Roommates are not straight

There is a complete collection of jokes in the most secret corner of the bookshelf. When I flip through the slightly old pages, I can see that each joke is marked with a paragraph in the blank space, sometimes with illustrations...

joke:

The bear and the rabbit poop together, the bear suddenly turns his head and asks the rabbit, do you shed hair?The rabbit said: I don't shed hair.So the bear grabbed the rabbit and started wiping his ass.

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When I heard this joke at the time, I almost died laughing, but Gu Wenyu, with a paralyzed face, didn't respond at all.So I teased him: The bear wipes his ass with a rabbit, so what do you think the rabbit should use?Gu Wenyu looked at me and said nothing, don't mention how seductive my small appearance is!Then I said, "Of course rabbits should use carrots!"

I laughed, I didn't need to look in the mirror to know that smile must be very wretched.Gu Wenyu didn't know what he was thinking, anyway, I'm used to his unpredictable expression, but this time I bet he didn't see that I was actually playing a hooligan.He even asked: "Shouldn't carrots be eaten by rabbits?"

It's hateful to say that that day, an employee in the company gave us a sack of carrots, insisting that it was pollution-free and chemical-free fertilizers brought from his hometown.Later, I ate carrots for more than a month, and I felt nauseated whenever I saw carrots. What should I do if I can’t eat so many carrots? [Evil smiling face] Before going to bed at night, I picked three thick and hard carrots, washed them, wrapped them in pajamas, and took them to bed.Unexpectedly, Gu Wenyu soon found out and asked me what I wanted to do.I hey hey hey three times and then I jumped right over to ride him. As soon as my trousers were picked up, I stretched out behind his buttocks, then took a carrot and leaned into his ear and said, "Come on, let my husband love you tonight."

I was about to stuff the carrot into him, but suddenly the bottom tightened!Damn, I forgot to guard against that thing being caught by him!

"What do you want to do?" Gu Wenyu asked again.

Hey, how dare I tell the truth at this time, I stammered and perfunctory him: "I want to eat carrots!"

"Really." Gu Wenyu said lightly, and then I felt guilty because of his stare. I looked down at my little brother and arched forward. It was so comfortable that I was about to sigh, but suddenly my mouth was stuffed Got a carrot!

The carrot was inserted so deep that it almost went down my throat. I felt a little sick, and was about to take out the carrot, but suddenly I fell on my back, and Gu Wenyu turned me over and fell heavily on my back on the bed.

Fuck, with a carrot stuffed in my mouth, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even yell out, I felt like I was about to fall into a concussion, and the carrot head slipped down my throat again, and I was being manipulated by Gu Wenyu slowly, that feeling was really... …Pain and happiness.

The hand was pressed on the top of the head by the bird man Gu Wenyu, and I cursed in my heart, I hate you, take the carrot out of my mouth!The smell of carrots in Nima's mouth makes me want to die.

Soon, Gu Wenyu comforted my brother, dragged me up from the bed, grabbed my hair and pressed me between his legs.

I’m sick, I couldn’t close my mouth with a carrot in my mouth, it made my teeth sore, now he replaced the carrot with a thicker mushroom head, and then it’s like piling. Yes, soon saliva slipped from the corner of my mouth and down my neck. Gu Wenyu stroked my ears, dipped his fingers in some body fluid and applied it to two spots on my chest, pinched and kneaded, and was still there slowly, I thought to myself, why don't you hurry up and make it official!Then I don't know how long it took, the mushroom finally sprayed out fresh juice and pulled it out of my mouth.Before I could breathe a sigh of relief, I moved my jaw, and the carrots were stuffed in one after another, and the mushrooms went where they should go.

Half an hour later, Gu Wenyu finished his work and went to take a shower satisfied. I quickly pulled the carrot out of my mouth and vomited. To be honest, the taste of carrot mixed with mushroom juice... ahem, it's not very good.

【Illustration: A Carrot】

joke:

A person wanted to eat ice cream, and just about to peel off the wrapping paper, the ice cream shivered and screamed: I'm dying of cold, don't take off my clothes anymore!

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By the way, ice cream is really a good thing.

Ever since I tried it on Qixi Festival that year, I have been thinking about trying it again someday.Put it in your mouth and spread it on the mushrooms. It is sweet and refreshing. Not only does it taste good, but the expression of the mushroom owner is also good.

So yesterday when I went to the supermarket, I dragged Gu Wenyu to buy a big bucket of ice cream, and when I got home, I went to the kitchen to dig out a spoon, dug out the ice cream and stuffed it into my mouth, then slowly approached Gu Wenyu with a lewd smile on my cheeks.

Gu Wenyu had learned from the previous lesson and was prepared for it. Before I got close, he threw me on the bed in the bedroom with his hands behind his back, and pressed my head to ask me to spit out the ice cream. Pulling his trousers chain, he took out the mushroom with two or three strokes.Then he deftly turned somersaults on the bed, got rid of Gu Wenyu, bent his head to the side of the mushroom, and was about to open his mouth to pick it up, but was kicked and overwhelmed by Gu Wenyu.

Nima, it doesn't matter to me, but the bite of ice cream in my mouth slipped directly into my throat through the impact force, almost choking me to death!This time, not only was there no ice cream in his mouth, but it was also blocked by Gu Wenyu. After a messy kiss, the temperature in his mouth became warm again.The shirt on my body was stripped off at some point, and Gu Wenyu's hands began to stuff into my pants.I thought to myself, I want to eat iced mushrooms today!Don't stop anyone!So before Gu Wenyu succeeded, I kicked him aside, jumped up from the bed and ran back to the kitchen, and quickly took another big mouthful of ice cream.Then, just like Ultraman who had just turned into a full-bodied Ultraman, facing the little monster Gu Wenyu, I went back to the bedroom with a smirk, looked at the ruddy, plump, and slightly moist mushroom head, drooling, and opened my arms eagerly. Jump over below.

The daughter-in-law always has to coax, I showed my rare patience, if I can't be hard, I will be soft, if I can't overwhelm him physically, I don't believe that I can't overwhelm him mentally!He tightly hugged Gu Wenyu's thigh, rubbed it back and forth on his leg, and kept winking at him.

In the end, Gu Wenyu was finally driven crazy by me. He put his finger into my mouth to measure the temperature of the ice cream, and then reluctantly agreed to let me lick it.But you can only lick it with the tip of your tongue a little bit, you can't swallow it whole.

I hurriedly nodded in agreement, and then stretched out my cool tongue with melting ice cream, licked from the root of the mushroom, there were two egg-like balls at the root, I swallowed it whole while Gu Wenyu was not paying attention!Gu Wenyu's body stiffened suddenly, I was so excited that I wanted to scream, soaked the two balls with ice cream, put them in my mouth, rubbed them with my tongue, spit them out, put them in again, let go...and so on. Several times, the mushrooms grew taller.Satisfied, I circled the tip of my tongue along the meridian of the mushroom stem, and licked slowly until I reached the mushroom head.

Gu Wenyu quickly lost his mind. He pressed my head to save the mushroom from my mouth. I was still a little bit unsatisfied, but the ice cream in my mouth melted and I swallowed it into my stomach. Without biochemical weapons around me, it would be gone. The tool for backing up, and looking at Gu Wenyu's face and the gaze on me, I knew that I would be miserable next time.

However, the iced mushrooms are still delicious, with ice cream, sweet and refreshing, although it is a pity that there is no mushroom juice.

[Illustration: A pile of ice cream]

joke:

Dark and white chocolate chatting by the sea.White Chocolate said: "If you say I'm unpalatable, I'll push you into the sea!" Dark Chocolate said: "You are just unpalatable, you push me into the sea Come on!" White Chocolate was very angry, he stood up , I used my best strength to push the dark chocolate!In the end he actually... really pushed the dark chocolate into the sea...

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puff!I finally know why Gu Wenyu is so boring and cold, it really is because I have watched too many cold jokes.But speaking of chocolate, I want to eat chocolate sauce.Nutella is not the same thing as chocolate, it can be brushed anywhere and eaten with, like... mushrooms.

To say that everything is really sold on the Internet now, even the chocolate sauce can come in so many colors.I bought a 24-color package, the store is very nice, and it also comes with two special small brushes. It is said that you can use different colors of chocolate sauce as paints like painting, and paint on biscuits or cakes for various decorations.

On the night when I got the goods, I couldn’t wait to push the cleaned Gu Wenyu on the bed, took out the chocolate sauce box, arranged all the small bowls and dishes, soaked the brush, picked out the mushrooms, and started to prepare the splash ink .

Gu Wenyu's face was a bit dark, but under my coercion and lure, he still obeyed obediently. After all, this is different from iced mushrooms, there is no danger, and he didn't resist so strongly, so I can paint with peace of mind.

First, I brushed the mushroom heads with green chocolate sauce to make a headgear.But it's a pity that the soft bristles of the brush brushed the mushrooms a few times...

Cai Yingran was sitting cross-legged on the carpet in the study room, holding a collection of jokes in her hands. When she saw this, she suddenly heard the sound of the door opening from downstairs, and she knew that it was her two fathers who brought a few uncles home for dinner. Today they are going to prepare an open-air barbecue.So his little hands turned the book at a faster speed, one page at a time, ten lines at a glance, and quickly flipped through half of the book. Finally, when there were footsteps on the stairs, and the footsteps were still coming towards the study, he finally read Last page, then just skip the jokes and look at the annotations.

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After iced mushrooms, another dream of mine is hot mushrooms, and I didn’t expect that my dream would come true one day. Every time I think of it, it will bring me endless aftertaste...

The footsteps were getting closer and closer, Cai Yingran had time to glance at the stick figure drawn at the bottom of the page - a fiery red pepper - and heard a loud roar: "Cai! Little! Monster! What are you doing!"

Then in the next second, Cai Yang snapped back the joke book in Cai Yingran's hand.

Cai Xiaoyao lowered her eyes with long eyelashes, and calmly listened to Cai Yang's dog-headed scolding, such as how to casually flip through the adult's things, how to read some useless miscellaneous books while the adult is not at home, etc., and then returned to her room, sat at the desk, and dug out the diary.

For the homework assigned by the teacher, I have to keep a diary every day during the holidays, and I have to write a post-reading essay every two weeks. Cai Yingran spent a week compiling all the diaries for a holiday, and now I am short of the last post-reading essay.

He recalled the complete collection of jokes he had just read. It was a book that Cai Yang hid like a treasure in his daily life. Now it seems that it is not a big deal.Cai Yingran thought of this and picked up a pen.

[Empty four spaces] After reading

[Empty two spaces] Today, I read a book and gained a lot of insights:

First, my mother likes to eat mushrooms.

Second, there are many ways for my mother to eat mushrooms.

Third, dad sometimes likes mom to eat mushrooms, sometimes he doesn't.

……

After writing seven or eight items, Cai Yingran couldn't think of anything else. She frowned and thought for a long time before continuing to write: Ninth, the name of this book is "Complete Ways to Eat Mushrooms"

Tenth, my mother seemed very angry when she found out that I was reading this book.

(End of the article)