Mr. Butler on the catwalk

The room is dark.Luo Lin carefully avoided making a sound, groped to the side of his bed, and sat down.

He breathed out a long breath silently, feeling a deep tiredness rising up.

"Finally home?"

——In the silence of the room, Luo Lin was startled when he suddenly heard Rivers' voice.

Perhaps the impact of the previous conversation had not dissipated on Luo Lin. After a pause for two seconds, Luo Lin replied apologetically, "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

Rivers' voice sounded ambiguous:

"...I haven't been asleep."

Only then did Luo Lin feel a distinct, fresh smell of wine coming from the bed beside him.He asked: "...Did you have a headache because you drank too much alcohol?...Ah, I'm going to help you get your medicine now."

Then he got up and went back to the corridor.

But Rivers stopped him: "I don't feel any pain at all. You don't need to take any medicine for me. I'm healthy as hell!"

Luo Lin froze for a moment: "...that's it. That's good."

"where did you go?"

"...nowhere."

"There is no place called 'Nowhere' in this world!"

Luo Lin was surprised by Rivers' suddenly raised voice, but he didn't know the reason for his excitement: "...Rivers, you don't need to be so loud, everyone else is asleep...you are drunk. Sorry, I should be back early take care of you."

Crack—it was the sound of Rivers yanking on the lanyard of the floor lamp.The slender long lamp was almost knocked over by Rivers.Feeling the light, Luo Lin narrowed his eyes subconsciously: "...what's the matter?"

Under the not particularly bright light, Rivers could be seen sitting on the head of the bed, his brows furrowed.He seemed to be gritting his teeth, but he really lowered his voice and asked, "What place are you talking about, 'nowhere'?"

"A fast food restaurant, unfortunately I don't remember the name."

"...you just had dinner, and then you went to the fast food restaurant."

"Where I can chat."

"Oh? I also saw that 'the person you were talking to' holding your hand and leaving with you? Good friend, huh?"

Luo Lin frowned slightly: "... Rivers, please don't ask me in such a tone. I don't feel comfortable."

"Yes, yes..." Rivers laughed twice, nodded, with a self-deprecating look on his face: "I didn't want to make you unhappy... I know I'm not qualified to control you, I really... ...ridiculous, isn't it?"

Luo Lin looked at Rivers's expression and sighed: "I just chatted with people I know, nothing special... I don't understand why you act so strange. Go to bed early..."

"...but, but I've always been so strange." Rivers said softly and hoarsely, "You know why, Luo Lin."

Luo Lin closed his eyes, and opened them again after a few seconds: "...Sorry...I thought..."

"Think I don't like you anymore?" Rivers smiled: "Luo Lin, how casual am I in your eyes?"

Luo Lin suddenly became embarrassed: "I didn't mean that...it's just..." He paused, and then said again: "Can we continue this topic another day? I don't think now..."

"...You were the same way a few weeks ago, you didn't say anything, you just kept running away from me. The truth is that I don't like you running away from me, it's not good at all... Please, Luo Lin, now, Talk to me, answer my questions... please."

Rivers' expression made Luo Lin feel uncomfortable.The usually domineering face has a shadow of humbleness, which can bring out a kind of pity mixed with guilt.

Luo Lin sat back on the bed, lowered his head, and rubbed his temples with his hands.After a while, he raised his head slightly with a tired expression, and said to Rivers: "It's my fault... let's talk about it. Tell me, I'll listen."

Rivers sniffed.He seemed to be calming down his emotions, but also seemed to be slightly agitated.Not long after, he said in a nasal voice: "...the first question I want to ask... well, I asked you once, but I need a definite answer. If you are in a hurry to get rid of me now , just answer no, I will never pester you again... I will give up on you. "

Luo Lin closed his eyes, already roughly knowing what the problem would be.

Rivers asked slowly and difficultly: "...are you gay?"

……really.

Saying no is the quickest way to end this questioning.But Luo Lin knew that it was not the right way to solve the problem——it would make Luo Lin feel a strange sense of inferiority.

So say yes?

...In normal times, Luo Lin would definitely be concerned about the various impacts of this answer.Perceptions of others, boundaries drawn, and interpretations of possible misunderstandings...

But this approach is too tiring.really tired.All the things that happened before have made Luo Lin no longer have the energy to think about it.His mind was slowly emptied, and Luo Lin subconsciously felt that he didn't want to worry about those parts anymore.

—Let it go.

The only person I ever loved was a man.So that's it.

"……Correct."

Luo Lin's voice was straight, without much hesitation.He slightly opened his eyes, clasped his hands, and looked down at the shadow in front of his bed.

Rivers, who had seemed to be holding his breath for the outcome, let out a small, pitiful breath.He then asked in a low voice: "...do you have... someone you like?"

"……Do not."

Luo Lin replied calmly but without hesitation to the feeling of sharpness that was not the same as usual.

"Then why don't you accept me?"—Rivers suddenly asked.

Luo Lin slightly turned his head towards him, his eyes still closed.On his tired face, the corners of his mouth were slowly rising helplessly: "... Rivers, don't jump to such a question all at once... I can't answer it."

"Don't worry about me feeling bad... I know you don't... like me like that. I just want to know how to make you like me, I can change for you, really, I don't lie to you. I need it, I need it It's a point...a pointer...oh I hate that I can't describe how I feel! Do you understand what I'm saying, do you understand Luo Lin?"

Rivers said eagerly, clenched his hand on the quilt into a fist, and leaned towards Luo Lin's location.Luo Lin smiled again, but shook his head slowly: "There is no need for that, Rivers. You are fine now, and you don't need to make changes for someone like me..."

"...But you won't fall in love with me now."

Rivers' voice went cold.

"...you're a good boy, Rivers. We could be good friends...I feel so relaxed with you. In that sense, I think..."

"...Don't use the level of liking as a friend to perfuse me! Don't call me a child, and I don't want to be just your friend!...I don't want these!"

Rivers yelled uncontrollably, and punched the bed.Something was knocked to the ground when he raised his hand, it didn't shatter, but there was a muffled sound.

Luo Lin turned his head and looked into Rivers' eyes.He remembered what Mrs. Black had said to him earlier, and suddenly there was something decisive in his eyes.

He told Rivers:

"...We are not suitable."

Rivers jerked the pillow out and threw it aside.The light feeling in his hand seemed to make him feel even more tight in his chest: "Don't say that before we start!! How will you know if you don't try it, you coward!!"

Hearing the last word, Luo Lin's back trembled slightly unobtrusively.

However, he still tried his best to smile:

"Rivers, I'm too old for you."

"... an excuse." Rivers replied tremblingly.

Luo Lin still smiled, but there was a sense of sadness in that smile that Rivers couldn't understand: "If you think that way... just treat it as a rejection. Is it okay to stop here? I'm really tired ……real."

Rivers looked at Luo Lin with a face that suppressed his emotions.Luo Lin and him looked at each other silently for a while, and then took a breath: "I don't think there is anything more to say...then... good night, Rivers."

After speaking, Luo Lin lifted the quilt and lay straight on the bed without even changing his pajamas.

Rivers didn't understand that what Luo Lin felt now, apart from being tired, also had deep emotional pain.

Rivers just felt aggrieved - the person who turned his back on him probably didn't take his "love" seriously.

...Under the quilt, Luo Lin put his fist under his nose, frowning tightly.His body was as heavy as if he had been run over, but he was strangely unable to fall asleep.A lot of things were clamoring in his head, which made people exhausted physically and mentally.

— don't think about it.Don't think about it.

Luo Lin was trying to clear his mind.Then in the next instant, his abdomen was hit by a violent force.

Luo Lin opened his eyes in surprise, and found that Rivers was riding on him with a crying expression.

……

"Rivers... go back to sleep."

Luo Lin wanted to sit up, but found that Rivers' two legs were firmly restraining his upper body.Luo Lin smiled helplessly, and closed his eyes again: "Don't be like this...I know how you feel...but, go down...Rivers."

"……look at me……"

Rivers said so in a sad tone.

Then Luo Lin felt a shadow in front of him—the wrist was held, and then Rivers' lips were printed on his own.

Luo Lin was extremely helpless about this development.He struggled relentlessly, and in a strange posture, his teeth collided with each other, and then Luo Lin felt a burning pain in his upper lip.

The smell of rust.

Luo Lin took a deep breath, turned his head firmly to the side, and said, "Go down, Rivers, I don't like this. Please, please go to sleep."

"……I do not want."

Rivers replied in this way, and even added the movements of his hands - he pressed Luo Lin's arms under his legs, and then started to untie Luo Lin's shirt: "...Look, I know how to do these things The thing... I'm a man, I'm not... I'm not a child..."

Rivers' voice was almost choked, with a sad and aggrieved expression on his face.However, his movements are proficient—fingertips twirled on the gradually revealed skin, occasionally kneading Luo Lin's chest vigorously——Luo Lin suddenly wanted to sit up, but Rivers simply lifted his waist and used a hard hand His knees touched Luo Lin's chest.

Luo Lin was so painful that he could barely breathe, but before he felt the pain, he was forced to feel a strange sensation between his legs.

Rivers turned sideways and was using his right hand to outline the outline of Luo Lin's lower body back and forth through his trousers.Gently rubbing from the pouch to rubbing back and forth on the upper part, in an attempt to make Luo Lin have a special reaction.

Luo Lin clenched his teeth, and the blood vessels on his forehead protruded slightly.He looked at Rivers with a terrified expression, and said one last time: "...Go down."

Rivers swallowed, tears were about to fall, but he didn't reply.

Luo Lin's upper body was restrained tightly, but his lower body had room to move freely.He jerked his knees and hit Rivers in the back.

... This time, Luo Lin held back his strength.But no matter what he said, he was a big man of more than 1.8 meters, and this was enough to make Rivers fall to one side unsteadily.Luo Lin saw the timing and pulled out his hand, sat up, and freed himself from the oppression.

Rivers didn't move.He looked at Luo Lin blankly, then slowly stretched his hand to the painful part of his back, lowered his head, and trembled all over.

"...It hurts."

He said so.

Luo Lin took a breath, then raised his hands to fasten the buttons of his shirt one by one.When I looked down, I realized that the zipper of the trousers had also been unzipped.

"I thought you wouldn't hit me..."

As Rivers said so, he tightly clenched Luo Lin's bed sheet with one hand.Two drops of tears fell down, which were slightly dark traces.

Luo Lin sat up straighter - and found that his chest really hurt.

"...I want you to respect me," he told Rivers.

"I respect yours, I respect..." Rivers said, with flustered and wronged emotions in his voice, "Luo Lin, I really love you... I have never felt that way to anyone. This feeling...is too uncomfortable...why can't you, why can't you treat me as a love object?"

Luo Lin moved to the side of the bed, stood up slowly, and tried to smooth out the folds of his clothes.He had no expression on his face, just lowered his eyes, and replied with an unsteady tone: "... If you must have an answer. It's probably because I'm afraid."

Rivers didn't raise his head, but his body shook violently.Luo Lin turned his head to the side and continued to speak softly.

"...Maybe because you are young, you can put love or liking so easily. I can't do that. I can't start a relationship that easily. Although you may be sad, but yes From my point of view, your feelings like this may be casual."

"For me, a relationship is a very heavy and serious relationship."

"It's not that I don't regard you as a love object, it's just that a relationship like yours is like a game to me, but I can't afford it."

"If it takes a few days to fall in love with someone, then forgetting is also very fast. If I finally got serious, but you gave me up, then it will take me months or years to come Forget about you. That would be horrible and not fair to me."

"I'm such a pessimistic person. So I would rather not be with people than get hurt."

"If you want to call me a coward, it's up to you."

Luo Lin laughed again.There was a very gentle smile, but the slightly frowned brows revealed bitterness, but it made people feel terribly sad.

Rivers raised his head while wiping his tears indiscriminately, and said stubbornly: "But, if you can't believe it, I will always be with you and treat you well...I don't care how you treat me, I just want to be nice to you, you scold me and drive me away...I also..."

"It's really not necessary." Luo Lin took a breath, shook his head slightly, and his smile faded a little: "In the end, you will get nothing, and maybe you will become a person like me."

Rivers froze for a moment, then suddenly understood, sniffed and asked, "Luo Lin, the person who made you what you are now, how long have you...liked him?"

Luo Lin bent down and took out the shoes from under the bed without looking up: "...a long time."

"...wait a minute... where are you... going now...?"

"...Go for a walk. Please, don't follow me. Leave me alone for a while."

Luo Lin took out a thicker cardigan from the closet and draped it over his shoulders.

When he came to the door, Rivers said to him:

"For what happened just now, please forgive me... I'm sorry, I just want you to treat me as an equal man... I'm really... very confused..."

Luo Lin sighed, and pointed to his own cabinet: "In the second drawer, there are medicines you can use."

Then Luo Lin thought for a while, lowered his eyes and smiled slightly:

"Actually, there was once. I thought about what it would be like to try it with you. I thought about how to contact you after the training camp, and I also calculated the chance to meet with you at work...but that was too unrealistic. I am really old and have no willful capital. I can't afford to lose."

"Thank you for liking me, I think, very touched."

"...Good night." Finally Luo Lin said so.

……

Most of the people in the room are asleep.Luo Lin thought for a while, and prepared to go down the stairs to the rooftop on the top floor.His steps were very light, and he would pass by one or two of the few bedrooms with lights on occasionally without being noticed.

Immediately next to the stairs was a small single bedroom, the door of which opened no wider than a crack.That should be Colin's room - as he wished, since the third week, he finally moved into a safe place where he couldn't meet gays at night.

But tonight, there were the sounds of two people talking in the room.

Luo Lin only heard a few sentences.

First Colin asked, "Why did you do that today?"

Then came a voice with a relaxed smile: "...because I want to see your embarrassed face, it's very funny."

—That's Edmund Fox.

Colin continued to ask: "Then why didn't you kiss me, just like those guys expected? I thought..."

Edmund said: "...Because you don't like it. I won't betray you..."

The last sentence is Edmund's mocking conclusion: "...I am you, my best friend."

...Luo Lin stepped on the orange light leaking from the crack of the door, and continued walking.

……

It was not as Luo Lin thought on the rooftop, he was the only one.

Sean, a single father, is sitting by the railing of the roof, wrapped in a thick blanket that looks very warm, with his neck slightly shrunk, sipping wine comfortably... There are quite a few piles of empty space at his feet. Can.

Hearing soft footsteps, Xiao En turned his head to look at Luo Lin, and smiled: "Would you like a can? It tastes great."

Luo Lin suddenly remembered the unpleasant drunk incident last time, and shook his head.

Sean shrugged his shoulders: "Forget it then, what a pity...ah, you can sit next to me. The blanket will be divided into half for you, it's very comfortable."

Luo Lin hesitated for a moment, then sat down.

...it was really warm.

Snow did not know when it stopped.Above the dark blue sky, there are clearly visible stars.Looking at this scene, Luo Lin let out a slow breath.

He didn't speak, and Sean didn't speak, only the sound of the latter swallowing the wine was heard.This silence lasted for a long time.Then they heard an angry shout suddenly sounded from the snow downstairs: "Go to hell, don't use me as your girlfriend's substitute!"

This is Sasha's voice... Luo Lin turned his head in embarrassment, but saw the current story that Sean was watching with relish—Sasha ran out of the house all the way, cursing someone loudly while running ...Probably, because apart from the English one just now, Luo Lin and Xiao En couldn't understand the following languages.

The next thing they saw, behind Sasha, was Sistakovich, who was only wearing a single shirt and trousers, chasing him out.

He was yelling, "I was wrong Sasha, but don't turn around and run, you will fall!"

"Do you think I will listen to you? Do you think so? You are wrong! I warn you Sistakovich, I will never fall on your hands again in my life! Go to hell you This dead straight man!! I really... wooah!"

Before Sasha finished speaking, he fell headlong on the snow.Sasha, who was all white and even had silver hair, seemed to be engulfed in snow for an instant.

On the rooftop, Luo Lin heard Xiao En's undisguised "puchi" laugh out loud.

On the snowy ground, Sistakovich in a long red scarf hurried over—"Get up, Sasha, don't lie on your stomach like this..."

Sasha didn't move.

Sisterkovich had to bend down to help him.Xiao En snorted amusedly, squinting his eyes as if trying to see the scene below more clearly - Luo Lin's eyes were very good.He seemed to see Sasha crying.

—Sasha is kneeling in the snow, crying.

Sistakovich seemed to say "Get up", and then Sasha suddenly cried out in tears: "Sistakovich, you go! Hell! Hell! Go! Can you not Treat me as your girlfriend!! Can you stop calling me Vanya!!..."

Then Sasha's voice gradually became quieter. While sobbing, he lowered his head: "...how could you treat me like this...how could you do this..."

...That appearance is really wronged and pitiful, it is completely different from Sasha's usual appearance.Luo Lin felt the embarrassment of prying into other people's privacy, and after thinking about what he saw and felt that night, he couldn't even feel enough emotion.

Sisterkovich seemed to be taken aback for a moment, and then said: "Then I won't do that. Let's go back."

He was about to take off his red scarf for Sasha to wear - but was thrown back on his face.

Sisterkovic scratched his head in embarrassment, and continued: "I really have to go back. I can't feel anything in my feet. Go back, please... I was wrong. You see, I also punish myself gone."

Luo Lin and Xiao En didn't know what they said, but they saw Sistakovich lift his feet from the snow from a distance.

Sean snorted amusedly: "He was showing off a pair of pink shoes?"

Luo Lin replied softly: "...that's his bare feet."

Sasha under the roof was also stunned, as if he didn't expect this man to chase him out without even wearing shoes.It turned out that he obediently got up from the snow, wiped away his tears, patted his clothes, and walked back behind Sisterkovich—the long red scarf was also wrapped around his The neck looks nice.

Sean drank the can of stuff in his hand contentedly, and said happily, "It's really a perfect love story."

Luo Lin had no choice but to see his self-satisfied face and laughed too.

... Luo Lin hardly slept that night.On this turbulent Christmas night, Luo Lin was forced back from a state of exhaustion to a state of sobriety.

He and Sean sat on the roof until dawn.At dawn, Xiao En was a little sleepy, and he even finished telling Luo Lin his story after rambling on.

Xiao En is a single father, Luo Lin has also heard about this.Such things are not uncommon in Western countries, but Luo Lin has never imagined the cause and process.

"Many years ago, I fell in love with my daughter's mother - and she died. God. I cried a lot and then fell in love with her brother the hard way."

"And then four years later, he died too."

"I always wondered if it was because of some curse on me, and then I found out that it was a damned family genetic disease."

"Now they tell me my daughter won't live to be 12."

"...But I just don't believe it. They're all bullshit. I can't protect the first two, the third is always fine."

"Damn... Are the people in the Astronomical Bureau all idiots? I waited all night for a meteor that can make a wish, but I didn't get anything..."

Sean rubbed his eyes and said that while yawning.Luo Lin couldn't see any sadness on his face—is this the so-called naturally optimistic person?

...But it is not possible to jump to conclusions.

Luo Lin tucked the blanket for the drowsy Xiao En, and waited until he saw a nice sunrise.

That's beautiful.

……

The morning sun fell on the eyelids.Alfred opened his eyes and turned his head slowly.

He gently lifted the quilt and stepped on the ground.The curtains were not opened, and there was no special noise when changing clothes.

It's just that the sound of water while washing his face still woke up the person who was still lying on the bed.

"Al... have you woken up already?"

A soft female voice called his name.Alfred glanced at himself in the mirror and responded, "You can sleep a little longer, baby. Sorry, it's time."

The petite girl put a sheet on her shoulders and walked over barefoot: "I'm very tired... don't you want to stay a little longer?"

"Abiding by time is the basic principle of a gentleman. What, will you be sad if I leave?"

The girl seemed shy and shook her head quickly: "No..."

Alfred smiled and nodded her nose: "When the training camp is over, I will accompany you well. I am really sorry for leaving you alone."

The girl nodded, and obediently stood by the door and looked at him.After a while, he whispered: "It's great that you came yesterday. Dad seems to be very happy too... I never thought you could come, really."

Alfred shaved his beard clean, and kissed the girl on the forehead: "That's because I want to come... spend Christmas Eve with you, it makes me feel very happy. Thank you, Lilian."

The girl named Lilian seemed to blush easily, and now she was standing there in such a state.Looking closely, she can be regarded as good-looking, but unfortunately, she has a slightly larger round nose and a lot of freckles on her cheeks, making her look a bit ordinary at first glance.Because she is petite and thin, she looks like a child.

Looking at Alfred's actions, such a girl's eyes suddenly dimmed inexplicably.Before Alfred left, Lilian finally plucked up the courage to ask, "Alfred, where is your ring..."

Alfred smiled and took a chain from around his neck - "I will hang it here at work, close to my heart. It will always remind me that I am your future husband - goodbye, Lillian, I Love you."

The door of the luxury hotel was closed.The girl sat back on the bed lonely and combed her hair with her hands.

In the elevator, Alfred untied the chain around his neck expressionlessly, and casually threw it in his trouser pocket.

The phone is dead.Alfred looked at the watch on his wrist, stopped and thought for a while, and finally continued walking his own way without hesitation.

The songs playing in the streets are still about Christmas...

"Merry Christmas, everyone. Love, everyone."