back to innocence

"Is God forgiving?"

That's a really good question.

Nina thought for a while, and replied: "I don't know. I haven't seen him, so I don't know what kind of existence he is. But since everyone says he is tolerant, he should be tolerant, right?"

This is really a simple and straightforward idea.

"How many people do you think who come to church to confess will be forgiven by God?" the young man asked again.

"Well." Nina thought for a while, and then said flatly, "I don't know. I'm not God."

The young man smiled at her and didn't ask any more questions.

After that, the two went to the catacombs together.Although many of the catacombs here are not in use, and there are no bones or urns left, the overall scope is still grim.

The young man took a lot of photos, and then went to visit the new church with Nina.

After visiting the new church, the two had lunch at a roadside restaurant, and Nina took each other to see the house where the legendary witch lived.Of course, the house here has been rebuilt now, and the traces of the witch have long since disappeared. It's just a gimmick.

Youth seem to be particularly interested in such legends related to religion, magic, the supernatural, and disputes between beliefs.

After the visit, it was already dusk.Although Nina also proposed to take the young man to visit the local night market, she was rejected by the young man because he needed to sort out the photos.Nina knew that the young man was a professional novelist, so she wasn't unhappy. She just asked, "Does Mr. Fay want to write stories about religion or witches?"

The young man smiled and gestured for secrecy.Nina immediately laughed too, opened her mouth wide, and nodded solemnly.

The young man named "Isaac Fay" returned to his own room in the hotel.There is also a name tag hanging on the luggage bag against the wall, with the words "Fei Yizhen" written on it, and the English letters of Isaac Fay underneath, which are obviously his Chinese and English names.

It’s not time for dinner yet, so Fei Yizhen sat in front of the table first, uploaded all the photos he took that day to his laptop, confirmed that he didn’t miss any materials needed in the plan, and then stretched out his hand from the side Picked up an old parchment journal.

The history of this parchment log is very old. According to the detection of paper, it is estimated that it was more than 300 years ago, and it can almost be called an antique.

This diary was accidentally acquired by Fei Yizhen in the process of collecting some ancient books and miscellaneous notes. It is a priest's diary...or more precisely, its writing method is more like a diary.

It records the priest's life experience for a long period of time, his thoughts, the confusion and pressure during the missionary process, and vaguely mentions the shame, pain and sin of feelings and desires that should not be produced. feel.

Through extensive searching, reading and content analysis, Fei Yizhen deduced that the most likely place where this priest lived and preached was Van Monka.Because this diary vaguely conformed to his setting and expectations for the new work, so he came to this small western city not far away, trying to find the place where the story happened, and perfect his immature A little inspiration.

And now he is very satisfied with his decision.

Although it was only the first day, the image of the priest in his mind and the outline of the whole story had gradually become clear.

(...There has never been a thought that is so evil and seductive, and it says "come, come" to me, why do you care about heaven, this is bliss... This is a huge torture, as if I really care about it in my heart Looking at a huge beast...or more appropriately, a demon. What they saw was the most sad beauty: the virtues made of pain, sorrow and cruelty that should not have landed on him: forbearance, kindness, tolerance , restrained, the birth is ugly and evil*...

...the demons in me that cannot be unleashed either way.It cannot be told, it cannot be written, it cannot be seen, it cannot even be thought...)

The ink seeps through the paper and leaves traces on the diary through time.Through the notes, the priest's pain and self-loathing can almost be seen on the page.

Because of him, the true gender of the priest's object of love was revealed.

The priest who once swore not to marry in front of the altar and dedicated his life to the Lord fell in love with a same-sex man who came to confess and had pain that he could not tell in front of others.

By then he had evidently realized that even prayer and confession were of no avail.

The next day, at Fei Yizhen's request, Nina took him to the local library.Generally speaking, there are far more public libraries here than in China, with rich content, more openness and popularity.And as a local library, they have another advantage, that is, they have a lot of local historical miscellaneous notes and local notes.

Because Fei Yizhen was obsessed with searching for information, Nina had to accompany him to squat in the small town library for a day.

Fortunately, Fei Yizhen didn't intend to spend all his time in Fanmenka looking for information, so after staying in the library for more than a day, he followed Nina to visit many places of interest, and took the little Fan Mengka - including the castle of the famous handsome and tyrannical lord - visited it all.

During this process, Nina, who already had great expectations for Fei Yizhen, established a good relationship with him, and the other party even took the initiative to invite him to have a meal at her home.Mrs. Jin is very hospitable, but seeing Fei Yizhen's eyes are a bit weird, Fei Yizhen always feels that there seems to be a little... regret?

But he didn't know that Madam Jin was a pity that he looked first-class in appearance and character, but he preferred men, and there was no possibility of development with Nina.

Before leaving, Nina took him to a church.

For a small town like Van Monka, most of the residents are Catholics.Nina's family are not very devout Catholics. They only go to church occasionally, and they pray on and off in daily prayers, and they do whatever they want. They are often complained by brothers and sisters in the church for not participating in activities.Like their family, there are definitely not a few in the entire Fanmenka and even the entire continent.

But Fei Yi really didn't understand this, so he was very surprised that she was still a believer.She didn't act like a religious person before.

In fact, Fei Yizhen was still a little hesitant about this. He specifically said to Nina: "I am an openly gay man. Although no one here may know me, it would be embarrassing if I was recognized in a chapel."

Nina smiled and said, "How can it be so serious? The law clearly stipulates that there should be no sexual discrimination. If the church prohibits you from worshiping, then you can sue them in court. Moreover, the church does not prohibit homosexuality very much now. , I can only say that I don’t support it, and most people are more open. Some people are narrow-minded, you are just a tourist anyway, and you don’t have much chance to get along, so what if the other party has ideas?”

Fei Yi was really surprised, and said: "I remember that the "Bible" expressly forbids such behavior."

Nina smiled and said, "Yes, the Old Testament. But you see, after the Old Testament, there is the New Testament. The Lord's beliefs are divided into three, and each believes that what they hold is the orthodox one. After all, all the scriptures It’s just the secular interpretation of the Lord. For more than 2000 years, new interpretations have appeared every once in a while, so the saints were persecuted, and the medieval church was corrupted by power and corruption, making people want to vomit. Among them , only the Lord and faith are eternal, and the interpretation is one-sided and incomplete, because the lamb is too small, it is always difficult to see the whole picture of the Lord, and sometimes it even takes the wrong path, and all these mistakes will surely pass with time Corrected by the Lord. The current interpretation believes that under the protection of the Lord, only goodness is fundamental. Race, skin color, and sexual orientation are not reasons to prevent devout people from believing in the Lord. Sexual orientation is a matter within marriage, as long as it is not related to adultery. , □, murder and other crimes are combined and do not harm other lambs, why does the Lord stop and send down punishment?"

Her theory surprised Fei Yizhen, and what surprised Fei Yizhen even more was that even among Christians, there were two very different voices on this matter.

As Nina said, times have changed.

Sunday is Fei Yizhen's last day in Fanmenka, and then he will fly back to China.

The nearly ten-day journey in Van Monka made him feel a lot and collected a lot of useful information.The degree of sexual liberation in the West can be seen from this.Although in the eyes of most people, religion, especially Christianity, has always been the biggest obstacle to gays seeking equality, but Nina showed him a more tolerant and relaxed side.

Times are changing, and everyone is looking for change.

Hundreds of years ago, the church would directly tie homosexuals or heretics to the scaffold and execute them one by one.Today, everyone agrees that every independent person has the right to exist and live.

But Fei Yi really felt that they had such power.

He supported his cheek with one hand and leaned against the porthole of the plane, thinking about how much effort those disadvantaged people have put in to obtain the corresponding rights in this country, so what they get in the end is actually the reward they deserve.

In contrast, his motherland, his companions, seemed extremely cowardly under such circumstances.

But it won't be forever.

After thinking for a long time, he took out the old parchment diary from the luggage bag, stroked the cover of the book, and said in a voice that almost no one could hear: "You are a devout person, and your sexuality and emotion should not bury you." Devotion to God, and devotion to him."

Then, if God is forgiving, he will probably also forgive Fei Yizhen's next offense.