night lights up

Back to my hometown that I have never been back to, my balloon that had been holding on for too long was deflated in an instant.Fortunately, all the qi has not yet been exhausted. With the remaining qi, thanks to brother Jin's help all the way, I have finished my mother's funeral.

On the day Mr. Yin Yang buried my mother, as my own son, I had to kneel in front of the grave and kowtow three times at the end of the ceremony.

I knelt down and kowtowed, and Brother Jin accompanied and helped me.

After I kowtowed three times, I fell on the ground and couldn't get up again.

The balloon finally ran out of air.

I was hospitalized that day.

My health began to deteriorate at that time. My heart disease was considered a serious illness, but it was not really life-threatening. After an operation and proper care, I would barely be the same as a normal person.But during those two or three years, I didn't want to live. In Brother Jin's words, I didn't have any desire to live.It was also during that time that I was so anxious that I became depressed. Medication didn’t work, and a psychiatrist couldn’t help me.

I really really don't want to live.

I was emotionally unstable, and the treatment was not cooperative. All the treatment effects were greatly reduced, and my body became worse and worse.I still remember the first time I woke up from the hospital bed, it was a drowsy evening, and there was no one in the ward.I opened my eyes, actually I can move, but I feel so tired, I don't want to move at all, I don't even have the energy to move my eyeballs.

Brother Jin came in from the outside, saw that I was awake, happily walked to the bedside, and lowered his head to talk to me.

What exactly was said, I didn't understand at all.I looked at him with swaying eyes and asked him, "What's the date today?"

"Number 29."

No. 29, No. 30 is Chu Heng's graduation ceremony.

Brother Jin was very puzzled by my question, and seeing that I continued to be in a daze after asking, he continued to tell me about my illness.He has friends in the local area. They say they are friends, but they are actually his younger brothers.You can also find acquaintances in the hospital, I am just a student who dropped out, and I have nothing.Brother Jin and I both had some savings at the time, but it wasn't enough to spend as we wished.Brother Jin meant that at least he had worked for a few years and paid for medical insurance.Using the money on his medical insurance card to help me treat my illness, I can save a lot of money anyway.

There were still some loopholes in the medical insurance system back then, and it could still be operated in small places.Brother Jin said that although my house was sold, it was a lot of money, but there will be decades in the future, and it is better to keep it than to spend it all.I'll spend his medical insurance money first, and pay him back later.

I blinked my eyes in agreement, I couldn't even say "thank you", Brother Jin has been very kind to me.

Brother Jin is a down-to-earth and down-to-earth person. He doesn't care too much about love affairs and romance. He immediately asked me about my future plans.He was going to take his younger brother to open a security company to test the water first, and asked me if I planned to open a bookstore.

I have no plans, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Brother Jin muttered a lot, but I never responded. He can talk for a long time by himself.As I was talking, my cell phone rang.I was stunned to hear my own phone ringing, I remember being turned off for a long time.Brother Jin said "oh" and said, "I was going to call my brother yesterday, but the phone ran out of battery. I used your phone and forgot to turn it off."

I blinked my eyes, signaling that I got it.

The phone was ringing all the time, Brother Jin took my phone, looked at it, and asked me: "Shanghai's call, can you answer it?"

I closed my eyes, not wanting to answer.

He didn't understand, and he already connected me. There was a moment of silence on the other end, and a familiar voice sounded: "An Sifeng."

It's Chu Heng's mother.

Brother Jin immediately fell silent, not daring to speak.

I closed my eyes tightly, not daring to open them again.Chu Heng's mother called my name, but I didn't respond, and she remained silent.After another moment, she asked me: "I gave you 2000 million, and each of us has 1000 million. Have you received it?"

received.

"Spent?" she asked.

It was all spent, and all donations were made anonymously on the day of receipt.At the same time, I immediately canceled that card, and canceled every one of my cards. I even temporarily put the remaining deposits with Brother Jin.

"You are a child, why are you so cruel?" She asked me.

I pursed my lips and slowly opened my eyes. Brother Jin covered his mouth and stared at me with wide eyes.

"Your mother, are you okay?" she asked again.

I never spoke, and his mother gradually stopped talking.

After a while, she sighed softly: "Tomorrow is his graduation ceremony, you know."

I bit my lip.

"He hasn't slept for several nights, and he doesn't want anyone to see or touch the wound on his face." She murmured puzzled, "A child's heart is really cruel."

"Are you coming tomorrow—" I immediately reached out my hand, snatched my mobile phone, hung up the phone, and quickly turned it off again, without letting his mother continue talking.

Can't listen anymore.

I handed the phone to Brother Jin: "Smash it for me."

Brother Jin's brows were frowned, and he said, "An Sifeng, why do I feel something is wrong? Her mother's tone is not as vicious as you told me."

"Don't ask." I called him by name, "Li Xin."

"what?"

"Is there any way to make me disappear completely?"

He thought I wanted to die, and frightened: "What nonsense are you talking about!"

"I want no one to find me."

Brother Jin is in the rivers and lakes, with a bunch of younger brothers. In such a small city, he is like a fish in water.He thought about it, and really helped me come up with a lot of ideas.

No one knew or thought that I would come to such a city, and neither did Chu Heng. If my mother hadn't mentioned it, I would have no idea that I still have such a hometown.Brother Jin didn't have any close friends in Shanghai, and he left Shanghai to bid farewell to his past life and his front card, and he didn't tell anyone.

After my request, he will not tell anyone.

Li Xin's name is so popular, who can find him?

As for me, I don't plan on doing anything with my ID anymore.Even in the hospital, thanks to various loopholes, Brother Jin's medical insurance card and even his ID card were used.

The mobile phone was later smashed by Brother Jin in front of me. He is very good at this, and I envy his straightforwardness.He also lost his mind for the front card, but when he decided to leave, he was determined not to drag his feet.Smashing the mobile phone seems to be a watershed. From that day on, I officially started my three-year-long muddle-headed life.

Fortunately, there is Brother Jin to help me.

He opened a security company, and it was very prosperous.Later, he opened some factories one after another, such as shoe machine manufacturing, and he never extended his hand to Shanghai, and made a lot of money safely in a small place.

As for me, during the three years I was in a daze, Brother Jin couldn't see me like this, so he insisted on opening a shop anyway.

He especially wanted to help me open a bookstore with bright and clean windows, but I didn't agree.What bookstore do I open?What books are you selling?I have read books for so many years, and the books have not brightened my world.What is the use of so much knowledge?My whole being is gloomy, drenched in ink.

Brother Jin scratched his head and said helplessly, "Okay, then tell me, what are you going to open? You have to open one! You say you and I, we have no family anymore, we are two brothers, we always help each other. I I can't see you like this, you open a shop, I'll ask my younger brother to look after the shop for you, at least make some money, right?"

I had already been discharged from the hospital and lived in a house that Brother Jin bought for me with my savings.

I was stuck in bed, looked out the window at the cloudy sky, then looked at Brother Jin, and suddenly said with a sinister smile, "I want to open a duck shop."

Brother Jin spat out the Coke he was drinking with a "poof".He looked at me and saw that I didn't seem to be lying, so he conceded: "Okay, okay, it's a job after all, isn't it?"

In this way, my shop was opened.

It's like a prank on myself, and it's also a mockery of myself.The clubhouse I stayed in was called Moon Palace, and my clubhouse is called Sun Palace.Brother Jin has a bright and cheerful personality. Hearing this name, he laughed for a while.He helped me find a place, opened a shop for me, and hired boys and pretty boys.

With him and his younger brothers sitting in the background, the business is booming and it is very profitable.I gave him half of the bonus, but he refused to take it anyway.I had to give it to him, as he said, we are already brothers, and he helped me too much.If I don't give him everything, he will definitely not want it, and I wish I could give it all to him.

I want money, what is the use?

I am useless.

During those three years, I stayed at home every day and never went out except to go to the hospital.Brother Jin helped me find an aunt who cooked for me, washed clothes, cleaned up the house every day, reminded me to take medicine on time, and occasionally accompanied me to the hospital.Brother Jin was afraid that I would commit suicide, so he asked his younger brother to come and see me from time to time.

Except for one time when he just woke up and was a little dazed and almost jumped out of the window.In fact, I have never thought about suicide. My brain capacity is limited, and I can't even think of suicide, or I don't have the energy to commit suicide.I lie in bed, mostly in a daze.

I often wear earphones in a daze, and once I accidentally heard "The Night Illuminates the Night" again. There are two lines of lyrics: I would like to hug you, let me experience the hypocrisy you can't bear.I would like to hug you, the future you can't afford, let me say goodbye.

These two lines of lyrics appear at the very end of the song.

After a long absence, emotion appeared in my eyes.

The last time I heard this song was a long, long time ago. At that time, I had just met Chu Heng. We talked about everything we liked, and we heard this song together.After listening to this song, Chu Heng helped me turn on the lights in the room, and smiled and turned on the light in the room for me.

I whimpered, curled up and hugged myself.

I finally had the courage to look at the past.I'm not a noble person, never was, I'm selfish.But even when the situation has changed, I still can't think of a better solution.Mom died because of me and the last words I said to her were "blame you".In fact, I didn't hate her or blame her, but I was incompetent and powerless at the time, so I could only lose my temper at my last remaining relative, the only relative.

The relationship between me and Chu Heng is not just simple love after all, it involves too much.Again and again, too many things fell on me, and I could only do that.Whether I go left or right, I am wrong.

I am the wrong person.

I should not have been born.

It is the only right thing to end all these mistakes with my own hands as the source of my mistakes.

In those days, I listened to this song repeatedly, and I numbly wrote the lyrics silently on the paper.After writing it over and over again, Chu Heng's mother said that I was ruthless, did I have a ruthless heart?The most cruel thing, isn't it the fate that always plays with human beings in applause?

When I listened to "The Night Illuminates the Night" many years ago, how could I know that one day in the future, I would be one of them.

The song is right, "youth is only a tear", but the song is wrong, not "the heart is not sad when the heart dies".I'm already a walking dead, and I still know the taste of despair.

The world is so hypocritical, and this world can't afford me any future.

I hope that Chu Heng can live a decent life and continue to live a sunny and positive life.I hope he can take the hatred for me, the pain I gave him, and take me as a lesson, never forgive me, and forget me completely.

Then, all of this, right or wrong, even our youth, is up to me to say goodbye.

After that day, I started eating well.

Another year, I moved into my "sun palace" and officially started to be the boss.

Later, so many years have passed.

I have forgotten that this period of time had a meaningful but cruel name, it was called ten years.

The evil ghost in my brain defeated the gods and then attached to me. Whoever this ghost died for whom, it became a ghost again.

Driven by a ghost, I just wanted to kiss him, bite him, and even suck his blood.

I rushed over and bit Chu Heng's lip fiercely, his lip was finally bitten by me.I sucked the blood from his lips, suddenly so satisfied.The ghost on my body is more satisfying. This evil ghost is attached to me and sympathizes with me. I can even hear his triumphant laughter.

I know why he died and turned into a ghost.

This ghost has been thinking about a person, but he can't go back to see that person, he can't even think about that person a little bit.He could only look at the east where that person was in the distance, huddled in a corner, counting the days day after day, struggling to get through day after day.He's stuck here and can't go anywhere.For a long time, he never saw him.He was sick with longing, and he died.He turned into a ghost, floating around me all day long.

One day, the person he missed finally appeared.

Even if it was a dream, he never dared to dream of it appearing.

He tried his best to defeat the high god, he didn't want to do anything.

He just wanted to kiss someone he missed.He also just wanted to drink a little bit of the blood of the person he missed.

However, how can a ghost touch the blood of a stranger?

Once you touch it, you will be out of your wits.

But so what?The ghost in me, say so to me.

Yeah, so what?I say the same to myself.

Has the aloof god-lord brought me anything?No, my life is worse than that of a ghost, and ghosts are braver than me.

I put my arms around Chu Heng's neck and turned over to sit on my knees.The smell of blood not only awakened the ghost on my body, but also awakened something in Chu Heng.

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into his arms.

I followed the trend and moved my legs to his. His hand on my waist slid down, helping me to sit on him with my legs apart.I buried my head in sucking his blood. The ghost didn't know that he was going to die. After sucking so much blood, the ghost was so excited.

I was also excited, I leaned closer to Chu Heng, sat up on him, my legs were still on both sides of his body, but I knelt on the car seat.I sat up on my knees, raised my body, held his face in my hands, and sucked his lips over and over again.

The ghost said: Kiss him, kiss him, don't bite him all the time.He will hurt.

Yeah, it hurts, and I don't want him to hurt.

I stopped in a daze, but in an instant, Chu Heng had already moved over, pried open my teeth, and kissed me.

The ghost screamed excitedly.

I blushed when he called me, was I really so excited?

But, it's really exciting.During the kiss, there was the smell of blood, candy, chocolate, and more of Chu Heng.There was a lump in my throat, which seemed to be a sigh, and I wrapped my arms around him again.I was so excited that my whole body seemed to be about to glow, I secretly asked the ghost: Are you afraid?

Guili ignored me and continued to yell: Take off his clothes!undress him!Take it off!

I hesitated, and during the kiss, Chu Heng robbed me of the initiative.

The ghost scolded me for being weak, and I was so annoyed that the hand around Chu Heng's neck suddenly moved down, and I pulled his tie.

Chu Heng paused and looked up at me.

I closed my eyes, pulled out his tie forcefully, and threw it back. I threw the tie in front of the car and fell onto the steering wheel.

The ghost smiled and cheered for me: You continue!

continue or not?

My hand tentatively moved towards the button of his collar, Chu Heng left my lips and asked me: "What are you going to do?"

The ghost screamed: Take off your clothes!

I was still guilty at first, so I immediately puffed up my chest openly. I imitated that ghost and said viciously: "I'll take off your clothes! What's wrong!"

Chu Heng said: "This place...well."

I rushed over, bit his lip, and quickly unbuttoned his shirt with my hands.The movement that I hadn't done in ten years was a bit unfamiliar, but my hand slid all the way down smoothly, and all the buttons were undone by me.In my heart, I laughed wantonly with that ghost "haha".

I took it off!

Taking off the shirt was not enough, I went to pull his waistband.

Chu Heng held my hand, and his breath was a little unstable. He turned his face away, looked at me from the side, and said, "There are lights in front of you. You have to go back to see a doctor."

I do not care!

I don't care!

Even if I'm going to die in the next second, I don't care!

The ghost has stopped talking, so I blocked him.

What I want to do now is what I really think in my heart, and it has nothing to do with ghosts or gods.

I twisted on his body, trying to pull his waistband, but he refused to let me do it, and wanted to push me back, saying, "We'll talk about it when we go back."

I don't want to go back and talk about it!

I will not go back with him!

My courage is only for this moment.The selfishness I can give myself is only this one.

I looked at him anxiously and sadly, like a child who can't eat candy.His mood suddenly improved, he smiled at me, and looked up at me: "Can't you go back, can't you wait for a few hours?"

Can't wait, I nod.

"No, I have to go back to see a doctor—"

I leaned into his ear and whispered, "But, senior, I love you."

After I finished speaking, I lay next to his ear, didn't move, and stopped talking.

There was no sound in the car, Chu Heng froze.Soon, he let go of my hand, turned the car key with one hand, and held the steering wheel with the other.He quickly reversed the car and drove into a shadow. He turned around again and quickly hid the car in a nearby forest.

I am satisfied.

I smiled proudly and kissed his earlobe.

He stopped the car and returned his hand. Instead of pressing my hand, he wrapped his palm around my waist again.He avoided my mouth, then looked up at me: "Continue to take off."

I haven't been touched by anyone for ten years, and the lady's skin care products should not be in vain. I feel that my skin is the same as before.

He didn't take off his clothes very much, and I was stripped naked by him.I keep asking him to kiss my body more, so that even if I die in the next second, at least there are traces of him on my body.

When I was one with him, I completely pushed back that annoying ghost that wanted to shout, and no one could disturb me, no matter whether it was a human or a ghost, get out of here.

At this moment, there can only be me and him.

In the sticky sweat, I couldn't stop panting, and finally I collapsed on him, and he leaned back on the car seat, his hands tightly wrapped around my waist.I buried my face in his shoulder, he looked at me sideways, looked at me once, kissed me once, kissed my forehead, kissed my sideburns, kissed my eyebrows, kissed my ear, kissed everything he could Where to go.

He kept kissing, and I kept my eyes closed and didn't move.My hair was wet against my face, and he reached out to help me straighten it.I don't talk, and he doesn't talk, quietness is rare, and our treasures are so consistent.

The car is the smell that I share with him.

He tidied my hair, I heard the sound of the second hand on his wrist watch turning, time never waited for me.

Is it almost dawn?

That ghost is going home.

The lofty, tiresome, yet frightening Tenjin-sama will rush towards me with a gleaming artifact in his hand.

As for him, I lifted my chin slightly and raised my eyes to look at him.

He still doesn't know anything.

When he saw me look up, he lowered his head to kiss me, and I closed my eyes.

He didn't need to know anything.

His kiss fell on my eyelids, so comfortable, so comfortable that people want to sleep, so comfortable that people never want to leave.

But it was almost daylight.

I reached out and fumbled for something, and he asked, "What are you looking for?"

"water."

He brought a bottle of water from behind me and wanted to open it for me. I grabbed it and touched it. It was the bottle, and the cap had already been unscrewed.I gave him again: "Open."

With his hands around my waist, he opens the bottle of water behind me.

He raised his head to drink water, I looked at him, he actually drank it by himself.He looked down at me again, with a smile in his eyes, leaned towards me, put the water into my mouth, and finally said with a smile: "Are you afraid that I will only think about drinking it?"

I had to swallow the sip of water, grabbed the water with my backhand, raised my head and took a big gulp, then climbed up to sit up with him, and fed him the water in my mouth.He seemed to be addicted to playing, and he wanted to follow suit. I never gave him the bottle again, and I filled him with half a bottle of water.

He didn't laugh, but his voice was laughing: "Enough."

Yes, half a bottle is enough.

I nodded and stopped forcing him to drink water.He took the water bottle, put it behind him, hugged me, and said softly, "It's almost dawn."

"Yeah." I closed my eyes slightly, not daring to look out the window.

I used to be afraid of the dark, but now I am afraid of the dawn.

"After watching the sunrise, we'll go back as soon as it dawns. When we get home, we can just have breakfast."

"Ah."

"After breakfast, let's go to the hospital."

"it is good."

"See what the doctor said, treat it well. I will help you take care of things here."

"Yeah." I tried to get closer to him, but I couldn't get any closer.I couldn't really melt myself into his body.Although it was futile, I kept drilling into his arms.

He touched my temples and murmured: "There is a blanket at the back, wait until you go to bed, I will call you when you get home."

"Ah."

"An Sifeng."

"Ok?"

"I just called your name, I'm a little scared." He laughed at himself, "I'm afraid I called, but no one answered."

"I'm here." My voice trembled a little.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Then you tell me."

I opened my eyes, looked at his embrace in front of me, and my voice became extremely gentle: "Senior, I love you."

He closed his eyes and kissed my forehead.

I looked at him and said again: "I love you."

We both stopped talking and just hugged each other.The second hand is moving, the minute and hour hands are moving.

I know, the effect of the medicine is coming soon.Those are the sleeping pills I often take, and they have no medicinal effect for people like me who take them all year round.But for someone like Chu Heng who almost never takes it, the medicine is very fast and heavy.

My hand stroked him slowly, and I asked him softly, "Are you sleepy?"

He nodded his chin: "A little bit."

"Sleep, wake up, the sky will be bright."

He seemed to be really sleepy, and there was a vague sense of sleepiness in his voice, lingering, as if he was acting like a baby.He is so cute, he asked me: "Wake up, are you there?"

"Yes."

"You lied to me."

"will not."

"I dare not sleep."

I patted the back of his hand: "You sleep, I'm always here."

He murmured, and didn't want to sleep, after all, he was no match for the medicine.He held me like this, and gradually fell asleep, his chin stuck in the hollow of my shoulder.

As if I didn't realize it, I still hugged him and looked at a corner of the car.

The hour hands are still moving, I can already hear the birds chirping in the forest, it is really dawning soon.

I moved my body with difficulty, knelt beside the car seat, shoulders drooped, and looked down at Chu Heng's sleeping face.

I bowed my head and kissed his brow sincerely.

I reached out to the back seat and dragged the blanket over him, covering him tightly.

I kiss his lips again.

I moved my stiff and aching body, picked up my own clothes, and put them on slowly.My palm goes through the sleeve of my shirt, fingers spread out.I look at the ring on my finger, the diamond is asleep too, there is no light source and no light.You can't take it off, so wear it and go.My right hand, hold my left hand tightly.

I look at the front of the car, except for trees, there are trees.It was still dark, and the moment of dawn could not be seen.

I don't want to see it either, I hate the moment of dawn.

The light I like can only be given to me by one person.

I turned around and looked at Chu Heng who was asleep again.

He is asleep, without any pretense, he is still the senior Chu Heng who walked into my heart on that summer day 11 years ago, stepping on the scattered sunshine, tall, peaceful and handsome.

I leaned forward, pulled out his left hand, and kissed him very lightly on the surface of the ring that was the same as mine.

Goodbye, my senior Chu Heng.

Putting his hand back under the blanket, not daring to take another look, I opened the door and got out of the car.

In the woods, there are fragments of moonlight.

My legs were trembling a little, I didn't bring my mobile phone, I couldn't ask Brother Jin to pick me up, and I couldn't let him pick me up.

I'm going to run away completely this time.

I leaned on the tree and walked through the woods, intending to find a car by the side of the road, and I still had a few banknotes in my pocket.

There are a lot of cars here, leading to the highway.I just find a car and take me away, no matter where it takes me, as long as it can take me away.

He'll sleep for hours, plenty of time.

I felt sick all over and had difficulty breathing.I sucked in the moist air of the pre-dawn woods, but to no avail.I had to stop, leaning against a tree and looking up at the sky that was starting to turn white.

Let me hold on a little longer, just a little while.

I took another deep breath and walked out of the woods while holding on to the trees again, but it was difficult to even take a step.

I leaned against the tree again, and hurriedly took out the medicine bag from my trousers pocket. I didn't look carefully at what medicine it was, and poured it all out and stuffed it into my mouth.My hands were shaking so much that I couldn't even hold the medicine, and it scattered a lot on the ground. I looked down and bent over to pick up my medicine.

My waist softened, and I lay down on the ground, with my hands on the ground.

My eyes gradually began to blur, and all my medicine fell into the grass.

I can't see them anymore.

At this time, I heard footsteps behind me, and I fumbled for my medicine.

The footsteps stopped behind me, and his voice sounded: "You said you will be there when I wake up."

My reaction became very sluggish, and it took me a lot of effort to stand up halfway and look back at him.

In the little moonlight left, his face was full of grievances.

I thought of the way he quietly shed tears in front of me ten years ago.

My heart ached, and I murmured, "I'm sorry."

Sorry for what.

I'm sorry for everything.

The birds chirped more and more, the moonlight faded inch by inch, and finally, I couldn't even see his face clearly anymore.My body began to shake, and my world shook wildly. I couldn't hold on anymore, and finally fell to the grass beside me.

Before the last gleam of clarity faded, I fell into his arms.

I close my eyes tiredly.

This long and short night is finally over.

I don't know if I can still wake up.

Just let me be selfish this time.

Whether you can wake up again or not.

Falling into his arms before dawn, my life is enough.

-----use up-----

The author has something to say:

The story of this night is over, and the text is over.

After waking up, after dawn, it's all on the sidelines.

An Sifeng is not dead, he is.

I super super super like them, thank you for liking them.

Remember to watch the episode at that time. @20190118