[Titanic] I can't help myself

In October, the weather is already quite cool.The weather is rare these days, no rain, the air is warm but not dry, there is a little dust floating in the air, but it doesn't look dirty.

I helped my mother off the train, and Rose followed, holding the hand of her maid, Beth.

The train emitted huge streams of steam, making the entire station hazy, and the smell of burning boiler fuel permeated the air. My mother frowned, and took out a silk handkerchief that exudes the fragrance of mint to cover her mouth and nose.

This is the most common sight in the age of steam. There are boilers burning coal or wood everywhere. In a big city full of factories, choking dust floats in the air. In summer, it is almost impossible to breathe. Only the countryside Not too bad.Whenever this time, I miss my original era very much.

Coming out of the station to pick us up our cousin William, the current Duke of Prestbury, spotted us in no time.

"Aunt Ruth," William greeted her with a smile on his face, held his mother's hand, and kissed the back of it, "The journey has been exhausting."

"I'm sorry to trouble you, William," said the mother with a smile.

"It's my honor." After he finished speaking, he turned to me again, his deep blue eyes shining with an inexplicable light.I was just about to reach out to shake his hand, but he stepped forward and gave me a big, strong hug that almost strangled me.William was more than a foot taller than me, and I was only up to his shoulders, so the passionate hug nearly bumped my nose into his hard chest, but I turned my head just in time to avoid the disaster.

"Henry, you've grown taller again." He let go of me, stared at my face, raised his hand as if he wanted to touch my face, but just landed on my shoulder and patted it lightly.

Finally he turned to Rose and shook her hand: "Cousin Rose, you are getting more and more beautiful."

"Thank you." Rose smiled.

"I bet, not only in Acton and Chatsworth, but in the whole of England, there won't be any girl more beautiful than Cousin Rose." William sat in the car with us, Said, "All the bachelors would be crazy about her."

"William, William, you are the same as when you were a child, your mouth is as sweet as honey, and you are always so pleasing to the ladies." The mother said with a smile, and then sighed deeply, "But many times, for A rich dowry is more attractive than a beautiful appearance to a girl to be married."

"If it's just for property, I'm afraid the marriage will not be happy." William continued, "We may be able to test Rose for an excellent man who truly loves her."

"Lend your auspicious words."

Hearing this, Rose, who was looking at the scenery outside the window expressionlessly, snorted coldly.Seeing that she seemed to be about to speak, I quickly interjected, "William, how is my little nephew James?"

When we arrived at Chatsworth Manor, it happened to be afternoon tea time.

Auntie took the whole family and dozens of decent servants, dressed in formal attire, and stood at the door to greet her.She is a widowed duchess. When she was young, she lived in London with her husband who was a minister. She often visited Buckingham Palace and accompanied the queen and princess. Even among the nobles, she was considered a noble status.

However, even so, she did not neglect and despise us because of the decline of the Bucket family and the growing gap between us. Instead, she wanted to help her mother find a rich husband for Rose, A month-long party was held at her castle, and many singles were invited.That's why we came to Chatsworth this time.

As soon as her mother got out of the car, she warmly called "my dearest sister", stepped forward to offer a hug, and kissed her mother's cheek.

"Oh, look who this beautiful girl is?" Auntie kissed Rose's cheek affectionately, "From the moment I first saw you 16 years ago, I knew that one day in the future, Your beauty will drive everyone crazy."

Under the strong aura of the Duchess, Rose didn't dare to say anything to spoil the fun, she just smiled lightly and said "Aunt Edith", looking like a shy and quiet girl, although Both my mother and I knew it was fake.

"And my little Henry." Aunt Edith held out her hand to me, "Every time I see you, I sincerely hope that you are my daughter, then I will pass out with happiness. Haha!" She laughed, "Never mind, it was just a joke. Honey, you've grown taller again."

"Thanks, Aunt Edith, I think so too," I replied ambiguously.

Everyone exchanged a few words at the door, and my aunt walked slowly towards the castle with her mother on her arm, "You must be tired, afternoon tea is ready. I specially asked the kitchen to make Henry his favorite food chocolate cookie……"

When we are sitting in the sun-drenched small flower hall while drinking afternoon tea and chatting, we have to clean up the dust from the journey and change into clothes specially prepared for afternoon tea.

"If my room hasn't been changed, then I think I still remember how to get there, William." I smiled, looking at my cousin who insisted on going with me, "Or you can send a manservant, you really don't need Come with me yourself."

"You are already the Earl of Richardmond, Henry, that would seem too negligent." William also smiled, with an inexplicable gleam in his deep blue eyes, "Or you just don't want to stay with me? "

"Of course it's impossible. I just feel that it is too flattering for me to have the Duke accompany me." I smiled and did not object again.

"It really hurts me to say that, Cousin Henry." William approached me suddenly, bent down slightly, and held my hand tightly, "There is no Duke now, Henry, only cousins."

"Of course, William." I smiled and wanted to withdraw my hand, feeling a little pain when my knuckles pressed together.William squeezed twice before letting go.

All of us, except my father, had our own permanent room at Chatsworth House.It was all cleaned up by this time.I haven't been here for three years. The small living room of the room has been replaced with light green wallpaper with golden roses, the sofa has also been replaced with an apricot color that matches the color, and gorgeous crystal lamps have been installed on the ceiling, while the bedroom has hardly changed.

I went into the bedroom and was assisted by my valet, George.While William was talking to me, he followed me into the bedroom, and sat directly on the rocking chair beside the bed.Even though my back was turned to him, I could still feel the heat in his eyes, but I could only pretend to be relaxed and pretend not to know.

And when George was about to change my tight shirt, I couldn't take it any longer, so I looked back into his eyes, hoping he'd understand me.Although we are relatives, I still have no way to be naked in front of him.

William shrugged, knowingly walked to the living room outside the bedroom, and thoughtfully closed the door for me.

George is a tall, strong grown man, and every time he dresses me, he either has to bend over or half kneel on the ground, and at first, I always felt that for a tall man, he had to stoop to serve other men I'm afraid it would be a shame, but every time I offered to get dressed myself, this big man who was over six feet tall would give me the look of being abandoned by me, and I had to give up.And after so many years, I can also let a man dress me up like a doll.

"Master." George lowered his head to tie the tie for me, and his head was a little too close, so I raised my head to make it easier for him to work, "I always feel that His Majesty the Duke has some... some inappropriate feelings for you... "

"George!" I interrupted him, "don't talk about a duke, remember your duty." You know, in this day and age, framing a nobleman will lead to prison.

"I'm sorry, master." George quickly bowed his head and apologized, "I'm just a little worried."

"Cousin William never made any faux pas, he was just a little too enthusiastic." I looked up and motioned for George to continue to tie my bow tie. "He hugged me when I was born. I don't know who told me These baseless rumors you're talking about, but I want to stop there."

George had finished the work at hand, he took a step back, put his hands on his sides, and lowered his head humbly, "Master, I'm very sorry, this kind of thing will never happen again in the future."

"I know you're doing it for my own good." I did a final check in the mirror, then patted his arm—George is too tall, "Cousin William did a lot for Bucket, you have to do it from the bottom of your heart Respect and thank him."

"Yes, master." George bowed his head again.

In fact, what George said is the truth, I knew this fact three years ago.At that time, this body was only 12 years old, and it hadn't been long since it entered the ranks of teenagers.In that year, Acton suffered an unprecedented blow. His father’s business failed, and we owed huge debts, which I’m afraid we would not be able to repay even if we sold all the land and manor.William, who had just returned from studying in London, came to condolences on behalf of his mother. We, except the father who was addicted to alcohol to escape reality, stood at the door to greet him.As soon as he got out of the car, his eyes passed Rose and fell on me, and I saw a familiar emotion grow in his blue eyes, just like what I experienced in the previous life.

The technological level of the two worlds is very different, but their attitudes toward homosexuality are similar, and neither is accepted by the mainstream.In my last life, I was expelled from school because I fell in love with my roommate. Not only did I lose the Ph.D.And here is even worse, a "Bible" defines it as abomination, considers it a crime, and can legally execute them.Although this law has been repealed since I was born here, I have seen tenants in the estate beat and throw stones at a gay couple.I stopped them and gave the couple some money to leave quickly, and when I got home, I was severely reprimanded by my mother.

William likes me, but he also understands very rationally that liking a man will bring disaster to himself and the whole family, so not only has he never expressed his thoughts to me, but he also tries his best to behave When it comes to restraint, at most it's just a handshake or a warm hug.

I could not and would not accept his affections, but he was so cautious that I could never see an opportunity of refusing him.However, even so, I don't want others to discuss William's feelings for me like this, with a tone and thinking that are used to speculate on malice.Love is a very pure and beautiful emotion.Even if you can't accept it, you should be grateful for it, no matter who the other party is.

After tidying up, William and I came to Xiaohua Hall together.The ladies are still changing.In this era, the most important thing for an aristocratic woman in a day is to change clothes.

I sat on the sofa, William sat down next to me, and I moved aside quietly.The servants standing aside stepped forward and poured black tea for us.

"You can go out first." William said to them.

So the whole flower hall was left with me and him.

"You have worked hard during this time." William said, his eyes fell on me through the misty water vapor rising from the teacup, his expression was extremely gentle.

"It's okay, but one day I have to take care of all this, after all, I'm a man." I lowered my eyes, avoiding his scorching gaze, and pretended to concentrate on studying the delicate patterns on the carpet.

"But I'm not yet an adult." He sighed, "I really hope you can change your mind and accept my help. Although you can't repay all the debts, it can at least let you breathe a sigh of relief."

"You've done us so much, William. Like this party, I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you in my life." I put down my teacup and put it back on the table.

"Henry, don't say that, we are relatives." William whispered.

"I know. But the Bukett family can't accept gifts from others for a lifetime. Even if the urgent need is solved, we still need to find a way to bring the dead back to life by ourselves."

"Cal Hockley." William nodded knowingly, and asked again, "What about Rose? Are you going to choose a fiancé for her? I don't want to pretend that everything is going well, but she looks quite depressed and dissatisfied. "

I pondered for a while and said, "To be honest, I don't want to turn her marriage into a tool for making money. It's too shameful for a man to rely on a woman to support his family business. But my mother has no confidence in me." Besides, in my mother's opinion, a rich enough single nobleman is an excellent son-in-law candidate anyway. If there is really a suitable candidate, no matter whether I succeed or not, she will make a choice for Rose, choose A husband-in-law."

Speaking of this, I couldn't help but make a meaningless gesture in the air, "Rose has been arguing with me recently, thinking that we are going to sell her. Of course, in a sense, she is right Yes. But, alas," I sighed a long time, "I don't know what to do, if only I were older, then I should be the one to marry. Rose longs for a good love , longing for the so-called blazing love, and hoping that marriage can be based on mutual gratification, just like the one written in the novel. Of course, this is not an excessive requirement for a woman, but How can there be so many sincere and long-lasting loves in this world? Even if there are, how many loves can burn forever and not go out for decades? And a man of the same class with good character and rich family property, even if there is no love, It can also make her a happy life."

"That's why I don't support young ladies reading too many books." William smiled and took another sip of tea, "They are so young, they don't have any judgment ability, and those romance novels are always so irresponsible. Practical stuff. Your mother was right, she'll be ashamed of what she thinks when she grows up."

I have been holding back these words for a long time. Since my father died, during the six months of mourning, she would find an opportunity to quarrel with me almost every day. Many times I almost couldn't help but want to scold back, but when I think of this Women in this era can't help themselves. Rose is only 16 years old. In my time, she was just a high school student, and my age added up to over 50 years old, so I had to endure it and let her vent.

Now, after finally finding a cousin who understands me and can discuss family ugliness together, I finally couldn't help complaining: "She thinks that the husband we chose for her must be a rich jerk, and her married life It will be as numb and painful as written in "A Doll's House" and "Anna Glenina". Now she is immersed in grief every day, and chatters about her pain in front of her father's portrait. God, Mom Love her like that, even if they have different opinions on a suitable husband, mother will not choose a man who doesn't love her for her..."

William has been listening intently with a smile on his face, and his eyes have been looking at my face. That kind of gentle and tolerant expression made me relax and pour out all my dissatisfaction.

Although I kept speaking at the top of my voice so that the servants would not hear me, when I stopped, my mouth felt parched.William picked up the teapot and filled the teacup for me, and I thanked him a little embarrassedly.

At this time, the ladies who had changed their clothes came after a long time, and finally came, and the flower hall suddenly became lively.Mother, aunt, Rose, William's wife Jane, married first cousin Rosemold and engaged second cousin Georgiana, the six women first expressed their family affairs Heartfelt sympathy and condolences, and congratulations on the end of our mourning period, and soon, the chirping gossip began.They jumped from one topic to another, seeming to be interested in whatever they said.The main topic still revolves around the guests who are about to visit Chatsworth, and these guests are both male and female.They either excitedly discussed the hot bachelor, or harshly criticized a young lady who was not smart enough to dress.

Of course, Rose is still "shy and quiet", just sitting with a smile on her face, and does not participate in the discussion.I saw my mother give her a warning look, and she reluctantly joined the conversation.

William and I exchanged helpless glances, and finally decided to leave first and go to the study to discuss some "topics between men".