run to him

"Xiao Ye, Xiao Ye?" Grandma's voice came from behind the door, "We are sleeping, you should go to bed early and don't stay up late."

Jing Ye turned over, muffled in the pillow, and agreed, "Okay... good night, grandma."

Lifting the quilt a little, Jing Ye saw the shopping bag he casually threw on the desk, all the miscellaneous puffed food, cola, and mints were all bought by him, and Lin Chan only took away a bag of grilled fish fillets in the end.

Many pictures in his mind came one after another, disturbing Jing Ye in a mess, as if what happened an hour ago was totally unbearable.

After getting off the elevator at the Sha District light rail station, he and Lin Chan walked for a while before they separated. They talked, but they were all wrong, and it was inappropriate to say anything.

At first, Jing Ye tried to redeem him, but he pretended to be stupid: "What?"

If Lin Chan also responded to their tacit understanding at this time, saying that he didn't speak just now, Jing Ye would definitely forget the words that made his heart almost be thrown into the sky.

But Lin Chan said: "So what? Are you going to persuade me to take it back, and then we can continue as brothers?"

"...Can't you?" Jing Ye almost broke his can.

He knew in his heart how shameless this statement was, but as long as Lin Chan could not be so decisive.

He couldn't do "Don't bother Lin Chan". For so many years, even if he misunderstood that Lin Chan was abroad, he couldn't help but show Lin Chan a picture of a small cockroach when he saw it.

Whether it's for sharing or for some unknown reason, Jing Ye thought, this is his habit.

Habits cannot be pulled out simply because of one or two sentences, otherwise what will the time and energy spent on it be?His inadvertently acquired habits connect his precious carefree years.

Facing Lin Chan's helpless gaze, Jing Ye subconsciously said, "It's like, we're just like before..."

Lin Chan sneered, this time it was not so innocent: "I said it all, I'm not kidding, understand? It's my fault to take advantage of your misunderstanding, I'm sorry. But now it's open, I don't need to Keep it hidden—you don't like me, so don't be so nice to me. Is it hard to understand?"

"But there is no contradiction between the two... I treat you well, and I treat you as my younger brother..."

"For me, this is a contradiction." Lin Chan said, tearing apart his self-righteous fuzzy boundaries fiercely, black and white, "If you like girls, don't provoke me."

The street lamps were dismantled into countless pieces by the light, and scattered on the wet asphalt road like golden rain.

During the conversation, he had reached the gate of Lin Chan's house.

"Let's go." Lin Chan said, took out a pack of some snacks from the shopping bag and stuffed it into the gap between the arms and the body, and looked back at him after taking two steps.

Jing Ye thinks now, it's a good thing Lin Chan didn't see him leave.

As early as the moment the light rail door opened, he had already planned to escape, and finally fell into Lin Chan's eyes, it must be very ugly.But he didn't care about that much anymore, those words shattered all his anxiety and mental preparations, whether he was forgiven or entangled, Jing Ye never thought that there would be other options.

Lin Chan finally said, "Let's stop here, shall we?"

Don't bother me, don't provoke me.

So far.

Lin Chan spared no room for every word tonight, and when he said this clearly, there was still a cute smile on the corner of his mouth, so that these were not rude offenses, but serious and reasonable pleas.

After living in the human world for 20 years, except for those keyboard warriors who took screenshots of his out-of-control expression and hacked several times on the Internet, it was the first time that Jing Ye felt sad because of his powerlessness.

Lin Chan hated him, and this incident hit him even more than Lin Chan liked men.

Jing Ye thought over and over again, trying to replace Lin Chan with any friend he knew who would talk to him like this—the same sex confessed to him, and then said that we will not communicate again after it is over. The development is exactly what he wants.

Except for Lin Chan...

Why does it have to be Lin Chan?

Jing Ye pulled up the quilt to cover his face, and a gust or two of evening wind blew in through the open window.

When he first came home, he must have had an ugly face. Grandma had just finished watching a TV series, so I grabbed him and chatted for a few minutes.The old man pulled the red thread in a whimsical way, and after all, he was going to be paired with Dou Shuang again.

"Grandma, it's really impossible for me to be with her, there is no such thing." Jing Ye was helpless.

Grandma said persistently: "But you two are childhood sweethearts, you know each other very well! Besides, Xiao Doudou is cute and has a bold personality. You are a jerk, and your personality is too twisted..."

Jing Ye wasn't in the mood to refute his grandma's judgment on him anymore, so he sat patiently for a while, and simply went upstairs with the excuse of talking to his manager and locked himself in the room.

The bed was soft, the quilt was warm, and on the shelf, Ye Xiaohui replaced him with a new indoor fragrance, a light scent of white tea.

Ye Xiaohui was nagging him endlessly by not being a life mentor, Zhao Lu didn't urge him to think about his future path, and his assistant Xiaoman didn't bother him, those so-called friends in the circle were busy playing games, falling in love and getting to know the upper class, Jiang Ziyi has returned to his family and will not bother him anymore.

Tranquil, leisurely, it should have been such a night.

But Jing Ye felt that he was about to explode.

He tried to think of something else, or to let it go completely, but all failed.Closed eyes are Lin Chan’s wronged eyes, like a puppy who has been wronged but still forced to smile; when he opened his eyes, Lin Chan’s voice automatically played in his ears, those words were like soft knives, the first time he heard it, he still didn’t respond , It was only later that the blood became dull.

Jing Ye felt that there was some pain in himself, but he couldn't find the trace, let alone the reason.

Grandma's words sounded inappropriately, after replacing "Dou Shuang" with "Lin Chan", the "childhood sweethearts" "understand each other", "look cute", personality...

Lin Chan is not bold, as if the breeze sneaks into the night, it can moisten things silently.

Why did I suddenly start thinking about whether Lin Chan is suitable for me...

It would be great if Lin Chan was a girl.

This thought crossed Jing Ye's sea of ​​consciousness countless times.He has also felt emotionally before, when Lin Chan helped him deliver his homework, when he treated him to fried noodles, when he took him in after a quarrel with his parents, when he bought him the soya-bean milk fritters five stations away in the morning of summer vacation...

"If only you were a girl, I will definitely marry you as my wife."

Unlike the previous flashing lightly, today's sentence is particularly arrogant, as if it has been planned for a long time. At this time, the effect of playing a huge light sign forces Jing Ye's thoughts to extend back along it.

Jing Ye, ask yourself, do you really like girls?

Jing Ye has never liked anyone.

In his cognition, because he is not gay, he is heterosexual—implement it, and never think about whether this inference is correct.

But the strange thing is that Jing Ye is not conservative, let alone silent, he has a personality that speaks loudly to anyone who is nice to him.His parents, grandparents, and grandparents are all model couples. Jing Ye was nurtured by their love and grew up. Naturally, he felt that he would build a happy family with a good girl in the future.

As for the girl's appearance, Jing Ye didn't think about it carefully, what about her personality?Besides "suitable", he couldn't hold back any other words for a while.

Going a step further and specifying the ideal type, Jing Ye remembered that they sat in a circle at the barbecue stand, and Jiang Ziyi took the lead in interrogating him, and he didn't hear the answer for several minutes.

"How is Dou Shuang?" Jiang Ziyi joked, he just fell in love, and everyone wants to grow old in the same month.

Jing Ye shook his head like a rattle: "No, no, no... I can't beat her..."

The others were dying of laughter, only Lin Chan in the corner quietly tore off a small piece of garlic from the grilled eggplant, and put it into the small bowl in front of Jing Ye.

Dou Shuang, who was named, all said bitterly: "The first thing you think about when you fall in love is whether you can beat or not. You are so fucking afraid of women, Jing Ye, don't harm good girls."

Yu Zhou chimed in: "Lonely forever!"

Fear of women.

In the past, Qian Ye could laugh at himself, but now he can't laugh at all.

This is the shadow left by his elementary school days.

At that time, the teacher arranged boys and girls to sit at the same table, and the long wooden desk was covered with [-] lines.Next to Jing Ye is a proud girl with good grades, and he is not allowed to "cross the line" a little bit, if not, at least poke him twice with a mechanical pencil, at worst, pick up the pencil case and slap Jing Ye on the back.

He had no malice at all, and he didn't intend to tease anyone, so he was beaten a lot for no reason.I want to complain, but I see that there are not many other men and women in the class who are at the same table. It's either you crying or me making troubles all day long, and even fighting, so I'm used to it.

Jing Ye was "bullied" by that girl for a whole year, and it wasn't until the class teacher changed his seat that he finally got out of the misery.

I didn't think so at the time, but looking back on the past now, Jing Ye can only blame everything that started from then, otherwise it would be impossible to explain his various psychological shadows later.

He didn't blame the girl for giving him a cold face, occasionally pinching and kicking her a few times, and Jing Ye didn't care that the school uniform was scratched with countless gray marks with pencils.When he grew up, he talked with Ye Xiaohui about this matter, and his mother could understand his grievances, but after all, Jing Ye understood that the girl's defensiveness was caused by the environment, and he didn't have any malicious intentions, which didn't mean everyone was tolerant.

So he endured this grievance, but other sequelae also fermented.

During adolescence, other classmates avoided teachers and parents to secretly fall in love, and walked slowly holding hands on the way home from school.Jing Ye and Yu Zhou depend on each other for life and do homework together every day. Anyway, Yu Zhou doesn't fall in love early.

Later, he and Yu Zhou were no longer in the same school, and the high school work was stressful, and Jing Ye had no time to interact with girls.

He will dodge when looking at each other, he will stutter when speaking... These problems improved after he went to the Media College, and was forced to return to the proper position when filming. Jing Ye thought that his fear of women was cured.

But I have never been in love with any girl, even if I have shown him many favors.

What do these represent?

Jing Ye lay flat on the soft bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to use a certain heartbeat to convince himself that he was still a "normal" heterosexual in his heart.

ever? ...

Sunshine, slightly hot back, and a pair of wet dark eyes.

The electric fan spins fast, but the wind it brings is not cool.

That year, Jing Ye wiped the sweat from the side of his face, continued to play with the puzzle, but couldn't help complaining: "When will your air conditioner be repaired? If not, you should go to my house, it's too hot."

"Okay." Lin Chan smiled, and the last piece of the puzzle fell into the best position, "I'm done."

Jing Ye was surprised: "Why so fast?"

"Winning or losing comes with punishment." Lin Chan reminded him.

"I want the other party to do one thing, I know, I'm willing to bet." He put down the incomplete jigsaw puzzle, moved it together, and carefully looked at the Eiffel Tower of the same size and the same number of pieces, but Lin Chan put it together first, " But you are really fast...have you ever fought before?"

"No, I'm not afraid of heat." Lin Chan said, leaning forward, "Brother, can you give me a kiss?"

Kissing, in Jing Ye's view, is a move to get closer, not just a couple's privilege.There were occasional forehead and cheek kisses with Lin Chan, not many times but Jing Ye took the initiative.Hearing this request, Jing Ye thought, this is too easy, as expected, Lin Chan refused to let him do too complicated things.

Peach blossom eyes bent, Jing Ye leaned forward to smack Lin Chan's forehead.

The next second, someone held his face.

The Eiffel Tower was stirred by Jing Ye's flustered fingers, and it collapsed.

Memories disconnected, heart skipped a beat.Going to recall the events of midsummer on a winter night, Jing Ye felt something scald his back, spreading it all the way to his cheeks and ears.

He raised his hand and touched his lips in a daze, the soft touch was still there.

"That was my first kiss... ah."