like drinking ice

The mahogany round table was filled with steaming dishes, but only the two of us were seated.The members of the Zheng family have always been thin, so each heir is used to being alone.The mutton was stewed badly. I don’t know what spices were used. It didn’t have any fishy smell. I picked a dish of steamed meat with taro. The taro was very powdery and absorbed the gravy, so it was very fragrant.

Zheng Ao sat across from me.

Since his father's accident, he and his grandmother have become estranged a lot, and they always wear formal clothes to see her.

"Wait..." When I looked up, he suddenly stopped me.

I looked at him suspiciously.

He reached out.

A black formal suit with a stand-up collar, and a white shirt with diamond cufflinks on the cuffs. His fingers are slender and clean without any rings. His fingertips were a little cold and touched my cheeks.Something seemed to be wiped from the corner of my mouth.

"Rice grains." He said simply, with a little smile on his lips.Under such a light, his amber eyes were almost translucent, filled with clouds and mists, which made people's hearts sway.

It's just that I'm not in the same state of mind as I used to be.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I glanced at his bowl.

"I went to the army yesterday and got some wind." He simply leaned back in his chair, looking very idle: "Tomorrow I have a meeting, and the day after tomorrow I will take a day off. All calls below the ministerial level will not be answered. Xiao Lang also play with me at home."

Li Zhurong seems to be at the ministerial level.

I don't know what's going on in his mind, but I know he must remember everything that night.

Maybe he has some other new idea.He is so smart, how can he tolerate a little unsatisfactory life.

I can't see through him anyway.

In the evening, he ran over to sleep with me as usual, and I leaned against the bedside to read the documents, while he lay on top of me, complaining to me about some things one after another, as if he was still the same.

I agreed with a "hmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"s, and occasionally reached out to rub his hair. His hair grows fast, and it should be cut in a few days.He asked me to give him a massage, I pressed it twice and he fell asleep, looking very heartless.

I put him next to me, covered him with a quilt, and he naturally wrapped his arms and legs.I watched it amused and sighed again.

Love is probably a really powerful thing.

Even if the state of mind changes and is riddled with holes, staying by this person's side still feels different from being around anyone.It is obviously the same world, but it seems that there is an extra beam of light, illuminating everything.

Although it is not as bright as before, it is still something that no one can give.

I enjoy this little light, like enjoying the last sunset before dark, I have no expectation, and I will not pay.I am learning to love someone intelligently and indifferently like him.Do what you want to do, don't think about his mood, don't worry about his feelings.

Because I know the person I love is an asshole.

Before going to work the next day, I went to deliver a suit to Lawyer Su.

Because of the trial, I also prepared coffee and breakfast for him to eat on the way. I can drive now, but Lawyer Su doesn’t like to eat on the way, so it’s okay for us to go to the office halfway.

I had the key, but out of courtesy, I knocked anyway.

It was a woman who opened the door.

A woman I've often heard about—although her makeup is exquisite, it can be seen from certain details that she spent the night outside. It is said that she has always had an affair with Lawyer Su, Lawyer Yan from Yuansheng Law Firm.She was very beautiful. She probably went out to eat western food with Lawyer Su last night and came back. She was wearing a small evening dress suitable for a date, with a fur coat on the outside. At seven o'clock in the morning, this outfit was undoubtedly a bit grand.

"Hello, I am the assistant of Lawyer Su." I maintained the basic courtesy.

Attorney Yan responded very well.

"Hi, Lawyer Su is inside..."

She let me in sideways, with a small sachet in her hand, and what seemed to be a bunch of car keys. I think the silver Ferrari parked in Lawyer Su's garage should be hers.

Lawyer Su had already put on his shirt, and there was a special smell in the bedroom, not a specific smell, but more of an atmosphere.It's hard for me to describe, yet very familiar.Because I used to feel it in Zheng Ao's bedroom.

I put my blazer on the chair and stood to one side.

Lawyer Su glanced at me, picked up his coat, and started to tie his tie.

After he got dressed, I handed him the breakfast without saying a word.

The Ferrari in the garage is gone.

Lawyer Su was sitting in the driver's seat, and I was sitting in the co-pilot's seat. The seat belt probably reminded me of an old dream, and I couldn't take it off no matter what. Lawyer Su came over to help, and before I could react, I avoided his hand as if I had been stabbed by a needle.

His hand just stopped in the air awkwardly.

I pushed open the door of the passenger's seat and shifted directly to the back seat.

As soon as I sat down, Lawyer Su started backing up the car so violently that he nearly ran over the neighbor's lawn, made another sharp turn, and drove directly onto the main road, throwing my last night's dinner out of my mouth.

During the whole process, we didn't say a word, and this state continued until after the trial ended.

Then we drove back to the company.

The final eruption happened at an intersection. Lawyer Su moved a little slower and was stopped at the intersection by a red light that lasted [-] seconds.

I glanced at him in the rearview mirror, then continued to look down at the file.

He picked up the coffee and drank it, only to find it was completely cold.

Then he tossed the coffee aside, gave the steering wheel two hard slams, and stared up at the rearview mirror with such piercing eyes that he almost stabbed me through the mirror.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I took a day off and stayed at home with Zheng Ao.

I often suffer from insomnia recently, the kind that lasts all night, and occasionally wakes up when I fall asleep, because I feel out of breath in my dream, like a stone on my chest.During those long sleepless nights, the shadows of countless people flashed before my eyes like the fast shots of a movie.

I still think about him the most.

My life is too pale, I don't like to travel to see more places, I don't have favorite singers, favorite movies, I don't even like planting flowers anymore.

I still feel good being around him, I even slept on the rug at his house, we were sitting by the window basking in the sun, it was a sunny day outside, the sound of melting snow dripping from the eaves, I leaned on He sleeps on his lap, wondering if his legs will be numb, and he doesn't worry that no one will chat with him after I fall asleep.

After waking up, I feel very tired.

It's the kind of tiredness that just wants to lie still.

"What time is it?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he turned his head to call the housekeeper, "Old Yan..."

"Don't call him, I'm just asking..."

He was wearing a casual off-white shirt, bent one leg and leaned against the wall, playing with my hair with his fingers: "Xiao Lang's hair is so soft."

"You like to play with your hair?" I asked him lazily.

"I like softer hair." He lowered his head, with a smile on the corner of his mouth, against the light, the sun passed through his hanging hair, like a net, densely intertwined on my face, I raised my hand Come, the sun shines on my fingertips.Can't touch, can't hold, so elusive, but some people think it's a symbol of warmth.

"Where's the skin?"

"A bit even, shiny..." He put his finger on my forehead, completely relaxed.

I reached out to block the sunlight that shone into my eyes.

"Xiao Ao, how does it feel to go to bed?"

The fingers on the forehead stopped.

"Are you implying me?" He seemed to be laughing, but there was no smile in his voice.

"No..." I looked at the reddish fingertips under the sun, and gradually became a little sleepy: "I'm just a little curious..."

"Nothing special." The finger on the forehead continued to move again: "It's just a normal physiological reaction, similar to the feeling of eating delicious food, appetite and sexual desire..."

"Is that so?" I seemed to be falling asleep again.

"That's about it."

"That's a pity..." I sighed softly.

"What a pity?" he asked.

I closed my eyes, feeling drowsiness creeping in.

"...I want to find someone to try."

I didn't mean to say that conversation about going to bed, and I didn't miss it very much.

I am too busy.

I do want to try it with someone, though.

I wonder what that feels like.

Before that, I also had sexual impulses in adolescence, but I quickly suppressed it by myself. My father was thin-skinned and kept dragging himself to talk about such topics. You should be a slave to your desires.So try to restrain yourself every time.In the past, Wang Lang and the others laughed at me as Confucius, and said they would take me to some places to see and see, but Zheng Ao beat me up and didn't mention it again.

And because I like Zheng Ao, I haven't had this kind of impulse towards others in these years.

Now I'm going to let Zheng Ao go slowly.

I was suddenly curious about the beauties who walked around him like lanterns, about the girls who sneaked out of his house with messy hairstyles in the morning, I wondered why he would like to be with different people Go to bed, no feelings, no common language, just go to bed.How fun are his so-called untried new things.

I'm supposed to find a man, maybe a woman.

I've only ever liked him, so I don't know what my sexual orientation is.

Lawyer Su said: "This is just something every adult in this city will do. It's not a big deal. It's just desire."

I want to know what desire is.

Zheng Ao said it's good to be cool, I want to know how cool it is.

I suddenly wanted to figure out what we lost to in the past 15 years.