[Titanic] I can't help myself

It was the first time she directly expressed her dissatisfaction with the relationship between Carl and me, and I bowed my head a little guilty, waiting for her to speak more severe accusations.But she only said this sentence, and didn't speak any more.It made me feel even worse.I would rather she scold me, as if I have paid the price for my behavior, although it is a very hypocritical idea, but it will really feel better.

Before dressing for dinner, Carl came to my room.

"I saw that woman stopped you." He put his arms around my waist from behind, "She looks pitiful, what did she say to you?"

I leaned back on him and patted his hand to comfort him: "We just said hello."

"Don't get too close to that woman, her reputation has been ruined, and the family refuses to pay another penny for the dowry, so they are trying to find a benefactor." He lowered his head and kissed my neck, "Don't let her take advantage of you. This woman is a leech. Once you let her entangle you, she must suck a big mouthful of blood from you before she will stop."

"Stop being jealous." I turned around with a smile and put my arms around his neck, "It's impossible for me to have anything happen with her. The person I love will always be you."

"Of course I know that. I love you too, baby." He and I exchanged a brief kiss, "but I'm afraid you're going to do something stupid, darling, for example, to marry this woman, since she knows our relationship."

"I have to admit that I was once shaken." I pressed my forehead against his and murmured, "It's not that I haven't thought about this idea."

"What?" Carl's voice was full of shock, he lifted me up, eye to eye, "Did I hear wrong? What did you just say?"

"But I woke up soon." I crushed his face with my palm, and said with a smile, "Put me down quickly. I won't do anything stupid, and even if I do, I will discuss it with you."

Carl looked at me deeply, finally sighed, put me down, and hugged my body tightly.

"Sometimes I'm really scared that you'll leave me," he said softly.

"No, as long as you don't betray me, I won't leave you." I patted his back and comforted him.

Although I deeply sympathize with Miss Elizabeth's experience, I am not a philanthropist, and I don't actually have a deep relationship with her, so I just sigh in my heart.But I didn't expect that within two days, I received an invitation from Miss Elizabeth, inviting me to drink coffee in the cafe in the afternoon.

I thought twice and decided to accept her invitation.After all, I have helped this girl before, and we have some friendship, but now that she is in such a state of desperation, I really can't bear to refuse.So I went to see her on the sly, without telling Carl or my mother.

She changed into a light green dress, and this time I observed it carefully, and sure enough, both the material and the tailoring of the clothes seemed much cheaper, but with her ingenious collocation, in this expensive In the coffee shop, it doesn't look obtrusive, or, in the eyes of men, it may be a bit downcast, but it is not dazzling.

She didn't wear any jewelry, but she wore a few delicate flowers in her bun and on her chest.She is still young, so she looks lively and innocent when she is dressed like this.I must say that she is really a girl who is very good at taking advantage of her image.

"Keeping you waiting, Miss Elizabeth." I apologized to her, it is impolite to keep a lady waiting anyway.

"No, I came too early." She smiled, and after I sat down, she sighed and said, "I just want to use your name to see more of this. Maybe I will never Here's the chance."

"How could it be?" I replied briefly. I felt that I had already guessed the purpose of this meeting, so I didn't say any other words of comfort.

We sipped coffee quietly, and I didn't intend to bring up the topic first.

"I think you already know everything that happened to me." She put down her glass and said softly.

I looked at her face, she was full of sorrow, pale, looked a little haggard, and became weaker and weaker.This posture can easily arouse a man's desire to protect.

"Yes. I'm very sorry about that." I put down the glass too.

"I didn't expect my own sister to take things to such an unfeeling level." Her eyes were reddish, her expression sad, "But this is what I deserve, isn't it? I am delusional about people who shouldn't be delusional, and do it without shame." those things."

I quietly listened to her self-pity with a hint of crying, and let out a long sigh.

"Earl Richardmond," she tapped the corners of her eyes lightly with a handkerchief, "I know it's rude, but life is too difficult." Tears glistened in her eyes, "I'm not reconciled, Earl, I am not reconciled. I just accidentally took a wrong step, but I have to pay the price of my whole life! I thought that because I was not a pure body, I might never be able to be a mother again. It was my punishment for the rest of my life. But I didn't expect Francis to think that this wasn't enough, she was going to ruin my life! But it's obviously not my fault!"

Tears fell from her eyes.Hearing this, I comforted in a low voice: "Everything will be fine."

Miss Elizabeth sorted out her emotions a bit, shook her head, and said, "I'm afraid it's not that simple. The life of the upper class is too boring, and a scandal is enough for them to talk about it for a lifetime. By the way," she blinked, Squeezed a smile and looked at me, "How are you and Mr. Hockley? I saw you at the racetrack, and it looks like your problems have been solved?"

I watched her face until she looked a little flustered: "Yes, we, we're together."

"Congratulations." She smiled brightly.

There was silence between us again.

"Then may I ask, your mother, does she agree?" She asked tentatively.

I gently stirred the coffee with a slender spoon, "You can imagine."

Miss Elizabeth picked up the coffee and drank it slowly.Until this cup is finished.I continued for her.

"Earl Richardmond." She suddenly raised her head and said firmly, "Actually, I invite you to drink coffee to beg for your kindness."

Before I could answer, she continued: "I know you are a very kind and responsible man, and I also know that you love Mr. Hockley very much. You don't have the heart to hurt anyone, but now, for your family and Your mother, I am afraid you must marry. You, a gentle man, do not want to involve an innocent woman and bury her happiness in a hopeless marriage, nor do you want to put one between you and Mr. Hockley. The third party will destroy your relationship. You must be very distressed now."

I nodded: "You are right, it is indeed so."

"Lord Richardmond, I don't ask for anything else," she looked at me expectantly with her big watery eyes, "I just ask for a place, a place that can accommodate me. I don't ask for more than that." One position is more, and I will not interfere with the relationship between you and Mr. Hockley. I have also received a good enough education to manage castles and manors, and I feel that I am fully competent."

I blinked, sighed, and said, "Miss Elizabeth, actually..."

"Please!" She interrupted me, with a pleading expression on her face, "Please, don't refuse directly, please think again! Although I don't have a good reputation, I can solve many worries for you!"

"Actually, Miss Elizabeth." I smiled, looking straight into her eyes, "I guessed your intentions before I went to the appointment. Thank you for your willingness to share my worries, but I have no intention of getting married."

Miss Elizabeth's expression hardened.

"I was really shaken. My responsibilities to the family and my responsibilities to my mother once made me shake. I considered the issue of marriage, marrying a girl who can accept the relationship between me and him. She offered a good life, and a high status, in exchange for a peaceful life. I thought about it for a long time, but in the end, I still can't, I don't accept it. I can't do it."

"Why?" she asked softly. "But Mr. Hockley is getting married, as far as I know. Don't you think it's unfair?"

"In a relationship, sometimes we can't just rely on one thing to care about fairness and injustice. Besides, I didn't make the decision not to get married entirely for him, but more for myself. You must know that if I want to Marriage, he can't stop me. I just can't convince myself, I don't want to get married, I can't do it. "

"Are you afraid of hurting him?" asked Miss Elizabeth.

I picked up the cup, took a sip of coffee slowly, sorted out my thoughts, and then slowly said: "There are many reasons why I can't convince myself to get married. I don't want to share my life with an outsider. I There is no way to feel relieved about the woman who may become my wife in the future, etc., many reasons that are trivial and boring to others."

"There is another reason that may sound ridiculous," I smiled shyly, "I sometimes think that times are changing, and maybe one day, he and I can walk into the church openly, As a legal couple, I can introduce to others openly that he is my lover, and after we die, I can be buried with him together. The tombstone says that the two people buried here have loved each other all their lives. Although it is very Maybe, this wish cannot be fulfilled when I am alive, but at the very least, I don’t want to pretend to be in love with someone I don’t love in front of others, pretend to be sweet, and get blessings similar to a hundred years of marriage from others. This kind of thing, even if it is Thinking about it, I find it very unbearable."

"Then you can put up with that Mrs. Hockley who might exist in the future?"

"The future Mrs. Hockley won't exist for long." I smiled, "So, although it makes me very uncomfortable, I am willing to tolerate this bit of discomfort for Carl's sake."

"For him, I am willing to endure his marriage. For myself, I don't want to get married. That's it."

"You are very romantic," whispered Miss Elizabeth. "You really love Mr. Hockley."

"Yes, I do love him very much. The reason I just said may sound ridiculous, but that's what I think. I can't marry, I can't accept it, I can't convince myself. Maybe this lady, She doesn't need my affection, she won't interfere with my life with Karl, she can help me manage the manor and share a lot of things for me, but I still can't accept it. Maybe decades later, our relationship will be flat, I can accept marriage, maybe we might even break up, but that's for the future, let the future me think about it, at least for now, I don't want to get married."

"Maybe I'm sorry for my mother, I'm sorry for the glory of the family, but my heart has already let go of Karl, and other things can only be left behind."

Speaking of this, I smiled and said, "No matter what, I would like to thank you for your willingness to help me share all this."

"Please don't say any more." She shook her head with a smile, looking a little lonely, "This is really embarrassing, I'm trying to sell myself as if I'm recommending a product without dignity. It's really shameful. "

"This kind of thing happened to you unfortunately, but you didn't sink because of it. To be honest, I admire your courage and persistence very much." I said sincerely.

In fact, as early as last year when I helped her have an abortion, I found that she was not as harmless and innocent as she appeared. She was very thoughtful, sophisticated and utilitarian. She is really a big boy who doesn't know the world, has no feelings for the opposite sex, and communicates a lot. From the perspective of an unaffected bystander, it is not difficult to find her true face.

I have enough reasons to suspect that she may have deliberately seduced her brother-in-law, hoping to grab the position of Viscountess, but I didn't expect that the other party was more inclined to her sister and was unwilling to take responsibility. that situation.But no matter whether she is really ignorant and kind, or full of dark and small thoughts, I really sympathize with her as an underage girl, burdened with the scandal of being pregnant out of wedlock that will ruin her life, so I came to help.

Now that her reputation has been ruined, she did not hide in the countryside and escape from reality. Instead, she faced the difficulties and relied on her own strength to return to the social season, ignoring the ridicule and contempt of others, and trying to make a comeback.Don't talk about how bad the wrong things she did before, but just talk about her bravery and perseverance, I admire her very much.

"What kind of courage and persistence? It's just that I was pushed too hard by reality." She smiled bitterly, "Actually, I don't have too much hope for convincing you, after all, even an earl with no reputation The title of Mrs. is also very attractive to those young and beautiful girls with a clean reputation. But I didn't expect you to reject me because of this."

"Then what are your plans now?"

"Plan?" Miss Elizabeth smiled self-deprecatingly, "I have no plans, I can only show my face around with a thick skin, hoping to use my youthful appearance to attract a man who doesn't care about my past."

"Actually, you don't have to be like this." I persuaded, "There are many girls in this world, and they don't have a rich enough dowry, or they don't have a penny, but now the times are different, and girls can go out Work, as long as you are willing to give up your status as an aristocrat, you can also stand in London."

Miss Elizabeth shook her head slowly: "I think you may have already seen what kind of person I am. Do you think I will be the kind of person who is willing to live that kind of life?"

I was silent for a while: "Yes, you are a very thoughtful person."

"It's very ambitious." She smiled, "Yes, I am an ambitious person, I don't want to leave here, I want more. I have always regarded becoming the Viscountess of Maxwell as the most important thing in my life. However, thanks to Francis and my dear sister, during this time, I have seen more and a wider world, and I have more things I want. A kind person like you, after hearing this, will definitely You think I'm ridiculous and scary."

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so at all. It's a good thing to be ambitious. Only ambitious people have ambition."

While we were talking, the weather suddenly began to change, and after a while, it began to rain heavily.Miss Elizabeth and I sat by the window of the cafe, quietly watching the rain on the glass window, and we didn't get up to leave until the rain subsided a little.

"Where do you live?" I hailed a taxi for her and tipped the driver enough to show him around London.

She smiled and said, "Let me make a good impression on you."

I didn't force it, so I shook hands with her and said goodbye: "Then, I sincerely wish you an early success."

The author has something to say: I started coding in the middle of the night yesterday and have been coding until now. After checking the results, eh?That's all!I just feel tired and don't love it. . .