Psychological Control

"Come in and sit down, do you want something to drink?" After the filming was over, I rejected Jonathan's suggestion to have dinner together on the pretext of fearing that your lover would be jealous, and returned to my hotel in Paseo with Chris saying that I had nowhere to go. A small apartment for rent in the city of Raatu.

"No...no need..." Chris has been at a loss since he stepped into this small apartment. "Oh... just a glass of water!"

I put down my bag and looked at him and smiled, then turned around and took some water in a glass and handed it over.When I handed it to him, my hand holding the cup couldn't help but tremble.Because I found out that this cleaned cup was used by David before, and he also washed it and put it there.And I never got around to it.

"Thank you." Chris didn't notice anything wrong with me because his ears were red from nervousness.He deliberately looked away with a straight face and took the cup from my hand.

"So you signed up as a survivor?" Chris asked in disbelief after sitting down.

On the way back, I told him what I was going to do next.But he was still a little puzzled that I would go back and forth and want to join another reality show. After all, modeling is my career in his view.

I shrugged and sat opposite him, sitting face to face at the small dining table. "That's right, didn't I retire from America's Next Top Model for personal reasons? So participating in Survivor is my next plan."

"Why?!" Chris asked stubbornly.

"For the sake of popularity, but also for the survivor's final prize of one million dollars." I replied, true or false. "Don't worry, I will also accept some magazine print jobs recently. But because of academic problems, I may not be able to run catwalk shows around the world like you."

After the end of America's Next Top Model, although Chris failed to sign with Next Modeling Agency, he also signed with an agency that wasn't too bad.Recently, he has been running shows and taking photos for print magazines with the resources in the hands of his agent.

"But I heard that the survivors are very miserable..." Chris said with some confusion, "The contestants will lose dozens of pounds when they come back, and it's too bad for your body."

"But I'd love to have that experience." I smiled and brought my face closer to Chris, gazing closely at his ice blue irises. "The wilderness survival that cannot be experienced in modern cities is also accompanied by the social law of intrigue. This excites me more than those extreme sports."

I gently turned my head to the frozen Chris's ear, "Don't you also want to try an experience that you have never had before when you come back with me?..." The ending sound disappeared in the silence.

I don't know what's wrong with me, maybe it's about David, or maybe it's some other pressure like starting school, meeting Neil Caffery, etc., and I suddenly want to tease Chris like this.

If it was me before, I would definitely not dare to go further because I was worried about hurting the relationship between us.I might probe cautiously, and wait until I am sure what the other person means before I speak out.

But now, because of the influence of Brian's personality, I don't care about the other person's feelings, and my selfish and selfish desires follow my thoughts.

I heard Chris's breathing became more and more rapid and heavy, and there were drops of sweat on his temples, obviously it was not too hot.His eyes were slightly closed, his eyelashes fluttered one by one due to tension, he slowly raised his left hand, touched it to my face, and stroked my chin and side neck.

"Bryan...you...have you always been so direct?..." Chris's voice became hoarse, and the hand touching my face to neck gradually tightened.

I gave a low laugh, which made his tense movements stiff, and I leaned over and pulled his other hand on my waist, and straddled him. "Maybe you're asking me, do I often do this to many other men?" My question made Chris's body stiffen, and his expression came back.

I ignored his eagerness to explain, and skillfully supported my body with the strength of my legs, preventing my weight from falling completely on him.Then, accompanied by the silent dance music in my mind, I twisted my body and danced slowly and full of sexual tension.

"I!...I didn't mean that..." Chris couldn't help but raised his head and looked at me with wide eyes, and then he saw my actions, his face flushed instantly and his eyes vented, just blankly I looked up at me who straddled him from the bottom up.

"No amount, Chris." I put my hands that had been put behind my head because of the dancing, on his shoulders and hugged his neck. "At least in these years, you are the first man who made me think of this."

The completely unexpected answer made Chris completely stunned, watching him blankly under my guidance.This feeling of dominating myself also made my panic a little less.

I am not lying.Because, Chris is indeed the first man in the past five years to make me think.

His character looks so pure, but he is not completely spotless.He allows me to completely take the initiative when I get along with him, and I will not be controlled by others.But it won't be too easy to be manipulated and make me lose interest.

Since being reborn in Brian's body five years ago, my need for sex has decreased a lot.Maybe it was the pervert that made me die and come back to life, the sexual assault before I died, or maybe it was Brian's original heterosexual relationship.All in all, over the years I've become a little frigid without knowing it.

I have no need for sexual desire, not to mention finding a partner, even doing it myself rarely happens.Sometimes because of the busy part-time job, I don't think about it for ten days and half a month.

But what happened to David reminded me of the accident that killed me.It seemed that David’s stimulation broke the balance. I felt that I actually still had feelings of gratitude and fear, which made me dilute the shadow that had been deposited in my heart for nearly five years by crying like a collapse.In this way, the senses of the whole body are also opened up.

It's like being alive again.

Before we knew it, we moved into the bedroom.I fell on the bed with Chris in my arms.Kneeling on the bed, Chris straightened up and took off his shirt. With a smile on the corner of my mouth, I helped him unbutton it with one hand.

Chris took off his clothes and kept his eyes on my every move.He looked very much like a very hungry wolf cub, the first prey he was hunting.Anxious but cautious, all the vigilance of the whole body was erected, and the eyes were full of desire.

He leaned over me, put his hands on both sides of my head, and looked down at me from top to bottom.

I suddenly felt unwell, I frowned and pushed myself out from under him, leaning against the head of the bed.I smiled awkwardly under the eyes of Chris who was puzzled and reddened by impulsiveness.

"Sorry, Chris..." I stuck out my tongue and licked my dry lips, "I think I might still be a little uncomfortable being down there."

This is deceptive.In the past, although I can be regarded as a double plug, I would rather be a lower part who can wait for someone to serve as long as I put a good posture, rather than a laborious upper part.

But even that fatal accident, the psychological shadow brought to me is gradually fading away.But now, I still can't easily let myself be at the bottom sexually.The reflexive disgust reappeared the moment Chris pressed it up just now.Maybe there is still a lot of work to do on my own psychological counseling.But taking advantage of this opportunity, it may become a breakthrough.

Chris was at a loss for a moment, he opened his mouth and sat there for a while. "I...I'm sorry...I'm just used to it..." His eyes were red, and then he quickly overthrew himself before saying, "No! I...Actually, I don't mind...the one below..."

The last sentence made him blush, from the roots of his ears to his neck.I was momentarily dismissed by that shadow, and provoked by the sight of Chris' sweaty coyote.

"I'm really sorry I didn't make it clear to you in advance," I smiled and reached out to touch his head, sweating profusely. "But it's even better if you don't mind being down there. After all, you've only been with girls before..."

I leaned over and pressed his shoulders, and in turn pressed him on the bed.

……

"Brian..." Chris's low, hoarse voice came suddenly.Interrupted my movement of lighting fires all over him.

"Well, what?" I responded with a smile in my voice, and the foreplay with him was also so pleasant.

"Do you want to know what I'm thinking now?" Chris didn't turn his head, but just looked straight at the air in front of him.

Even though I was enjoying it very much, seeing Chris's tone seemed very serious.I still stopped my movements and straightened up, smiled and stretched out my hands to rub the stumpy blond hair on his head, "Okay, what are your thoughts?"

I thought he would laugh and talk about how good I was at flirting, or deliberately criticize me for being too stiff and terrible at fondling him, not as proficient as he was when he was picking up girls.But he gave me an answer that caught me off guard.

"I think I'm really sunk..." Chris finally turned his head to look at me, and he looked straight into my eyes without averting them.It seemed that the long silence just now was all to make him muster up the courage to say this sentence. "I like you...no, I'm in love with you. Brian."

My hand stroking his hair stopped, and I felt the smile on my face drop.I froze because of the disappointment and sadness in Brian's eyes.

"Chris, your hair probably needs to be re-dyed. The roots of your hair have regained their original color..." I deliberately talked about him from left to right, but the impulse and courage to do it to the end faded at this moment Get it clean.

I know that I really can't be responsible for such a serious relationship now. When I can't make a commitment to him, maybe I should stop messing with him.I turned over and got off the bed, picked up the clothes on the ground and put them on.

But Chris is not such a person who gives up so easily. He continued stubbornly: "Are you just taking care of me? Bryan, do I have no chance at all?"

This time it was finally my turn to look away first, and I felt my voice was a little hoarse: "Chris, you don't really know me now. All you know is the way I deliberately showed in the supermodel contest. Maybe I'm not really the right person for you."

"But!..." Chris wanted to say something, but I interrupted him.

"Maybe I made you fall in love with a man for the first time, but how do you know that you are not greedy for new and exciting things for a while?" It was the first time I said something deliberately misleading to Chris. "You really like women, and you know that."

"But I really!..." Chris cried out anxiously.

"Shh..." I lightly pressed my index finger on his mouth, stopping his words. "And I don't plan to have a boyfriend for the time being... or in the next few years. So, I'm sorry... Chris."