live to death

The lights were feasting outside, and I looked at the tall buildings outside the window.

The lights of the tall buildings are too bright, covering the light of the stars.Tsk, it's so boring.They are brightly dressed, but how dark and shameless they are inside.

I want to meet someone, but I can't find him.Maybe there is a star in the sky that is him.It is definitely not the brightest one, but it must be the most beautiful and beautiful one.

It's been five years since he left, but I still want to see him.

I've tried countless things - drinking, smoking, sex... but none of them work.I clearly know that he and I can only be like intersecting lines in this life. We have met before, and we only have to stay away.

I remember my promise to him.I promised that I would always be with him, but I made a mistake.I know that because the person who really belongs to him has appeared, he doesn't need me anymore.

Like a deserter, I hurriedly fled to a place without him. It was this decision that made it impossible for me to even see him for the last time in my life.

Tsk, I bit my lower lip, trying to use the pain to get rid of an unspeakable pain, but it didn't work.Heart and lips ached together.It's a hopeless aftereffect, ever since I knew I'd never find him again.

The cure for this incurable disease is him, but I will never find him.

When I die, maybe I will forget the pain I have lost him.

Shi Ruqing and Quan Jinxi, the two of them are really good.

Pain gushed from his chest again.

I knew he was going to have a great life, a great future, but I didn't know he had it for just one year before it was ruined by those two bitches.I understand Quan Jinxi's reason, but I don't understand why Shi Ruqing did this.

Maybe she has difficulties, but what does this have to do with me?The person I love the most disappeared because of her, no matter how pitiful she is, what does it have to do with me?If she pities her, she can take away important things from others at will, important people?

But before I could take revenge with my own hands, Shi Ruqing disappeared.

I don't care where she went, because I know that no matter whether she is dead or alive, this life is destined to be a tragedy.

But where can we go?Aren't we ourselves a ridiculous tragedy?

That's right, us, Gu Xingzu and I.

After hearing the news, I immediately flew back to the country. At the same time as the news of his departure came, Gu Xingzu went crazy.He is really crazy.

When other people are crazy, they are crazy, stupid, and infatuated.But Gu Xingzu was not.Gu Xingzu became more and more gloomy, even if he was just looking at him from a distance, he could see the haze surrounding him.

But maybe I'm crazy too.

Ever since I got the news of his departure, I've been crazy too.I was eager to control all the power I could, even at the expense of turning against my parents.At that time, I had no intention of paying attention to what my parents were thinking. I just wanted revenge.I even want to seek revenge on Gu Xingzu.He was with Gu Xingzu, he and Gu Xingzu were soul mates, so why didn't Gu Xingzu protect him well?

I know this is venting anger, but I can't help myself.Until the day when I really lost control, I used all the strength in my hand to attack Quanshi.My former friend He Ran came to see me. He came to negotiate peace, and wanted to exchange a favorable project for a peaceful coexistence.But I have been preparing for so long, I have disobeyed so many people, and I have made so many selfish decisions, is it just for peace at this moment?

No, what I want is war, what I want is chaos.I just want to see a behemoth like Quan's come crashing down.

Finally I did it, with the help of Mrs. Gu.

But I refused to accept it, I was uncomfortable, and I still couldn't breathe out.I really want to see him one last time.Even if he can no longer smile at me, even if he can no longer look at me ignorantly, I don't care, I just want to see him.

I found Gu Xingzu and punched him with one punch.Why didn't you protect him?Why?

I didn't know at that time, my eyes were red, like a trapped animal in the Colosseum.But that punch did not hit Gu Xingzu.I calmed down the moment I saw him.I am a sleepy beast, he is a mad beast, neither of us is better than the other.

He looked at me, and he told me that Glaze White wouldn't want to watch me mess around like this.Quan Jinxi has fallen, and I should go back to study in my university obediently.

When he said these words, he was not as sinister and crazy as others said, but rather gentle.He looked in a certain direction, as if someone else was there.At that moment, I knew that what they said that Gu Xingzu was crazy was true.

Crazy, crazy, we're all crazy.

I listened to him and I went to college.This time I did not go abroad, I stayed in China.He once told me about the university he wanted to go to, and I went there.Even if there is no trace of him ever left there.But I always hope that one day when I am bored and wandering around, I will meet a child playing with mud behind the flower bed.

Then I'd go over and stay with him and see if I could trick him away with a little cake.

But no.

For four years, I had fantasized about such a day, but it didn't.

The last time I saw Gu Xingzu, he called me.

Quan Jinxi had been on the run, and that was when Quan Jinxi was discovered.I think Gu Xingzu knows the knot in my heart, so he also wants to help me untie it.But it turns out that this knot has not been untied for five years.I think that if I can't untie the knot, Gu Xingzuying can't untie it either.

Looking at Quan Jinxi, who had changed beyond recognition, I really didn't feel any fluctuations in my heart.I hate myself for being like this.I should still have compassion, because he is such a simple and innocent person, he would not like me like this.But I don't.

I didn't care about Quan Jinxi, I just asked Gu Xingzu a question.Does it hurt when he walks?

Gu Xingzu didn't speak for a long time, but at the end, he nodded, affirming my answer.

That's this chronic neurotoxin, and the damage is irreversible.The poisoned person will have organ failure within three days, breathing difficulties, and accompanied by extremely intense neuralgia.

But Gu Xingzu said that he never yelled a word of pain.He just kept asking, can I eat delicious food after I am discharged from the hospital?Can I play after I get out of the hospital?Will I be able to see the stars after I get out of the hospital?

Gu Xingzu agreed to him and took him to see the stars.

He can't leave the ventilator, and leaving the ventilator is equivalent to removing the last straw.But this straw is also in vain.Gu Xingzu doesn't want him to be hurt anymore, and I don't want him to be hurt anymore.

As for what they said on the mountain, Gu Xingzu would naturally not tell me, but I know that Gu Xingzu took an injection of diazepam.So he must have been very peaceful when he left, in his sleep.

I couldn't hold back my tears while listening to this.

I don't want them to just flow down like this, but because my heart hurts so much, I don't have time to care about them.

Forget it, just shed tears.It's normal for a man to cry for the one he loves.

After that conversation, Gu Xingzu also disappeared.

During that period of time, the Gu family was in chaos, but in fact, everything was managed in an orderly manner.Gu Xingzu had already arranged everything before leaving.The chaos is just because it all happened so suddenly.

I want to see him, but Gu Xingzu won't let me see him.Now that Gu Xingzu has disappeared, I understand that if I can't find Gu Xingzu, then I may never be able to see him in my life.Gu Xingzu left and took him away.

But it's been five years, not to mention me, even the Gu family can't find Gu Xingzu's whereabouts.

I don't know why today I suddenly think of those past events.Maybe it's because today is his death day, so I always think a lot.

I have suffered from insomnia in recent years, but in fact I am not anxious, I just can't control myself to think about him sometimes.

But it's useless to think too much. In the past five years, I have dreamed of him less and less.

When he first left, I used to dream about him frequently.But not the way it is now.Everything in the dream is similar to now, except that he is not with Gu Xingzu, but with He Ran.This dream is really cruel, whether it is in the dream or outside the dream, he does not belong to me.

The dream world is real and very complicated.

I even once thought it was true, and I was very unfriendly to He Ran.But dreams are dreams.

I've been praying for him to come into my dreams just once.Just let him belong to me once, even if it's just a false dream, it doesn't matter, just let him belong to me once.But none of my prayers seemed to be heard.

The tears are uncontrollable again. Is it true that the older I get, the more sentimental I start?

I drank lipstick, which helped with my insomnia.

Lord, if you can hear my prayer, I just want him to come into my dream once, if only for the last time.

Amen.