Xu Jun's life

On the second day of rain, I woke up at seven o'clock in the morning.

I was sleepy, but I couldn't fall asleep, and lying down was a torment.

Li Zhurong didn't get up early, I just opened my eyes when I heard him say, "Are you awake?"

He was wearing a nightgown with the front open, and he was white from neck to chest. His face was generally not good-looking in the first few minutes when he woke up in the morning-because the self-control had not been awakened together, so he would not put on a look of arrogance or arrogance. A calm expression, but a bit world-weary feeling, lazily squinting and frowning.

Shen Wanyi said a very bourgeois saying: If there is a person in this world who eats at the same table and sleeps on the same bed as you.You watch each other sleep, drool, snore, hiccup, and fart, and you are familiar with each other's swollen eyes and unkempt hair. You go on like this day after day, but you are still steadfast in being together, this is love.

The love she said is the kind that is born in sorrow and dies in peace.

However, between me and Li Zhurong, there are only endless worries.For the rare peace and happiness, one party must be forced to the point where there is no way out.

A visitor came this morning.

Or you can call it master.

When Li Xiu came, I was washing my face. My legs hurt and I couldn't stand upright. Li Zhurong handed me a wet towel.The water temperature is very hot, and it feels warm when applied to the face.

At this moment Yuan Hai knocked on the door and came in, standing at the door with lowered eyes.

Li Zhurong walked out.

"came back?"

"came back."

During lunch, I saw Li Xiu on the dining table.

In fact, he doesn't look like Li Zhurong, Li Zhurong's facial features are cold and gorgeous, but Li Xiu is that kind of European beauty.But when they sat together, they were carved out of the same mold.

Temperament is such a thing, it's really hard to say.

Lunch was very light, with steamed fish, chicken soup, and all kinds of vegetables.I ate a few balls, drank some soup, and prepared to put chopsticks.

Li Zhurong silently uncovered a cup of chicken soup and pushed it in front of me.The cooks of Li's family never tire of eating fine meat and fine meat. The chicken soup is served in a palm-sized purple clay pot, and the barley and medicinal materials inside are so crispy that even the bones of the chicken are melted.

"Drink it."

"I don't want to eat it."

"Drink." Li Zhurong stared straight into my eyes, pursed her thin lips, and she was definitely not happy.

I leaned on the table and stood up, getting up to leave.

He tugged at my arm and I fell back into the chair.

Neither of them spoke. He pressed my shoulder, took a spoon, and stuffed it in my hand.

"You said, you won't force me anymore." I questioned him with his previous words.

"That's something else." He explained to me seriously: "It's about eating. You have to drink this soup. Drink chicken soup at noon and mutton soup at night. You also have to eat walnuts."

"Who told you?" I felt a headache when I heard these things.

Actually I know who said it.

It's just that he will never tell me, so it's best to use this to change the subject.

"I'll give you 3 minutes to drink the soup." He withdrew his hand, crossed his fingers, propped his chin, half-closed his slender eyes, and looked at me with warning.

"Give me three hours and I won't...um."

He let go of my lips, took a napkin, wiped the soup from the corner of my mouth gracefully, and then licked his own lips.Without looking back, he said, "Xiao An, go back to your room when you're full."

Li Xiu ran away quickly.

In the afternoon, the humidity was even heavier, and my legs hurt so much that I couldn’t even read a book. Li Zhurong had someone light up the fireplace, put me on the sofa in front of the fireplace, wrapped me in a blanket, and showed me a movie.

The last time I chatted with Meng Su, I said that the decline of books is the general trend. In the information age, most of the information is disseminated through multimedia.The picture and sound of activities are far more attractive than a single text.For example, I can't concentrate on reading a book now, but movies can divert my attention and make me feel less painful.

First, I watched domestic movies, and watched a so-called blockbuster.In fact, I have always been quite tolerant of movies.But this movie is too insulting to the audience, the plot is full of loopholes, and the logic is blunt, not to mention, the big scenes are painted, and the heroine is a popular movie star, even if I look at it from a gay perspective Astonishingly beautiful, her acting skills are just like that.I was depressed by watching this film, recalling Lin Youqi's analysis of the "film industry" back then, and asked Li Zhurong: "This heroine came out of unspoken rules!"

Li Zhurong looked at the documents on the side, lifted the silver-rimmed glasses on the bridge of his nose, and gave a calm "hmm" as if looking at the screen.

"What does 'um' mean?"

"She was indeed taken care of." Li Zhurong turned her head and looked at me: "What kind of eyes do you have?"

"..."

"I didn't keep her!" He frowned angrily like a cat: "What's going on in your mind?"

"I didn't think about it..." I swept across his face: "When did you start wearing glasses?"

"I'm not nearsighted."

"Then what glasses do you wear?"

He raised his eyes in displeasure, and pushed up his glasses, revealing those beautifully shaped phoenix eyes.

His eyes are red, like someone who hasn't slept for a long time.

I think Shen Wanyi's words are wrong. Some people, even if they live with you all their lives, will not let you see him in a mess.

"Have you not slept in a few days?"

"It's only two days."

"Can't sleep?"

Unaccustomed to it, he adjusted the glasses on his nose, put the document away, and changed the subject openly: "Is it because the teacher is upset because he doesn't want to see Xiaoan?"

"Who is Xiao An?"

"my son."

"Just remember."

I turned off the movie and reached for the book.Li Zhurong reached out and pressed my hand.

"Teacher, I want to talk to you..."

"There's no need to talk about it." I calmly said to him, "Your son is already born, and there is only one result for you to talk to me about, which is to let me accept this fact."

"Teacher, are you going to refuse to accept it for the rest of your life?" He approached me and asked.

"I've already eaten a fly, and you still want me to say that the fly is delicious?!" My voice almost lost control.

Until this moment, I didn't know that I had suppressed so much anger in my heart.

Through the cold lens, his eyes looked at me quietly.I can't figure out his expression, but it will never be ashamed.

There is a fire burning in my heart.

I stand in the fire of hell, why do you stand on the shore?

Since it is impossible to see shame on this face in a lifetime, at least one should also see pain.Only in this way will I not feel that the past ten years are just a joke.

After a brief silence, I looked at the blanket on my lap and laughed at myself: "Besides, my life is not long."

In the afternoon, Li Xiu drove out in a small car and brought Lu Jiaming over.

The white and tender Xiaotuanzi who was raised by Xia Chen wore a fluffy sweater, trotted over, hugged my leg and raised his face and asked: "Xu Xu, are you sick?"

Children have the weakest resistance. I am a patient. Seeing that he is going to crawl on me, I quickly called Li Zhurong: "Hurry up and take him away."

With a sullen face, Li Zhurong grabbed Lu Jiaming's collar and lifted him up like a rabbit.

"Don't mention the collar, it will strangle your neck!"

I really doubt how Li Xiu survived.

Li Zhurong landed on Lu Jiaming with his arm, and put it on the carpet in the corner of the living room, which was Li Xiu's place, and there were some complicated-looking toys.There are even replica guns that need to be assembled.

Lu Jiaming probably thought it was Li Zhurong who wouldn't let him approach me, and when Li Zhurong went to the study to get something, he ran over on his short legs and threw himself on my lap: "Xu Xu, I'll play with you..."

A child is really a miraculous existence, so weak and ignorant, but he looks at you with such trust, it makes your heart soften, as if you have to do something to be worthy of such trust.

"I can't play with my baby today." I taught him patiently: "I'm sick and will infect the baby. Did brother tell you not to come to play with me?"

The baby hugged a plush rabbit with long arms and legs, and looked at me blankly.

"What is contagion?"

"It will make you sick and die!" Li Xiu dragged Lu Jiaming impatiently, and led him to his pile of toys, teaching him a lesson as he walked.

Very warm scene.

Watching these two children play together, sometimes I think, if I could go to Beijing earlier and meet Li Zhurong earlier, would the result be different?

But people must be content after all.

It is a great fortune to meet you.No matter how embarrassing or hard it is, it is the path I chose, no matter how domineering and arrogant he is, he is also the person I like.He was wrong, but not responsible.If I could put my whole heart on physics like Lin Sen, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Although I am useless, I will not shirk responsibility.As a man, no one is responsible for your happiness, and no one is responsible for your unhappiness.You can only blame yourself for not being able to protect your family and friends.

In this world, there are not so many stories of happiness and happiness, good health, good luck, family reunion, and wealth.These are words of congratulations.In real life, there are always such and such unsatisfactory.I am not someone who can turn the tide. Some things have been twisted and twisted for more than ten years without any results.There is not much time left, and I can only think about it myself.

I don't have time.

I can't spend my life with him.The years ahead are so long, we always thought that we could take our time and have time for cold war, vindictiveness, self-abuse, intrigue...

But I don't have time.

I always thought that I had to restore my dignity and hear his apology so that I could sit down and talk with him calmly, and then live a peaceful and warm life.

But time is running out.

I just want to enjoy the peace and warmth in front of me, and forget that I have been stuck in my throat and my back all these years.This world is too cold and hard, I am very tired, I just want to talk to this man named Li Zhurong when it is not hurting, bask in the sun, watch him approve documents with squinted eyes, and see how he treats you when he raises his head. My smile.

As for those, I waited for more than ten years for an apology, and I waited for more than ten years for an explanation. After I left, I let him explain it to himself.