In the golden cage

When the cold water poured down on his head, Li Chen became sober. From inside to outside, his disintegrated rationality gradually gathered together again.

Of course, he was still suffering emotionally, and his whole body was still tormented by the fear of going to the guillotine, which lingered even after taking a bath.

As long as Ji Shaoting doesn't come back, he will never dissipate, and he will never be at peace.

With his wet hair on his head, Li Chen took out the cigarettes provided by the hotel from the bookcase, walked to the balcony, facing the summer night breeze, imagining that the wind was blowing from the direction of Ji Shaoting, carrying the body temperature of Ji Shaoting he had dreamed of, The only heat of his life.

In fact, he should have thought of it earlier, shouldn't he?Apart from returning to his previous life, where else could Ji Shaoting go.

Where else can Ji Shaoting go, he is a person who cannot leave work.For Li Chen, work is just a means to consolidate his social status. He has never looked for something similar in his work, but Ji Shaoting is different from him.

Ji Shaoting is different from everyone else.

Dr. Li analyzed Ji Shaoting's personality composition with him. He grew up in a happy family, full of love and being loved, and the family members can understand and respect each other.All his lower levels of needs have been satisfied, and he has to rely on the highest level of self-realization to obtain happiness.

In other words, Ji Shaoting is a person who cannot live without "meaning". In addition to his healthy growth background, he is also a natural devotee because of his genetics.

That's why Li Chen couldn't leave him even more.

Li Chen polished the lighter, a cluster of faint flames rushed to the tail of the cigarette, and the familiar smell of tobacco diffused in the air.

Facing the flickering fire in the intermittent summer wind, Li Chen suddenly remembered that night when Ji Shaoting pressed the back of his hand, called him "A Chen" in a low voice, and told him to : "I won't smoke anymore."

Stop smoking.

Doctor Li sketched out the general image of Ji Shaoting based on Li Chen's few descriptions. Could it be that Li Chen, who has been with him day and night for nearly a year, would not be clear.

It's just that he knows and shouldn't be clear, and he insists on loving him in his own way—no, it's not love, love is just a beautiful word used to hide filth.

Li Chen finally admits now that all he gave Ji Shaoting was his hideous and distorted feelings that could not be defined, manifested in possession, domination and control.It's good that Ji Shaoting is obedient, but once Ji Shaoting is disobedient, the expression of this kind of emotion will immediately escalate into violence.

Li Chen was seldom aware of the violence he used against Ji Shaoting, until he witnessed the tattered clothes with his own eyes, which was simply the scene of a disaster.

You have to go through it like this, and you will be petrified before you can wake up.

Violence is wrong, and it is even more wrong to love someone and hurt him.All three-year-olds know these simple truths, but Li Chen doesn't.

Because of low self-esteem, no matter how many achievements you have, subconsciously, you still feel that you are not worthy.In his eyes, Ji Shaoting is an existence belonging to heaven, while he is just a mortal half-body still stuck in the mud, looking up to the sky, and then Ji Shaoting, who belongs to heaven, came to save him with heat and light, of course he is important Hold on to him.

Li Chen has always had these thoughts, in fact, they have not left until now.

There is always a voice yelling deep in Li Chen's heart, asking him why he should be so scruples, Ji Shaoting is the wife he is marrying back from the media, and it is only natural for him to take him home, even if he uses some strong or even inhumane means.

But the difference is that now Li Chen can recognize the absurdity of these ideas.It's not like that, it's not like that when loving someone.

He knows what he wants every second of the past 34 years, and he wants Ji Shaoting's love.He missed it once, and he can't miss it a second time.

Although he has no idea how to get Ji Shaoting back, besides, there are new people around Ji Shaoting.

But there is one thing he is very clear about, as sure as knowing the truth in the world: Ji Shaoting doesn't like his former self.

He didn't know what to do to bring Ji Shaoting back, but he knew what not to do, which was to return to the previous state.

The light of the fire had already burned a certain distance from the tail of the smoke, and the dry white soot shook gently from Li Chen's fingers.

Li Chen stared at it for a while, finally pulled the ashtray over, and crushed the cigarette butt out.

It is not difficult to find Ji Shaoting's work unit, Li Chen remembers all the details about him.

This time he followed carefully and did not drive.

It was only later that he realized his stupidity, and finally saw Ji Shaoting again in a place other than his dreams, the overwhelming joy drowned his reason, forgetting that such a quiet street at night, there seemed to be danger lurking everywhere, Even if I want to follow Ji Shaoting secretly and drive a car, everything will become blatant.

It was clear that he was sitting in the car, but he just didn't want Ji Shaoting to see his face, and he didn't want his sudden appearance to scare him, but he still scared him in the end.

They always seem to be like this, keep missing, do bad things with good intentions, and love turns into hate.

Ji Shaoting usually leaves work with Berg. Li Chen sits behind the long table in the coffee shop opposite their institution, lowers his peaked cap, and sees the two of them walking side by side from the camera of his mobile phone. The feeling is not only painful, it is almost too painful to live. .

Of course, the fear never left for a moment, and the desperate collapse would recur at any time, but Li Chen misjudged one thing, that is, he has not made no progress in the past three months: at least he can stop rushing forward to break up the two The impulse, restrained not to hurt Ji Shaoting.

He repeatedly looked at the white cardboard he wrote to himself as a reminder, as well as his wedding photo with Ji Shaoting.

Isn't he hopeless?At least Ji Shaoting loved him, but he didn't love Berg...probably not.

Don't fall in love with him.

Apart from begging, Li Chen can only beg, and steal happiness in this gap—in any case, he has indeed found Ji Shaoting again, seeing him with his eyes again, and being able to capture his scent in the air.

Ji Shaoting is much happier.Even if Li Chen can only hide in the dark every time, looking at Ji Shaoting from a distance, he can still feel his happiness.

Ji Shaoting's pace of getting off work is always relaxed, even if his face is occasionally tired, it is also satisfied tiredness.Li Chen couldn't help but think of Dr. Li's analysis with him, that Ji Shaoting is indeed a person who needs dedication to obtain the value of survival.

In fact, I didn't understand why until now.

Light is inexhaustible, it can be distributed evenly to all and there is enough for everyone.I get so much from keeping Ji Shaoting, and I can still get so much if I divide him out, not to mention that Ji Shaoting will be happier after the division.

And when he wanted to understand, the opportunity came.

A chance for Ji Shaoting to go off work alone.