rejuvenation

Xiao Ke and I have known each other since childhood, then got to know each other, fell in love, and finally broke up, and we can't tell whose fault it is.

I just know that I never want to go back to my childhood, when we were young, family, responsibility, glory, these things have not yet fallen on us, we can go out and play until dark, holding hands and going back to the In the courtyard, climbing trees, drilling caves, playing cards, playing marbles, running around with hoops, fishing for shrimps in the rockery pool in the courtyard, catching grasshoppers in the grass, walking around with a charcoal brazier in winter, holding the Spring Festival The firecrackers were lit and heard one by one, and we even often slept on the same bed at night.

But just like the vegetation sprouts and blooms according to the four seasons and then withers, and the migratory birds fly away in winter, the blessings and misfortunes of life are always dependent on each other.

All my happiest times were before I was ten years old. At that time, my parents were present, my family was well-off, and more importantly, I was a neighbor with Xiao Ke. He played with me since my nose was snotted.When I was ten years old, my parents died in a car accident, and I was raised by my uncle and aunt. As a result, six years later, I lost my last relative in a plane crash. From then on, no one asked me anything.

From this point of view, I actually envy Xiao Ke. His parents are present, his uncles are complete, and his siblings are all good. He has loving elders and kind siblings. He has enjoyed the family's upbringing and elite education, so it is natural for him to give back to his family, so of course he wants to get married, have children, and embark on the path his family eagerly expects him to take. attention.

I understand him, and I respect his final choice. I never thought that love should be above family members, responsibilities, and obligations. When the passion fades, he will regret and resent me one day-who knows if those passions that are almost willing to die for each other are just the hormonal influence of youth?

Xiao Ke has a lot of love, no matter for his parents and family, or for me, so in the end he chose to let me go and let me find a better happiness.But without Xiao Ke's happiness, is it still called happiness?

So, at this point, I'm actually quite reconciled.

Because I was not reconciled, I exiled myself. I resigned without telling anyone. I applied for a water conservancy project in Colombia, South America, and I went there for five years.Because if I don’t go, I can’t help but want to see Xiao Ke, I can’t help but destroy his family, I can’t help but hate him, hate his wife, and then I’ll gradually become obscene, hatred will grow between the two sides, and finally smooth The last bit of love, the two finally turned against each other.

When I think that Xiao Ke will hate me, and our years of relationship will finally go out of control, I feel like a knife is piercing my heart.

So I choose to leave.

The pay is very generous, but I have been in the tropical rainforest all year round and there is no one inhabited. I gradually learned to be silent.I canceled all Weibo, friends.com, QQ, private mailboxes, re-applied for work mailboxes, changed my mobile phone number, and then deliberately stayed away from the domestic network. I was originally an insignificant person with no relatives. After making contact, I finally felt a sense of peace.

Then I began to gradually let myself learn to forget.

But if you keep reminding yourself to forget something, you will never forget it.

Because everything in the past was taken for granted, so that all the abandonment and parting afterward seemed to be repaid for granted.

The past is like a small hammer, hammering day and night, while sadness erodes day by day.In order to fill my utterly barren life, and to avoid smoking until dawn every night, I adopted a child.

He has black hair, black eyes, yellow skin, the same blood type as mine, both are type A, and I don’t know which child was abandoned by a Chinese. It seems that he was born with a heart defect and was abandoned at the gate of a welfare institution. There are many orphans there. He has an incurable disease and obviously does not look like a local Indian. No one will adopt him. When I saw his bright eyes and slightly blue lips, I suddenly felt that I was abandoned by the whole world just like that child. And exile, quietly waiting for death, for this, I adopted him.Although the procedures are very troublesome, after all, I have a work visa, but because the company issued a certificate, the child is born with a disease, and the officials are quite sympathetic. After all, Colombia is a small country, and there is always a place that can be unblocked. In the end, it was done. formalities.

I named him Xiao Wu.

Xiao Ke's Xiao, I want to have a child for him, I almost want to go crazy, just because I am a man, I can't have children, so I will never have the opportunity to stand by his side in a fair way, we love each other like this, just Because I can't have children, I'm ineligible.

barren barren.My life is unmanageable, the grass is overgrown, but I still live on, like a weed, a seed accidentally drifts across the ocean, so it falls to the ground and grows, not thinking about the future, not thinking about the future.

When I adopted him, he was only three years old, but he could speak clearly, behave cautiously, and look at the faces of adults timidly. For him, I quit smoking, changed my bad habit of staying up late, accompanied him for three meals on time, and took a walk every day , took him to a medical institution for a heart check, taught him to recognize Chinese characters and speak Chinese, told stories with him at night, cooked for him during the day, and hired a local nanny to take care of him.

Even so, he did not celebrate his sixth birthday, his life is so short, he accompanied me through the most depressing and heartbreaking days, I am used to having a hot head against my body at night, The little feet kicked on my stomach, and his soft breath blew on my neck regularly, but he bid farewell to me in a hurry and threw me back to the cold and lonely life.

I am very sad, although his heart defect doomed him to not live long, I tried my best to make him laugh and be happy every day, but when he left, I still felt deeply heartbroken, You see, Xiao Ke's mother was right. I am not well-known, lonely, cold-tempered, and not close.

That's why I was destined to be so lonely. A person like Xiao Ke who is like the sun brings warmth to everyone who is close to him. Why don't I be greedy for him?

Because I was sad, I never mentioned the news of Xiao Wu's death to my colleagues, and I persisted in not canceling his ID card.They all knew I had adopted a child, and they would ask me how the child was doing now and then, which I shrugged off.God knows how much I wanted to go home. When I opened the door, I saw that cute child running out of the room happily with short legs, and then raised his face and called me in a childish voice: "you are back."

Then I hugged his soft little body and asked him, "Are you good today?"

He would laugh and put his warm head on my neck, and shouted, "Good boy~"

Every time I think of this I want to cry.

On the day when the project was completed and the contract was concluded, I received a generous last bonus. Looking at the generous figures in my passbook, I was very confused and didn’t know where to go. In the years since I came to Colombia, I adopted a child, but lost him. I buried my most precious memories and emotions deeply, and finally got nothing but money. To be precise, I have nothing in my life.

Because of confusion, after my colleagues returned to China one after another, I still lingered and didn't want to go back to China, because returning to China would mean the return of those memories overwhelmingly, and I was afraid, terribly afraid.

The work visa is still a while away, and I traveled alone, because I have been busy with taking care of children and projects these years, and I have not actually seen much in this country.After entering the rainy season, it has been raining heavily, and I was depressed, so I still bought a ticket to travel, and I didn't deliberately choose tourist attractions, just went as I wished.

There is a temple in the local area. The Feathered Serpent God is enshrined in the temple. It is said that it is very spiritual. I worshiped it. I never believed in these empty things before. When I went to the countryside to worship the idol, I was thinking of the carefree time when I was a child without responsibilities and obligations, and said: "It would be great if I could go back to my childhood."

If I knew that the statue actually knew a foreign language, I wouldn't be so mean.

When I went down the mountain, I encountered mountain torrents, landslides, and when I fell into the icy water, my only thought was that I really wanted to see Xiao Ke again, and I really hoped that I could have another life with him.

When I woke up, I was on the shore, and my clothes must have been washed away by the flood, because I have small hands and feet, and my height is no more than half of a person, so the clothes can't hang.

I literally went back to my childhood.