In the golden cage

Ji Shaoting looked at Li Chen.

The daylight has submerged into the night, and the dim street lamps are turned on one by one, but they are just embellishments to no avail, and the dark sky still keeps pressing down.

But this living room is the countless overlapping additions of darkness, stagnantly becoming solid, dry and hard like cement, unable to flow, trapping people to death.

Ji Shaoting actually couldn't see anything.

But he did see the true face of the person named Li Chen in front of him.He is the sum of all the contradictions in the world. In the endless cycle of day and night, he tore himself again and again, glued and torn again, and went back and forth again and again.

And the root cause of all this is him, Ji Shaoting.

"Help me." He heard Li Chen repeat it again, the despair beneath those words was revealed, like a floating corpse emerging from the water.

"Help me," he said, "please."

In this chaos, in this dark living room like a black box, Ji Shaoting saw what he had always wanted to see deep in his heart, and he could see it clearly, with clear lines everywhere.

Li Chen's most fragile, authentic and original appearance.

He took off all his defenses, put away his sharp thorns, smashed his own body, and spread out the softest flesh and blood on the ground for Ji Shaoting to hurt at will.

He handed over the power of life and death to Ji Shaoting, as long as he didn't save him, he would die without a whole body.

Ji Shaoting remembered the crystal auditorium where they held their wedding.

I thought of the diffuse autumn rain and the blooming sweet-scented osmanthus, the golden sunlight in the museum, the white snow on Christmas Eve, all the beautiful things and the brilliance of the world, but none of these had anything to do with Li Chen.

In this dark night, Ji Shaoting saw clearly Li Chen's attitude of letting others slaughter him. As long as he didn't save him, he would really fall into hell and become a real devil, who would never be reborn forever.

Ji Shaoting heard a rustling sound, and then Li Chen's black shadow in the night knelt down in front of him.

"I am arrogant, domineering, despicable, and greedy."

He confessed his crimes one by one: "I am selfish to the extreme. I want you to love me, but I don't know how to love you. I just want to keep you by my side, and I can see you every day when I go home, so I locked you up - because I want you to love me, if you only face me every day and don't love me, and you go out and see others, you won't love me even more."

"I'm nothing after all."

The inferiority complex he never mentioned to anyone, including himself, is now all exposed to Ji Shaoting.

"Even my parents don't want me, and anyone on the street is better than me. From childhood to adulthood, no one is willing to love me, because I'm not worth it, I'm just a bastard who stole my life."

Ji Shaoting's entire chest was filled with blood, and every beat of the lung lobes felt like death-defying pain.

"So I deliberately don't consider your social needs, your work, your hobbies - I don't want you to become better, because you are already too good to be good enough for me. Tingting, are you Angel."

Li Chen narrated in this way, using the most straightforward and unpretentious words to describe his infatuation and infatuation with Ji Shaoting that cannot be described in words.

"You're an angel," he said, "and I'm a demon, rotten to the bone, so I don't want you to get better, I don't want you to get further and further away from me and leave me alone. I'm good Fear, more fear than death, one day you suddenly don't want me."

"And then," he paused, "and that day came."

Ji Shaoting suddenly couldn't breathe, his heartbeat stopped——

He finally had to face up to his sin: he abandoned Li Chen, a man who loved him madly.

"Tingting, I can't live without you, I really can't. I love you so much that you can't even imagine it, no, even I can't imagine it myself," Li Chen's narration became more and more excited, "You are the only reason I live , is my only light, is my other half of the soul, Ting Ting, even if I die, I will die with you..."

A sentence was suddenly cut off halfway again, Li Chen came back from the confession as if suddenly realized, and raised his head to ask Ji Shaoting: "I, did I scare you again?"

Such an abrupt question made Ji Shaoting stunned.

Li Chen's voice was full of painful remorse: "I didn't want to, and I didn't want to..."

"It's like this again, why is it like this again? I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to hurt you, but I... I just can't help it, I didn't want to scare you with these words, but I don't know why the words turned into So..."

But, Ji Shaoting thought, this is how you express your love.

There are billions of people in the world, are they all using the same templated way to receive and give love?

In fact, I didn't understand why until now.

Rather than saying that Li Chen doesn't understand love, it's better to say that this is how he loves.He has already emptied himself, and bestowed on Ji Shaoting what he can give to Ji Shaoting.

They have had many beautiful moments, such as autumn rain, sweet-scented osmanthus, golden sunlight, and pure white snow.It is not only Li Chen's problem, but also his Ji Shaoting's problem that he will end up in the current situation.

It was only then that Ji Shaoting discovered that a happy childhood had also poisoned his character to a certain extent, making him live in an overly idealized world.

He often witnesses the sufferings of the world and repeatedly questions them, but seldom thinks about the inevitability of their existence.

Just like the love he hopes is infinitely close to perfection, just like the understanding and respect given to him by his family, so he can't accept half a flaw.

But Li Chen's love is full of flaws, like an old clothes with thousands of stitches, it's not that he doesn't want to give Ji Shaoting the best, it's that he can't give him the best.

He has never been loved, how do you want him to give.He can only foolishly imitate the appearance of love in the world, using material and sex.In fact, he is more anxious than anyone else, why everyone can love, why he can't grasp the true meaning, why he alone can't give Ji Shaoting more.

It is clear that this piece of rag-like clothes is already all the property he can get out of his hands.

It's not that Li Chen doesn't understand love, but his love is like this, with possessiveness, devout worship, bad words, innocence, fierceness, blood and fear, and humbleness.

Now he is kneeling on the ground, begging Ji Shaoting to accept it.

"Li Chen," Ji Shaoting heard himself say, "turn on the light."

When the light came down, Ji Shaoting saw the tears on Li Chen's face, which almost blurred his tough outline, and his whole body was so weak that he would melt at any moment.

Ji Shaoting looked at him as if he had never seen this person before, and after a long time he found that this person was swaying, and then he realized that it was because he was crying too.In his tears, Li Chen was so weak that he melted away.

Ji Shaoting slowly knelt down on the sofa, facing Li Chen face to face, with their eyes level.

There is no high or low status, no debt and oppression, no scale that is always leaning to the other side.In the summer of July in this foreign land, at the night that just fell, they finally ended the long battle that had sounded gongs and drums since they met.

But it's not a reconciliation, when Li Chen reached out to touch the corner of Ji Shaoting's eye, Ji Shaoting's first reaction was to hide.

Although he understood Li Chen, the instinct of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages was deeply ingrained, and he couldn't get rid of it for a while.Li Chen was stunned, withdrew his hand, and clenched his fist tightly, until the veins on the back of his hand throbbed like a tree branch, so he could control himself not to get angry.

At least Ji Shaoting doesn't plan to run away now, he's right in front of his eyes.

They remained silent for a long time, until the dim light that had just woken up became more and more energetic, illuminating the entire living room brightly.

Ji Shaoting wiped his eyes for the last time, and wanted to stand up with the coffee table.Li Chen immediately straightened up one step ahead of him, and stretched out his hand cautiously.

This time Ji Shaoting hesitated for two seconds after dodging instinctively, but still took Li Chen's hand and used his strength to prop up his leg.

"Let's eat first," Ji Shaoting said with his head down, "Go to my side."