Xu Jun's life

According to the custom at home, there is a banquet on the birthday of the whole year.

My dad doesn't like to be lively, so he won't hold a big birthday party. It should be to invite a table or two of relatives and friends who usually communicate frequently, and then my mother will cook a meal by herself, and everyone will leave after a lively meal.

My house is small, with three bedrooms and two living rooms with a kitchen and bathroom. My dad usually uses the living room as a study room and the study room as a storage room. There are always piles of books in the living room, and my mother refuses to tidy them up, saying that my mother will mess him up. book of.

My bedroom, although I have not lived at home for a long time, even if there is no place to put the things at home, my mother will never pile up the sundries in my bedroom.

I know, they actually want me to go back and live.

It's not impossible to go back to N City, my law studies are not bad, and I can find a place to teach when I go back.But I don't want to go back.

My dad has been proud all his life, he is the most old-fashioned literati, he never bends his back.Colleagues spread rumors behind their backs that he accepted gifts from students, and he was able to confront them face to face, forcing others to apologize publicly.

His only blemish is probably me.

Once, I went to the bookstore with him. At that time, I had just been expelled from school. My mother asked him to take me out for a walk. I looked at the pavilion on the mountain behind the school, but after wandering around for a long time I couldn't find the way.After racking my brains, I finally decided to take me to the bookstore.

In the bookstore, across a bookshelf, his colleague clearly saw me and him, and deliberately announced loudly: "I heard that the son of Professor Xu's family is gay."

He was taking a physics book from the shelf at that time, and when he heard this, he froze.

I will always remember the look on his face at that time.

He seemed to have aged ten years in an instant.

When I went upstairs, Li Zhurong suddenly stopped me.

I walked in front, and he was waiting for Yuan Hai and the others to prepare the presents. Then, holding a bunch of paper bags in one hand, he dismissed Yuan Hai and the others in a chic manner, and followed me with his "gift".

My house is on the third floor.I live on the left hand side, and the Spring Festival couplets pasted on the door are written by my father himself. He writes well, and the thin Song style is a bit too bleak to write Spring Festival couplets.

The two people I owe the most in my life are behind this door right now.

I glanced at the door of my house and continued up.

This residential building has five floors, and when he walked up to the stairs above the last fourth floor, he probably thought that the fifth floor was my home, so he called me: "Teacher!"

"what happened?"

Standing in the dark corridor, he looks like a handsome vampire, wearing a handmade Italian suit, with his hair tied behind his ears, showing a beautiful face unique to mixed-race people. With a smile in his eyes, Dan Feng raised his chin towards me: "Teacher, my hair is messed up."

A strand of hair hung down the left side of his cheek.

I walked back quietly and pinned the lock of hair back behind his ear for him.

The moment I reached out to fix his hair, he pecked me on the cheek with lightning speed.

"Teacher, why don't you smile!" He asked me triumphantly, his demeanor was very similar to the domineering boy ten years ago, who would act like a baby when he was happy.

I ignored him.

"Wait here." I asked him to stop on the stairs a little below the fifth floor: "I'll knock on the door first."

He frowned, showing displeasure.But I know he is pretending. When there is emotion on his face, he is rarely unable to contain it for a while. Most of the time, it attracts my attention.

I ignored him and walked towards the fifth floor by myself.

After 10 minutes, he walked onto the rooftop of the building.

"Hi, Xiao Zhe." I sat on the fence and greeted him leisurely.

He was still carrying those ridiculous "presents" with a very gloomy expression on his face.The door to the roof was very short, and he stood there, looking even taller.

But what's the use of being tall?There was at least 15 meters from the door to the fence I was sitting on, enough time for me to roll over and jump down before he came running.He is not Liu Xiang.

Today is March [-]th, many, many months have passed since he met me again in City C, and more than ten years have passed since we met for the first time.

It's so strange that when this time comes, people don't feel sad anymore, but feel a kind of numb satisfaction.

"Xu Xu, what do you want to do?" The expression on his face was scary enough.

"Nothing." I propped my hands on the railing, looking around boredly from time to time: "I just think we need to have a good chat."

"Are you crazy! Come here to chat!" He said with an angry look on his face, "Come here first, come to me, don't make me angry."

I turned my face away and glanced at the scenery below.I chose a good location, no trees below, all concrete ground.The last time I saw a medical report from Lin Youqi, it said that the probability of death was about 12 meters and jumping on the hard ground.

"Xiao Zhe, how long has it been since we talked properly?" I asked him calmly.

He had thrown all the presents on the floor and loosened his tie in frustration. I guess he would really like to beat me up now, but he couldn't.

"I've been talking to you nicely." He finished speaking stiffly, pursing his lips.

"I'm deceiving people again." I told him, "Xiao Zhe, the prerequisite for two people to communicate is equality. Even if they are not equal, they have to have leverage with each other. But, these days, you threaten me with my friend, take My parents threatened me. I backed down step by step. I couldn't figure out why I lost so badly. Could it be because you didn't have anything that I could threaten? I thought for a long time, and finally thought of something that could threaten you... ...and that is my own life."

He gritted his teeth.

"Whatever you want, just say it, and I can give it to you." He said viciously, "You come back first."

"Negotiations are not like this." I told him patiently: "You can't give a general concept, you have to give me a benefit that I can see. For example, you can say, we will not go to your house today. We will go back Go to Beijing. This is sincerity."

He didn't hear a word.

When I saw his expression, I knew he didn't listen to a word.

"You come back. I'll talk to you when I come back." He was already a little irritable: "You can't dance, think about your parents, they are downstairs, do you want them to see your dead body?"

"That's up to you." I said lightly, "Whether I'm going to be cremated or buried, what coffin to use, where to bury, it's all up to you!"

"Shut up!" He inserted his hands into his hair and yelled at me: "Shut up! You coward! If you dare to jump down, I'll kill your parents! I will do what I say!"

"You won't." I flinched in the cold wind on the rooftop: "When I die, you will think: whose fault is it? Why does Xu Xu not want to live anymore? Then you start to remember, you You will find out that it was you who made me not want to live anymore... Then, you might regret it a little bit, who knows..."

"Shut up!" He interrupted me viciously: "What do you know! You are afraid of everything! You care about everything! What do you care about? Those people won't die without you!"

"What about you, will I die without you!"

He didn't answer, but squatted down.

"Why didn't you come to me?" I glanced at the gray sky, and suddenly laughed: "Yesterday, Luo Qin told me that your son was born to you and an American woman. I only found out about her yesterday." name……"

Now, he would definitely want to kill Luo Qin.

However, I am very grateful to Luo Qin.

The question I have been avoiding, the child I have avoided talking about, the child’s mother, and the ten years that Li Zhurong was not with me but did not come to look for me, all because of Luo Qin’s words. explain.

He said, "Xu Xu, you overestimate yourself. What Li Zhurong needs is a family member."

"Is that so, Xiao Zhe?" I tilted my head and asked him, "You only want someone who is close to you, whether it's a man or a woman, it's best to be your child, as long as he treats you sincerely and treats you well. Get close. You don't need me anymore?"

He squatted on the ground, and his 1.9-meter figure did not look rickety when squatting. He seemed to be shaking.

I have always suspected that he has some kind of mental illness, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or psychological violence, but most of the time, he is so normal, like an overly cold normal person.

I think I might be disappointed.

It doesn't matter, I've been disappointed many times anyway.

That year in the principal's office of R University, I was so disappointed, but later, it was fine.In the past ten years, I have been disappointed, but I am living well.

Meeting him again is just another disappointment, no big deal.

"You don't understand anything..." His voice was hoarse, as if he was suppressing too much, he almost murmured: "You don't understand anything! Anybody can kill you, You don't understand anything..."

"If you don't tell me, how can I understand..." I closed my eyes, trying to suppress some hot liquid: "You don't tell me anything, how do you want me to understand?"

"I can't say it!" He squatted on the ground, like a big abandoned dog.Looking up at me, his eyes confused me, there was so much in there.

My heart throbbed violently.

"Forget it", a voice in my heart said: let him go, and you also let go.

I used to like this person until midnight and couldn't sleep. How could I let him be sad?

But why is he willing to let me feel sad?

When did we get to this point?

"Apologize to me, Xiao Zhe." I wiped my eyes fiercely, and turned my face away: "Say sorry, and then go back..."

He stood up, he seemed to realize something, his expression was a little flustered, I guess he would apologize, but he didn't.

He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end I only heard a few indistinct words.

"I……"

"what?"

"Get the fuck out of that damn place!" He yelled angrily, "I just said I love you!"

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Once, when Zheng Yehu fought with Lin Wei, Xia Zhifei laughed at him and said, "A matter that can be solved by saying I love you, it's so ugly."

So, I envy Lu Feixia.