like drinking ice

Came home crying again.

What Ruirui cried this time was not that I went to work again, but that she was angry at herself for being negligent for a moment, not noticing that I ran away, so she cried especially heartbreakingly, blaming herself very much, crying and hitting the sofa sadly.I was so annoyed and funny, I hugged him and walked around coaxing him.Ye Susu probably ran over to deliver documents or something, ran to the living room and couldn't find me, so she went straight to the bedroom, saw this scene, and laughed: "Ah, this is coaxing my son!"

Rui Rui has always despised her IQ, as if she would be embarrassed to cry in front of Niu Niu, she turned her head away when she saw her.

I patted Ruirui on the back to prevent him from crying and closed the door.

When Zheng Ao came over, Ruirui was almost crying. I was holding Ruirui watching TV and asked him what he learned today.

Zheng Ao walked over while untying his tie, lay down on the sofa, and put his head on my lap. When Ruirui saw him coming, he lost his attention and began to play with his hair, concentrating on his hair. When the housekeeper came in to announce the dinner menu, he was very relieved to see Ruirui riding on Zheng Ao's lap.

Ye Susu also eats dinner here.

Zheng Ao said that she can endure hardships, which is also true. Zheng Ao basically directs her to do everything that he can do without his own hands. I think it is a bit too much when I look at it.Instead, Zheng Ao smiled and said that he was training her. In his words, "We all came here like this."

The "we" he said refers to Li Xiu and the others, Li Xiu is fine, I really don't feel how tired he is.The son of the Zheng family has always been pampered, otherwise he would not know how to pick out fish bones, and would always look at me eagerly.

Give Rui Rui a bath at night, Rui Rui has been very strong since he was a child, and he doesn't let people watch when he takes a bath. Zheng Ao just pushed open the door and came in to see, and Rui Rui poured water on him and wiped the foam on him.The two of them had a great time, and I yelled so hoarse that no one could hear me, so I closed the door and let the two of them play inside.

When I came out, Ye Susu was still typing files on the sofa, I was a little surprised: "You still don't go back so late?"

"Go back after typing this." She didn't even lift her head: "Where's Zheng Ao? There's still something waiting for him to sign..."

"He is bathing Rui Rui in the bathroom, and he can't come out for the time being." I sat down on the sofa.Anyway, the room is very warm, so I don't worry about Ruirui catching a cold.

After finishing a document, Ye Susu leaned over and looked at my face: "What's wrong? Are you unhappy?"

"No." I tried my forehead with the back of my hand: "I got up too early today, I'm just a little sleepy."

Ye Susu obviously didn't believe my words, so she also sat down on the sofa.Probably because of a busy day, she wasn't as lively as she was during the day, but she was more serious, as if she wanted to talk to me about something serious.

"Xu Lang, what is the situation between you and Zheng Ao now?"

"It's normal." I said calmly, "What else do you want?"

Ye Susu's beautiful big eyes kept staring at me from left to right: "I always feel that there is something wrong with you."

I smiled and didn't answer.

Ye Susu crossed her legs on the sofa and looked at me critically: "Xu Lang, did I tell you what happened after you left?"

I shook my head.

"I wanted to say it before, but I didn't think it was necessary," she said, "but now that I see the situation, I'd better tell you."

"tell me what?"

Ye Susu's eyes were very serious: "Did you know that after you disappeared, did Zheng Ao think you were dead?"

"I know." I told him lightly, "The scene was arranged by Li Xiu."

"I knew it was her!" Ye Susu was very upset, but after working with Zheng Yehu for a few years, she has made some progress. She was not taken away from the topic like before, and continued to talk about her thoughts: "You know? I was at that time I changed my mind about Zheng Ao."

"Oh, really?" I didn't even want to ask Zheng Ao what he did.

"After you left, he seemed to be a different person. At first I thought he was stimulated, but later I found out that he has really changed." Ye Susu tried to describe it to me, but it is a pity that she is a little girl after all. Very limited: "At first I thought that he would recover after being sad for a while, but he has been like this for the past three years. There is no one around him, and he doesn't even hang out with his original friends. I thought you would never come back, and I thought he was quite pitiful. Do you know? Wang Xian told me that he was looking for you with the attitude that even if you died, he would look for you for the rest of his life."

It seems that it is true that Zheng Ao said that she has no scheming. Zheng Ao didn't play with his original friends because during the changes in the Zheng family, those so-called "friends" more or less became his enemies. The people like Lianshan Wang Lang had no real feelings at all, and it was common for them to break up with each other.

If he really didn't have anyone around him, how did Ning Yue know his phone number as soon as he returned to Beijing?

Ye Susu said that he seemed to be a different person, but in fact he didn't.

He just thought that when he lost me, he would be like a different person.But if I come back, he will still be the same as before, confident and reckless.Sooner or later he will return to his original self - because that is the most original form of him.Just like when he first came to the south to look for me, he was full of affection, but after a long time, he entered the room and was still exactly the same as before.

People don't change.

Before meeting Luo Xi, I had a little dispute with Zheng Ao.

He said that Luo Xi was a hypocrite, a real villain, someone who pretended to be a good person in painted skin... a lot of weird adjectives.And I was very upset that I was not allowed to see him.I said that's fine, I'll go outside and take a taxi by myself.

He was so angry that his eyes were wide open, Ruirui didn't know what happened, thought he was arguing with me, so he stood by my side with his hips akimbo and stared at him.

In the end, he asked the housekeeper to prepare a car to take me to Luo's house—probably because he was afraid that Luo Xi, the hypocrite in his mind, would leave me at Luo's house and never come back.I didn't bother arguing with him about this, so I went in the car, and Zheng Yan was also in the car. Fortunately, after the incident in City C, his attitude towards me was much better, and the rest of the bodyguards still looked like they were going to catch rape Stance.

Ruirui pestered me to go, and I took it with me.He probably thought it was a staged victory, and he looked very happy, and he kept pretending to be good along the way.

Luo Xi was already waiting for me at home. His house served green tea with a light taste, and Lin Fengmian's paintings hung on the wall. Rui Rui kept asking me why I came to him, and I said I came to thank him.

Thank you for a great event.

This is the first time for Luo Xi to see Rui Rui. In fact, Zheng Ao took Rui Rui out to meet the elders two days ago, but the Luo family and the Zheng family have a bad relationship, so they haven't seen each other.

Luo Xi is still the same.

I used to think his eyes were very melancholy, but now I think he is a person who can see clearly. The melancholy in his eyes is not because he sees it through, so he understands it in his heart.He is just a bystander.

Life is like this. As the old saying goes, there are nine out of ten unsatisfactory things in life, but I always want to ask for one or two.I used to say that I was a supporting role, but in fact, I was not reconciled at that time. I wanted to fight and tried my best to work to restrain my liking for Zheng Ao.Ye Susu often said that I am a pessimistic person, not active enough, not tough enough, in fact, if I go to fight for Zheng Ao’s liking, I will be truly not tough, he doesn’t like me, give it a go, so what if I go to bed, if I don’t like it, it’s still dislike.

Likes are not earned, likes are natural.Fate has been tossed like this, life and death have passed, he still only cares and possessive.

Luo Xi patted Ruirui's head, and asked the housekeeper to take him to eat, and waited for the kitchen to serve.

"You like children very much?" I asked Luo Xi.

Luo Xi smiled.

"I didn't have a good life when I was a child. When I saw children, I was always worried about them." He smiled at me: "I probably won't have children in the future."

"pretty good."

While waiting for lunch, Luo Xi took me to his study to read.

His study room is very elegantly furnished, and there is a green pine tree outside the window, which has a very good artistic conception.He has been talking to me one after another, talking about his father, he said: "My father asked me to ask for him, how is Teacher Xu's health?"

I said, "It's almost ready, and Mr. Li is going to take him to the south."

Luo Xi lowered his head and was grinding the ink. The Four Treasures of the Study in his study are very neat. The inkstone is Duanzhou inkstone, and the ink is Huizhou ink. He probably often spends time in this place.

I don't know why, but he always reminds me of a kid.I met in an Internet cafe. At that time, I was still working as an assistant to Lawyer Su. Once I was on the road and wanted to send a document, so I went to the nearest Internet cafe. Someone talked to me on Q and said he knew where I was sitting. I was curious and asked him how he knew my number. After chatting for a while, he had already returned to the rented house and came back to meet me at the entrance of the Internet cafe.

I was worried about some bad guy at first, but when I met him, he was a tall and thin boy, about the appearance of a high school student. Adolescent boys are always as thin as malnourished, wearing an old T-shirt And jeans, also very shy to speak.He talked to me along the road about his life, about his parents getting divorced and starting a family, about how he dropped out of high school and went to work outside, about his salary of two thousand a month, about how he usually likes to play computer games instead of games , Only research all kinds of weird software.Probably it is easier for people to open up in front of strangers. He talked to me about the 16 years of his life in just over an hour.

I know why he came to me.

He considers me his kind.

In this society, the tolerance for homosexuality is far less than that on the Internet.He gave me the feeling like a bird without feet, flying in the crowd dazedly and tiredly, but couldn't get down no matter what.

He also called me later, hoping that I would visit him.

In the later time, I often think of that little boy, so thin, he seems to be easily crushed by this busy society, he will meet many people, maybe there will be other "similar", they may be Teach him to smoke, maybe teach him to do drugs, maybe give him gifts, maybe sleep with him.He is a lonely reed, anyone can easily break him in the middle.

But I can't save him.

In this world, no one can save anyone.

I ran with Lawyer Su, and met very ambitious seniors, the most caring person who deserved to be in the news, and the kind person who runs an orphanage alone. The orphanage is full of disabled orphans, and they call her mother.The charity station for stray pets, so many dirty cats and dogs can survive with just a mouthful of food, and their lifetime expenses are probably only worth someone’s breakfast. The eyes have been chasing me, they are also a living life.There is also education in mountainous areas, and orphans and widowed elderly are admitted for treatment...

Those seniors, their whole body is exhausted, they will fall down one day, and those orphans who depend on them to survive, those lives, will not be able to survive after all.In this world, some people will always be crushed, unless other people use their bodies and flesh and blood to protect them.

I used to have hot blood, but it gradually became cold.I used to think that I could change many people, Zheng Ao, Luo Xi, Rui Rui...

But I can't even overcome my own destiny.I was born in an orphanage, and I was always looking for a life-saving straw. First it was my grandma, then my dad, and finally I found Zheng Ao.Li Zhurong is right, as long as I am alive and he is alive, there is no way for me to get rid of him.I was born as a human being, and I was born with a position in my emotions reserved for my parents and relatives. He has already sat in that position, and as long as he is still in that position, he will always be involved in my love.

But it will be over soon.

Luo Xi was still talking in his ear.

I said softly: "Luo Xi, I heard that your handwriting is very good, please write me a letter."

Luo Xi smiled: "What to write?"

"I can't remember the title clearly," I watched him dip his pen into thick ink, and read it to him line by line: "Section after section, thousands of branches accumulate thousands of leaves..."

His handwriting is very beautiful, I don't know the facial features, but I also think it is very beautiful, very handsome, like flying on paper.

"One section after another, thousands of branches accumulate thousands of leaves. I will not bloom, so as not to tease bees and butterflies."

His pen paused, then continued writing.

Poetry is really a good thing. A few lines can say a thousand words.His wrist raising posture is very good-looking, and it is always good to have hobbies.I just like planting flowers, watching the seeds break through the ground and germinate, and one day they will grow into a variety of purples and reds, and I feel peaceful.

It's a pity that people can't always live in flowers.

"Actually, the first time I heard your name, I realized it." I said softly.

"Really?" Luo Xi put the pen on the inkstone.

"Xi and Xu are so similar." I said, "When I was young, I heard my dad and Li Zhurong quarreling. My dad didn't understand. He scolded Li Zhurong 'why got Luo Qin involved again'. My dad was very slow. I remember it very clearly."

Luo Xi stared at the wet ink on the paper.

"Actually, it may not be that mysterious," I told him, "You should go out more often, there are many good people out there, and you are still young."

"You're young too." He replied to me.

This time it was me who laughed.

When I left the study, he said behind his back: "In fact, bamboo can bloom."

Yes, bamboo can bloom.

Unfortunately, it bloomed and died.

Ruirui wondered why we didn't have dinner at Luo's.

"Do you like that uncle?" I asked him.

Rui Rui didn't speak, but said after a while: "He looks very sad."

Children's eyes are really accurate.

After all, Zheng Yan is a member of the Zheng family. Originally, Ruirui never called Zheng Ao's father. They all had some opinions. Seeing me keep mentioning Luo Xi, they showed awkward expressions.

People are always like this, everything is predestined what kind of person you are, and no one can change anyone.

Luo Xi was sad not because I asked him to go out often and meet good people.

He was sad because he had done me a great favor.

Zheng Ao said that a military hospital must have a military rank or be a family member of a soldier.

Coincidentally, Luo Xi is.

Zheng Ao didn't know why I accepted him all of a sudden when I was full of anger when I first arrived in Beijing, and he didn't want to know.He is born with good luck, and all good things happen to him, and it is not uncommon for one or two more.

But he never thought about what a person would do if he had to stay in the hospital for a long time and had nothing to do.

My choice is to go for a physical examination.

Children in orphanages often have defects of one kind or another, and those without defects are taken away.I was always normal when I was a child. Later, after the Li family adopted me, I had a comprehensive physical examination. The doctor said that I may have congenital heart disease, but it has basically healed on its own, and surgery is not recommended.

Later, I also felt that I was in good health, and I didn't care about the difficulty in breathing sometimes. Anyway, I took a few deep breaths and it was fine.

After arriving in the south, the situation worsened, and I often had nightmares. Once I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling a big stone on my chest, and I couldn't breathe at all. I only heard Ruirui crying on the crib.

In fact, there were signs when I was in the Zheng family, but I kept it secret. Later, when I moved to the south, it gradually became more serious. In fact, it was okay, except for the occasional shortness of breath. I seldom hug him, and I don't worry about falling him.I went to the clinic and said that it may be caused by fatigue.

Because it was Luo Xi who called to take care of me personally, the doctors at the military hospital took me very seriously. There was a thin middle-aged doctor who took me around the hospital and checked me everywhere.In the end, probably, the doctor's nature overwhelmed Luo Xi's reputation, and he scolded me a lot.

In fact, I had a hunch before he started scolding, because he first asked me if I was accompanied by family members, and I said no, in fact, my heart sank at that time.

He probably thought I was pitiful, so he withdrew his skills a bit.The general idea is that I didn’t take good care of my body when I was young. My heart disease has developed to the third stage. I definitely don’t have the habit of regular physical examination. I also talk about myocarditis and dilated cardiomyopathy, and blame me for not filling in my family medical history. Then I was asked about my infection history in the past few years, and whether I had a bad cold.He said it could be treated, but it sounded like it was just a repair. Cardiac drugs were used for heart failure, and electrotherapy was used for arrhythmia. The possibility of sudden death was 45%.

Life is really reincarnation.

I was dumped for congenital heart disease, then self-healed, and eventually went back to heart disease.

The doctor asked me if I had a bad cold. All I could think of was the bad cold that I passed out in the rented house after the Li family and Zheng Ao fell out.

Because I refused to stay in the hospital for treatment, the doctor scolded me bloody. At that time, I hadn’t decided to be with Zheng Ao. I didn’t think I was a military family member. Then Zheng Ao came and I leaned on his shoulder. , His mobile phone was on, and he only glanced at it, and his face changed.

I didn't know whose call it was, I only knew it by looking at his face.

He was the one who remembered Ning Yue's phone number.

At that moment, I suddenly felt very discouraged.

It's not that I didn't give him a chance, and it's not that I didn't give myself a chance.

He's still him, and I'm still me.He doesn't pick up today, he won't pick up tomorrow, and he will pick up one day.I don't promise today, I don't promise tomorrow, and one day I will promise to be with him.

I don't want to wait until that day.

Ye Susu said that he thought I was dead, and he was willing to look for me for the rest of his life.Li Zhurong said that the only thing that can stop people like them is death.

Then die.

Just let everything stop at the best time.I'm selfish and I don't want to play anymore.I don't want to wait until the day when everyone's mood fades in the future.Now that the flowers are blooming and the wine is in full swing, let's stop at this time.There was no betrayal, and there was no change in things later, as if everything was going well, even myself was almost deceived by Zheng Ao.

I don't have anything I really want, and I don't have any persistent hobbies. After paying back the money from the Li family, Li Zhurong is willing to let go of his power and accompany my dad to the south. After so many years, I have gradually believed in Li Zhurong.

For a long time, what supported me to go down was nothing but responsibility.

Ruirui will probably be very sad, but it will always pass. He is only three years old, and he will soon discover many new and interesting things. He will gradually forget me, just like he has forgotten Niu Niu.He knew that I was not his father, but Zheng Ao.How alike they are, there are so many good things in this world waiting for them.

The doctor said that with proper maintenance, I can live for many years, but I don’t want to live for many years, I will only be crushed slowly, I don’t want to become someone I don’t know, and give what I am not willing to give in my life thing.

Time means nothing to me.

If I don't have Xia Zhifei, I can't be Lu Feixia.

Let me be Zhongli, stop on the best day, the grass grows, the warbler flies, the water is warm, and the flowers on Moshang bloom rapeseed yellow, it has nothing to do with me.

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Note: Zhongli is Xu Junli Li Zhurong's friend Ji Ye's lover, a psychiatrist, and later committed suicide.