Euthanasia

From the time when Liu Zhiwei became silent until he got out of the car and left the carriage, Jon pursed his lips tightly and didn't say a word.A rage brewed and churned in his chest.

In that short ten minutes, Jon looked at Liu Zhiwei's silent face, and remembered the short film Liu Zhiwei shot when he was a teenager.It contains the purest love and the deepest despair.

There are many things that can break a person's will. For an adult with mature thoughts and rich experience, many things are trivial things that are not worth mentioning. Many pressures are no longer pressures after they have passed.Those who have experienced it can say in a relatively relaxed tone that this is nothing.

But when they were young, when another teenager was growing up, many difficulties that seemed small ten or twenty years later could have destroyed the will of many of their peers who failed to get through it at the time.

What Liu Zhiwei encountered at that time may have been unimaginable difficulties for many adults.

It is hard for Jon to imagine that something unacceptable to a 35-year-old adult man happened to Liu Zhiwei, who was only 15 years old at the time. How did Liu Zhiwei go through long thinking and self-questioning Inquiry, and finally come out, and still retain the pure ideal as it was at the beginning.

Jon knew how difficult and unbelievable that was, because he too had a traumatic experience and chose euthanasia in the end.

Suddenly, a text note with a person's avatar popped up in the corner of the screen.

PlainPeter: Sorry, Jon, I heard you all.

Peter had been on a video call with Jon before. When Liu Zhiwei spoke, Jon immediately switched to Liu Zhiwei's video, and Peter subconsciously turned off his microphone.But usually when Jon and Liu Zhiwei communicated, they would not avoid the person on the other end of the video. Peter waited for the end of what he thought was a "short" video, but he did not expect to hear such a passage.

Jon took a deep breath.His fists were clenched, but his voice was calm: "Does the crime of rape in China apply to men?"

Peter was silent for a while. He didn't respond to the voice, but replied to the text after a while: Not applicable.The crime of molesting children in China does not protect males over the age of 14. A few years ago, the crime of rape, and even the crime of compulsory molestation in China only included female objects.

Jon suddenly slammed his fist on the table, and the ornaments on the table fell to the ground.

Jon's eyes were red.

Liu Zhiwei's words before the silence made him feel a strong depression.

No one knew what had happened to him, and there was no legal support for his advocacy. Did Liu Zhiwei, who was only 15 years old at that time, really understand what he had suffered?

"I didn't even dare to tell others that I was gay, so I didn't tell anyone about these things." Liu Zhiwei, who dared not even reveal his sexual orientation, dared to tell others that he had been sexually assaulted?

Veins popped out of Jon's clenched fist.

PlainPeter: Calm down, Jon, Zeo is out of the car, he'll be upstairs in a minute.It has been more than ten years, what he needs now is not your late anger.

Jon took a few deep breaths, he knew Peter was right.Liu Zhiwei chose to tell him all this through the driving recorder in the car, which meant that he didn't want to see Jon's excessive reaction.Even if some scars are old, they still hurt when opened again, and the excessive care of others will aggravate the pain.Jon is well aware of all this.

There was the sound of a key being opened on the door.

Jon moved to the door almost immediately, and Liu Zhiwei was opening the door and coming in.

He was obviously uncomfortable when he saw Jon, and his eyes averted.He didn't know if Jon was by the computer at that time, and if he heard his confession.

Jon said with ease and enthusiasm as usual: "Come here." He spread his hands and motioned for Liu Zhiwei to give him a hug.

Liu Zhiwei froze for a moment.He breathed a sigh of relief, Jon probably didn't hear what he said.It didn't occur to him why Jon wanted to give him a hug, but he really needed one so badly right now.

He walked towards Jon, and Jon's arms wrapped around him tightly, slightly stronger than usual.

Liu Zhiwei suddenly understood - Jon had heard his words.

Hugging is something far more powerful than words and kisses, skin-to-skin contact, and the blending of body temperature and body temperature.Liu Zhiwei was hugged tightly by Jon, sticking to his chest, because it was too tight, he staggered and had to sit on Jon's lap.

Jon didn't let him go, and he didn't struggle any more.

"Zeo," Jon said in a quiet embrace, "you are the bravest and most determined person I've ever met."

Liu Zhiwei's chest was a little congested, and he didn't speak.

"But I have to say again, no one should be ashamed of what they've been hurt." Jon said a little more forcefully, "I'll only be disappointed by the big group of 'people', never you .”

Liu Zhiwei didn't make any protest against Jon's increased strength, and he even hugged Jon tighter, like people usually treat dolls with no scruples about strength, but Jon didn't care either.

"You know I love knowing all about you and being part of your past that I missed out on. Thanks for telling me that," Jon said. "I know how hard that is."

Liu Zhiwei felt a little stuffy in his heart, but he said slowly: "...It's actually not that difficult—I found out after I said it."

Jon's arm loosened slightly.

Liu Zhiwei said in a low voice: "There is a lack of sex education in China. It took me a long time to realize what happened to me... It's not that difficult to tell you these things."

Some things seem to be private things that cannot be mentioned before they are said, but after they are said, they seem to open a gate, and after the flood of congestion rushes out, the burden is also lightened.Liu Zhiwei felt as if he had dropped a heavy burden that had been oppressing his back for a long time. The burden was big and sharp, pushing him to the point of pain all over his body, bending his waist almost to the ground.

Now someone is standing by his side, asking if he would like to share some of his baggage with him.Liu Zhiwei asked him to help take it off in an easy way.That burden still exists, but Liu Zhiwei no longer bears all of it.

Man is a social animal, pressure comes from the group and others, hope also comes from the group and others.

Jon patted him on the back, and Liu Zhiwei said slowly, "Thank you, Johnny."

"I'm the one to thank," Jon said, "for showing me what it means to be a true idealist."

"I've seen a lot of similar people and similar stories," Jon said. "Even I could be part of a tragic story—disability, betrayal, major depression—but I chose euthanasia. I thought I am different from those who committed suicide, I just gave up my control over my existence, it is time to exercise my freedom of personality, but I now find that I am no different from them."

Liu Zhiwei wanted to refute something, but he found that he didn't understand Jon in the past, just like Jon didn't understand him in the past, so he couldn't say anything to refute.

"I didn't stick to my ideals," Jon said. "The important point is not that I gave up my life, but that when I gave up my life, I gave up my ideals. I was a coward who gave up halfway."

Liu Zhiwei raised his body, put his hands on Jon's shoulders, and said very firmly: "You are not."

"Not from now on." Jon said as he took his phone out of his pocket.He dug out the alarm clock that had been set long ago.That time the alarm clock led Liu Zhiwei from the hospital to the tallest building in the city, and Liu Zhiwei was so frightened that he almost turned against Jon.Jon deleted the other alarm clocks, leaving only one off alarm clock—

00:00, Mydreamcame (my dream came).

"You are part of my ideal," Jon said. "God played a trick on me and put my ideal on the back of the earth. But luckily I found you in the end."

"Now," said Jon, "I'll do my best to salvage my ideal."

Liu Zhiwei looked at Jon, his eyes blurred again.But the corners of his mouth parted into a big smile, a big smile that opened every little gap between his brows after leaving behind a long burden.

Liu Zhiwei went to bed very early that night.He thought about many things in the dark, many things in his early years, many things that were dusty in his memory that he didn't dare to recall before.

Jon's hand reached out from behind and wrapped his arms around his waist.

Liu Zhiwei said softly: "Jonnie, do you still remember that you once asked me what my name means?"

"Great ambition, great spirit." Jon said in Chinese, "Your father gave it to you."

"Yes," Liu Zhiwei said, "When I was young, people always laughed at my name Tu. Later, when I debuted, my manager also said that as an artist, I can't be called such a rustic and ugly name."

"I don't know what's wrong with your name," Jon said.

"A lot of people take it."

"Americans named Jon can form a city." Jon said, "Judging a person by name and appearance is the most superficial thought."

Liu Zhiwei smiled. "Yes, I have been trying to tell those people that my father is a Chinese teacher, and he must have given me such a name after careful consideration."

"I didn't know the meaning of my name until I came out of the closet." Liu Zhiwei said, "He said: 'I named you Zhiwei, I hope you will be an ordinary person with great ambition and spirit, no Makes you gay without shame.'”

"He's biased against gays," Jon said.

"The previous generation in China, most of them, I don't think people who are prejudiced against minorities around the world will disappear," Liu Zhiwei said, "but I was really touched by the name. My father is not good at compliments." Others are not good at comforting people. All I received from him were shocking education, and I rarely heard him say that to me."

"Just like I rarely get half a compliment from my father." Jon rolled his eyes.

"I was once renamed as 'Liu Zhi' by my agent. It sounded a little better, but I always felt that something was missing. Later I realized that I was too obsessed with fame and fortune. A nice name represents more traffic , more exposure, represents a chance to become famous. But that name does not represent me, my work, my thoughts, my person.”

"So you changed it back?"

"Yes, I abandoned those utilitarian ideas," Liu Zhiwei said, "Anyway, I had reached the bottom of the valley at that time, and I had nothing, not even the traffic I had imagined. This is the name I have since I was born. It's the name my father gave me. It represents his best and most sincere wish for me, and I want to keep that wish.

"Especially, after I can't go home to see them."

Jon hugged Liu Zhiwei tightly. "I like your name."

"Thank you," Liu Zhiwei said, "I also like the name you gave me."

Jon said vaguely: "I like your first name with my last name..."

Liu Zhiwei grabbed Jon's left hand that was on his abdomen.Their rings touched again.

Jon said, "Zeo, do you want to come to America with me?"

Liu Zhiwei was stunned.

"People are always bound by the old society and interpersonal relationships," Jon said, "if you change to a new environment, maybe you will feel another life."

Liu Zhiwei was silent for a while.

"Jon, I don't want to avoid my current life and the pressure I'm facing," Liu Zhiwei said, "I'm a very stubborn person. Rather than saying that I'm here to suffer, it's better to say that I want to change something through my stubbornness. "

"That's why you've been in this business?" Jon said softly.

"Well... part of it," Liu Zhiwei said, "I like this business, Jon. Like you said, I'm an idealist, and I never think it's a bad thing."