

Further away is the only comprehensive university in Yancheng.

The original campus moved to Yuncheng and never came back. Tang Liyan only knew that the plaque on the old campus was a scenic spot.He followed the impression and walked southward, and he saw a standing building at the end of the river bank.

It is still red and white, but the wooden stakes are stained with time; most of the gold paint on the plaque has fallen off; the principal’s handwriting is now half a cultural relic and has been collected in the museum; Bullet marks and burns could be seen on the wood.

Tang Liyan walked in and stood on the photo column of famous alumni.He saw many familiar names, the principal, Qin Yuanfan, Liu Yidao... In the black-and-white photos, the people in them were smiling energetically, all of them were full of energy, and they all looked like scholars who were obsessed with research.After searching around, Tang Liyan didn't find the person he was looking for, so he left the school and continued to walk south.

Where exactly he was going, he didn't know.He just followed his instinct and felt that there was something he was looking for in front of him.Keep walking, keep walking, Tang Liyan finally stood still in front of the two towers.

Twin Towers.Pei Shan mentioned to him that this place was burned down during the Republic of China, and it has only been renovated in recent years.Of course, when they were together, Pei Shan always mentioned that era. Before, he only thought it was an occupational disease as a screenwriter, but he didn't expect it to have such a rich meaning.

Tang Liyan smiled wryly, squeezed through the crowd, opened the door and went in.

"It's a military uniform. The color patch on the collar, we usually call it..."

Tang Liyan vaguely heard someone explaining, so he also pricked up his ears to listen.He was tall, and quickly crossed the crowd, and found the keynote speaker in the center of the hall—a graceful woman, wearing a suit and light makeup, pointing to the glass cover beside her and talking.

"Excuse me, what kind of event is this here?" Tang Liyan asked the people around him in a low voice.

The girl who looked like a student also lowered her voice and replied: "The lecture is about repairing cultural relics damaged during the war. Professors from the School of Chemistry, Physics, Archaeology, and Letters will do it together. The one who is speaking now is from the School of Chemistry. Dean Chen."

"Dean Chen?" Tang Liyan remembered that Pei Shan had said that he was familiar with this person.

"Yes, Mr. Chen is a student of Mr. Qin, the leading figure in the academic world." The little girl held the notebook and smiled resolutely, her eyes sparkling brightly, "My role model!"

Tang Liyan was stabbed by something for a moment, and the oppressive feeling in his heart disappeared immediately.He looked at the speaker, remembered seeing the photo of Mr. Qin just now, and then looked at the student beside him who kept nodding and recording.

Inheritance, these two words suddenly popped into his mind.He suddenly felt less pain, because those wreckage, those sacrifices had meaning at this moment.

"Come on, little girl. You might be the next famous alumnus." Tang Liyan nodded at her.

From time to time, people in the crowd raised their hands to ask questions. Dean Chen was very patient and answered one by one with an encouraging smile.After answering each question, she will definitely add "this question is great".

After the question-and-answer period is over, it is the next teacher's presentation.Dean Chen stepped off the stage and went upstairs.

Tang Liyan hurried to catch up and shouted, "Stay! Is this Dean Chen?"

The woman stopped and nodded on the stairs.

"Hello, my name is Tang Liyan." The police officer walked over, "Sorry, I'm a bit presumptuous! Excuse me."

"Officer Tang? You can just call me Chen Mu. I know you. You are quite famous." Teacher Chen Mu said with a smile, "My child is still boasting, saying that the photo of you and Mr. Pei in the newspaper is very good. handsome."

Tang Liyan was usually very recalcitrant, but this meeting was a little awkward, "Hey, I didn't think much about it at the time, I was just playing with my anger." After speaking, seeing many reporters waiting upstairs, he knew that Chen Mu should be very nervous. Busy, so he cut to the chase and said, "I'm actually here to ask, you know Pei Shan, don't you?"

"I know you! When Yancheng City was repairing the local chronicles, Mr. Pei came to be a volunteer and was on my team." Chen Mu walked down the stairs, his high heels clattered, and stood still in front of Tang Liyan, "At that time we always joked Him. Because there is a university student in the old journal, whose name is exactly the same as his."

"Where is that book?" Tang Liyan asked.

"There should be a photocopy here. You can go to the Museum of Literature and History to have a look."

"Okay, thank you." Tang Liyan started to go over after finishing speaking, but was stopped by Chen Mu, "By the way, Officer Tang! Actually, I was surprised for a long time after seeing the news that you and Mr. Pei were together.

"Ah, I didn't mean to offend you!" Chen Mu hurriedly explained, "It's because my mother always mentioned a person when I was young, and he was also called 'Tang Liyan'. So, I think this coincidence is very beautiful."

"Your mother?"

"When she was young, she was a war correspondent and was detained. She left behind some sequelae, and sometimes her mental state was not very good. When she was in a daze, she always said that there was someone who was very sorry. That officer was implicated by her mistakes and failed to survive in the end. " Chen Mu said with a smile, "Besides, that person and Mr. Pei in the local chronicles are still neighbors—it seems that this fate is really destined."

"Thank you, it's very comfortable to listen to you." Tang Liyan exchanged a few words, but couldn't bear it anymore, and ran to the Museum of Literature and History after saying goodbye.

After Chen Mu went upstairs, he was surrounded by reporters, and he was asked a lot of questions, most of which were gossip about the rich man just now.

"Ah? So it was Police Officer Tang just now? I don't know him, he just asked me the way." Chen Mu prevaricated without changing his face, "By the way, if you want to report, focus on taking pictures of these Restoring the handwriting, they..."

Tang Liyan trotted all the way, made countless detours, and finally found the local chronicle.Yancheng is very advanced in this regard. All paper copies are electronically archived, so visitors do not need to read them, but only need to search for the passages they want to read on the screen.

The database is vast and consists of square characters.They are cold and scattered, and these words without temperature lie in front of my eyes, and they are a treasure that will never fade.

Tang Liyan's hands were shaking.With such a vast and heavy history in front of him, he didn't even have the courage to find out.

After a long psychological struggle, Tang Liyan solemnly placed the keyboard and typed the word [Huai Zhang].

The screen flickered twice, and the circle near the search box spun and twirled, and the people who were waiting were relieved.It's just that the search results appeared so suddenly that Tang Liyan was caught off guard.

"The 19th year of the Republic of China—" Tang Liyan scrambled for the mouse, and read out the small characters one by one, "Huai Zhang committed suicide at the city gate at the age of 31...?!"

Tang Liyan froze in place, forgetting how to breathe.

suicide?

How could it be...how could it be! !

Obviously it was hard to get out of danger, right?Obviously no one would delay his marriage and have children, no one would threaten his reputation, why did he commit suicide?

Tang Liyan's heart was beating so hard that he could hardly hold the mouse, "Pei Shan, you'd better not do something stupid!"

No matter how many times you turn it over, the conspicuous word "suicide" is still on the screen.

In the old records, the records about Tang Shaoling are also very subtle.There are two different versions displayed in the database. On the left is written: [I once made great military exploits, but was imprisoned for betraying the team, and died at the age of 23 at the time of shooting. ]

On the right is the version revised by historians and volunteers. Although the author cannot be tested, the affection and meaning in the words made Tang Liyan immediately guess the author of this passage.

——"These 23 years of tenderness are short and magnificent. His belief is indomitable, and his love is unswerving."

After Tang Liyan read it, he didn't hold back for a while, tears dripped on the keyboard.

He still doesn't know why Pei Shan didn't tell the truth in prison, but with these three short crosses, Tang Liyan can see decades of remorse and deep love.

Although the dull physical pain left by the memory recall is still there, and even the healed scars all over his body are painful like being whipped and split again, but Tang Liyan doesn't think about anything else.

He only imagined that Pei Shan, who came here with pain and regret, was carrying such a heavy memory, but he wanted to dig them up again and again, just to make his former lover innocent.

How bitter must it have been for the person who read history books countless times in order to compile his aspirations and saw the difficult and sincere years he had gone through?

What price did the person who had walked through the frost and snow and would rather be lonely in his next life to meet Tang Liyan not drink that bowl of soup?

The old-fashioned gentleman who cares so much about his reputation, but in the next life he puts down all his face, runs the coldest bookstore, wears the most daring clothes, wears the brightest lipstick, and endures the most vicious gossip-everything that the white man has experienced, Just to say: It's okay, just let me give you a heartbeat.

Tang Liyan knew that he was crying out of control, so he endured the blurred vision, turned the computer back to the home page, and came to the dark and deserted corridor alone.

He thought of Pei Shan's wrist.The star-like tattoo is their promise to find each other.

The canvas bag in the bookstore is full of first aid supplies for survival, which is the habit of people who have experienced the war years.

There is also a whistle, wrapped around the tattoo, like the intertwining of two worlds, like an intertextuality through the ages.

He thought... Pei Shan once said, "Love at first sight".

The first meeting that Tang Liyan thought was actually the "seduction" that Pei Shan had planned for many years.And in Pei Shan's first meeting, they had already exchanged sincerity.

Tang Liyan trembled violently, and took out the balls of paper written by the river from his pocket, one of which was crumpled, and on it was written: [Who am I? ]

who am I?

Tang Liyan asked again, finally heaved a long sigh, and added after the question mark: "I, Tang Liyan, have no words."

The handwriting on another piece of paper was intermittent, and it can be seen that the emotion was very excited at the time:

[Do I deserve to love him? ]

Tang Liyan wiped away the tears all over his face, spread the paper flat on the steps, paused word by word, penetrating through the back of the paper, and crossed out the word "with" and interrogative words.

[I love him]

——At this moment, it doesn't matter who I am, who he is, and why he hides it!

Even if the memories are terrible, even if the gods don't want people to remember them, even if the times change and things change, what I still can't forget is that I love him!