Self-salvation of a cheap substitute

"How is it? Have you ever attended a party like this before?" Wang Miao sat on the lawn, surrounded by his cats and dogs. The young man looked up at the night sky, drinking beer one after another.

"Not really." Fu Xizhou was drunk, blushing, lying beside Wang Miao, hiccupping uncontrollably.

"I remember that your social circle in the upper class is full of champagne towers, exquisite snacks, waiters shuttle back and forth, then play some Western music, dance ballroom dancing together, you want to drink too, you can't drink, you know. "Wang Miao smiled, and he touched the cat's nose with a beer can.

"Well, yes, but it's actually very boring, very boring. Many generations of ancestors were poor, but they want to boast that they have seen the world and have Western-style thinking. What kind of trendy people are they? As a result, people don't look like people, and ghosts don't look like ghosts. , Actually, I don't think the moon is so round in foreign countries, rather than having me in a suit and leather shoes to attend the reception, I'd rather fight and drink on the street like I am now." Fu Xizhou smiled foolishly.

"This is the difference between the starlight in the sky and the fireworks everywhere. The stars are too far away. We look up at them and imagine that there are some magical things on them, but we actually see them one day and find that the stars are just ordinary. There are fireworks everywhere. It is choking, makes people look ashamed, and makes people shy away for fear of being stained with ashes, but one day when we get close to it, we will find that there are actually delicious things cooking in the pot, but we hate fireworks, so we think it has something to do with it Everything is dirty, welcome, Fu Xizhou, to the common people's world." Wang Miao smiled, and then waved to Auntie Pancake who was about to go out of the stall.

"I really think that if you finish college, you will be a very good poet or philosopher." Fu Xizhou took a sip of soda water to rinse his mouth, and said vaguely.

"That's right, poets and philosophers all want to read thousands of books and travel thousands of miles. Where can I do it? I've been trapped in Pingcheng for too long, and I don't know how to get out of this besieged city." Wang Miao rubbed his can and said softly. It's just that there seems to be self-mockery and dissatisfaction in what he said.

"I think, I think you are not trapped in Pingcheng, you are trapped in your heart city, you choose to swallow everything, this is not good, it will be crushed." Fu Xizhou leaned close to Wang Miao's face, staring at Wang Miao. He couldn't take his eyes off Wang Miao's flawless profile.

"You're drunk." Wang Miao said softly.

"Yeah, I'm drunk, you're right Wang Miao, I'm drunk." Fu Xizhou lay down again, staring at the night sky, repeating this sentence mechanically, his voice became lower and lower until he lost his voice .

"I'm using you, just like Jiang Lin used me back then. I'm using you to stir up Jiang Lin's panic. I even want you to fight to the death for the so-called dignity of a man, and then both will suffer. But later, or tonight you I have seen the kindness to me, if I use that method to provoke you, then what is the difference between me and Chu Jiachen." Wang Miao looked at the "sleeping" Fu Xizhou, and said softly.

"How can I be so stupid that I can be made things difficult by Chu Jiachen, a freshman college student? It's just that I have always been concerned about Jiang Lin. I admit that I have no backbone, and I still don't want to have any negative influence on Jiang Lin. After all, he is not like you. He has everything he has now, which he has accumulated from scratch. As a bystander, I know that it is not easy for him. Unlike you, he fell into negative equity overnight from nothing. , Whether you admit it or not, he is still better than you in this regard." Wang Miao didn't know whether he was amused by his own words, or when he remembered Fu Xizhou's absurd prodigal affairs, in short, he smiled very flamboyantly, like a drunk.

"But there is only one thing he is better than you. He is a person who does whatever it takes to achieve his goals. You are not, you are just a strong outsider, and you want to look like a naive young master who wants to look like an old-fashioned society. Not to mention me, even Xu Ziling I can handle you to death, by the way, do you know that Xu Ziling actually likes you, probably at first sight." Wang Miao pushed Fu Xizhou.

"..." Fu Xizhou turned over, mumbling something that he couldn't hear clearly.

"Actually, after thinking about it carefully, as a person like Wang Miao, everything I have in this society has been erased. I used to be a double, and later became the young master. One is not myself, and the other cannot see the sun. My way of thinking was instilled by others, my conversation skills were taught by my predecessors, the standard of conduct was set by Yang Yunting for me, and my current knowledge and etiquette were taught by Dr. Nan in a targeted manner. , but I am not myself, I am just a puppet put together according to the wishes of others, by the way, there is also my face, which is carefully carved out, and the only thing I can decide is when and how I will die , Isn't it very pitiful." Wang Miao pinched his nose and sucked again.

"As long as I live, I will always be in the labyrinth set up by others. Those who keep saying that they will give me back my freedom just happen to be spectators who like to observe my desperation. When everything about me is erased, will I be free? What's important, I have no home, no relatives, no lover, no home, no future, sometimes I want to kill myself, but I think I can't leave this beautiful world so disheartened, it's not cool, there is no way for me Just swim over, roll down, crawl over, I want to live, live tenaciously, as long as I'm alive Jiang Lin, Chu Jiachen, no matter who they are, they can't declare victory, I want them to understand, Most of the things in this world can be done with money, but money cannot buy or bury faith. They keep pushing me to the cliff, so I must bloom the most beautiful red flower on the cliff. "Wang Miao suddenly tightened his fists and crushed the beer can, and laughed again.

"You called today and asked me what I was going to do today, did you think I was going to accompany clients, it's okay, I know, this is everyone's prejudice against me, but thank you for these prejudices, you can keep me safe I have survived until now, a few years ago, today, and at night, I watched the woman who treated me the best in the world close my eyes in front of me, and I heard the doctor announce her death, and I did nothing but accept it. What a particularly good way, because there is no life-changing technology, if possible, I am willing to transfer her cancer cells to my body." Wang Miao scratched his head and smiled.

"Haha, I remember that it was spring when I first brought her to Pingcheng. There were many river lanterns along the river, which were very beautiful, like the Milky Way in the sky. She also put one on. She couldn't write, so I wrote for her. Yes, she said that she wished me a safe and smooth life. She said that she would come here once a year to release river lanterns, because they are so beautiful and meaningful, but she broke her promise. Fortunately, I am still alive, and I will put them here every year. He Deng, let her spirit in the sky see this human galaxy. To be honest, I feel guilty. If I can have more money, or I can ask more people, then I won’t let her miss the best treatment. Timing, haha, haha..." Wang Miao wiped away the tears from the corners of his eyes, then rubbed his hands.

"After she died, I took her ashes back to Wutong City, and used the money I borrowed to do the best ritual for her. She didn't ask for anything in return when she was alive. If my cousin hadn't informed me, she would have died of cancer. Things may not be told to me in my whole life, but I can't, I want to let others know that I, Wang Miao, is a person who knows how to repay her kindness. This is the last thing I can do for her. She treats me well. , I must take good care of her family. I chose the best cemetery for her, paid off the mortgage and car loan for her family, bought two houses and two cars, and saved money. Part of it is deposited in the bank, and part of it is put into the fund. It can help my cousin's child go to college, and then pay a down payment. Although this is an act of swollen face, I will do it. I just want to prove to the family in Wutong City that she did not misunderstand the person back then, that I am promising, that I can make a comeback against the wind, and that I can be reborn in a desperate situation."

"You know, the green onion noodles she made are delicious. I used to run to her house when there was no food in that family. She would always make her best green onion noodles for me. I always had soup I drank it all, even licked the bowl clean, my cousin would pull me to play video games together, and my uncle would cut fruit for me to eat. At that time, I was learning guitar, and my fingers were bloody all day long. She would scold me for not caring about my body, and then Give me medicine, hahaha, she can scold me for an hour, sometimes when I leave, she will give me hundreds of dollars, tell me to study hard, don’t blame my aunt, she said they are all women, she Knowing how difficult it is for my aunt, sometimes I would stand downstairs in their house, look at their warm yellow lights in a daze, and imagine how wonderful it would be if this were my home.”

"Later I left Wutong City and went to Shenhai City. She came to me and gave me 2000 yuan in her bag. She told me to live a good life. She didn't know that the 2000 yuan in Shenhai City was only two months' rent. , but I know, this is, this is the best and greatest support she can give me, and she lied, saying that my aunt asked her to hand it over to me, but she didn't even know that I ran out Yes, except for her, no one knew that I was in Shenhai City. Hey, I would transfer money to her every month, but she didn't spend a penny. She always said, she always said that it was from Miaomiao, she She always said that it was Miaomiao's money for marrying a daughter-in-law, and she wanted to save it for me. She said that Miaomiao would definitely return to Wutong City, and then she would give me the money, and she returned the passbook to me in the ward. She said that she could not see the day when I returned to Wutong City to be proud, and told me to walk the right path, take good care of my body, remember to drink plenty of water every day, smoke less, eat three meals a day on time, and ask my cousin to help me. Hold me, hold me, watch me, don't let me be bullied and take detours."

"She is really a simple, kind housewife, how can cancer find her, I can't fucking figure it out, how can fucking cancer find her, I go to your god, you fucking I never opened my eyes at all, it’s fine if you bully me, but if you bully a woman, what is it, what is it, if you have the ability, you can take my life.” Wang Miao covered his face, laughing and roaring at the same time .

[The author has something to say: This is the chapter I am least willing to publish, and it is also the second chapter I finished with tears. Sure enough, people who are too empathetic cannot write knives, hey. 】