I am in love with myself

Jian Yixi dialed Xiao Wu's phone to meet Xu Qinglan, but she couldn't speak, and it wasn't even counted as seeing her.

Xu Qinglan stayed in the intensive care unit, Jian Yixi couldn't go in, and could only watch her through the window.

Xu Qinglan sat with her back on the side of the hospital bed, she couldn't see her expression, she could only see that her back, which was always straight at ordinary times, became even straighter, as if she would crumble if she relaxed a bit, straight like a wooden stake.

Jian Yixi sighed, had no choice but to ask about Xiao Wu's condition, and then followed An Mu home first.

Gu Shuofeng's condition was very bad. He had a persistent high fever and was unconscious. The doctor said that if he couldn't survive, he would die. If he survived, he would most likely be in a vegetable state.

This situation was something An Mu and Jian Yixi never expected. Gu Shuofeng didn't look like a simple person, so how could he jump off a building so easily?

Xu Qinglan is not the kind of irrational person, so how could she be forced to jump off the building?

The more An Mu thought about it, the more strange it became. She suddenly remembered that she had visited the Biology Department several times before, and had asked about Gu Shuofeng. She wanted to ask her about rebirth, for example... What happens to them after they die?Will the soul become one?Or will one person be wiped out?

But she had inquired for a long time but there was no such person, but Xu Qinglan was known by many people, and said that she had donated buildings to the school, but when asked which one she donated, she couldn't tell clearly.

An Mu specifically checked the information, it was on the Internet, and the school also had it. People everywhere said that Xu Qinglan donated buildings to her alma mater, and even the instructors said so, but in fact, the school did not have such a building named "Mountain Rain is Coming" teaching building.

An Mu searched and searched, and found out that there was a building with the same name in the school, and it was donated by the students to thank her alma mater. She even went to that school, but she didn't find the donor. Such an important event is supposed to be recorded. How could there be no school history?

An Mu stood downstairs, looking up at the vigorous plaque.

The second half of the sentence in "Mountain and rain is about to come" is...the wind is all over the building, the mountain...the wind...isn't it just the word "Lan"?

An Mu vaguely felt that this matter was strange, so he checked deliberately. Tsinghua University did not have Gu Shuofeng as a student, but this school did, but the photo on the school's graduation book did not look like Gu Shuofeng at all. It could be said that there were two people at all.

It's... weird.

When this matter was found here, the clues were broken. It seemed that someone had deliberately erased the traces. An Mu didn't know what he wanted to find out, but he just had an intuition that this person was very important.

An Mu found out that Jian Yixi didn't know about it. While she was busy preparing for the wedding, she went to visit Xu Qinglan from time to time.

I don't know how many times I went there, Jian Yixi finally talked to her.

It is said that it is true, but in fact there is nothing to say, no amount of comfort is empty talk, Gu Shuofeng has become a vegetable, and no one knows when he will wake up.

"There is hope in life, and I believe she will wake up."

This is the only word that Jian Yixi can comfort.

For Xu Qinglan, it was enough.

"I think so."

Xu Qinglan's voice was still faint, she didn't have her hair in a bun, her smooth long hair was tied at the back of her head casually, and a few strands of hair were scattered on the side of her face, she didn't care to take care of them, she let them loose, her slender waist was tucked in Putting on the suit pants, she looked thinner than when I first saw her in the hospital.

Jian Yixi couldn't help but said: "You also have to pay attention to your body, who will guard her when you fall?"

"Then what about you?" Xu Qinglan asked back, "Why did you lose weight when you couldn't eat and sleep?"

There is a small cinnabar mole at the end of Xu Qinglan's eye, I don't know if it is related to the corridor lamp or what, it faintly glows red.

Jian Yixi opened her eyes slightly, and looked carefully, but the light disappeared again.

She must be delusional.

"I understand what you mean, it's not that you don't want to pay attention to your body, it's that you can't control it, but no matter what, at least you have to eat. No matter how uncomfortable I was, I would force myself to eat. It's over."

Xu Qinglan lowered her eyes and propped her forehead wearily.

"I... feel like a failure."

"How could it be? If you don't say anything else, you can't say that you have failed in your career."

Xu Qinglan shook her head slowly.

"Career is not the standard of success. It should be said that I have suffered a complete failure. I only have work left in my life. I don't know what else to do other than work. I finally met her, which gave me a little hope for life. I thought Finally, I can live a decent life, and the result..."

Xu Qinglan's voice was faintly choked with sobs, she propped her forehead and closed her eyes, her fingers trembling slightly, trying to hold back.

Jian Yixi raised her eyes to look at the intensive care unit, then turned her gaze back to Xu Qinglan, and sighed silently.

"It's not too late, stay by her side, as long as she still has a breath, there is still hope for everything."

Xu Qinglan held her forehead to stabilize her emotions for a long time before she raised her head again, the smoky red at the end of her eyes complemented the little scarlet mole, making her look desolate and charming in a different way.

"Happiness is really too fragile. If you are not careful, it will be broken. If you give me another chance, no matter what happens, I will hold her carefully and never let her slip away again."

Ever since meeting Xu Qinglan that time, An Mu has noticed that there is something wrong with Jian Yixi. She is standing by the side of the pot, but she can also make the pot overflow and extinguish the flames. She has already cleaned the bowl, but she takes it out of the cupboard and brushes it again. Once again, wiping the table is like an indefatigable perpetual motion machine, repeating the same action over and over again, and the varnish on the table has to be wiped off by her.

Every time I ask Jian Yixi what's wrong, Jian Yixi will be slow for a few seconds to react, and shake her head with a smile: "I'm fine."

"Really, at most it's about to get married, so I'm a little nervous."

Although she didn't quite believe Jian Yixi's words, she refused to say it, and An Mu had no choice but to relax her emotions as much as possible.

On an ordinary morning, the ordinary blue sky, the ordinary sunshine, the ordinary breeze blowing slowly past the copper bell of the church, amidst the hustle and bustle of France, the wedding is coming as scheduled, An Mu and Jian Yixi put on the wedding dress designed by Chen Han himself , asked the makeup artist to help them put on their makeup early, went to the church in advance, sat in the waiting room and waited.

Outside the window, the white pigeons flying together buzzed and whistled, the tall plane trees covered the sky and the sun, and the light and shadow under the trees were mottled, and the rustling of the wind through the treetops could almost be heard quietly.

It was obviously a quiet and peaceful atmosphere, but An Mu couldn't help feeling a little nervous. Fortunately, there was a noisy Mao Mao to ease the atmosphere.

In two lifetimes, it's not that An Mu has never thought about what her wedding would be like, but no matter how she imagined it, she never thought that her significant other was also a girl in a wedding dress.

An Mu turned to look at Jian Yixi. Jian Yixi was talking to Maomao, with a smile on his face, and a cosmetic bag in his hand.

Maomao smiled and said: "Don't pick it, you will break the buckle if you pick it again. Don't be so nervous, you're an old couple, just going through the motions, it's okay~!"

Jian Yixi smiled shyly with downcast eyes, like a shy little daughter-in-law, she stopped picking her hands, and instead picked each other's fingers anxiously.

"I'm not nervous."

"Okay, okay, you're not nervous~ You're going to the palace of happiness soon, you're excited, okay?"

Jian Yixi froze suddenly, his face paled rapidly visible to the naked eye.

Maomao can see how carefree he is.

Jian Yixi shook her head slightly, "It's okay, I'm probably too nervous."

You said you were not nervous just now, but now you are like this?

Don't say that An Mu doesn't believe it, even Mao Mao doesn't believe it.

"Isn't it hypoglycemia? Is it caused by acclimatization or something? Regardless of whether it is or not, I will find you two pieces of candy first."

Maomao got up and went out to find candy. An Mu walked over, stroked her skirt and sat opposite Jian Yixi.

"What happened to you?"

"I..." Jian Yixi glanced at her, then turned away unnaturally, "It's nothing."

"Don't even dare to look at me anymore, why don't you say nothing?"

Jian Yixi clenched her hand, under the white hollow glove, that hand was so white that it was almost bloodless.

"It's really nothing, I'm just a little nervous, after all, it's my first marriage."

"That's right, maybe it will be better when we get married a second time in the future."

She refused to say it, and An Mu couldn't force it, so he just made a joke to ease the atmosphere, but Jian Yixi suddenly turned up the volume, almost sharply refuting.

"Impossible! I only got married this time! There is absolutely no way there will be a second time!"

Jian Yixi clenched her fists and leaned forward. After shouting, she realized that she had overreacted. She quickly loosened her body and leaned back. She was at a loss and said, "I, I mean..."

"I'm just kidding, don't be so nervous."

Jian Yixi didn't relax because of An Mu's words, she was still tense, and dared not look at her with her eyes down.

The little aunt knocked on the door and came in, and said with a smile, "Let's go, it's time to enter, brides."

After all, it was her. An Mu saw Jian Yixi's panic. That's right, it wasn't nervous, it was panic. Jian Yixi definitely had something to hide from her. She probably didn't want to say it, but she didn't dare to say it.

An Mu took her hand, just like that year, the gentle spring breeze turned into rain.

"This is the only wedding in our life. No matter what you are worried about, believe me, all problems are not problems, and we will be happy."

Jian Yixi's drooping eyelids visibly trembled, and the hand that was holding An Mu's was as cold as if it had no warmth. An Mujing waited for a while but she didn't reply, so she led her to stand up.

"What can we talk about after the wedding?"

The little aunt had already retreated out while they were talking, the original wooden door was closed tightly, An Mu led Jian Yixi over, reached for the handle, just opened a gap, Jian Yixi pulled her back .

"I...I have something to say."

The little aunt was already waiting anxiously outside the door, knocked on the door panel and said, "Hurry up, brides, the priest is already ready, it's just you who are missing."

An Mu looked back at Jian Yixi, as if she hadn't heard her little aunt's urging, her eyes were clear and gentle.

Jian Yixi lowered her eyes and dared not look at her.

"I... I don't know what to say."

"Then let's talk slowly after the wedding is over."

"But I can't wait."

"Then say, I'm listening."

Jian Yixi suddenly seemed to have lost all her strength, and squatted down as if she was limp. The white wedding dress spread out, like flowers blooming in a fairy tale, and the white baby's breath in her braids was light yellow, as timid as a chick facing the wind rustling.

An Mu was still holding Jian Yixi's hand. The dangling arm was Jian Yixi's last bit of courage. Jian Yixi held her desperately, as if she was afraid that she would suddenly abandon her, and scratched at her nails. Entering her palm, the pain made her frown slightly, but she didn't stop it.

An Mu waited patiently, even though the little aunt knocked on the door several times and ignored it, even when the little aunt tried to push the door in again, she took a step back and stuck to the door panel.

"I...I tricked you, I'm sorry." Jian Yixi finally opened her mouth, "But I didn't mean to trick you, I just went with the flow, and I can't say I went with the flow, but... just... I don't know how to express it, I'm just... I..."

The order of Jian Yixi's words was very chaotic, and her usual concise and concise logic became a mess. She spoke one sentence at a time, and the speed of her speech faltered. Say a word.

An Mu listened and pieced together, relying on the advantage of her innate understanding of herself, finally pieced together what Jian Yixi wanted to express.

It turned out that as early as the day when Gu Shuofeng told Jian Yixi the truth, Jian Yixi had already started planning all future plans.

She knew An Mu far better than An Mu imagined. She knew that An Mu couldn't fall in love with her easily, and the only way was to retreat and stand up.

So she designed a fake marriage. After An Mu went through disbelief→believe→compromise, she deliberately reversed and rejected An Mu, deliberately went decisively, and deliberately threw An Mu so many misunderstandings.

The city of Beijing is so big, and they still have close mutual friends like Mao Mao and the second brother, especially her company is so close to An Mu's house, she believes that An Mu will see her again one day, and one day she will meet again. Discover the truth.

Even if she didn't find out the truth and saw that she was dying of illness, she believed that An Mu would definitely not be able to bear it. She would blame herself for the misunderstanding she had made at the beginning, and even feel sorry for herself. In many cases, the beginning of love is guilt and pity.

How many people can truly reject a weak and pitiful woman who loves herself to death and has good looks?

Jian Yixi has also considered the issue of sexuality. If An Mu is a complete heterosexual, then it will be useless for her to do more.But An Mu?Obviously not, after all, she has the biggest golden finger, she is An Mu herself, she knows An Mu better than anyone else, if she can fall in love with the same sex, An Mu will definitely be able to.

An Mu really blamed herself and proposed to be with her, but she didn't think it was enough. She felt that An Mu hadn't really fallen in love with her. Now that she decided to be with An Mu, she had to remove all obstacles that hindered them , even if the obstacle is An Mu himself.

She wanted An Mu to truly fall in love with her, because love is the foundation of happiness and the foundation of eternity.

She deliberately asked Wang Yanqing to hold the rapeseed flowers, and deliberately said something to make her cousin misunderstand. According to her cousin's temper, she expected that her cousin would definitely make fun of it.

[Is this how romantic people in the city are?What's wrong with sending rapeseed flowers?Or women give men?Who the hell was chasing who, you two? 】

As long as people have unique inferiority, even if it is something that they are not rare in the first place, once a competitor appears, it will be good.

An Mu was jealous, and kept poking her that night. She knew it in her heart, but she was also terrified. She couldn't tell if she was really jealous and started to like her?Or is An Mu tired of this kind of life, and everything is just her wishful thinking?

She chose to leave, and hid in the place closest to An Mu but also the farthest, guarding the unfinished ginkgo covenant, and being able to watch one day at a time, one year at a time, if An Mu finds her, even if not If she loves her, she will never leave again, but if An Mu can't find her, she will die. At least everyone she cares about is still alive.

She plotted against An Mu, the person she least wanted to plot against in this world, and bet her life.

During the five years when An Mu was not around, she experienced cruel social baptism, encountered unspoken rules, was humiliated by customers who poured wine in public, and even ran half a car for an order. Huaxia, begging grandpa to tell grandma to say all the good things, even gave up her dignity for a while, and became a hypocrite that even she didn't like.

She didn't care about all of this, she just wanted to grow up, to be strong enough for An Mu to rely on.

Even if this wish is out of reach, even if she is given another five years, she may not be able to realize it, she still can only rush forward.

She loves An Mu so much that she must be strong.

No one had ever made her want so much.

She is already lucky. She has a senior sister and a second brother who can rely on her. If she wants to rule her out, the second brother directly drives him out of Beijing. If she humiliates her, the senior sister made him lose hundreds of millions.

She is so lucky, how can she not work harder?

She tried so hard to become stronger and to be An Mu's reliance, but in the end, she plotted against the person who shouldn't and didn't want to plot against.

She is contradictory, self-blaming, painful, and every step she takes is hesitant, trembling, and self-loathing. She can't describe that feeling, and she can't explain it clearly.

However, An Mu understood that in this world, she was probably the only one who could understand.

Wanting to get it, she calculates, because love is reluctant to calculate. In the painful struggle of whether to calculate or not to calculate, Jian Yixi chooses to go to the extreme, and uses self-harm to weaken the overwhelming guilt.

Stomach pain is not torture to her, any external injury is not worth mentioning to her, the more severe the pain, the more peaceful her heart will be, at least she can comfort herself, when she is in pain, An Mu will not be in pain Well, if she died, An Mu wouldn't die.

She has been scheming against An Mu, but she has also been giving up on the scheming. She starts with scheming and ends with giving up every step of the way. Then she steps into the scheming the moment An Mu gives her hope, and again in self-blame and despair. give up.

She never thought that happiness would really come, even if An Mu could never say "I love you", it was enough for her to wake up from her happy dream.

She is so happy, every day of happiness seems to be floating, her parents agreed to their being together, An's father and An's mother also agreed to their being together, and even they are going to get married, she feels like a happy event Dream.

Could it really be a dream?

Jian Yixi couldn't distinguish between dreams and reality again. She instinctively wanted to drink to escape her panic and uneasiness, just like how she would drink to escape every time she encountered unhappy people during the five years when An Mu was away.

But she held back, An Mu was by her side every day, and she had no chance to sneak a drink. On the one hand, An Mu was already lying in her arms so real, why did she let herself fall into the fear of nothingness?

However, the germ of uneasiness was always in her heart until Xu Qinglan pierced it.

[Happiness is really too fragile, it will be broken if you are not careful. 】

"I didn't want to say it at first. I wanted to keep it a secret for the rest of my life, but I was afraid... I was really scared. I was afraid that everything would be broken like Xu Qinglan."

Jane Yixi sat softly on the ground, looking up at her, her small face was as pale as paper, the white veil floated behind her, the sunlight mottled on her body through the stained glass with patterns painted on it, coating her with a faint warmth Bright, pure white wedding dress, dreamy beauty, pitifully red eye sockets, even the eyelashes trembling, An Mu's heart suddenly softened into a mess, as if something filled his entire chest in an instant.

An Mu knelt down on one knee and looked at her at the same level. His amber eyes reflected the sunlight, shining like jewels.

"Then you won't be afraid of breaking it when you say it?"

"What answer do you want me to give you?"

Jian Yixi's lips moved, and her face, which was already as pale as paper, instantly faded to the point where even her lips lost all color.

She sat up straight suddenly, and wrapped her other hand around the hand that An Mu was holding her.

"I'm not calculating this time, I really am not calculating! You believe me! I didn't mean to say it at this time, to make you pity me. I really didn't mean that, I..."

The little aunt finally couldn't hold back and pushed the door.

"Father's time is very precious. How long are you going to dawdle... Oh my god, why do you look so bad? What's wrong with you child?"

"She may be hypoglycemic."

Maomao also squeezed in, and Maomao stuffed a candy into Jian Yixi's mouth.

The little aunt bent down and looked at Jian Yixi worriedly, "Is it possible? If not, just tell the priest, the wedding is postponed, see a doctor first."

Jian Yixi looked at An Mu with a pale face, and Mao Mao's candy was stuffed into her mouth, making her cheeks bulge.

An Mu said expressionlessly: "The guests are here, so I have to give them an explanation no matter what. Let's go, Jian Yixi, and come with me."

An Mu picked up Jian Yixi, instead of looking at her ashen face, she went straight to the lobby, and Mao Mao trotted over to help the two of them cover their veils.

In a normal wedding, the groom should go on stage first, and then the bride will go on stage with her father on her arm, and the father will personally hand it over to the groom.

The guests didn't see anything wrong and looked at the two with blessings. An Mu pulled Jian Yixi to the priest.

The priest has presided over hundreds of weddings, both of the same sex and of the opposite sex, so it is natural to enter the topic.

After the opening remarks, the priest asked key questions.

"Ms. An Mu, are you willing to accept Ms. Meng Xi as your legal wife?"

An Mu slightly raised her eyes to look at Jian Yixi, she was obviously taller than her, why did she still look like a child?

She stared into Jian Yixi's anxious eyes, and the three words "I am willing" rolled to her lips and turned into: "There is a Chinese proverb that Jiang Taigong fishes——Wishers take the bait, Jiang Taigong's hooks have always been Straightforward, those who can be caught are voluntary."

Jian Yixi opened her eyes slightly, and the red eye sockets could be seen to gather tears quickly with the naked eye. She couldn't hold it back even though she tried her best. The tears ran down her cheeks, taking away all her anxiety and fear.

Weddings are suitable for excitement. The second brother whistled at the guest table, Mao Mao laughed and booed, and many people yelled for An Mu to kiss him.

The priest was confused, he could not understand Chinese, so he could only gently remind her to speak French, otherwise he would not be able to witness the marriage.

An Mu took a deep breath, and replied with concentration and solemnity: "Oui, jeleveux."

The priest nodded in satisfaction, and asked, "Ms. Meng Xi, are you willing to accept Ms. An Mu as your legal wife?"

Jian Yixi seemed to be half a beat behind. The priest did not respond to the question once. After asking the second time, she suddenly rushed over and hugged An Mu, and kissed her on the back of the head. The audience was full of joy. Those who have seen strong winds and waves are still calm, but French reminds them to preside over the ceremony before kissing.

However, Jian Yixi couldn't hear it at all, or if she heard it, she didn't understand it. Although she had learned French by herself, she was only self-taught after all. She couldn't understand this kind of place with a strong accent.

Jian Yixi kissed with concentration and enthusiasm, completely ignoring everything around her, her heart suddenly fell to the ground, she really couldn't control herself, she always felt that no amount of kissing was enough, she wished she could swallow An Mu into her stomach and be together forever.

In the end, it was An Mu who bit Jian Yixi, and Jian Yixi regained her senses, and behaved like a quail with a mouth full of sweetness.

"I am willing!"

"No, it's French." An Mu said,

Jane Yixi is as good as a stream: "Yes, Ido."

Maomao laughed so hard that his stomach ached, "Isn't this stupid? You can't even understand French and English?"

Jian Yixi coughed unnaturally, she didn't dare to say that she forgot the French "I do".

An Mu shook his head helplessly, pursed his slightly red and swollen lips, and reminded him in a low voice, "Oui, jeleveux."

Jian Yixi lowered her eyes and carefully helped her cover her veil.

"Oui, jeleveux."

A soft sentence, carrying a thousand words, An Mu didn't realize why she pulled her veil and covered her again. The priest over there had already asked the ring to be exchanged.

After wearing the ring, the priest declared the two to be legal partners and said that the bride could kiss the bride, only then did An Mu understand.

Jian Yixi changed her previous rudeness, lifted her white veil solemnly and sacredly, and kissed her lips tenderly.

"I love you An Mu, I love you."

An Mu was moved, and wanted to say those three words as well, but he didn't say it in the end.

At this time, if Jian Yixi said it, she would only think that it was because of the atmosphere, and would not believe it.

Or... just wait.

After a busy day, she finally washed up and had a good rest. An Mu thought that Jian Yixi would come over impatiently, but she didn't expect that she would lie on the balcony and look at Paris at night, counting the stars one by two.

"Can you count them?"

Jian Yixi turned her eyes to look at the neon lights in the distance, the crescent moon hanging above her head, the night wind ruffled her slightly wet long hair, and the warm white light from the house lamp outlined her delicate lines. Unknowingly, She seems to have grown enough for her to depend on.

Seeing her, the original gloomy black pupils suddenly sparkled with bright stars.

"Of course I can't count the stars in the sky, but I can count the ones on the ground."

"on the ground?"

An Mu lay on the railing, looked at the lights of Wanjia, and said with a smile, "You're so good at counting."

"Then how can it be counted as a star? Those are all artificial lights."

"Then what is a star?"

Jian Yixi lifted a strand of An Mu's fluttering hair, lowered her eyes and kissed lightly.

Bright red lips, long slender eyelashes, and honey-brown hair are like inextricable threads of love, passing through her fingers in a precious and precious way.

"You are the star I pursue all my life. Although I can't arrive, I yearn for it."

The author has something to say: The episode between An Mu and Jian Yixi ends here...

There will be a little bit of Chen Han's, and a little bit of An Mu Jian Yixi's follow-up will also be interspersed

Anyway, the total is just a little bit, maybe a few hundred words, anyway, I will write it now, update it after writing it, and mark it as a complete one-stop

cough