stamina

It is actually hard to talk about those young thoughts and the stupid mistakes made because of these thoughts.

Sitting in front of He Jinxi, Cheng Hua muttered several times before finally saying, "It's all my fault."

He Jinxi said: "It's been so long, it's fine now..."

"No." Cheng Hua remembered the way Zheng Xiao looked at him just now, and shook his head resolutely, "I have to say it."

He Jinxi didn't stop him.

Cheng Hua took a few deep breaths and clenched his fingers tightly: "At that time, I wasn't sure if I really liked girls..."

Is really not sure.

Even He Jinxi in her teenage years was the most shining one in the crowd. She was beautiful, outstanding, with good grades and a great personality.

No one doesn't like such a girl, and no one doesn't want to be friends with her.

Someone once whispered in Cheng Hua's ear that the boys in the class voted for class beauty, and thirty votes were given to He Jinxi, and ten votes were given to her.

That person probably wanted to make Cheng Hua angry and jealous.But before Cheng Hua could get angry and jealous, He Jinxi took his hand.

He Jinxi praised her for her beauty and her white and soft hands. He Jinxi liked to take her to the canteen to buy her snacks. There were many flower baskets at the opening of the bookstore next door. He Jinxi smiled and asked the owner of the bookstore if he could give her a flower Overjoyed, the boss saw such a beautiful and lovely girl as He Jinxi, and immediately grabbed a bunch of them.

He Jinxi gave Cheng Hua that large bouquet of flowers, and they bloomed brilliantly on the windowsill of the dormitory for a long time.

So this kind of He Jinxi, when she holds your hand, when she tells you, I like you the most, you don’t like others, when she kisses your cheek, crawls into your bed on a winter night to help you keep warm hands and feet, will you refuse?

you will not.

Cheng Hua couldn't refuse, Cheng Hua felt that this was wrong, and at the same time enjoyed He Jinxi's kindness to her.She looked up a lot of information about homosexuality on the Internet. She wanted to know whether the sound of her heart beating when He Jinxi's palm was pressed against her body was only for He Jinxi or only for girls.

So she was an idiot, she began to want to try to fall in love with boys.

She didn't dare to look for him at school, for fear of being seen by He Jinxi, she met a handsome social youth in an Internet cafe, she asked for his phone number, and on weekends, she called a public phone to ask him out for dinner.

The boy was much bolder than He Jinxi, and touched her body the second time.

The third time, a boy asked her why she was so coquettish at such a young age. Cheng Hua couldn't explain it. She felt that something was opened and she would never go back. It wasn't until the boy entered her body that the severe pain made her dazed. Come on.

She struggled frantically, but to no avail.The boy pressed her shoulder with much stronger strength than her.

In the pain, she heard the boy say: "You came to the door" "Why do you love to give it away so much?" "Is it cool?" "I didn't expect you to be a virgin" "Don't say you are in love with me , I don't like the sluts that love sends"...

Everything in Cheng Hua was smashed to pieces.

Young impulsiveness, curiosity about sex and love, the joy of having He Jinxi's liking, and her thin self-esteem.

Later, she bled a lot, and the boy cursed and threw the phone beside her, but Cheng Hua didn't call anyone. She got dressed, put a sanitary napkin on her dirty panties, and staggered back home. Walk.

She persisted to the house, and then passed out in the bathroom.

When she woke up again, the world had collapsed. Her parents yelled and asked her what happened, but Cheng Hua couldn't open her mouth and couldn't utter a word.

For the next ten years, she failed to open her mouth.

She was sent away from the city where she grew up by her parents, studied in a boarding school with closed management for two years, and then was admitted to a third-rate university.

She no longer likes to talk to people, and she dare not fall in love again.She was not able to get into school, and the job she found after graduation was mediocre.

When she was 24 years old, her parents said it was time for you to get married, and she said, okay.

She went on a blind date and found someone her parents liked, got married, and gave birth to a child. Now, the child is about to go to elementary school.

She swiped Weibo and saw He Jinxi's name, she clicked in and saw her vigorous love, vigorous life, it was the first time in so many years that she had a strong urge to do something.

She wanted to meet He Jinxi, she wanted to know where the two different paths of life would lead.She wanted He Jinxi to slap her hard on the face, to overturn her from the bottom.

But He Jinxi didn't do anything after hearing her truth.

She sat quietly on the sofa and looked at her with an elegant posture and a peaceful expression.

After a long time, she asked her, "Do you think you are doing well?"

What a simple question, but Cheng Hua couldn't answer it.

Is she doing well?She lived the life all the women around her lived, working, raising kids, fighting with her husband.

But there was a scorched hole in her heart that she dared not touch.

In the past, she could tell herself that no matter who it is, no matter how beautiful life looks on the surface, there are always a few holes in the layers.

But when she looked at He Jinxi, Zheng Xiao, and the tacit understanding and freedom flowing between them today, she suddenly felt that her life was like a cesspit.

But is she having a bad day?

A person like her is only worthy of this kind of life.She has never possessed He Jinxi's beautiful qualities, and the relationship between her and He Jinxi is nothing more than God's pity for her.

Cheng Hua opened his mouth and said, "It doesn't matter."

He Jinxi said: "If you want to change and start, it's never too late."

Cheng Hua shook his head, and his smile turned into the embarrassment and embarrassment of the first meeting: "I should compensate you, but I have no money, and I have nothing to give you..."

Speaking of this, she suddenly stopped, her eyes sparkling with tiny rays of light: "Can I go to see your parents? And our teachers and classmates. I want to make things clear to them. I'm sorry, I know It's too late, but I can explain this anywhere if you want..."

He Jinxi shook his head: "I don't need it anymore."

Cheng Hua's eyes suddenly turned ashes.

He Jinxi clenched his fingers in his palm, rubbed his fingertips little by little, and finally said, "If you really want to make up for something, live your own life well."

Like a rope thrown into the abyss.

Cheng Hua's tears welled up, she covered her eyes with her palms, and didn't dare to look at He Jinxi again.

She stood up and walked out, repeating "I'm sorry" all the time, and just ran out of the courtyard gate, disappearing into He Jinxi's world.

He Jinxi sat blankly for a long time, then called softly: "Xiaoxiao."

Zheng Xiao came in at the sound and stood still in front of her. He Jinxi hugged her waist and buried her head in her warm body.

Zheng Xiao circled her, rubbing her palms along her back.

He Jinxi slowed down for a while, then raised his head and smiled at her, "I'm fine."

"I feel like I'm a molting moth."

"The old He Jinxi is left behind, and every day will be a new me."

"The new fluttering moth," He Jinxi laughed, "Isn't this metaphor a bit disgusting?"

Zheng Xiao lowered her head and kissed her forehead lightly.

That night, they opened the door of the house and sat watching the sunset in a place where the air-conditioning cold wind could blow.

The sun went down little by little, and finally it jumped on the porch and disappeared completely.

He Jinxi was happy physically and mentally. She stretched and turned to look at Zheng Xiao: "Okay, let me tell you what's going on."

"Needless to say." Zheng Xiao didn't dare to look at her, and stared straight ahead, not far away from her, "You can prepare to hit me now."

"Huh?" He Jinxi tilted his head, "Did you eavesdrop?"

"No." Zheng Xiao pursed her lips, "There is a camera in the living room."

He Jinxi: "..."

She forgot about it.

There is a camera in the living room, but it's not specially installed for today's matter.Before she wanted a small sofa for the baby, Zheng Xiao made it on the spot, and He Jinxi was helping at the side, so Zheng Xiao put up the camera and wanted to make a vlog.

The camera can be remotely controlled with a mobile phone, He Jinxi slapped Zheng Xiao's head with a slap: "You monitor me!"

"I didn't do it on purpose." Zheng Xiao covered her head, "I just forgot to turn it off, and I saw it when I turned on the phone..."

He Jinxi: "I remember you closed it yesterday!"

Zheng Xiao: "Then I opened it earlier today!"

He Jinxi: "Which one is earlier! I didn't make a sofa today!"

Zheng Xiao: "Then when you meet your first love, can I not observe the situation..."

He Jinxi: "..."

Zheng Xiao swore to the sky: "I didn't plan to watch it after dinner!"

He Jinxi: "But you still read it."

Zheng Xiao: "I was wrong, you guys talked for a long time, I just..."

He Jinxi raised his hand and interrupted her: "Okay, there's no need to explain, let's think about how to make it up."

Zheng Xiao observed her expression, and said cautiously: "How do you make it up?"

He Jinxi tried hard to hold back, with an extremely serious expression: "Sex to me tonight."

The author has something to say: I am very sorry, Miaoji is seriously ill, so the update volume and time may not be guaranteed these days.I will try to update as much as possible, if not, I will not notify you.This article is coming to an end, you can wait for a while, and read it in one breath after it is over.