5t5 is also waiting for my confession today

The two deafening "no" sounded more clearly than anything else, escaped into my mind, and hit my nerves.

The lovelorn came so suddenly, it was like I fell into the sea from the air, the salty and astringent waves penetrated into my nose and ears, blocking me so that I didn't want to see or hear anything.

Although I have been mentally prepared for a long time, it is definitely not the answer to this refusal on this occasion.

If I confessed to him face to face and was rejected, maybe I wouldn't be so disappointed.

It is precisely because it is revealed inadvertently, what is presented at the moment when he is defenseless is his more real thoughts, right?

I tried to use more force with the hand holding the pen, but I couldn't pull it up anyway, so I just stopped on the paper and didn't move. What I heard in my ears was the pleasant background sound of chatting over there, when I was reporting work information to Qi Hai and Yi Dizhi. , one of them was calm and the other was hurried.

I feel like a numb automatic note-taking puppet, who can screen out the voices I don't want to hear without a teacher, and organize the work content meticulously.

"Then, I will continue to be responsible for the rest of the work." After Qihai finished speaking, she glanced at me, or to be precise, at the notebook I recorded.

I nodded at him, indicating that my work records are complete and I don't need anything else to add.

"I just hang up here." He said, "I will continue to follow up on the follow-up work."

With a sound of "pa--", I hung up.

After the call ended, silence spread between us.

I slowly put away the record book, trying my best to put all my attention on the work - I can't desecrate the work, this is a matter of my self-esteem.

"Are you feeling unwell?" He said, "I stopped involuntarily several times when I was recording just now. A healthy body is the most important capital. If the condition is not good, I don't suggest you forcefully continue to work."

Unexpectedly, I thought I hid it well, but Nanami, who was meticulous and meticulous, noticed something was wrong with me.

Well, cheer up a little.

I told myself in my heart - don't forget the bold words and lofty ambitions before joining the job, and don't do things that make me look down on myself.

I shook my head and forced a smile.

"It's nothing, just physical pain."

This answer was a bit nonsensical, and the serious Nanami probably didn't expect it, so she could only say one sentence in the end: "...have some hot water."

Me: "I will."

Qihai said that he was going upstairs to find some information, and hoped that I would start the car in the parking lot first.

"Do you know the license plate number?" I asked him.

"I remembered it when I saw it yesterday." Qihai said, "Miss Yizhi, go first, I'll be back in a few minutes."

Before closing the door, I maintained my usual calmness. After the door completely cut off the sight of the two of us, when I turned my head and walked downstairs, I felt dizzy in my brain, like a cloud of fog lingering and interspersed in it , looking for every crevice in me and filling it with negativity.I quickly went down the stairs, then went to the outdoor pool and slapped my face with ice-cold water to make sure I was really awake.

I patted my cheek with the palm of my hand——

"I need to wake up," I said. "I have to wake up. I have to work. I have other things to do."

Don't think about it, don't think about anything, just go to work, just think about work.

I walked to the car, doubting in my heart: Qi Hai probably didn't see anything, right?

I always feel that he is deliberately dismissing me, wanting me to be alone, I hope it's just me being sentimental.

He came downstairs with a file folder and a bottled hot drink, which he probably bought from a vending machine.Gaozhuan's vending machines are lacking in variety, and the hot drinks are almost only adzuki bean soup.

Oh... it's red bean soup again.

"Sweet hot drinks help improve your mood." He held the top of the can at a polite distance, and I reached out to take it.

The comfortable temperature was held in my palm. For some reason, this scene made me feel familiar. I looked at the reflective top of the can and murmured unconsciously: "I always feel..."

"what?"

"It's very similar to that time."

"At that time?" Even if it was a question, Qi Hai didn't make any big waves.

I explained: "Didn't our company work with Mr. Qihai's company when I was still in the brokerage company? At that time, Mr. Qihai also bought lunch for our group...I chose it at a convenience store and packed a whole bag The bag contains rice balls, hot drinks, buns, bread..."

"It seems that such an incident has happened." He said, "It is within the scope of duty to pay attention to the health of working partners."

His attitude of not taking good things to himself at all is too reassuring.

I tried to divert my attention and talk about other things. Qihai's quiet temperament is easy to bring down the temperature of the people around me, which happens to be the function I need most now.

I asked him: "Although it's a bit presumptuous to ask... But I'm really curious, why did Mr. Nanami resign from the company? As far as I know, the salary given by that company is very good, right?"

"There is no particular reason, what must be said - labor itself is shit."

"Huh?" I thought I had heard wrong.

"Conjurers are also shit." He continued firmly——

"If you have to choose, choose the one I am more comfortable with."

...So, is it more suitable for the work of a conjurer?

I took a sip of the warm red bean soup. I held it in my hand just now, and my hand was already warm.

Unexpectedly, Mr. Nanami's violent words did not match his appearance at all, I thought while drinking.

"But isn't a conjurer very dangerous? You don't have to be a conjurer, right? Even if the salary is good, but it is on the same scale as the weight of life, the effort is absolutely impossible to be equal..." I Said, "Although I work conscientiously in the company, there is also the risk of sudden death during overtime work."

"I should be the one to ask this question." He said, "Miss Yizhi is the one—why did you leave your original work unit and turn to a high school, and to the big quagmire of the magic world as an auxiliary supervisor? There is no reasonable explanation for it.”

"...Why?" I couldn't think of a suitable answer to his question.

If it was before, I can list two major reasons: for the ideal and for Wujo Wu.And I can eloquently expand these two reasons into tens of thousands of words, thinking that they are the driving force for me to stick to this place and push me forward, but just a few 10 minutes ago, one of the reasons completely It collapsed, and even the fragments that fell on the ground were stuck in my only remaining leg. I was in pain, but I couldn't find a quiet place to treat the wound, so I had to endure it and continue walking.

After thinking about it, I chose a safe way to answer: "For the ideal. However, my ideal is not such a noble and noble thing... If I want to use words to describe it, I can't find a suitable one for a while. The vocabulary is probably 'make a positive contribution within the scope of one's own ability' or something like that."

"This kind of thing can be done without going to a college." He said, "Making a positive contribution to society is not limited to a professional form."

"……yes."

I was speechless, I just looked at the gap on the soda can that could never be restored after being pulled out, and murmured unconsciously——

"……why?"

……

……

Thanks to my 12 spirit at work, I have managed to get these annoying feelings out of my head (though only temporarily).It feels very comfortable to devote myself to work, so that I don't have the mood and energy to be distracted, but pour all my energy into an orderly work arrangement.

Senior Yidizhi has already obtained the documents in advance, so our search work is unimpeded.We went all the way and quickly figured out what kind of lecture Hasegawa Shota went to the lecture hall that day.

After the matter came to an end, I bought two cups of coffee and gave one to Nanami.

At this time, we parked in the block not far from the lecture hall and discussed Hasegawa's whereabouts in the car.

"Hasegawa will come here about once every two weeks, and the time is very fixed."

In the surveillance photos, he was photographed passing this street to the public lecture every week, and he was wearing a white shirt and black coat every time.

I took a sip of coffee, and opened the lecture hall appointment schedule that Yidizhi gave us, where the name of the organization or individual who made an appointment to use the lecture hall during each time period was clearly written here.

"It seems to be an activity of the Gambling Abuse Association. People who have successfully quit gambling go up to share their stories, such as what kind of life they have lived after quitting gambling-calling on other members of the group, those who are eager to quit gambling, to restrain their desires, join them."

"It seems to be a kind of psychotherapy." I'm not sure, "Shota Hasegawa doesn't seem to have much to do with quitting gambling. Could it be related to his mother?"

"This possibility cannot be ruled out, but his mother's current whereabouts are unknown, and the results of the investigation by the police have not yet come out."

"Mr. Qihai." Holding such a thick stack of documents, I asked, "Is the procedure so complicated every time we cooperate with the police?"

"No, if it's a special case, we have the priority to solve it here. But so far this work is mainly focused on investigating 'already happened' cases, and before that, no one has noticed the breath of the curse." After finishing speaking, he added: "Mr. Wujo didn't either."

"Ah... yes."

"The current situation is still confusing. According to the information I know so far - the progress of the investigation is abnormally slow. Of course, this is not about your problem, but that every clue revolves around various misleading Items, and more and more branches have been extended, gradually intertwined." He said, "Besides you, there are several auxiliary supervisors who are also investigating, and the progress is also slow."

"Really?" I leaned back in my chair, thinking that this matter was getting more and more troublesome.

"Without information from the police, the next step cannot be taken rashly."

"So all we can do now is wait?"

"No, I just received other work commissions." Qihai frowned, "'Window' has observed a new curse spirit, and I am the most suitable candidate from a distance. There are already auxiliary supervisors on the scene to make arrangements, and I We're going to the next workplace here."

"Let me see you off." I said, "Anyway, I don't have any outside work, only paperwork, which can be sorted out at home."

"sorry to bother you."

After sending Nanami to the destination, I maintained my normal social expression until he turned his back to me, completely out of my sight, and then I could finally roll up the window.After losing my job and my colleagues to keep me externally stable, I fell into the bottom of the sea completely.

When I got home, I turned on the heat, took a shower, sat on the edge of my bed in my bedroom in my nightgown, and this time I finally remembered where I put the ashtray.I wanted to drink a little at first, but found that the only plum wine at home was the plum wine he gave me when I went to eat eel rice with Gojo Satoru last time. I was afraid that I would think about others, so I finally gave up the idea of ​​drinking, and simply sat by the window and started smoking. The room temperature is very warm, and my hands will not shake from the cold. I light each cigarette easily, and then I repeat lighting, smoking, and pressing them into the ashtray. trilogy.

"...Ah, damn it, really damn it."

After smoking this one, I complained to the ashtray.

Up to now, I just feel extremely irritable.

What annoys me even more is that I know all too well what I'm upset about - because of Gojo Satoru, and only because of Gojo Satoru.

The thing that annoys me is all, all about him and all about me.It only took me half a pack of cigarettes from sadness and disappointment to anger, no, maybe more than half a pack of cigarettes. Before that, after I knew his two categorical "no", I was always depressed. Now my The depression finally dried up, proving that my heart has a limit, and so does the amount of feelings.

Right now I was smoking too much, the feeling of lack of oxygen made me weak, I simply lay down on the bed and stared at the gap in the ceiling in a daze.

I fell asleep and slept for an hour, then I got up from the bed, looked at the mess in the ashtray, and couldn't bear to clean it up.During this process, I discovered one detail after another that I had just overlooked, such as those things related to Gojo Satoru in this house, such as his toothbrush, cups, his favorite drinks and food in the refrigerator, Snacks in the cabinet.

It's almost dizzying.

So I went back to my room and locked myself up. I wanted to get under the covers, but I gave up now-because it also had something to do with him.

"In this way... Even though I'm at my own home, I don't even have a place to stay?" I rubbed my temples, and finally returned to lean on the sofa by the window, then looked up at the sky in a daze.

"At least I didn't get nothing today," I told myself.

Today, I completely understand two things.

One was that I was really the only one who fell in love, and the other was that it was more difficult than I imagined to admit it.

Maybe what I got was just trivial, little care, maybe this kind of concern is a very common behavior for him, but I had a subtle misunderstanding, and this misunderstanding made me produce "So I might It's the different one" kind of terrific illusion.

Family relationship, social status, wealth gap... I have always acknowledged the existence of these objective gaps, but I actually have a kind of self-deceiving optimism in my subconscious - if we like each other, then we can face it together This difference, then they are not a problem.

The delusions he gave me that made me think that I really had something to do made me blindly optimistic.

But after I knew that I had only one side of my head, these factors became a burden that hindered me, and I could not overcome them alone.

In this way, it seems that I can't say that I was broken in love, but I just figured out the root of what I have always misunderstood.

"—Isn't this more cruel?"

It seems that I got along with him too shortly. If it was longer, I might know how Gojo Satoru usually gets along with others. In this way, I would have a reference standard, and I would not have "he might not treat me well." It’s also interesting.” This kind of illusion is so outrageous that it’s out of reach.

A clear idea popped up——

"I should have kept a distance from him for a while to calm my mind."

Yes, just do it.

Give me a time to calm down completely, delete those so-called "inequality" and "illusions" that make me uneasy, and let my life return to the state when I didn't have the option of Gojo Satoru.

In order to do this, I had to collect the things he had left behind—fortunately, he left almost nothing, except for those consumables that could be thrown away at any time, he left no personal items, and no clothes.

But I know my current situation, and I can't completely calm down to clean up the house, but I will definitely feel uneasy when I think of staying at home today. I decided to find a place to spend the night outside tonight, and think about it tomorrow when I calm down completely. Things to clean up the house.

The more I think about it, the clearer my thoughts become. What's more, there is no agreement between us at all, so terminating the current state is not an act of repentance.

So I jumped up, started changing, and grabbed a change of clothes for the night's sleepover.

I remembered that Gojo Satoru also had a spare key for my house, and I hadn’t taken it back yet. Considering that the possibility of getting it back from him was unpredictable, I was already mentally prepared to find someone to change the lock in advance.

When I opened the bedside table to get the medicine box, I realized that the little note written by Gojo Satoru I found yesterday was hidden here.After all, I didn't tear it up, but crushed it into a ball and threw it into the trash can——

I laughed at myself and thought: At this time yesterday, I was thinking about how to confess, and at this time today, I was thinking about how to keep a distance.

By the way... His birthday is less than ten hours away.

The presents I bought were not particularly ingenious, but in fact they were just average.

But I don't want to keep them, because keeping them takes up space, and it's a pity to lose them. After all, I bought them for Wujo Satoru, so it doesn't seem appropriate to dispose of them.

After a brief tangle, I decided to give it to him.

"...I bought everything."

I’ve bought everything, and I’m not so cautious that I don’t want to give it away. There will probably be many people sending blessings and gifts on his birthday, and he will definitely not go to find out the thoughts behind the gifts one by one, let alone I am indeed I don't have any more ideas, so these two gifts are just gifts chosen out of courtesy to me.

It's just a gift from a colleague relationship, nothing to shy away from.

Before going out for a sleepover, I put two presents in a gift box and put them on the table in the living room, with a small note underneath that said: "Happy Birthday."

It stands to reason that he will be able to return to Tokyo tonight, but I think there is a high probability that he will not come to see me, so——

It is likely that when I go home tomorrow, what is on the table now will be what it will be tomorrow.

Just like it is now intact, no one has opened it.