Daily life of roommates

Before Xue Di could use his tricks to overturn the situation, he received a training notice from the head office, and Gou Yi was selected to study. Unfortunately, Xue Di was also named as a lecturer in the training class.

Originally, Xue Di didn't want to have a chance to be alone with Gou Yi, and wanted to avoid it, but as soon as he talked to the people above, he was told firmly that Gou Yi was on the list before he took office. Yes, it has been reported and it is not easy to change it.And he was directly ordered by the head office to be a lecturer, so he can apply for this by himself and there.

Xue Di couldn't insist on insisting, otherwise it would have the opposite effect, making people wonder if there was some shady past between him and Gou Yi - this was the last thing he wanted to see, in his impression, Gou Yi Yi is a broom star, and once he appears, there must be no good thing, let him free his hand and have to pull out this thorn!

However, right now he can only go to City O with Gou Yi, where the head office is located.

Xue Di realized something, he felt that this business trip was destined to be a humiliating and embarrassing trip, but what he didn't expect was that it would come true so early.

When I first reported to the head office that afternoon, something like this happened——

As soon as Gou Yi entered the company building, he saw a beautiful woman rushing towards him and shooting with her hands in the shape of a pistol and the sound effect "Tu Tu Tu" in her mouth.

Gou Yi felt it was very sudden, because he didn't know this beauty, and he suddenly thought of many possibilities: This is a special welcome ceremony of the total company.

This is a test for every new student, and Gou Yi hasn't thought about which aspect of ability to test.

This may be a popular way for beauties to strike up a conversation, and I am liked.Although he likes men more, but if it is a beautiful woman, it is not impossible to give it a try...

...too late to think so much!

Although he was puzzled, he still acted as if he was shot very cooperatively, and showed his excellent acting skills. He staggered back a few steps, held on to the wall with difficulty, looked at the resentful gaze, and finally fell to the ground, dying look.

——He unconsciously got into the drama a little bit.

The beauty stood stiffly, looked at her hands, and even wondered if she really killed the man with a gun.

"Is there something wrong with him?" She asked Xue Di beside her in surprise.

The corners of Xue Di's mouth twitched, looking at Gou Yi who was lying against the wall and pretending to be dead, and said, "There is indeed something wrong with him - epilepsy and madness."

Gou Yi suddenly realized that this unknown woman was greeting her junior.

He got up from the ground all of a sudden, and smiled awkwardly, "I thought you were teasing me, beauty! Misunderstanding."

At this moment, the woman realized that she couldn't help laughing, and grabbed Xue Di's shoulder, "Where did you find such a person?"

Xue Di said coldly: "Although I don't want to admit it, but he is my subordinate, and he came here for further training this time."

"He's so cute," the woman said.

Xue Di sneered, "He has a second disease, which cannot be cured."

During the one-week training period, Xue Di tried not to have too much contact with Gou Yi, and put on a business-like attitude.Gou Yi also wisely refused to make friends.

In addition to technical training, the company also specially arranged some outreach training for the trainees, aiming to improve the employees' EQ, IQ and sentiment.

Gou Yi soon became famous, because... how should I put it, there are few people in society who are as cruel as him.

For example, the theme of an activity is: how to use spare time to improve yourself.

The trainer is Xue Di.

Xue Di first gave a simple heuristic speech, which roughly means that the future development direction of people is determined by the activity arrangement between [-]:[-] and [-]:[-] in the evening. If you indulge in leisure and entertainment activities during this time, then you It is very likely that you will spend the rest of your life doing nothing in this way in the future; and if you learn foreign languages, or develop professional knowledge, or just devote yourself to personal hobbies during this period, then your accumulation may change the direction of your life after a period of time.

Next, Xue Di asked the students to share their personal improvement experience and insights.

The students spoke enthusiastically, because they knew well that this occasion would usually be accompanied by a personnel assessment. The director of the company's personnel department, and even the company's CEO would sneak in among the lecturers to observe the students, and select outstanding talents from them for preparation. Use later.

With this idea in mind, the students tried their best to express themselves, saying what they said and what they said, or implying that they were capable, potential and powerful people, and at the same time, they were also tasteful people who were out of vulgar tastes.Everyone’s personal hobbies are also different. The most common ones are reading books and traveling to understand life, learning foreign languages, taking various certificates, worshiping Jobs, and especially researching UFOs and robotics... each expresses his own opinion.

Then it was Gouyi's turn.

Gou Yi stood up and said that he has always paid close attention to the theory of human natural science and breath science, collected a lot of relevant information, and also mastered a lot of first-hand experimental information, especially the part that is closely related to people's daily life , he would love to share it with you if he could.

What he said seemed to be very high-end, and some lecturers asked: "You mean that your research is similar to yoga or ancient Chinese breathing?"

Gou Yi said: "That's not true, that is too far away from the daily life of our modern people, and the content of my research should be closer to life."

Some lecturers showed great interest. "Biological science, especially human biology, is the direction of future scientific development." The lecturer said, "If you introduce the research results in detail, all of us here will also benefit."

Gou Yi was appreciated, but he was neither arrogant nor impetuous. He said: "Some people say that the human body is a small universe. This is true. First of all, what is the universe? Space is the universe; time is the universe, and the four-dimensional space-time is the universe." BLABLA..." Started speaking in vernacular, almost starting with Pangu's creation of the world, and then gradually came to his so-called human biology, which was clouded.

The vice president of the head office seemed to be very interested in this topic, looked at the student cousin in his hand, saw that he came from Xue Di, and whispered to Xue Di: "Your subordinate really wants to be eloquent."

In fact, Xue Di already had a bad premonition from the very beginning, and now the ominous air is getting stronger and stronger, and he really wants to go up and grab Gou Yi to make him shut up. , so he bit the bullet and responded.

After Gou Yi finished talking about the theoretical background of Gao Daquan, he started to talk about the specific content, he said: "This is a cutting-edge science. For example, someone recently made such a shocking new discovery-eating nose Shit improves immunity. If this theory can be applied in real life, it may create business opportunities, improve the physical fitness of modern people, reduce medical costs, and benefit all mankind BLABLA..."

Xue Di gasped, and Gou Yi really started talking nonsense as expected, and the content of the breaking up became disgusting.

The vice president didn't seem to expect it at all. He didn't expect human biology to be cut from the angle of eating boogers.

However, he also suspected that this was just a bold and funny episode used by the student to attract attention, and there was a real scientific part behind it, so he listened patiently.

After demonstrating the relationship between booger playing and human immunity, Gou Yi extended his tentacles to other places.

He said that he not only consciously pays attention to the latest developments in theoretical science, but also personally explores and tries his own way.

"I want to ask you a question." His eyes scanned the audience, which made it impossible to look at. "What are we most afraid of in the swimming pool?"

Everyone fell into contemplation involuntarily, but no one dared to respond positively.

Gou Yi said: "Let me come. In fact, whenever we are in the swimming pool, what we are most afraid of is-suddenly feel an ambiguous warm current."

Everyone thought: "That's right."

Gou Yi continued to explain: "However, the behavior of secretly peeing in the swimming pool is not my research topic. Because everything about the phenomenon and the result is clear. That does not belong to the category of science, it should be classified as morality. Here I would like to express my condemnation. Closer to home, the content of my research is also close to this-I would like to know what would happen if fart instead of pee in the swimming pool? Our junior high school biology textbook tells Us—farts contain ammonia, and ammonia is soluble in water, so will farts dissolve in water? I would like to ask everyone, who can tell me the answer now?"

Still no one dared to answer.

Gou Yi said: "We don't care about this little problem, do we? You see, in fact, there is never a lack of truth in life, but the eyes to discover the truth and the courage to pursue the truth are lacking. If Newton let go of that apple, we will be BLABLA today. ……(Omit some of the bragging B content.) …With a scientific attitude, when I was curious about the effect of farting in the swimming pool, I was destined to take steps to pursue the truth. For this reason, I went to After swimming once, managed to get first-hand information, observed the effect of the experiment, and then I will publish the results of my experiment without reservation. Specifically, after experimenting, I found that if we fart in water , will not be absorbed by the water lifelessly as expected, but will see groups of air bubbles appear from the back of the swimming trunks, just like the air bubbles spit out when a person exhales in the water, and then the air bubbles will flow from the person's body The buttocks rose up, and finally surfaced and disappeared into the air. Analyzing the reason, it is probably because the main component of farts is methane rather than ammonia, and methane is a colorless, odorless, flammable gas that is insoluble in water, so farting in water will definitely produce bubbles Yes! If fellow practitioners who have objections can also verify it themselves next time, you will know whether I, Gouyi, have lied." He vowed.

Some people have started snickering.

Gou Yi didn't know what he ate, and continued to display his shining points, "Actually, my research on human breath is more than that. I just said that farts are insoluble in water, so what about the relationship between farts and fire? Looking for answers in the context of the Five Elements, I conducted another bold experiment—to see if farts are really flammable. But we know that the most difficult part of this experiment is the collection of gas. I tried it, and it was difficult to capture , So I simplified the equipment and steps of the experiment, the specific operation is as follows - prepare a lighter, the experimenter, who is himself, only wears a pair of underwear, squats on the ground, and when he feels it, put the lighter close to the back and turn it on. Then use force. Guess what?——It really burned! It looks like a dragon breathing fire!"

The students couldn't sit still with laughter.

Gou Yi continued: "But I don't recommend you to do this experiment, because firstly, the underwear is very expensive, and there is a big hole in the back, so you can't wear it; secondly, the part of the chrysanthemum is hot and painful, with slight burns feel."

A student below said: "You are really a master, and I will ask you about shit in the future."

Gou Yi said modestly, "I don't know everything, and there are still many questions that have not been solved, such as why people feel annoyed when they smell other people's farts, but they feel ambiguous when they smell their own. The intimacy of the world’s scientific community does not have a clear and convincing answer to this. It can be seen that there are still many secrets about our body and peripheral products waiting for us to dig a little bit.

What I am interested in is the interdisciplinary subject of human biology and breath science. I dare not say that it is ahead of the times, but it is indeed a marginal science, and few people pay attention to it.Confucius once said: Fart is the breath of the human body, so why not let it go?Each of us is very familiar with this physiological phenomenon, but we have not found any meaning and reason from it.But I am happy to be the first person to eat crabs, looking for the meaning of life in daily life!I am always full of curiosity and exploration spirit about life, which is the quality I am proud of. "In the end, he really deducted the next question and said it back, blowing himself up.

His outstanding performance in the outward bound training received thunderous applause from all the students.

However, the instructors gave him a failing evaluation.The vice-president's classic two-skinned smile had already been revealed, and Gou Yi felt ashamed and humiliated, but he felt a little helpless while being angry—Gou Yibiao didn't just happen every day or two, he was just such a person, and he couldn't What can I do if I am beaten to death with a stick?

The beautiful lecturer who saw Gou Yi pretending to be dead without knowing him personally said to Xue Di with a smile: "2B youths are so much fun-but don't you hate mindless 2 people the most? Why are you so tolerant this time? "

Xue Di said coyly: "I can't always dismiss the old employees as the first thing a new official takes office, and besides, his business is doing well."

The beautiful lecturer flipped through Gou Yi's information casually, and said with a smile: "Yo, you both went to the same university, are you... seniors?"

Xue Di didn't answer, he really didn't want to admit that they were old acquaintances in such a humiliating situation.

After the training, Xue Di didn't ask his friends in City O to take him to the airport, but took the subway with Gou Yi.But what he didn't expect was that he was implicated again on the subway, and he was ashamed.

Because it is not the rush hour, the subway is not very crowded, everyone has a seat, Xue Di is silent, listening to music with earphones on.

Gou Yi also knew that he was not liked by Xue Di, so he squinted in a low-key manner without chatting, lowered his head and fiddled with his mobile phone, reading vulgar online novels to pass the time.

Suddenly his cell phone rang loudly, it was Phoenix Legend's "The Most Dazzling Ethnic Style", the sound was so loud that it almost scared a carload of people, it was obvious that Gouyi was a counterfeit cell phone.

Xue Di glanced at it without contempt, thinking that the salary is not too low for such an adult, wouldn't it be embarrassing to use a counterfeit mobile phone? ...That's right, knowing that it's embarrassing is not Gou Yi.

— he thought so.

Over there, Gouyi has already picked up the mobile phone, because it is from a counterfeit village, so he can even faintly hear the voice of the other party on the phone.

The other side said very vulgarly: "Where is your J8?"

Gou Yi retorted outrightly and loudly: "My J8 is in my underpants!"

The other party said: "Don't make trouble! Something is wrong, where are you?"

Gou Yi said: "I'm with J8!"

The person who called was Mei Shao who slept next door in Gouyi University. Last year, the two reunited by chance, and even lost their temper. Now it has developed into a relationship that occasionally comes out to get together.Gou Yi was never polite when talking to him.

Xue Di knew that Gou Yi committed another crime without hesitation, so he coughed solemnly.

Gou Yi also seemed to notice that the present existence seemed inappropriate to reminisce with friends, so he restrained himself a little.

Mei Shao didn't have any serious business looking for him, she just wanted to hang out with him after drinking.

Gou Yi said: "If you want to play with me, do I have to have time? No, I'm playing right now."

The other party seemed to laugh at him, saying that he had no money and no one had any fun.

Gou Yi said braggingly: "Who said I have no money! I'm going to the airport now, because my private jet's reverse gear broke down and I'm repairing it at a 4S shop. Who said I have no one to accompany me! Tell you what I'm doing today Wrapped a very punctual duck, it’s big and has a good figure, and it’s accompanying me to the airport by my side!”

Xue Di glared at him, thinking that he really dared to say, did he usually wrap ducks?This shameless man really has no offline.He was contemptuous, but when he looked up, the eyes of everyone in the carriage were focused on him.Xue Di froze all of a sudden, and then understood in an instant - this is, this is the duck that was regarded as the duck in Gou Yi's mouth that was raised by him!

Xue Di was so angry that his hands were trembling, he really wanted to beat the scumbag in a dark gymnasium like that night many years ago!This shameless man!Coming out with him is like pulling a husky with its tongue out and eye to eye!No!Might as well lead a dog!

Gou Yi was still bragging with one leg crossed, completely unaware that the danger was approaching.

Xue Di snatched his counterfeit mobile phone and slapped it off.He endured it so that he didn't fall, and still threw it back to him, with a dark face.

Gou Yi didn't know why the leader suddenly lost his temper, and he didn't dare to make a mistake, so he smiled and sat down politely.

In fact, of course, I feel inexplicable and slanderous.

"The supervisor is amazing! There is no human rights! Why should I turn off my mobile phone!..." However, he didn't have the guts to confront him.

Gou Yi thinks that he still has the wisdom to survive on key issues. For example, he keeps in mind the three laws of the workplace: either endure!Either be ruthless!or go!

He weighed his current living conditions—the money was exhausted by several boyfriends, he was poor, and he lived in the home of his college classmates...or he could bear it.

Or Xue Di felt that it was unlucky to be with Gou Yi. When the subway was about to arrive at the station, there was a sudden shaking, then the lights flickered, and finally the lights went out and the world fell into darkness.

There were screams and shouts, and no one knew what had happened.

After half a minute, the lights of various mobile phones turned on one after another. With the weak fluorescence, everyone found that there seemed to be no serious casualties around them, just frightened faces.

At this time, Xue Di showed his super organizational ability, and suggested that everyone should not act rashly and wait for rescue in place.

The anxiety of the crowd was slightly under control. In order to survive the long waiting time, people dared not turn off the only light source, and used the faint light of their mobile phones to persistently illuminate the dark world or something.

However, gradually Apple, Blackberry and other food mobile phones ran out of battery, and the light dimmed; and Nokia and Motorola also ran out of ammunition and food after half an hour; the last ones disappeared were Huawei, Sony Ericsson and so on, and the world was about to fall into The abyss of darkness and despair, at this time more than three years away from the subway accident, a girl began to sob softly, "I don't want to die, let me out." She muttered.Anxiety and fear spread again, and order gradually became loose and chaotic.

At this time, suddenly the lights came on in the darkness, and a huge light source like a searchlight illuminated the entire carriage. Everyone's spirits were lifted, thinking that rescue was coming, but upon closer inspection, it turned out not to be!It turned out to be a young man holding a fake mobile phone, standing in the middle of the car like the Statue of Liberty—no, Liberty Man, and said loudly: "It's all right, everyone, don't worry, my mobile phone is super charged, and it can be charged once. It will take three months to ensure that we are all brightly lit before the rescue arrives."

The light, what a precious light, dispelled the gloom in everyone's hearts in this dark and terrifying moment. Anyway, his words played a soothing role. As long as the lights don't go out, the hope of mankind will never end!

This free man is of course Gou Yi, and he uses knock-off mobile phones in the entire carriage.

At this time, his phone suddenly rang again——

"the vast horizon is my love

The flowers are blooming at the foot of the green hills

What kind of rhythm is the most swaying and what kind of..."

Gou Yi picked it up impatiently and shouted to Mei Shao: "Can you J8 stop joining in the fun? I J8 is busy... busy saving the earth!"

His words came true anyway—his phone was still glowing like a torch when rescuers arrived half an hour later.

The people who came out of the carriage thanked him one after another and asked him what brand it was.

Gou Yi said: "The brand I use is very common, Apple's, but it's not the ordinary candy bar, it's the slider version. The candy bar Apple battery is not durable."

The masses have said that this model is hard to come by, and it is not easy to buy it.

Xue Di looked at Gou Yi with a complex expression and was loved by the masses like a savior who saved the earth. Although he didn't want to admit it, he still had to admit that just a while ago his heart was slightly shaken, and he was similarly "won't Die here" hypothesis, but when Gou Yi's slide apple shines, especially when he starts talking that shit, his mood settles down again.