dear pinocchio

Qiao Yi was very nervous. This was the first time he had a conversation with a psychiatrist, and the fee was so expensive. Although Pei Mingfeng paid for it, it was precisely because Pei Mingfeng paid for it that Qiao Yi couldn't help worrying whether the doctor would He has already colluded with Pei Mingfeng.

Qiao Yi wanted to accompany Pei Mingfeng to treat his illness well, but Pei Mingfeng was completely bankrupt in his heart. He wanted to trust Pei Mingfeng rationally, but he couldn't help but suspect that it was probably the so-called fear of being bitten by a snake for ten years. Well rope.

After Qiao Yi came in, he closed the door and sat down on the sofa.

The female doctor was still writing something in the notebook with her head bowed. She raised her head and smiled at him. She had a very friendly face: "Are you nervous? You are wary of me, as if I am your enemy. I May I know why? Otherwise our dialogue would not be possible."

Qiao Yi let go of his tightly pursed lips, thought for a while, and said directly: "I'm worried that you have been bribed by Pei Mingfeng to help him conceal his illness."

The female doctor smiled again: "No, I accepted his treatment fee, but I will not hide his illness for him. Whether his condition improves is not up to me, but to you. Mr. Qiao. Now it is up to me Let me introduce, my surname is Dai, you can call me Doctor Dai."

Dr. Dai's words gave people a feeling of spring breeze, her words made people feel very comfortable, and soon made Qiao Yi relax, chatting with her as if he were with a friend, Qiao Yi poured out his troubles.

Dr. Dai listened quietly, not disturbing him much, but guiding him to reveal many inner thoughts.

Qiao Yi asked for help: "...Dr. Dai, how can I help him? If he is still like this, then I have no way to get along with him. I love him, and I can't just give up like this He. However, the country is easy to change and the nature is hard to change. Is his personality already fixed? Can I really change him? What can I do?"

Dr. Dai said: "Well... how about it, Mr. Qiao. I have read your statement and Mr. Pei's statement. From the test I gave Mr. Pei, you can take a look."

She took out a report card. To be honest, Qiao Yi couldn't understand what was written on it.

Dr. Dai said: "Mr. Pei's character has extremely high offensive and defensive values. I rarely see such cases. Most people should be balanced, or if one side is high, the other side will be low. He His moral sense and sense of fear are very weak, which is why he has no guilt after doing some more... extreme things. He despises social rules, and in his heart, he has his own set of worldviews and rules. It stands to reason Saying he won't apologize to others, but he can apologize to you."

"His character is naturally not formed in a day or two, but we usually think that a person's three views are initially established during the transition period from childhood to adolescence. As you said, he was studying alone in China at that time. With your company, people often yearn for what they lack, so Mr. Pei, who is sensitive and introverted, will have feelings for you, who is extroverted and simple-minded. This is also the reason why there is still some softness in his character. "

Qiao Yi: "Is there any help for him?"

Dr. Dai continued: "Then, he experienced some things abroad, which further deteriorated his offensive personality. When he felt insecure, he would subconsciously use aggressive methods, just as he would involuntarily lie. "

Qiao Yi was a little angry: "He lied? I told him not to lie anymore, why would he lie when he sees a psychiatrist?"

Dr. Dai was noncommittal: "Let's put it this way, most people lie for a purpose, and they feel guilty when they lie. He is different. He also lies when he is not aware of it. It is probably a habit. After lying, he will have a sense of pleasure, which comes from controlling others, but maybe he hasn't thought about why. This is his way of life."

Qiao Yi was really worried: "If you say that...can he change it?"

Doctor Dai smiled and said: "Even if you are talking to me alone here, I guess he is sitting on the side. At this moment, he must be anxious. The reason why he controls you so much is that only you He is alone, I think, his idea should be that you are the only one in his emotional world, and then it is fair according to the rules he made, and he hopes that you are the only one in your world."

"There are many contradictory factors in him. For example, his attitude towards you is actually extremely protective, but he is cheating and hurting you. He doesn't think it is a wrong behavior, but he knows that you can't Accept it, so I hide it from you again."

Qiao Yi: "..."

Dr. Dai: "My suggestion is to accompany him to participate in some group activities for the purpose of making friends and let him get to know more people. For the time being, you have to pay more attention to him, so that he knows clearly that he is important to you. It is very important, it can reduce his anxiety and uneasiness, and calm him temporarily. But first of all, try to accept him first, don't mind his lying too much, let him be willing to talk to you first, to understand his In the past, let him take the initiative to confide in you and have a full psychological exchange. You should not be as careless as before."

Qiao Yi always felt that Dr. Dai seemed to be pitying him. Dr. Dai said: "You have to be mentally prepared, have great patience, and carefully observe his changes. For now, wait until the next treatment. "

Qiao Yi became more serious as he listened. After Dr. Xie walked out of the room, he was still immersed in the conversation just now, thinking about what to do.

As soon as he walked out of the door, Pei Mingfeng immediately greeted him, with an anxious expression on his face but hesitant to speak: "Brother..."

He looked like he wanted to ask but didn't dare to ask.

Qiao Yi glanced at him and held his hand: "Go, go back and talk to you."

Pei Mingfeng has been rejected by Qiao Yi for the past few months. Even after Qiao Yi expressed his willingness to reconcile with him, he was afraid of him like a scourge. Unexpectedly, it was the first time he went to see a psychiatrist, and he was willing to take the initiative. His hand, Pei Mingfeng was a little flattered.

After sending Qiao Yi to the gate of the community, Pei Mingfeng didn't expect to stay, so he pestered Qiao Yi downstairs.

Qiao Yi took the initiative to say, "Come in and have a seat."

Pei Mingfeng was stunned, his heart beat wildly, he was so happy, what did the doctor say?Qiao Yi is willing to accept him?I knew I would have done this earlier.

After walking into this small rented house after a long time, Pei Mingfeng also felt a little nostalgic.

Even though this is the most cramped and poor place he has ever lived in in his life, it carries many memories of their love. He originally wanted to buy this place when he got married, but he never did it. If he had done it then, he would have become Qiao Yi The landlord, maybe Qiao Yi didn't know it at all when he broke up with him.Without him now, Qiao Yi also managed this small shelter in perfect order.

Qiao Yi made him a cup of tea.

Pei Mingfeng looked at this strange cup with a dazed expression: "New cup?"

Qiao Yi gave a "hmm" and said, "Didn't the old ones stay with you, didn't you bring them here? They were all newly bought."

Qiao Yi looked at him seriously, and after much deliberation, he couldn't think of any tactful way. He felt that he should do it as directly as he did. He handed both hands to Pei Mingfeng, palms up.Pei Mingfeng didn't know why, but he probably understood that Qiao Yi wanted to shake hands, so he obediently stretched out his hand and held Qiao Yi's hand.

They held hands, and Qiao Yi looked straight at him, frowning slightly: "Xiaofeng, I'm talking to you seriously now, the doctor said we should be honest with each other. I told you everything, but you have I don't know a lot of things yet. I don't think this is a way to maintain a long-term relationship. I want to know you. I want to know everything about you. You know I never ask you these things. I wanted to One day you will be willing to tell me yourself. But now it seems that with your personality, you won’t tell me if I don’t ask you. This is the first step. I hope you can tell me in detail I."

Pei Mingfeng fell silent, and his breathing became heavy. After a while, he said, "You will be afraid of me after you hear this."

Qiao Yi said, "I won't."

Qiao Yi's gaze did not evade, and he said sincerely and seriously: "What I'm afraid of is that I don't know what kind of person you are, the unknown is the most terrifying."

Pei Mingfeng held his hand instead, kissed it lightly, and asked helplessly, "What do you want to know? Where do you want to start?"

Qiao Yi thought for a while and said, "Let's start with your birth, your mother, your father, your growth experience from childhood to adulthood..."

Pei Mingfeng said: "That's a long story, I don't think I can finish it in one night."

Qiao Yi: "If you can't finish talking, just keep talking slowly. Let's talk about your childhood first."

Pei Mingfeng pondered for a while, and said softly: "My family probably spent more than a hundred years traveling across the ocean. It is said that my great-grandfather used to do black business in China. At that time, there was a war in the country and the situation was chaotic. The family is small, settled abroad, occupied a wharf, and then slowly started to do serious business, the business grew bigger and bigger, and was still relatively low-key. My father is the second son of that generation. According to the usual practice, his elder brother also He is my uncle who inherited the family business."

"But my father is proud by nature. He thought he was better than his elder brother. He left with some of his assets and married my mother. My mother's natal family was a family that fled overseas. There were civil servants in my ancestors, but in my mother's generation, The population is withered, her brothers and sisters were all killed in the war, only her little daughter is left, and my grandfather dotes on her very much. Although she has studied, she has a weak personality and only knows about husband and child. She is like She was a child who was pregnant and didn't know it. She was coveted and stupid. Then my mother met my father. She thought she had met true love. Even though my grandfather didn't agree with their marriage at first, he didn't hold back my mother in the end. She secretly registered her marriage with my father and conceived a child, so my grandfather had no choice but to agree to it."

"It was several years after my grandfather died that my mother found out that before her, my father had several women and had several illegitimate children. When my grandfather was still alive, he promoted him while suppressing him, etc. When my grandfather passed away, his women and children outside were brought back by him."

"I'm not my dad's first son. He already has two sons, the oldest one is seven years older than me."

"He himself was raised by his mother, not his wife's child. He thought he was better than his brother, so he didn't think I would be better than those illegitimate children. He tacitly agreed to let us compete with each other. Whoever wins is worthy of being His son. As for girls, he doesn't care at all."

A slight look of contempt flashed in Pei Mingfeng's eyes, and he said proudly: "I was young at the time, but I was already smarter than my brothers in reading. But he still doesn't like me very much, perhaps because as long as I When he sees my mother and me, he will think of what he did to please my grandpa, or maybe I look like my grandpa."

"My mother is a fool. She only knows how to make me study hard and please that man. She doesn't know how to fight back when I'm bullied. She doesn't know anything except to cry secretly at night. She was obviously bullied by those women. She got on her head, and she still told me that she thought they were pitiful, and she still held on to the nobleness of the ladies, and she didn't bother to fight for favor, nor did she bother to use dirty tricks, and she was bullied to death in the end... Me and her Not the same, I know I can't be like her."

"Later we were almost kicked out of the house. I couldn't even study, and I was afraid that something would happen to me. She had no choice but to ask someone to send me back to China. City Z is actually my grandfather's hometown. There are still a few old friends who can If you give me some convenience, my brother’s forces won’t be able to go there. It was so depressing at the time, so I had to be allowed to study in the country school there, and my mother heard that it had a good reputation there. At first, I was very unhappy and very angry.”

Having said that, Pei Mingfeng smiled, his eyes softened slightly: "Then I met you there."

Qiao Yi was really speechless when he heard this, the corners of his eyes twitched, and he complained from the bottom of his heart, Nima's country school... Isn't that a noble high school?One year's tuition and living expenses are at least [-] yuan. His family was very reluctant. At that time, he felt very honored to be able to study in it. The classmates around him were all the second generation of young rich.So it was the most desperate time for Pei Mingfeng? ?

Pei Mingfeng recalled their teenage years, during the most carefree two years, he didn't realize that his tone became much gentler and calmer.

But Qiao Yi could tell, the doctor asked him to pay attention.

Qiao Yi asked: "So when you first started school, you had such a bad temper, and your face was black all day long, and no one paid attention to you? Did you think that everyone was not worthy to talk to your young master? No wonder you were bullied."

Pei Mingfeng felt embarrassed: "I was in a bad mood at the time. If it weren't for that, you wouldn't have come to talk to me."

Qiao Yi thought about it, the boys in the class at that time really bullied Pei Mingfeng because he was out of gregarious and lofty, and privately scolded Pei Mingfeng for thinking that he was good at studying and looked down on others, obviously he was just a four-eyed frog nerd.

"You are my first love, and the only person I have ever liked in my life. I don't think I will have that kind of time again in my life, so I will never fall in love with others again." Pei Mingfeng said tenderly.

Qiao Yi's ears were hot: "I know, I know."

Pei Mingfeng couldn't stop talking. He recalled a lot of things they did together when they were young, and there were many small details that Qiao Yi himself had forgotten. Pei Mingfeng still remembered it clearly. When he talked about it, it seemed that it happened yesterday. Usually, his eyes will light up: "Actually, I can't tell when I started to like you. I didn't realize that I like men before. Maybe if you were a girl, I would fall in love with you too. Except My mother, no one has ever treated me so well without asking for anything in return."

Qiao Yi thought to himself, when he was young, he was just playing around. He didn't want to coax Pei Mingfeng to like him, but he provoked him without knowing it. The root cause was that he was too nosy in junior high and high school, and he couldn't get used to seeing poor children being raped. Bully.If he hadn't protected Pei Mingfeng back then, none of the following things would have happened, but if he hadn't, he felt that if he erased his memory and went back to high school to start over again, he would still stand up when he saw Pei Mingfeng being bullied again. Yes, that's his temper.

Pei Mingfeng: "I was also ignorant at first, my mother never taught me this...Brother, do you remember that in the summer of your freshman year in high school, you secretly brought a third-grade movie to my place and asked me to watch it with you?" ?”

Qiao Yi's heart skipped a beat, it was over, he seemed to remember such a thing.

Pei Mingfeng said: "After you went back that day, I was a little excited. I didn't sleep well all night, and the dreams I had were all about you. That was my first time. Later, I dreamed more and more times."

Qiao Yi: "..."

Pei Mingfeng said sweetly and distressed: "But you are so stupid, you didn't find anything, and you still came to sleep with me. You sleep so poorly, I can't bear to touch you, you will still yourself in the middle of the night Hug me up... I only dared to secretly kiss you and touch you twice, but you didn't even notice. If I didn't know you were stupid, I would have suspected that you seduced me on purpose. At that time, I was still thinking I wonder if you were sent by my little mothers to deliberately distort my sexual orientation. But once I meet you, I have no resistance at all. "

Qiao Yi was shocked: "Huh??"

Qiao Yi was so ashamed that his face flushed: "Okay, okay, forget it, don't make this paragraph so clear. It's almost enough. I probably know everything about high school. Skip here and talk about it later. Why did you return to China in your third year of high school, and why did you not contact me for such a long time after returning to China?"

Qiao Yi still felt a little guilty when he talked about this: "Although, although I was too much in the freshman year. But according to your temper, will you keep not contacting me just because of a word from me?"

Pei Mingfeng seemed to suddenly think of something.

Qiao Yi took his hand: "What's wrong?"

Pei Mingfeng said: "Brother, it's past eleven o'clock. It's far away from my home, and it would take three or four 10 minutes by car. I have to fly tomorrow morning to attend a meeting abroad."

Only then did Qiao Yi realize that it was so late, and they had been talking for hours!

Now Qiao Yi was in a dilemma, he really wanted to go all out and continue talking with Pei Mingfeng, but time did not allow it, if he didn't finish talking, he might not be able to sleep all night thinking about it.

Pei Mingfeng looked at Qiao Yi expectantly, waiting for Qiao Yi to ask him to keep him.

The feeling of being controlled came back again, Qiao Yi frowned and said: "Don't be like this, Xiaofeng, if you want to stay with me, just say so, don't cover up and trick me. I don't like this."

Pei Mingfeng was punctured by him, and touched his nose embarrassingly: "Aren't I afraid that you won't agree?"

Qiao Yi: "Be good... I'll share half of the bed with you. But don't you dislike this kind of small place? It's so crowded and dilapidated here, young master, you can't get used to sleeping in it. You will move out as soon as you find an opportunity. He went back and coaxed me to live with him."

Pei Mingfeng knew that he couldn't make up lies with Qiao Yi, so he said honestly: "I don't like this house, it's too simple. But compared to it, I still prefer to sleep with you, and the others are in the back."

It's getting late.

Qiao Yi found out the spare toothbrush that came with buying toothpaste, and gave one to Pei Mingfeng, the two of them washed up, and were going to talk slowly after lying down under the quilt.

Pei Mingfeng was a little unhappy when he saw that he had changed back to brushing his teeth carelessly, and then wiped his face casually with clean water on a towel: "Brother, why don't you use any skin care products anymore, your skin has become rough. "

Qiao Yi hummed and said angrily: "What's the matter? You dislike me? What's wrong with the rough skin? I'm a rough old man, you don't like to be dragged down."

Pei Mingfeng: "I didn't dislike you..."

It's tiring to go back and forth today.

Sleeping in the quilt with the air conditioner turned on in summer is really comfortable. Qiao Yi felt drowsy not long after he got in, but he was thinking about the things he hadn't finished asking before, so he asked Pei Mingfeng: "You haven't finished talking yet. Why on earth are you Haven't contacted me for several years."

Pei Mingfeng played hooligans when he came up, and his upper body was bare: "Here, feel it."

Qiao Yi: "Touch what?"

Pei Mingfeng: "Touch and look at the scars on my body. As I told you before, I was shot. At that time, my mother was killed by them. My young mothers and brothers, although stupid, each They are all ruthless characters, but if they couldn't help them, my dad wouldn't think of finding me back. I escaped from death several times, and was almost kidnapped once... It's too dangerous, I'm afraid of them Discovering the connection between you and me will accidentally implicate you, so I have no choice but to hold back and not approach you."

"The year before last, I had settled everything. My father was sick and couldn't be a member of the board. After I took power, I secured my seat, and I can finally come back to China to find you."

The feeling of being cheated vaguely reappeared. Qiao Yi felt that Pei Mingfeng was absolutely incapable of telling the truth, and asked, "What's wrong with your dad? He's so bad, if he recovers, will he come over?" Looking for you?"

Pei Mingfeng said: "No, he suffered a stroke and was paralyzed. He can't be cured."

Qiao Yi: "..."

Pei Mingfeng realized that he seemed too numb and cold-blooded when he said this about his own father, and added: "I found more than a dozen nurses for him to take care of him, and I didn't abuse him."

Qiao Yi was silent for a while, then asked again: "What about your brothers?"

Pei Mingfeng didn't speak.

Qiao Yi said, "You tell me the truth."

After a long time, Pei Mingfeng hesitated, and said slowly: "...One is insane and is in a mental hospital; the other is in prison and has been sentenced to 30 years and is still serving his sentence; Mom, it’s about the same. The girls didn’t help deal with me, so I gave them enough money to let them go. They don’t want to stay in this house anyway.”

Qiao Yi: "..."

Seeing that Qiao Yi hadn't spoken for a while, Pei Mingfeng asked nervously, "Are you still scared? I thought you would be scared."

Pei Mingfeng said depressedly: "Brother, don't be afraid of me. Even if I die myself, I won't hurt you."

Qiao Yi shook his head: "I just feel... It's like listening to the heavenly scriptures. It doesn't seem like it would happen in the world I live in. I have no right to criticize you. If you don't do that, you will be the one who is going crazy... It can only be said that they will be rewarded for their evil."

Qiao Yi was so frightened that he couldn't fall asleep for a while. After thinking about it for a long time, he hesitated and said, "Xiaofeng, don't you think that you and your father are a bit similar?"

Pei Mingfeng said dissatisfiedly: "No way! I don't look like that old bastard anymore?... Besides, you haven't seen him before."

Qiao Yi grabbed his arm and hugged him: "You are also like your mother. Today, Dr. Dai said that there is still a soft spot in your character. He suspected it was because of me. I think it is because of your mother. I I still remember your mother, who was so beautiful and spoke softly."

Pei Mingfeng hugged him back, and said in a muffled voice: "No, I'm not like her either. She's so weak and can't protect anything. I'm different. I can protect you. I'm not as bad-sighted as her. I like a A man with a beastly face."

But his tone when he mentioned his mother was still different from that of his father.

Qiao Yi said: "It's just this kind of energy to fall in love with someone, even if the other party doesn't like you, you won't turn back even if the other party doesn't like you. Aren't you and mother exactly the same? I'm not that good. I don't have anything. Yes, but I can’t help you. If something happens to you, you may have to hold you back. Xiaofeng, I think, do you really like me? Or do you just like me when you were a teenager in your memory? Me and There were great changes ten years ago. I was not as sunny and cheerful as I was then."

Pei Mingfeng hugged him tightly: "I know, I know you are different from ten years ago."

Pei Mingfeng asked softly, "Brother, do you want to listen to the truth?"

Qiao Yi: "Well, tell the truth. I'm listening."

Pei Mingfeng hesitated for a moment, and said: "At that time, when we just arrived at my house from the hospital, I found out that you were fat, your waist was not as thin as it was when you were seventeen or eighteen, and you still had a little belly, and your skin was not so thin. Well, there is still a pimple on my face..."

Qiao Yi's head is full of black lines, this mother is still picky, the more she talks, the more she goes too far!Qiao Yi stretched out his hand and pushed him: "Damn! If you don't like this, why are you hugging me? Don't I have a thick waist?"

Pei Mingfeng refused to let go: "Didn't you tell me to say it? It's okay to be rough, I like it."

Pei Mingfeng said, "I like whatever you look like."