Return to the Road of God

Ye Yufan came to the museum, and led by the administrator to the room dedicated to collecting art magazines and periodicals from various countries.

There was a strange smell in the room. The administrator covered his nose and turned on the light, saying: "There are very few students who are interested in newspapers from 20 or [-] years ago. Apart from cleaning the room regularly, the staff are not good at dealing with these... …After reading it, you should pay attention to return the things to their original places!”

Ye Yufan thanked him, and quickly started searching. The materials on the shelves were very neat and sorted, and he found it in a short while. It was published in July of 1983.

The painting depicts a slender man, wearing a black coat and walking in the drizzle. The overall expression is a hazy feeling, because the ages are far apart, and the color printing level of newspapers in those days was not too high. Doesn't show the details of the painting well.But in comparison, it can still be seen that the author's depiction of the man's upper body is clearer than that of the lower body. His legs are vaguely hidden in a mist of water, whether it is due to the dense rain or the flat ground of the same color. I personally watched that person rush away without looking back.

"Changqing..." He murmured that person's name, and his eyes suddenly became sour. He clearly recalled the mood he had when he drew this painting, loneliness, despair, incomprehension, and deep love.

He left him, and he still loves him so purely...it's incredible.

Ye Yufan resisted the desire to cry, and suddenly wanted to see that man named Bai Changqing. In his memory, he was so kind to him, extremely gentle, except for the inexplicable distance, such as feeding himself a glass of wine soaked in chronic poison. , besides, he can't remember where he hated him, or hated him...

He wanted to take a look at what the man who could make him love so much that he could cry so hard that he didn't know why he looked like!

He thought again, if he really saw him, he should ignore everything, don't ask, just go up and hug him, listen to his voice, feel his temperature, and they are together like before.

... Such absurd thoughts popped up one after another, filling my mind.

Then, he didn't know how much effort he took to get out of that desperate, humble, and lost mood.

Then he settled down and said to himself over and over again: You are Ye Yufan!

The newspaper published the biography of the female painter, as well as a few interviews, but they were all in French, except for the name of the fake painter, JinMu.

According to the way of writing the first name in foreign countries and the last name in the back, the correct order of her names should be MuJin——猜?Mu?No matter which one it was, Ye Yufan didn't know it.

He went to the computer room of the library to surf the Internet and searched for the names of JinMu and MuJin. There were very few materials on the Internet, and some private art websites copied news from the Paris Art Newspaper, but the good thing was that most of those websites were in English. of.

Ye Yufan saw the English version of MuJin's introduction.

It said that this girl was born in a wealthy family in China. She didn't like studying since she was a child, and she liked singing, dancing, acting and other things that ordinary people don't do well in the eyes of ordinary people. His parents, of course, twisted him for the interest of loving their daughter. Do your best to obey her.When she was eight years old, her father invited him a famous painter as a tutor. She claimed to have fallen in love with her teacher that year, but she couldn't get any response. The feeling of broken love prompted her to draw the painting. Unexpectedly, it was recognized by everyone.She also said that although she failed in love, she will continue to walk on the path of art, and claimed that she is ready to go to an American art academy for further studies...

Ye Yufan was depressed for a while. If he hadn't seen the painting with his own eyes, he might have been fooled by these words!

On the basis of proficient painting skills, "Back View" has an unusually soft way of handling details. It is easy to make people think that the painter is a woman, because few men have such delicate brushstrokes and emotions.

But Ye Yufan knew at a glance that it belonged to him. Its style was very similar to his usual practice work. The way of expression was unpredictable to others, but it was very familiar to him!

Suddenly, Ye Yufan entered a string of letters in the search box, and only realized what he had entered when the message popped up—it was Shotray, his English name!

He was shocked to find that the name Shotray contained much more information than MuJin!

After thinking about it carefully, I was surprised that Shotray is a homonym of "Xiaochuan". At that time, Han Rui asked him if he had an English name, and Ye Yufan blurted it out without thinking, as if the name was in his mind.

After a quick scan, I filtered out useless information, and finally found an article that Ye Yufan read with immersion.It was a personal diary written by an American on his blog a year ago, and the entire diary was reminiscing about Shotray.

Shotray and I are just ordinary classmates, not even friends, but after more than [-] years, I still think of him from time to time.

Shotray is Chinese, born in a scholarly family, and his parents are both famous Chinese artists. He met Shotray when he was studying painting in Florence.

It was the weekend and the weather was fine. Everyone went outside to play. I just arrived in Florence and visited the campus with my friends.We all came to the studio talking and laughing, and that's where I met Shotray for the first time.

Shotray was wearing a white shirt, with a pointed chin, black hair and pupils, and he sat there quietly drawing, like an elf who does not belong to this world.

At that moment, I stayed there and forgot to breathe...

There are [-] people in the class, except for me, Peter and Shotray, the rest are all locals. After asking them, I found out that Shotray is not good at foreign languages, is relatively withdrawn, and always walks alone.

Shotray looks like a little boy, but he doesn't like to play. He is very quiet, either staying in the studio or sleeping in the dormitory.

Logically speaking, such a nerd is very unpopular, but I don't know why, the students respect him very much, probably because Shotray is very talented and hardworking.Every time he handed in homework, everyone handed in one piece, and he could hand in a thick stack.

My life with Shotray has nothing to do with each other. Occasionally we met on the road, and we would smile at each other. He was very shy, and when he smiled, his cheeks were flushed, like a girl.

The school is on vacation, and he doesn’t go back to his country. I heard that something happened to his country recently, and he might not be able to come out once he goes back. I felt sorry for him at the time. He is so young and has to be separated from his family. There is no one here. As a caring Chinese friend, only Huahua can accompany him.

After a few years like this, one day, I went to Fianna to discuss the project and met Shotray in the office.

He was crying, his shoulders were twitching, and he was crying very sadly, and Fianna's eyes were red—you know, she's such a strict, serious, rigid old lady, and I never believed she would cry.

We only heard later that Shotray's parents died by suicide. Two days ago, Shotray received a letter from them before they died, telling him never to go back.

That year, Shotray was 21 years old, the news was too tragic for us, we didn't know how much grief he was going to bear...

For a long time, the atmosphere in the class was very depressed. Everyone tried to comfort Shotray and asked him if he had any financial problems, and we could help.

But he refused, we know that at that moment, no one could help him, he could only stand up and walk out by himself.

After that, Shotray changed a lot. In the past, although he was introverted, he would talk to everyone a few words, but later on he seldom smiled, and his brows were always frowning, with melancholy in his eyes.

His mood was very unstable. Several times when we were painting together in the studio, he suddenly dropped his pen and ran out. We saw that he began to use large groups of black and red on the canvas.

But under Fianna's suggestion, Shotray went on a school trip. Half a year later, he came back and brought another Chinese boy, who was also good-looking, but not as good as Shotray.

I have seen many Chinese people since then, handsome men, beautiful women, but none of them can compare to Shotray, he is different, he has a special kind of aura, I don't know how to describe it.

It may be because of meeting new friends, Shotray is much more cheerful. His friend stayed with him in Florence for a few months. After a while, Shotray came to say goodbye to us, saying that he was going back to China.

I really wanted to ask, didn't your parents tell you not to go back?But thinking about it again, there is no one who does not love his motherland, as long as someone welcomes him and expects him to go back, that is where he really belongs!

So, instead of asking him, I offered my blessing.

But I have always regretted that I didn't keep him, and I didn't invite him to come to the United States. If so, will his fate turn for the better?

After eight years in Florence, I finished my studies and returned to China. I opened a gallery with my friends, and gradually became rich and famous.Later, the M State Museum of Art invited me to work there, responsible for art and cultural exchanges with other countries.

With the opening up and rapid development of China, the Mysterious East is becoming more and more attractive to me. I always think of Shotray and wonder if he is doing well, and my expectation of China has always been because Shotray left me too much. Make a good impression.

If Shotray is still developing in the field of art, it will definitely be second to none.

The year before last, my colleagues and I went to China for a visit, saw the current level of art in China, and met many artists. They were all outstanding, but I was not satisfied.

Because I didn't see that familiar style, those paintings that I always sneaked in when Shotray was not in the studio.

I inquired with many people, and also wrote emails to my former classmates in Florence, but there was no result. It was just one more sad story. Fianna died of cancer not long ago: (The day before returning to the United States, a We are flattered that a very reputable Chinese art dealer finds us and treats us to dinner.

During the meeting, we had a pleasant chat, discussed many cooperation matters and exchanged contact information.After the meal, the man invited me to a Chinese tea house for tea alone, and we chatted about Shotray.

He heard that I was looking for this person and asked me what was my relationship with Shotray. I was very happy, thinking that he knew Shotray's whereabouts, so he told a lot about Shotray's past. The man listened carefully and smiled, but his eyes were very sad.

When I talked about his parents, I had some bad premonitions. I asked him if Shotray was okay now. He was silent for a long time, and said that after returning to China, Shotray had been in a bad mood and had serious mental problems. He passed away a few years ago. Died of depression.

I don't know how to describe my mood, and I don't want to ask any more questions.

I fell into a deep sadness, like a lovelorn...

Hehe, I know it is very strange to use this word, but it is true. To me, he is like a spiritual lover, which makes people yearn for and pity.

I can't help but wonder, sometimes, does God let some people live in this world just to make them suffer?Just because they have talents against the sky, is it necessary to deprive them of the fun of being mortals?

Shotray, I didn't expect that Florence's farewell was the last time I saw you.

I always think of you, you are in my memory, always in your twenties, the appearance of a little boy.

I hope you are happy in heaven.

……

X. X. 1999

Ye Yufan read this article word by word, unable to recover for a long time.

When he reacted, his face was covered with tears.