Return to the Road of God

Jiang Bing went around the city and drove the car along the main road to the suburbs.

In the early spring just after the new year, the rice field was still yellow, and there was no one there, even the scarecrow was standing alone in the wilderness. Jiang Bing stopped the car and dragged Ye Yufan down the ridge.

After the spring equinox, nearby farmers will come here to cultivate.In a few days, new shoots will appear on the grass, and in March and April, golden rapeseed flowers will grow here... This land has different scenes all year round, only at this moment is a A pair of decadent and depressed look.

Even so, this kind of scenery cannot be seen in the city. Under the cover of layers of buildings, in any part of the city, you can only see reinforced concrete and heavy traffic.

"Have you never been to such a place?" Jiang Bing asked.

"Well, it turns out that Ningcheng still has fields." Ye Yufan looked around and said.

Jiang Bing smiled: "Bookworms like you sit in classrooms all day, so of course you don't know."

The two found a clean, empty meadow. Ye Yufan opened his hands, feeling a huge wind pushing over from the other end of the field, brushing against his body gently like ocean waves, not cold at all: "What are you doing?" Know this place?"

Jiang Bing stood beside him, with a straw in his mouth that he didn't know where he picked up: "I was beaten by my father when I was a child, and I rode a bicycle by myself for more than two hours until I couldn't see the house. Just discovered this place."

Ye Yufan smiled: "Run away from home? You are really brave."

Jiang Bing said: "I call it resolving depression! It's not like you. When you feel uncomfortable, you only know to look at the sky at 45 degrees, and you are not afraid of twisting your neck."

Ye Yufan: "..."

Because only when people in the city look up at the sky will their sights be unobstructed.Maybe people need to feel the vast space every once in a while, so as not to be narrow, closed, and melancholy...

Here, the vast fields let people's minds fly freely, as if they can really experience the sense of freedom that the ancients said "with the sky as the cover, the ground as the seat, and the mountains as the boundary".

Jiang Bing looked at Ye Yufan's calm but joyful face, and suddenly asked, "How is it? Do you think I'm fine?"

Ye Yufan closed his eyes, faced the sky, and said slowly, "You still owe me 1000 yuan."

"...I'm dizzy!" Jiang Bing exploded in anger, this boy, is love measured by money!How heartless!

"Just kidding," Ye Yufan said lightly, "it's not bad."

Jiang Bing: "...Fuck."

Ye Yufan opened his eyes and said to himself, "I really want to draw this feeling."

Jiang Bing remembered the conversation between Jiang Xue and Ye Yufan last time, and asked, "Do you want to learn to draw?"

Ye Yufan frowned and said, "Yes."

Jiang Bing asked: "Then, how about going to the Academy of Fine Arts?" He heard Jiang Xue talk about going to the Academy of Fine Arts several times, so he thought that the ultimate goal of those who study painting is the Academy of Fine Arts.

Ye Yufan shook his head: "No, it's just drawing."

Jiang Bing was very happy when Ye Yufan said that he would not be admitted to the Academy of Fine Arts, because he would continue to follow him, but Ye Yufan immediately said, "If you want to enter a university, you can pass it casually."

No matter what, I passed the exam... Nima!

Jiang Bing spat out the grass stalks in his mouth and asked, "I've wanted to ask you for a long time, why didn't you study? I didn't say it last time."

Ye Yufan paused, and said, "I think reading is boring."

"Rebellious period?" Jiang Bing always had a bad premonition in his heart: this kind of life is just a tonic for Ye Yufan, and he will soon return to his own world.He didn't think it mattered before, but recently he has become more and more concerned about this issue.

"It's not a rebellious period, it's an illness." Ye Yufan said.

"Huh?" Jiang Bing asked, "What disease?"

Ye Yufan didn't intend to lie to him any more, and said frankly: "A few months ago, my parents took me to see a doctor, saying that I might suffer from schizophrenia, and I had several psychiatric treatments and hypnosis. My son lost more than [-] catties, so I stopped studying."

Jiang Bing didn't know how much patience it took Ye Yufan to talk about the obviously painful things so calmly, but he knew that Ye Yufan at this moment did not show his true side.

Jiang Bing recalled what happened the first time he saw Ye Yufan, and he suspected that he didn't fall into the water inexplicably, but consciously... But he was also like this at that time, with a forced smile and a sorrowful look in his eyes, but he wanted to be understood. The tone was so contradictory and casual.

...Aha, what an amazing person!

Jiang Bing resisted the urge to beat someone up and asked, "Do you think that you are the most pitiful person when you encounter this kind of thing!"

"I didn't..." Ye Yufan replied instinctively.

"Don't deny it, your expression and your eyes can't deceive anyone at all!" Jiang Bing was angry at Ye Yufan's attitude. He didn't know that Ye Yufan had such an experience. When he thought that the other party might still have the idea of ​​committing suicide, Jiang Bing was very disturbed, so disturbed that he wanted to scold this person severely: "Is there such despair? There are so many people in the world, and tragedies happen every day. My uncle just died suddenly in a car accident, leaving behind a whole family. Let go! One of my cousins ​​got cancer at the age of 28, and his child was still in his aunt’s stomach! But so what? They are not alive now! And my parents, our family was poor since childhood I can’t lift the lid of the pot, and my parents are troubled by people every now and then. Every two years, our family will be broke, and then we will move and start over..."

Ye Yufan shook his head: "I'm different from you, you don't understand."

Jiang Bing sneered: "Ha! It's not the same yarn! Why don't I understand? I'm two years older than you, and I've seen more of the world than you. Although you are very smart, what other aspects are you better than others besides good grades? Yes! Young master like you must have been loved by everyone since he was a child, and he would moan about every little thing..."

Ye Yufan looked at him and felt that the blood in his body was gradually being ignited by Jiang Bing's words. He was very angry, why did Jiang Bing say such things about himself!

"Do your classmates know about your mental illness? So you feel very pitiful, don't you? Hehe, don't you usually tell others about this kind of thing? Why don't you wait for me to find out, but tell me? Win Empathy? Or do you feel like you're different?"

Ye Yufan rushed forward uncontrollably, and punched Jiang Bing hard.

Jiang Bing didn't hide, and took Ye Yufan's slap without pain, and continued to taunt: "You can eat and sleep, and your IQ is normal, except for a little emotional numbness, but what kind of schizophrenia is this? It's because you're reading stupid! ah?"

Ye Yufan's eyes were red, panting, and the anger that he had tried his best to endure burst into the sky: "You don't know anything at all! You idiot with zero IQ!!"

IQ is... zero?Nima!

"I only know that you look like you want to die every day. I don't know how difficult it is to make you laugh! I don't know, so tell me, I don't know where! You are an idiot! You have a negative IQ You idiot!" Jiang Bing's voice was louder than Ye Yufan's, and his roar was like a gust of wind, bringing the weeds around him to dance with the wind and drifting away into the distance.

"You...do you know the feeling of being completely disrupted in your life! Do you know the panic feeling of intermittent amnesia!" Ye Yufan yelled at him brokenly: "Do you know the feeling of changing the characters on the book! You know After being hypnotized by someone, it seems that the whole person is split in two! My life, my life has been completely ruined by that person!"

The suppressed tears spewed out, and the ignited anger was as dazzling as fireworks.

Jiang Bing: "There are two people in your body? Do you think you are telling a supernatural story? Although I have not known you for a long time, I have never felt that you are abnormal. Which quack doctor said you were schizophrenic! Diagnosed Did you!...Ah! Don’t think that everything in the world revolves around you, you just stayed at the top for too long! It’s obviously your own fault, and you have to blame others!”

"Shut up!" Ye Yufan rushed forward, yelling, yelling, just wanted to beat Jiang Bing so hard that he couldn't speak!

Here, except for Jiang Bing, no one can see his loss of control, and no one can see his tears.

Here, he can roar unscrupulously, cry hysterically, those panics that have been endured so hard, and the sorrows that have been accumulated for a long time, all vented out as he wished.

"What do you know! You don't know what I think! Why do you say that! Do you think I want to? You don't know what I'm afraid of! I thought about death too! I thought about it and left! But I didn't not!"

"Fuck you," Jiang Bing punched hard, and he glared at Ye Yufan fiercely, wanting to wake him up! "If you fucking miss you, I'll satisfy you right now!"

"Yeah, it's all my fault. If you kill me, I won't have to look at your faces again. I will never let anyone down and cry! I don't know why I appear here! Everything is strange ! Including myself!" Ye Yufan's voice has gradually become hoarse, but he still shouted with all his strength: "—Who the hell am I!"

Jiang Bing counterattacked symbolically, with far more fists landed on his body than he swung, "Who the hell gave you embarrassment! You don't want to mix with me and go back! Go back and read your book! You don't care What you want to do is up to you! And you obviously want to paint but you look helpless, who are you pretending to be!"

"Shut up!!" Ye Yufan cried while beating, "What do you know, you bastard..."

Jiang Bing: "Yeah, I'm an asshole! Do you treat me, an asshole, as a friend? I treat you with all my heart, and you! You don't want to open your heart to anyone at all! You're so hypocritical!"

The two of you punched and kicked each other, and you spoke to each other, from hysterically shouting louder, until no one had the strength to punch again.

The two of them were lying on the ground, covered with weeds and mud.

The sky, the breeze, the earth...

Apart from these, no one knew what happened, and everything was as quiet as if nothing had happened.

Jiang Bing glanced at Ye Yufan who was lying on the ground, his mood had gradually calmed down, but he was still out of breath, choked up from time to time, and muttered: "Bastard..."

Jiang Bing crawled over and squatted beside Ye Yufan, looked at him from top to bottom, and added without fear of death: "The world is cruel."

"Go away!" Ye Yufan cursed hoarsely.

Jiang Bing pushed his hands back and sat down on the ground: "Haha, you can also swear!"

Ye Yufan was speechless and didn't have the strength to hit him again, so he just snorted heavily.

Jiang Bing asked: "Hey, what is schizophrenia? Is it mental illness?"

Ye Yufan: "..."

Jiang Bing: "Is there really? Why can't I see it. But even if you are sick, don't worry, I, Jiang Bing, am not the kind of scum who doesn't treat my brother as a brother when he is mentally ill!...Hiss, it hurts , the strike is really heavy!"

Ye Yufan: "...can you be quiet for a while, it's so annoying!"

After the anger, impulse, and venting, Ye Yufan was so weak that he couldn't even move a finger, but his heart was extremely relaxed.

He took deep breaths one after another, raised his palm and looked at the sky through his fingertips, and what Jiang Bing said just now echoed in his mind——

Are you afraid to face yourself now?Obviously I really want to paint, but I haven't really put it into practice until now. I use this way to resist the turning point of fate, and I hesitate to move forward with this kind of anxiety...

Really like drawing?But I have never been good at it before, so why do I suddenly have such a great interest? What will happen if I can’t draw well?In fact, it is not just that I am afraid of hurting the people around me, but also that I am afraid that if I try to paint wishfully, I will encounter failure.

But the soul trembling with excitement when holding the pen and drawing on the paper, and the sensitive reaction to any painting, these feelings are very real.In fact, during this period of time, the illness has almost disappeared, no sleepwalking, no talking to himself, and no bewilderment and amnesia... Is it already healed?

Just treat it as a nightmare, and when you wake up, stop thinking about the ordinary days in the past.Studying day after day is actually very boring, isn't it?Although there is no pain, there is no great joy either. Compared with painting, I have never felt the touch of beauty, the attraction of that mysterious field to me, which I have never felt in the past 15 years...

In fact, it’s not just 15 years, it feels like I’ve lived for a long time...

It's like a frog jumping out of a deep well, seeing the hugeness of the sky. Although I miss the sense of security at the bottom of the well, the scenery there can no longer satisfy my vision.

The author has something to say: [Interlude]

One day after a long time——

Ye Yufan asked Jiang Bing: "Did your uncle really die in a car accident? Then what happened to his family?"

Jiang Bing: "What? I don't have an uncle, just an aunt."

Ye Yufan: "..."

Ye Yufan: "Your cousin got cancer at the age of 28?"

Jiang Bing: "What, don't curse randomly!"

"..." Ye Yufan kicked Jiang Bing off the bed.

Jiang Bing reflected under the bed for a while, and shouted: "Our family was so poor before that we couldn't get rid of it! I didn't lie to you!"