Nemesis clings to me after amnesia

The neighbors in my hometown are an old couple who are about the same age as my grandmother. Their sons and grandchildren are outside. Like their grandmother, they are reluctant to leave the village where they have lived all their lives. old age.

All kinds of accidents are unavoidable when people get old, just like Grandma Yu Wei also has the contact information of their children, and they also keep the phone numbers of Yu Wei and Lao Yu, who notified the news of grandma's death.

Old Mr. Yu and Ms. Le also received the news, but it took too long to rush back from the capital, just like grandma failed to wait for their last visit, Yu Wei did not wait for them anymore, bought the latest high-speed train and returned hometown.

Wen Bieyan took the initiative to go back with him, with the acquiescence of Wen's father and mother Wen.

Yu's father and Yu's mother were not there, so Yu Wei was asked to go back alone to face the old man's body and the old home that had been vacated.

It was also the same few hours' drive last time, but Wen Bieyan felt that the driving speed this time was much slower than last time.

The mentality changed, the scenery along the way was not so fresh and interesting, and the temperature of the air conditioner in the car was also turned on very low. He covered Yu Wei's hand along the way, but it didn't help him warm up.

When he got out of the car, he heard Yu Wei mutter something in a low voice, as if he was talking to himself, the voice overlapped with the clear words on the radio. I have walked this road many times, and I don’t know what will happen in the future... ".

He didn't ask, but silently held his hand tighter.

When we arrived, there were quite a few people sitting in the courtyard of our hometown, all of them were of a certain age, and there were not many young people, all of whom were neighbors who offered to help. , is already familiar with the road, and the program is proficient.

"...The day before yesterday she walked with us on the field ridge for an afternoon. I didn't hear that there was any discomfort in her body. She still looked tough. It means that she has been feeling longer and longer recently, and sometimes she just sits. I can fall asleep and have many dreams, always dreaming that your grandpa is waving at her from the other side of the mountain, saying that he misses her a little."

The old neighbor, with a cane, slowly told Yu Wei about Grandma Yu's situation before her death: "It's time to go, and he didn't suffer or suffer. When we found out, he was sitting under this tree, crooked. The head portrait was sleeping, and the fan fell to the ground and I didn't have time to pick it up."

"My wife thought she was just asleep and didn't make any noise. She just moved a small bench and sat with her for a while, but she still didn't wake up. After shaking her, she realized that she had gone."

"There was still a smile on her face when she left, exactly the same as when she was chatting with us. I guess she dreamed that old man Yu came to pick her up. She was wearing the floral shirt and black trousers that she had always had when she was young. She said it was shady under the tree, so she didn't mind the heat and wore her favorite blue woolen hat..."

The old man never finished his babbling, but Yu Wei listened very carefully and focused, without much expression on his face, with drooping brows and eyes, with a calm look on his face.

Wen Bieyan didn't know what mood he was in now. He heard these words in his ears, and he felt sore when he imagined the scene of the old man who had only seen him once in the summer wind and warm day, and died alone. Yu Wei... .It must be hundreds of times more uncomfortable than him.

The old man led them into the house, where Grandma Yu was, Wen Bieyan followed quietly without hesitation.

The old man who passed away was lying flat on the bed where he used to sleep, with his hands folded on his chest, his clothes had been changed, his gray hair was neatly combed, his dark blue wool cap was put aside, his eyes were closed It seemed that he was only half asleep, his brows and eyes were relaxed, and he was peaceful and peaceful.

"I don't know if I also know that I'm leaving. A few days ago, I heard her say that she misses you and wants to see you very much. Let's talk again. Let's ask him to call you back..."

"I said it many times, but she didn't want to. She said that her children and grandchildren are very busy, busy with work and study, and she is doing well by herself. She is not sick or in pain, so I won't bother you. Anyway, the days are still long, and you will come back in a few days." .”

"Oh, it's true. At our age, how come the days are still long? One day, if you can't open your eyes, you will go. If you see each other, you should see each other quickly. If you want to talk, you should talk quickly, otherwise, when you go by yourself With regrets, let the children bear the pain..."

It is the custom in the village that when the old people go to their homes and see the loved ones they care about, they should be sent to the coffin as soon as possible, otherwise they will stay too long and have thoughts, and even if the body leaves, the soul will not leave.

They waited for Yu Wei to come back to see the old man, and they worked together to carry him into the coffin placed in the center of the main room. Considering that the old man hadn't seen his son and daughter-in-law yet, they didn't rush to build the coffin.

After getting ready, the neighbors left the yard one after another wiping their sweat, leaving time for them to say goodbye slowly.

Wen Bieyan and Yu Wei stood together in the yard and watched them leave. Looking back, there was a persimmon tree. In winter, they picked persimmons by stepping on the snow. Now the persimmons are gone, and the trees are full of lush leaves. When the wind blows Just rinsed and shook, cutting the sunlight all over the place.

The house became deserted, he looked up at the main room, at the burning incense candles, and at the dark and heavy coffin behind the incense candles, he didn't feel scared or terrified, because he knew that the person lying inside was his boyfriend's closest relatives , She lit a charcoal fire for him in winter, peeled persimmons, and cooked bacon rice, and called him a child with a smile.

If all the memories about a person are warm, no matter what the reality becomes, there will be no fear anymore.

"Brother." He clenched his hand and called him in a low voice, trying not to make his ears so deserted.

"Hey, here we are."

Yu Wei's bewildered expression was a little angry because of his voice, he raised the corner of his mouth and rubbed his head: "Yanyan, it's cool under the tree, you sit here for a while, I'll go in and pack up."

Wen Bieyan didn't agree.

He asked him: "Can I be with you? If I need my help, I will help. If I don't need it, I will be by my side. Watch, okay?"

Usually, Yu Wei would only have one word to answer his "is it good or not", and this time was no exception, so he had an extra little follower, a little tail that followed wherever he went.

To put it bluntly, the so-called clean-up is to sort out some relics that need to be sorted out urgently.

In fact, I am not in a hurry for this moment. After packing up, I have to wait for Mr. Yu and Ms. Le to arrive before loading it into the car, but when I have nothing to do, I always have to find something to occupy my hands and mind, so as not to be too idle and cranky.

The old people keep the habit of many years ago. They love to save food. They don’t want to use or eat a lot of things, so they store them in various corners. They want to wait for someone to visit, and then take them out to eat together.These things have to be collected and taken away when leaving, which can be regarded as satisfying the old man's wishes.

Yu Wei packed up all the things that couldn't be kept in the room for a long time, then found a clean bag and went to the kitchen.

There were dried persimmons hanging outside the window, and they were hung neatly in bunches. Yu Wei stepped on a wooden stool and packed them all in. Then he changed the bag to pick up the bacon hanging on the other side, waiting for things on the low beam. After they were all put away, they squatted in front of the rice jar and lifted the lid.

Everything was done very slowly, without Wen Bieyan's help, while doing this, while thinking about what to do next, his thoughts were organized, and there was no time to think about what it was like when the old man was alive doing these things .

There is only half a jar of rice left in the rice jar.

Yu Wei stretched out his hand and scooped it up with a small cup, but it was caught by something, and when he opened it, there were three or four apples inside, which were already overripe because of the rice stuffing. .

Wen Bieyan was always by his side, Yu Wei was taken aback when he saw Apple, and he also saw a crack in Yu Wei's calmness that had been pretending all the time.

It was as if a thin thread was accidentally strangled in the lungs, and the five viscera were strangled as soon as the breath was fast, so I could only try to slow down and slow down, barely relieving the pain.

Dazed is only a momentary thing.

Yu Wei quickly came back to his senses, and picked out those dull yellow apples and put them into the bag.

"I called my grandma once before the holiday and told her to come back to see him after I finish the exam."

He seemed to be talking to Wen Bieyan, but also seemed to be talking to himself: "At that time, she asked me what I wanted to eat, and she wanted to buy it for me in advance. I picked the simplest one and said I want to eat apples, it doesn’t matter what kind, as long as it’s sweet.”

"Because I said it casually, I didn't have a long memory. Later, I forgot it myself. Grandma still remembered it for me. Apples ripen quickly and sweeten quickly in a rice bowl. She is still waiting for me to come back to see her. Eat the apples she bought."

There seems to be something wrong with this bag, the knot has not been tied properly, Wen Bieyan reached out to help him fix it, and covered his slightly trembling fingertips in the palm of his hand.

"Brother, it's okay, we'll take the apple back when we go back, and we'll eat it together."

Yu Wei nodded, his slightly bent eyes were filled with soreness and loneliness, and it was the first time that Wen Bieyan couldn't see the warmth.

They have already slowed down the action, but the old man has too few things, no matter how carefully the packing is done, and no matter how long it takes, the end will still be unavoidable.

Back in the courtyard, the candles in front of the main room were already half burned.

Yu Wei patiently fiddled out the candle wick with a bamboo stick, took another look at the heavy and dull coffin, burned a few pieces of paper money, then turned around and asked if the banquet was hot, thirsty, tired, and if he wanted something to drink. Or want to sleep.

"Brother, I didn't do anything, why am I tired? It's you, do you want to take a rest?"

"I'm not tired." Yu Wei shook his head and said, "I didn't do anything, so I'm not tired."

Wen Bieyan smiled, but said nothing.

He knew that Yu Wei stuffed himself into a shell, stuffing all the sadness and grief into it. When a boy grows up, he will always feel that crying is a very immature and shameless thing, so Sadness has to be endured, pretending to be steady and nonchalant.

But after all, he is still too young, and some emotions may not even be able to be borne by adults, let alone a teenage boy.

Yu Wei drove his emotions to the most hidden corner and hid them secretly, but he didn't know that those emotions also had life, would expand, and slowly rise to a critical point, until the hidden corner could no longer be hidden, breaking through the obstacles, out in force.

The first feeling of a person's death to a loved one is sudden.

They would think, how could a living person who was healthy, able to walk and move, suddenly disappear, and how could he become lying motionless in a coffin, unable to wake up or laugh?

Most of them were numb from being hit by a blow, and couldn't recover, and couldn't feel much sadness.

What is really frightening is that when the numbness covering the pain dissipates, bits and pieces of the person who passed away slowly seep in.

When eating, I used to put an extra pair of bowls and chopsticks. When I saw the empty seat, I realized that the person who could eat with me was no longer there. Those who welcomed him home were never to be seen again.

The more sparse and common, the more ubiquitous, the sorrow of hindsight may be three points more painful than cutting out the heart, and there is no other way but to be slowly smoothed by time and covered with dust.

Wen Bieyan accompanied Yu Wei back to the yard, ready to move the chair under the persimmon tree.

The hands were put on the back of the chair warmly and then froze, without any next move.

Yu Wei lowered his head so that his expression could not be seen clearly, Wen Bieyan could only see his hands so hard that his knuckles turned white, and the throbbing veins were faintly visible on the back of his hands.

A ball of dry cotton was stuffed into the heart, and the breath was forced to filter when it passed through here, making it uncomfortable.

"elder brother......"

"In the future, no one will probably sit in this position again."

Yu Wei's voice suddenly became very hoarse, and it was difficult to utter every word: "There will be no one who moves a small bench to enjoy the coolness, warms up the fire together, listens to the cicadas and chats together, or watches the snow by the stove."

"Next time when I come back, no one will come out with a bow and hold the door, laughing, calling me Weiwei, asking me if I am tired, thirsty, hungry after coming back from such a long distance, and then tremblingly lead me into the main room , took out the food that has been prepared for a long time, and said that it was all reserved for me."

A tear fell on the back of that hand, and Wen Bieyan's eyes suddenly turned red.

He grabbed his wrist, hugged him hard, tried his best to fill his arms, patched up the holes and leaks, and wanted to share all his warmth with him.

Yu Wei gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, buried his whole face in Wen Bieyan's shoulder, and the wetness fell on his neck, which was both cold and hot.

"Banquet."

He choked with sobs, as if he was in severe pain, and he let out a thin breath before he could frankly show all his helplessness and fragility to his beloved:

"I don't have a grandma anymore."

The old man who has watched me grow up since I was a child, can prepare meals and wait for me to go home, gently wipes my hands and face with a towel, saves all the best things for me, and occupies most of my warmth in the past 18 years …

I can no longer hold her.

That afternoon, he sat with Yu Wei on the old bamboo chair for a long time.

Listen to him say a lot intermittently.

I know that there is a chestnut tree in the back mountain that can only grow tall but not bear fruit. I know that their family lived in their hometown until he graduated from elementary school before leaving. I know that the house in their hometown was built by Grandpa Yu who worked hard to marry Grandma Yu. Yes, I also know that Grandma Yu's beloved woolen hat turned out to be the last gift Grandpa Yu gave her.

"Grandpa was already very weak at that time. He was not sick but couldn't go to the ground. It was winter, and grandma had to worry about everything. At night, he had to soak his feet and pour the footwashing water. Grandpa saw that he felt distressed, so he asked someone to buy one. A hat, said to be thicker, can block the strong wind and not blow your head."

"As a result, not long after the hat was bought, grandpa left."

"Grandma stayed by the bed and sent him away. Just like when grandma left, she didn't suffer much. Grandma didn't cry. She just wiped his body and changed his clothes with her own hands. The snow is blowing on the head..."

The love of the older generation is not so particular. Everyone guards their own small homes, lives their own jobs, and takes care of their own people. When one leaves, they continue to guard the house they have stayed together for half their lives. After walking smoothly, the lives of children and grandchildren will be complete and smooth, so they will be satisfied and have no regrets.

Wen's father and Wen's mother arrived late that night.

Looking at the old man with red eyes for the last time, he asked the neighbor who stayed to watch the night with the two children to help build the coffin.

After being filled with the incense of his children and grandchildren, he was sent to the funeral parlor the next day. Yu Wei, who stayed up all night without sleep, saw the staff bring out a small urn, his bloodshot eyes turned even redder. lock up.

Such a heavy person in my heart, how can I put it down with such a small box after going around in circles.

When sending people up the mountain, Yu Wei put on the woolen cap a little bit. When he was buried, he put it together with the urn and buried it beside his grandfather. The persimmon tree he had planted had also grown very big, with lush leaves, and the shadows cast by it were endless. Not too small, just enough to shade two old people who will stay together for a long time on this hillside.

While burying the soil, Yu Wei remembered something, and turned to Mr. Yu, "Old man, will the house in my hometown be sold?"

"If you don't sell it, you won't sell it in the future." Mr. Yu patted him on the shoulder as a response and a promise: "As long as the house is still there, this place will always be our hometown."

Next, it is the job of Mr. Yu and Ms. Le to hold banquets to thank the neighbors.Lao Yu asked them to go back first, the holiday is almost over, don't delay the start of school.

Before leaving, Yu Wei suddenly said that he had forgotten something and had to go back.

When the two of them came, they were empty-handed. They packed everything they wanted to take away and put them in Father Yu's trunk, and they would forget to take anything.

Wen Bieyan knew it well, he didn't expose it, and he didn't follow. He waited quietly on a bluestone slab under the stone steps, and waited for him to bring the forgotten things, and then said goodbye to those who couldn't take away. .

No matter how deep the feeling is, to him, in the final analysis, he just left a kind old man who had met once.

But Yu Wei is different.

The place is the place where he grew up, and the person is the person who grew up with him. When the person is there, life is still there, and when he comes back at any time, he is the destination. When the person is gone, all thoughts become empty shells. There is only a small slope of soil that is entrusted, and there is no more response.

The friends who touched the crabs and dug out the bird's nest together dispersed, the old monk who helped him block the garden dog and gave him fruit to eat was gone, the orchard was abandoned, and the temple was locked and no longer received incense. Under the persimmon tree.

Everything that used to be alive in my hometown is paused at this moment, and it can only stay in the memory forever.