fear game

After eating the bread for lunch, Lance held a cup of coffee in his hand, and leaned against the dining table by the window to read a book of poetry in the late winter afternoon sun.As a medical student, Lance was not very interested in things with strong emotions since he was a child, but his elder brother, who is a great writer, loves words with strong aesthetics.

Lance's half-brother is a handsome half-breed, with the determination and forbearance inherited from his father, and the enthusiasm from his mother's American blood.Yes, Lance is an illegitimate child.

His father studied in the United States and became a well-known dentist. He successfully immigrated and obtained citizenship. He is a successful generation who has realized the so-called "American Dream".But like many successful people who have had their fair share of hardships, they didn't handle family issues well.His American wife gave birth to a beautiful mixed-race baby named Ethan, but not long after the baby was born, the American wife became grumpy and resented that his Chinese husband was busy working all day and could not help her share the responsibility of taking care of the child. .

Gradually, she started squandering money and becoming an alcoholic, often maxing out her husband's credit card to buy expensive spirits.Finally, on a certain cold winter night, she died on the bed of another bartender who was acquainted with the bar and who was unknown and fooled around with her.Lance's father was very sad, and he began to doubt himself, wondering what he had been fighting for all these years?Why in the end, even my own wife couldn't understand me and left me.

Finally, on a depressing night, he had sex with his female colleague who was also Chinese.That female colleague, Lance's biological mother, is a married woman whose husband travels abroad all the year round.Their dry wood and fire created the birth of Lance, but they did not bring the little baby the warmth it deserved from a mother.

After giving birth to Lance and handing it over to his father, Lance's biological mother quickly resigned and immigrated abroad with her husband, and there has been no news since then.So in Lance's memory, there was nothing about that woman.Fortunately, his elder brother loves him very much. Maybe it's because the two of them lost their mother's relationship since they were young. The elder brother has always raised Lance as his own younger brother from the same mother's womb.

The two boys are very good and don't need to worry about their father at all.The elder brother has become a well-known great writer, specializing in writing strong love novels, perhaps to make up for the mother's regret of not getting a happy love; while the younger brother is more like his father, smart, calm, calm, and has become a far-fetched writer. Dentists earn more than psychologists.

Recently, my brother who is far away in another state sent Lance a collection of poems by the South American poet Neruda called "Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair". Lance, who prefers philosophy books, will have the leisure to read a book of love poems in the afternoon today.

"When the gorgeous leaves fall, the veins of life can be clearly seen." Lansto rubbed his cheeks and looked at the dead wood outside the window. At this moment, winter is about to turn to spring, and it is the season for dead wood to also be in spring.

Tsk tsk, playing tricks.Lance was hurt in his heart.Besides, if a person wants to see the "line of life", at least he has to wait until he is 25 years old, and Lance, who is only [-] years old now, is probably still far from such a wise and mature age.

"On my barren land, you are the last rose."

It's so sad, what kind of desperate love is that.Lance sighed in his heart, I am afraid that it will be difficult for him to meet someone in his life who is willing to love him with all his heart.

"I'm going to do it to you, what spring does to the cherry tree."

Lance liked this line quite a bit.In other words, Lance has not had sex for a long time, and since he came to this hospital, he has been living in the suburbs far away from the downtown area.Walking out of this area is surrounded by forests, and there are no people in sight, let alone gay bars.Lance kind of misses when he was still in medical school, with a youthful body that could ignite passion everywhere on campus.Lance imagined that if there was someone here whom he wanted to send Valentine's Day chocolates, he would have to write the words of love on the little pink card that came with the chocolates - but unfortunately there was not.

So Lance lowered his head and continued to read. When he saw the following sentences, he felt that the world suddenly became quiet:

"Your silence is as bright as a lamp, like a ring.

You are like the night, with silence and stars.

Your silence is the silence of the stars, distant and bright. "

A face and a pair of eyes appeared in Lance's mind.It's a silent face, silent eyes, but the stars are shining in the eyes.That person is Qi Mo.

Are you crazy?Lance wanted to ask him seriously, but he knew there was no answer to that question.Even if Qi Mo said he wasn't, would Lance believe it?

If he was crazy, how in the world was he crazy?Every mental patient who becomes a lunatic will go through a lonely, painful, and hesitant journey in his heart.It was not until their hearts were overwhelmed that they finally decided to let their clear minds withdraw from their bodies, and let their scarred souls sleep and be covered with dust.Every patient's story is painful and heavy, but Lance always felt that the story of Qi Mo, who watched the Prometheus opera on a rainy night and buried his head in his arms, might be more painful.

You are like the night...your silence is the silence of the stars...

Qi Mo was as silent as his name, and could no longer tell Lance the pain he had experienced.