Mr. Butler on the catwalk

The young master always looks weird recently.Except for going out to take John for a walk, he was bored in the room at other times.

Today, when I was tidying up the young master's room, I found a book under the bed... the title is "Are you still hesitating whether to fall in love?" "...Could it be that the young master really has a sweetheart?

So when I was tidying up the young master's wardrobe, I accidentally asked the phrase "Master, have you got a girlfriend?"...

I thought the young master would get angry, but luckily he didn't.

The young master frowned and said that he didn't like the little girl now.Could it be that the object of his crush is a teacher?

God bless the young master, don't cause problems in school again, what kind of teacher-student relationship, be careful to be expelled...

A little tightness in the chest, probably because summer is here, it’s good to go out for a walk once in a while.

……

Mom called again and asked me to bring my girlfriend home, but I really didn't.Not to mention that I don't usually see each other, I haven't had any special feelings for anyone since I've been a bachelor for so long.Besides, with my dull personality, would any girl like me?

Don't think about it, let it be.The young master wants me to help measure his height, why is he working so hard on this recently?

came back.The young master is half a centimeter longer than last month, which can be considered an improvement.But he looks very depressed, and I don't know how to comfort him.

When he asked me if I was as tall as I was, I could stop thinking of him as a child.

But I no longer see him as a child.

……

Uncle left today.

Why don't good people live long?Why is it just an old leg injury that can take away people's lives later?

<Traces of strokes being steamed by water>

How should I tell mom?

<water trail>

why...

My wife paid for my uncle's burial.It was buried in the west part of Longquan Cemetery. The tombstone is made of high-quality marble, which is very decent.When he was alive, he didn't enjoy the blessings. He lived in a mud house and a shabby shack all his life. After his death, he will finally get a good place and won't be looked down upon by others.

But why did such a young person disappear like this?Why is there only such a small jar of ashes left when a person dies?

In this city, I have no relatives anymore.

The cremation scene, I never want to see it again in my life.It's too bad, I can't stand it.

When I was crying, the young master hugged me, and I felt more sad.

But fortunately, there is someone I can rely on.

……

Master and Madam asked me not to go to work these days, no matter how I promised they would not let me work.

The young master stayed with me in the house after school.What can you do so directly in front of you?

The two of us sat on the bed, and he put his arms around my waist from behind.

He told me to cry if I was sad.

I was trying my best to adjust well, but after hearing such a sentence, it suddenly stopped working.

I, a big man, want to be reduced to the point of being comforted by the young master, how could it be like this.

When I cried, I felt strange and relieved, and the young master also learned to pat me on the back.

……

The young master is getting more and more clingy to me, leaning on me at every turn, and sometimes pinching me.

He said that boys and girls at his school are so funny, so be it.

At least I don't hate it.And when the young master occasionally smiles, he's pretty...better than most of the people I've met.

It's really a pleasure to stay with the young master.

But my diary should be written about myself, since when is it the young master?

……

<Ten pages torn out>

I think I seem to like the young master.

After more than a year, he is really an adult.He has done so many things for me. Although he speaks badly, I know he is kind and considerate.

Today he put my hand on his chest, my heart has never been beating so fast.

I don't know what he thinks.God bless me, don't let anyone know what I think.

Even if it's wrong or disgusting, I still want to like it so much.Madam and lord, I am sorry for you, please forgive me, a dirty person.You are so kind to me, but I am still so abnormal, it is because I have no conscience.But I promise, I won't do anything, I just want to stand next to the young master and watch him.

I only want so much, no one will know, so promise me.

……

The young master will be there soon.It was almost winter, and my mother asked me if I could go back before the year. She said she would find me a wife in my hometown.

Dad's debts are paid off, the young master has grown up, and the Duan family doesn't really care about me anymore.

When he first came to Duan's house, the young master was still like a little boy, biting and beating everyone and couldn't calm down. Who knew he would grow so big all of a sudden.

It is true that time is not forgiving.The old people are gone, and I don’t know these Filipino maids very well. Maybe it’s right to leave now?

But the young master said he was going to celebrate my birthday with me.He said he had something to tell me, what could it be?

I suddenly don't want to know.I should have left a long time ago, and if I spend so much time, I will pass the past few years.Originally, even liking the young master would not lead to results. Now that I know it, there should be nothing to be reluctant about.

After the young master's birthday, I will move back to the countryside.Mom said that a new house was built in my hometown, even if it is not too big, I should be willing to have someone marry here.

That's it.

(Traces of repeated scribbling) Luo Lin, you should really wake up, no matter how much you like it, it's useless.

……

Madam died today.

It was fine when I went out in the morning, and the clothes were matched by me.

She said she was going to meet an acquaintance and asked me to dress her up beautifully.

But she didn't come back.The master came to me and said that the lady is dead.

how could be?I can still write these things down so calmly, because I can't believe it.

My mind has gone blank.

The young master hasn't been home since the afternoon.

The sky is bright again.

John didn't bark and I can't find it.

The young master returned, holding John's body in his hands.

What exactly happened?

The young master looks very bad.

I have to stay with him.He has accompanied me through difficult times before, but this time I will accompany him.

……

<several pages torn out>

In the morning, Shaotian took an ashtray and hit it on my head, it hurt very much.

But as long as you endure it, he is much more uncomfortable than me.

I still think of Madam at night, and I want to cry.

Why is such a good person gone?

This world is so unfair, it makes people feel cold just thinking about it.

But in the past, I could rely on the young master, but now the young master doesn't seem to let me get close.

Can't I help him?

Ma'am, you are in heaven, teach me what to do.

……

The young master became a little strange.

He came to see me last night in the middle of the night.Everyone else was asleep, but he only knocked on my door, and stood at the door for a long time without speaking.

His expression was sad, but he finally apologized to me.

It's really all right, young master, I know you're not feeling well.

But when he got up in the morning, he didn't seem to remember.

Something is wrong.

……

It's been a month, and the young master still hasn't gone to school.I just went to ask him what his plan was, but he scolded me and kicked me in the back.

He has learned to drink, and he can only sleep peacefully after drinking.

I looked distressed, but there was nothing I could do.

He was still in the night at night, and seemed a little drunk.

He hugged me and said sorry.

……

Last night, the young master kissed me.

But during the day, he doesn't remember.

He wasn't the kind of kid who would tease me, and he couldn't act.So I don't think the young master in the day and night is the same person.

The thought was scary, but also strangely a little bit fun.

If he doesn't remember what happened at night during the day, then if the young master and I say we like each other, can we still coexist peacefully during the day?

……

Luo Lin's diary is still very long, and Duan Fei read every page, and did not cover his eyes with his hands until the sky dawned.

— a few days later.

In the clinic, the physician Huang Yuren quickly flipped through the contents of the diary in his hand, and after reading it, he turned to Duan Fei and said, "How sure are you of the accuracy of the contents recorded in this diary?" Duan Fei replied hoarsely : "... some I'm sure of... some I don't know."

Now his chin was covered with black and blue stubble, and he hunched over and buried his face in the palm of his hand, most of his face was out of shadow.

Huang Yuren sighed: "According to the above records, your behavior became very abnormal after your mother passed away. During the day, your behavior is very irritable, irritable, easily tired and sensitive, and you are used to attacking people and things around you. But at night you will get up to find the author of this diary, and have friendly conversations or hugs with him...and intimate behaviors, which are very different from those in the daytime. But you are not aware of your behavior at night, Yeah?"

"I do not know."

Duan Fei buried his head deeper.

Huang Yuren sighed: "Hold your head up, I'm here to solve your problems, I don't want to blame you for anything. Your behavior should be regarded as a kind of abnormal post-traumatic behavior, but it is not a typical manifestation of stress disorder ...are you listening to me?"

Duan Fei raised his head a bit with effort: "...I really don't know...I don't know what I did at night, and I don't know that I will have another personality..." His hands trembled a little , I can only hold my hands tightly.

"Master Duan, please calm down, this is not what you imagined," Huang Yuren said in a soft tone, "If the records in the diary are true, what you experienced was not a dual personality, but a situation similar to the division of consciousness—this It's very important, please cheer up and listen to me, okay?"

Duan Fei's bloodshot eyes finally revealed a trace of clarity.

Huang Yuren continued: "I said here that you are divided in consciousness, because you still admit that you are a 'Duan Fei' at night, and attribute your actions during the day to yourself. Such a situation will not appear in multiple personality In fact, because an independent personality will only admit that you are unique and different from others. So you during the day and you at night are actually one person, don’t doubt it.”

"I said I don't remember how he could..."

"Master Duan, it's not just as simple as whether you can remember or not. And there is no 'he' here, only you from the beginning. Let me explain it this way, among all the abnormal behaviors after trauma, there is such a behavior: if you In a certain incident, he was hurt unexpectedly. In order to avoid the sudden hurt in the future, the victim will take the initiative to cut off the contact with his own intimate things, or in turn hurt others. This process is very painful and contradictory, which leads to many People will feel guilty and guilty, and after doing this kind of behavior, they will apologize or redeem it. Normally, this situation will not last for a long time, and after adaptation and adjustment, it will return to the normal state of life. However In your case, the impulsive destructive consciousness suppresses the redemptive consciousness most of the time, causing your redemptive behavior to only appear briefly for a certain period of time. Originally you were a combination of the two consciousnesses, but now these The division of consciousness has caused your personality to be very unstable..."

"I don't know...he said that the person he loves is not me...I don't want to be like this...I can't..."

"Master Duan, it's okay. This is not an unsolvable problem, and it doesn't belong to the category of hysteria or schizophrenia. I only have a few questions to ask. First, the death of a loved one is not an absolute blow. What aspects Make you unable to bear it?"

"I can't remember... I don't remember many things..."

"Then the next question... The object of the redemption action should be all the objects you hurt. Why did you only choose yours—the housekeeper?"

"I love him, right? I've always liked him, for many years...but I seem to have forgotten until I saw the diary..."

"One last question. Your father took you to my father for medical treatment immediately after the accident... At that time you had shown memory confusion and irritable characteristics, but your father did not ask my father to give You heal. Do you have any impression of this matter?"

"... Please don't ask me, I really can't think of anything now!!" Duan Fei buried his face in his hands again, breathing deeply: "I just want to change back to the me he likes! I don't want to go on like this anymore I have nothing!! Shut up you don't know how I feel...he is the only one who will love me the only one...I really have nothing..."

Duan Fei cried in embarrassment.He couldn't control this turbulent emotion, he only felt heart-piercing discomfort and regret.

Luo Lin fell in love with him when he was 16 years old, and it was nothing more than his own deliberate guidance.

But why did he forget that what he wanted to say to Luo Lin that day was "I love you"?

He wants to say, I have grown up, I like you more than others.From now on, I will take care of you, even if you have to be forced to face the eyes of others, it's no big deal.

But why did he forget in the end?Why did he still spend four years in a daze?Why did he still not remember when he kissed Luo Lin or gave him a hug?

When he couldn't help punching Luo Lin, why did he still ignore the clear voice in his head telling him to stop?

Keep doing it wrong until you make them miss.

"Please, let me go back to the old me... Please..."

Duan Fei knelt down and clenched the hem of the doctor's robe in front of him.

The doctor looked at him, but he didn't know what color to wear.In the end, the doctor could only smile helplessly, and said: "There is still a chance. As long as you are willing to work hard, you can work hard to change back."

-

Indeed, as long as a person is alive, there is room for redemption.No matter how it ends, at least you did it.

Duan Fei has forgotten many things, both good and bad for him.

Four years ago, November 11th was the day his world fell apart.

-

"Come back now!! You shouldn't have had a showdown with her so early!!"

"I just want a reputation, Duan Changshan, do you still have a conscience?! I've been with you for so many years, how much hardship do you want me to suffer?!"

"I beg you, come back to me now, let's talk about something, why do you make things so ugly?!"

"I can't help it Chang Shan, I can only fight it once, I know I will never wait until the day you speak... When did you think about us? You only think about Li Yuanyang and your family!"

"That's not the case. There is really room for this matter. I really thought about it for you, Liying, listen to me... Liying?"

……

"It's not...Changshan...can you come here now...I seem to...do something wrong..."

"Liying? Liying?!"

It was the day before Duan's birthday.When he came home from school in the third year of high school, he watched his father put down the phone and run out of the study, passing him by.

His mother died that day.He couldn't see the body.

When Duan Fei heard the news, he chased out like crazy, but only saw his father hugging a woman's shoulder at the street corner, half kneeling and wiping tears for that woman.

He recognized the woman.The woman used to hold him on her lap, fed him, and played with him in the yard.

Six years ago, he left suddenly because of his favorite servant, mother, and he refused to let go of the temper he had played for a long time.

His Aunt Liying saw him, knelt down to him crying, and said, "Feifei, I really didn't want her to die."

Duan Fei's brain exploded, and he suddenly felt that the whole world had collapsed, so he could only punch Duan Changshan in the face.

After only one night, Li Yuanyang turned into a jar of ashes.No omens, no funerals, no farewells worthy of her name.

And Duan Fei's puppy John, who had been raising for three years, was run over to death by a car while chasing Duan Fei out.

Duan Fei walked into the house holding John's body, and the blood of his beloved pet flowed from the severed limb to Duan Fei's hands.Duan Fei couldn't stop crying, the expression on his whole face was blank, and he knelt down fiercely to Luo Lin who greeted him.

On that day, Duan Fei never returned to the way he should be.

-

This is the accident and necessity of fate.

Many things in the world are so coincidental.There are a thousand and one ways for Duan Feineng to stay with or separate from Luo Lin peacefully, but fate chose the most drastic way, causing the two of them to embark on a completely different path from before.

The hurt of the past may be difficult to heal in a lifetime.However, those good things are also rooted in people's memory, and it cannot be said that there will be no wrinkles if you brush them away with your hands.

Duan Fei, who continued to live with incomplete memories, vowed to save everything he had lost on the day Luo Lin left.

... And here, our story officially begins.

And 30-year-old Luo Lin is currently sitting in the driver's seat of He Shiwei's car, driving all the way to the current residence of designer Cui Shinian.He has been through too much, and now for the first time, he wants to stand up from the eyes of everyone and extend his helping hand to other people in need.

He smiled at He Shi in the passenger seat, and stepped on the accelerator again.

He finally realized that he would not die without love, and that there are other possibilities in human life.

Since he became a model by accident, he must become the best one and complete all the things he wants to do without leaving any regrets.