Can't cross by oneself

94.

In summer, think of ice.

In winter, think of the warm sun.

Mr. Xia was born on a warm winter afternoon 24 years ago.

We rarely celebrate birthdays, there is no romance between two rough guys.Compared with vigorous, I prefer plain water.

I want to give him a present.

Mr. Xia, have you ever watched "The Tomb of the Indus Tree"?

what?

I write novels.

Here, let me see.

posted online.

Why don't you show me your novel first?

Search for yourself.

In December, I dragged Mr. Xia to the only hill in the city.

There were very few people, so instead of taking the hiking path, we went to a remote place at the foot of the mountain.

He has been following patiently without asking questions.

When no one was there, we were surrounded by trees.I stopped suddenly and hugged him and kissed him.

Happy birthday, old man.

You deserve a beating.

Open the backpack, and there are two heavy plane tree saplings.Originally, I only wanted to buy one tree, but felt that the survival rate was too low, so I bought two.

Have you finished reading "Indus Tomb".

Ok.

I'm not sure if they will survive, but would like to see.

He grabs me.

Do you think we will do the same?

Stories are just stories.

That......

Stop asking, plant trees.

Stories are just stories.

95.

fifth new year.

I remembered that Mr. Xia once said that he would accompany me every new year until I was 99 years old.But it seems that it has not been fulfilled every time.

Mr. Xia went home.I made dumplings by myself, stuffed with shepherd's purse.

He called.There was a lot of noise over there, he seemed to have been drinking, and his voice was hoarse.

baby......

Ok.

baby......

what happened?

Are you OK.

something.

I am sorry.

Nothing.

I am sorry.

It's all right.

I heard him sobbing in a low voice, and thought I had misheard him. When I tried to identify him again, the phone hung up.

Beep, beep, beep...

My heart was cold, I fell on the bed and turned off all the lights.There was non-stop ringing and crackling outside the window.

Fireworks sprinkle colorful light into the house.I shrunk myself into the darkness, regarded those flames as fierce tigers, and tried my best not to let them shine on me.

Why?what's the function?Like obsessive-compulsive disorder, like a neurosis.

96.

Mr. Xia likes me, even loves me.I have always believed in this, so I will not leave him.

When he told me he was getting engaged, it took me a long time to realize that it was real.

Do you like Chang'an?

He buried his head in my chest and didn't speak for a while.

I felt like being poured a bucket of cold water from top to bottom.Suddenly I understood the meaning of the call he made to me that night on New Year's Eve.

Yes, he loves me, but he can love someone else too.Like a gentle girl like Chang An.

My head hurts, recalling things during this period, as if I can grasp something.

The picture of them going out together, picking up food for each other, giving some small gifts, occasionally looking at each other and smiling...

All of them were ignored by me! !I have always lived in my own world, a world I made for myself.Even if he doesn't like her, he won't hate her.

My chest was wet, and I knew that Mr. Xia was crying.I can't react, should I push him away?Or hug him?

Hold on to poor people like him.

97.

when?I heard my voice dry.

what?

When did you get engaged?

A month later.

Sue, I...

I know you love me.

yes.The person I love most is still you, but I'm afraid I can't hold on anymore.

Mr. Xia hugged me tightly, not letting me move.I buried my head in my chest, my clothes were wet with tears, and I cried silently.

I hear my heartbeat and his breathing.

Look at this man, it looks like I wronged him.Obviously I am so sad, but I still have to bear your tears.

98.

I asked Mr. Xia, what about the courage to pull me out?

He ran away.

My bitterness is beyond words, and I don't want to ask any more questions.

I will move out when I find a house.

You can live here forever.

To be your underground lover?I mock.

He showed a choked and disappointed expression.I shed tears instantly and kissed him frantically.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

He hugged me back, pushed me onto the bed at once, and pressed me straight up. The bed shook twice, making the sound of wood pressing against each other.

I couldn't breathe, but I was still crying, crying.

When he came in, he touched my face and kissed.

stop crying baby.do not Cry.

I was deaf.

I cried for as long as he did it.His eyes were red and swollen, and his voice was hoarse like a broken cassette.

He gasped in my ear and touched my face.I couldn't feel anything, I stared blankly at the ceiling, feeling distracted, as if I was dead.

99.

Received a call from an unknown number.

Liu Yi.

Why didn't you go to work these days?

Not very comfortable.

are you sick?I'll go see you.

No need to.

Xiao Su, the last time I saw you, I felt that you have changed a lot. Are you really okay?

Have it?

Although you were more introverted before, I didn't feel very good when I saw you that day.I'm worried about you, can you let me see you.

......All right.

Thinking of that high school reunion, my friend said that Liu Yi liked me for a long time.

She put on light makeup this time and wore a white down jacket. She looked very fresh, completely different from that day.

Can you help me find a house?

You want to change house?

Ok.

Can.How many square meters do you want?

Want something cheaper.

Hmm... I can ask you a question.

100.

Liu Yi likes me unabashedly.Mr. Xia also noticed it keenly.

He is not qualified to say anything.We no longer make love, nor communicate.It's like going back to the time when we first met in freshman year.

I went to water and take care of the sycamore day after day.They are still decaying at a speed visible to the naked eye.

December is not the season for planting trees.It was I who made things difficult for them and ruined them.

When Liu Yi confessed to me, it was only half a month since Mr. Xia got engaged.

I don't know how to say no to her.Such a girl who has had a crush on me for seven years.

I am sorry.

why?

I was silent for a long time, she has been quietly waiting.The coffee in the cup has become ice cold.

All kinds of thoughts are entangled, and there is no way to say it.

When I turned my head and met Shangjie's gaze, he smiled at me.At that moment, my head seemed to explode, and a force hit my brain from my chest, making me dizzy.

Thousands of thoughts were cocooned, and one cocoon came out.

Liu Yi was still looking at me.

I gave up struggling.I said to her.

I'm gay.

I will never forget the look on her face.From astonishment to jealousy and disgust.

Yes, I'm gay.I told everyone who wanted to know that I like men.Including high school classmates, college roommates, and several distant relatives.

Talking and cursing are overwhelming.

Dad came all the way to take me away.

I was born with no rule of law.

Shut up!He slapped me across the face.Are you worthy of your mother?

Are you worthy of her again?You are just an outsider, why should you point me out.

I simply did not expect that I have such a sharp language in my bones, which can mercilessly poke a person's sore spot and make his scarred wound bleed and tear open.

Dad's face was livid.

I said a lot, suppressed the words in my heart, and accused him one after another of the pain he brought me since I was a child.You can imagine my face at that time.

Ridiculous, ferocious, cruel.

Come on, the whole world will accuse me and force me.