like drinking ice

I had a long dream in which I was still just a kid living in an orphanage and the only toys I had were the tattered books in the library.The aunt in the yard said that today a pair of grandparents are coming to adopt a child, so let us be good.

I hid.

I don't want to be Xu Lang anymore.

I want to continue to be the child in the orphanage without a surname, and I don’t need to fall in love with expensive people I can’t afford. I want to be an ordinary person, mediocre and inconspicuous, so I don’t look so pitiful.

I hope that the past ten years will be obliterated, like the waves smoothing the beach, the wind blowing away the fallen leaves, and the sun coming out, everything is the same as it was originally.

It's a pity that the first thing I saw when I woke up was still Zheng Ao.

I feel very tired.

I seem to be lying on a very soft bed, the room is very warm, my hand is in Zheng Ao's hand, he is leaning against the head of the bed to sleep, his hair is messy covering his forehead, his face is next to my hand.

He woke up as soon as I moved, probably because he was very sleepy, he woke up with a start, and was still startled when he saw me.

There seemed to be something extra in his eye, and before I could see what it was, he pressed the button for a doctor.

He didn't speak until the doctor checked me.

The doctor didn't want to tell me what he meant, and whispered something to him next to him. I looked at the clip on my finger that I didn't know what to measure, and felt a little thirsty.

"Where's Ruirui?" I asked him when he sat down.

Zheng Ao didn't speak, but just rested his hands on the bedside cabinet, fiddled with a thermos cup, the color of this room was light, I couldn't guess if it was in Zheng's house.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked him.

His hands stopped.

"Xiao Lang, do you still want to pretend that nothing happened?"

I look away.

"I don't want to quarrel with you at this time." He stood up: "The nurse will always take care of you, and the housekeeper will stay here."

"Can you let me see Ruirui?" I was not surprised by his attitude.

He turned around.

It can be seen that he has not rested for a long time, and his whole body is exhausted, but it is his eyes that startle me.There seems to be a bit of blame in it, and it seems that there is only boundless discouragement.

"By this time, do you only want to see Rui Rui?"

"Otherwise who else should there be?" I asked him back.

He sneered.

There was a stack of papers on the cabinet, the cover seemed familiar, so he picked it up.

"Don't you think there's something you haven't told me, Xiao Lang," he waved his hand, throwing down the papers one by one, heart color ultrasound, blood test sheet, the opinion of the attending doctor...

"You always feel that your love is as deep as the sea. I was the one who wasted and drunk outside, I was the one who lost your trust, and I was the one who wanted to win your forgiveness." He threw the medical records I threw in the hospital trash can on the ground hard, He asked me with sharp eyes: "Then have you ever made any effort for the relationship between us?"

I am unimpressed.

"You mean to ask me to beg you on my knees?" I asked him back: "When you have a one-night stand with someone else, should I confess my affection to you outside the door?"

"I am the one who confessed!" The corners of his eyes were red: "It was always me! It was always me! It was me who apologized, and it was me who said I loved you. It was a mistake for me to keep you! I almost knelt down Please, but you haven't even said a damn love to me!"

I have never seen anyone who can turn black and white like this.

"Now it's time to question the fact that I like you, isn't it?" I sneered: "Whoever said that I didn't like you back then you would be with me..."

Zheng Ao also laughed.

He was obviously smiling, but the expression on his face was sad, he was almost disheartened from laughing.

"Look, Xiao Lang," he said, "you said forgive me, but when did you ever forgive me? You just didn't say it, didn't mention it, and buried it all in your heart. When I was trying to solve the problem, when I wanted to make up Fault, when you want to find a way out for the two of us. You sneered in your heart, looked at me, pretending to be sober, and thinking that this is a noble view of feelings. In your eyes, whatever I do is wrong , Whatever you do is fake, you even hide your heart disease from me, do you think that even if one day I wake up and find that the body lying next to you is already your body, it doesn't matter..."

He said, "Xiao Lang, the two of us, who is more cruel?"

He didn't give me a chance to answer, but stepped over my medical records and strode out. He slammed the door so hard that I heard conversations outside, but he didn't look back.

I feel tired, but also faintly uneasy.

I don't think I'm wrong.

He was angry only because things were out of his control.

I was able to walk freely in no time.

The doctor who took care of me was named Min, and there were a bunch of nurses, probably arranged by Zheng Ao. Ye Susu came to pick me up the next day, and Wang Xian came with me.

"Xianxian discovered you at the time." Ye Susu described to me nervously: "If it wasn't for her, you would be finished. Now that the situation has stabilized, we will take you back first..."

"Where to go back?"

"Of course I'm going back to Zheng's house," Ye Susu said with a puzzled expression, "Why, you don't want to go back? Zheng Ao has prepared a full set of medical staff for you, probably referring to Li Xiu's house, hahaha..."

I frowned.

"What? You don't want to go back? You can't do this..." Ye Susu held my hand: "You are a high-risk person, and you must be well protected now. And if you don't go back, your son will probably burn the Zheng family down. That child is too It’s scary, I didn’t see it for 10 minutes, and I’ve already gone to Beihai.”

I glanced at Wang Xian, she lowered her eyebrows, as if the conversation between them had never happened.

On the way back, she read medical books.

The Zheng family is still the same, but the atmosphere is very tense. Ruirui doesn't know where the news came from. She was waiting at the door in her pajamas and slippers. When she saw me, she rushed up: "Dad, Dad! Did Zheng Ao lock you up?" It's..."

The child grows fast, and has gradually become too heavy for me to hold. He even used his hands and feet to describe to me how much Zheng Ao went too far, and how many people took care of him.

I patted his head: "How long has Zheng Ao locked you up?"

"Three days!" Ruirui said to me angrily: "Dad is gone, I went to ask Zheng Ao, and he locked me up!"

That is, three days have passed.

I went in with Ruirui in my arms, and the housekeeper had already touched him, with a bunch of servants behind me. I was sitting on the sofa with Ruirui in my arms, talking to him, and the housekeeper leaned over and called me in a low voice: "Mr. ..."

I straightened the collar for Ruirui, and glanced at him: "What's the matter?"

"The Ning family heard that Mr. Xu was ill the day before yesterday, so they sent someone over to ask." The butler said cautiously, "The Ning family will have a wedding tomorrow, do you want to send a gift?"

"Why do you ask me this kind of thing?" I teased Rui Rui without looking back: "Where is Zheng Ao?"

"Sir is gone," said the butler.

"What do you mean missing?" I looked at him: "You just look for him, Mr. Zheng Yan can find it, right?"

The housekeeper looked embarrassed, but Ye Susu also came to join in the fun: "By the way, speaking of this, first sign this document. I have to attend a dinner party tonight, so I will take it with me..."

She grabbed my hand and stuffed it with a pen, and I withdrew my hand: "Sign what?"

"Hey, there are two copies, the letter of cooperation." She opened the pages that were all in Russian: "Just sign here, and sign over there..."

"Why do you need me to sign your things." I avoided her hand: "You go to Zheng Ao."

"He said he asked me to sign it with you," Ye Susu grinned, and patted Ruirui's head: "The emperor is missing, and it's the same for the queen to listen to the government behind the curtain, right? The little prince..."

"What a mess." I darkened my face: "What kind of tricks is Zheng Ao playing again?"

"I still want to ask you." Ye Susu was more confident than me: "Yesterday he ran away suddenly. When I called him, he told me to find you. Then he couldn't get through. What can I do?"

"Then it's useless for you to find me." My attitude was also very firm: "I don't understand, and I don't know how to do it. I can't bear this responsibility, and I don't know how to sign it. If you can't find Zheng Ao, forget it. I get involved."

Ye Susu rubbed her palms together and laughed grimly: "You can't help this..."

It's a pity that she died before she left school, and Rui Rui jumped up and punched her on the forehead: "Don't bully my father!"

All of a sudden, the room was in chaos, Ye Susu chased Ruirui around, yelling to teach him a lesson, the housekeeper followed behind and called: "Young master, don't run around, be careful not to fall, Miss Ye, Miss Ye..." The servant People also grabbed Ruirui everywhere, fearing that he would bump into something or fall down.I was so disturbed by this scene that I turned my head and saw that Wang Xian had slowly sat down.

"Are you feeling dizzy?" she asked quietly.

"It's okay." I glanced at her: "What if I faint?"

"I will do heart emergency." She patted her bag: "I still have nitroglycerin and various first aid medicines..."

I do feel like passing out a little bit.

After 15 minutes, the scene finally quieted down.

Ye Susu was sitting on the opposite sofa, and Wang Xian was applying an ice pack to her swollen forehead. She stared fiercely at Rui Rui, and from time to time wanted to stand up and beat Rui Rui because of Rui Rui's grimace, but Wang Xian Xian pressed down.Ruirui sat in my arms, sweating all over, still full of hostility towards Ye Susu, he started to practice kung fu these days, the beating was very painful, Ye Susu's forehead was blue.

I tapped Ruirui's hand: "How did Dad teach you, don't hit people casually!"

"She was the one who wanted to bully daddy first!" Ruirui said confidently, "She wants to trick daddy into signing a contract, but I can't even understand the contract, how can daddy understand it!"

I was speechless to his logic, but Ye Susu laughed: "Look, Xu Lang, how low your son thinks your IQ is."

"Bad guy!" Rui Rui pointed at her: "To sow discord, Dad, don't trust her!"

I felt a headache from the tit-for-tat confrontation between the big and the small, so I asked the housekeeper standing aside: "Have you found Zheng Ao?"

"If Mister wants to leave, we won't be able to find him." The butler didn't know if he was implying something, or because I thought about Zheng Ao's going to the south to find me.And he hasn't forgotten the important thing: "Mr. Xu, the Ning family's wedding?"

"Just do what you think." I knew he would only be of no help here: "Don't stay here, go to Zheng Ao, if you can't find it, go to Zheng Yan."

"What about dinner?" The butler was still reluctant to leave.

"Whatever." I'm too lazy to care about these things: "As long as the house is not about to collapse, don't ask me."

The butler nodded thoughtfully, turned around and walked away, then turned around again: "Mr. Xu, the small flower house in the southwest corner of the yard was crushed by the snow..."

Ye Susu made a "puchi" sound and laughed.

That reminds me.

"Has Zheng Ao disappeared like this before?" I asked her.

"No." She seemed to be really thinking: "There was one time, when we ran a long distance, we were not allowed to contact him, and all the business was left to Li Xiu's father and me..."

"When did this happen?"

"This autumn!" Ye Susu smiled at me: "Don't you know?"

"Ye Susu, I'm serious." I was speechless at her character that could still joke at this time.

"I am also serious." She spread her hands towards me: "And I am no longer Ye Susu, my surname is Yu."

I didn't want to talk to her anymore, so I pulled Rui Rui back who was making faces at her: "Go back, I will find Zheng Ao by myself."

"Why are you so angry?" Ye Susu smiled to herself, "Why are you so annoyed? Zheng Ao will run back after he figured it out. He is angry with you now, and he is afraid that he will beat you if he can't help it. So I dropped everything and ran away..."

"Why is he mad at me?" I asked her, frowning.

"Please! Brother, you almost died, okay?" Ye Susu was obviously on Zheng Ao's side: "You are in a relationship with someone, and you don't tell you that that person is dying, aren't you angry? Even now I I really want to beat you!"

"I want to die myself, it has nothing to do with him." I said coldly.

Ye Susu looked at me in shock.

I don't think she's lying, she really wants to beat me up.

But as soon as she took a step forward, Ruirui stood in front of me, Ye Susu raised her hand, my eyes blurred, and a contract stood in front of me.

"Come on, don't worry about anything else, just sign this first."

"I won't sign it."

"Be obedient, do the business first." She put on a posture to coax the child: "Then you want to play the role of the ghost or the Titanic. Don't delay my mother's work. I will have things to do later."

I hid my hand behind my back and she reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Ye Susu," I called her, "the bump on your head is swollen again."

Her face darkened and she was still grabbing my hand.

"You'll be late if you don't go to the dinner," I told her.

Knowing that she couldn't afford it, she gave me a middle finger, pressed an ice pack to her forehead, and walked away angrily, cursing as she walked, "Damn Zheng Ao! I will resign when he comes back."

There were only a few of us left in the room, Ruirui looked very happy, and ran out with her, wondering if she had done something in Ye Susu's shoes, I heard a voice outside, it seemed that Ye Susu had fallen .

"Don't worry, she won't really resign." Wang Xian looked down at the book without raising her head: "She likes the person in charge in Russia, and was in a hurry to go to the dinner just to meet him."

I glanced at her.

"You think it's my fault too?"

"what?"

"Do you also think that I was at fault between me and Zheng Ao?" I asked her, but when I asked, I laughed at myself. Didn't the words she asked me that afternoon mean that I was at fault?

"I don't think so." She looked up at me, her eyes were still clean and spotless: "But in matters of life and death, you shouldn't be so rash."

"I can't even decide my own life and death?" I asked her.

"It's not a matter of making decisions," she said in a concise tone, "It's a matter of attitude. You have to face it when you make a decision. If you find Zheng Ao, tell him in front of him that you are dying, and you are not going to cure him." sick, then you're right."

"Do you think that if I tell Zheng Ao, I will still have the freedom to decide my own life and death..." I was halfway through my words, and when I saw her turn her head, I also turned to look at her.

Ruirui was standing at the door, she didn't know how much she heard, she stared at me blankly.

I looked at Wang Xian in shock.

"I didn't design this." Wang Xian still explained calmly: "Besides, it's not like this kid doesn't know anything. The Zheng family is very smart, and they will bury everything they know in their hearts. Do you think he listened to what the housekeeper and Susu said just now?" don't know?"

I didn't talk to her anymore, because Ruirui had already run over, hugged my leg, and burst into tears of grievance.

I hugged Ruirui helplessly and coaxed him up.

It was difficult for me to explain to Rui Rui what happened.

I can't lie to him, I know, even if he believes the lie I told on the surface, he actually understands it in his heart.He was wronged because I kept these things from him, and because I decided to choose death, I didn't want to be with him.

"Why...why is Dad dying..." He cried so hard that he couldn't breathe, he grabbed my clothes and asked me, "Did Dad...don't like me..."

"It's not like that." I wiped his tears with a tissue: "Dad is just too tired and wants to rest for a while."

"But... you can sleep." He cried until his heart broke, hiccupping all the time: "If you die, you will have nothing!"

I don't know how to tell him, even if I am alive, it means nothing to me.

"Is it because of Zheng...Zheng Ao?" Even though Ruirui cried so much that he couldn't finish his words, he was still working hard to solve the problem, with tears rolling down his face. I had nothing to do with him but to shoot him. Rubbing his back, coaxing him, assuring him that I will treat him well.

After crying for a while, Rui Rui's mood finally calmed down a bit, and she began to ask again: "Is... did Zheng Ao do something bad?"

"no."

"Then why did Zheng Ao say that Dad would not forgive him!" Rui Rui still had tears in his eyes, looking at me pitifully.

"When did he say that?"

"When I was leaving." Ruirui hiccupped and told me: "He said he would not come back, and asked me to listen to my father's words."

I realized the seriousness of the problem.

"When? Yesterday or the day before yesterday?"

"Yesterday." Rui Rui was very sure: "He said that Dad would not forgive him. If I were with him, Dad would not want me either. He wanted me to stay here and wait for Dad to come back."

"Did he say where he went?" I asked Ruirui.

Rui Rui shook her head, opened her eyes and asked me: "Father, will you really not forgive Zheng Ao?"

I can't answer.

"Father, is it because of Zheng Ao that you don't want to be treated?" Rui Rui asked me: "Zheng Ao said that you would rather die than be with him."

Although Ruirui still calls Zheng Ao directly, he likes Zheng Ao very much because of his father-son nature, and he also understands that Zheng Ao is his biological father. This is the reason why I decided to let Ruirui go. The place in my heart is irreplaceable.They are the same type of people, and to some extent, Zheng Ao is Ruirui's role model.

"Did he really say that?" I stroked Ruirui's head.

Rui Rui nodded.

"They said that I look like Zheng Ao," Rui Rui raised his face and looked at me with clear eyes: "Is it because of this father that he doesn't want me?"

I was heartbroken by his question, so I could only hold him in my arms and promise in a low voice: "No, Dad won't let Rui Rui go."

Ruirui's soft little head leaned against my arms, and her voice was low.

"Father, is it true that Zheng Ao will never come back again?"

I stroked his hair.

"Does Ruirui like Zheng Ao very much?"

Ruirui nodded, probably because he was afraid that I would think he liked Zheng Ao more than me, so he shook his head again.

"I just think Zheng Ao is very pitiful." He whispered in my arms: "He seems to have made a big mistake, always testing around Dad, pestering Dad, afraid that Dad won't want him. But sometimes Dad doesn't When he was around, he looked very sad..."

"Really?" I asked Ruirui: "Is he also sad when he left?"

Ruirui nodded vigorously and looked up at me.

"Did Zheng Ao really make a serious mistake?" Ruirui looked at me with innocent and clear eyes: "But if Zheng Ao is really like me, he should know how to remedy it, he is also very smart..."

"Things in this world cannot be solved by being smart." I told Ruirui: "If he doesn't love his father, he will continue to make mistakes one day."

"But Zheng Ao loves Dad very much." Rui Rui looked at me: "He really likes staying with Dad."

"It's not like being together is called love." I explained to Ruirui: "He treats me like Ruirui likes a toy. He wants to keep it for himself. If he loses it, he will be very sad. But it's just liking. , you liked Niu Niu very much back then, but haven’t you forgotten about it now?”

"I haven't forgotten Niu Niu." Ruirui tried hard to explain to me: "I just have to wait until I become very powerful before I can take him over. This place is so good, but I have to learn a lot. Niu Niu is so stupid, I must learn everything No. When I have learned it, I will take him over and I can teach him."

For a moment, it seemed that something came up, like a tide, the grievances that I didn't feel when I was arguing with Zheng Ao, all came up together.

"But," I suppressed my emotions, "but if you lose yourself in the process of learning, you won't like Niu Niu..."

Rui Rui was confused: "Dad, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing." I patted Ruirui's head.

Rui Rui quickly put this episode aside, but said to me mysteriously: "Dad, I will take you to a place..."

"Where?"

Ruirui has already jumped off my knee and pulled me to the door.

"It's a place I discovered by myself. It used to have a lock, but I pried it open." Ruirui told me triumphantly: "The housekeeper was frightened to death when he found out that I had gone in. He told me that no one can enter that place Go! He said that Zheng Ao used to sleep there, that was Zheng Ao's secret!"

I was dragged forward by Ruirui, bypassing the corridor, there were still white roses in the small living room, and Lin Fengmian's paintings of beautiful women hung on the wall, Ruirui dragged me to the bedroom where Zheng Ao and I used to live There is a lock on the door.

"right here."