Sad Jiangnan

If I have a little talent, I won't worry about gains and losses like I do now.If a person can live comfortably in an environment where his talents are beyond his control, he is a heartless shell and a complete idiot.Even knowing that shame is a matter of face, the emotion that arises.Those who need to pretend, don't pretend, as long as people can't break away from this society, they will always be subject to it.After all, Fujita Nayan is still a cowardly person, and the only way to deal with the world is to surrender sincerity to this kind of human society.Right now, I am anxious and have to muddle through.

In fact, when I was young, I was far from being so useless. What I like and what I hate can flow out of my mouth smoothly.Speaking of inconsistencies, there are many things that Shangfang Jiewa has done.But one day, he suddenly became extremely weak.There seemed to be a bolt on his mouth, what he wanted to say, he let it go only after relying on his inner test.In other words, the so-called maturity is to learn the ability of "speaking through brain thinking".Of course, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, but the innocuous truth often misses the right time, and naturally there will be no chance to say it in the future.

Facing his father's willful promotion, he got a position stolen by favor.This seems to be a glamorous thing, but in fact it is full of bad things.He is a worthless person, if he is lucky enough to get promoted and make a fortune, he will be secretly happy instead.Why do you face the difficulties and go to be a target of public criticism?In the final analysis, the essence of this anxiety is the father's eagerness for quick success.It may not be appropriate to say this, can father still think like a normal person now?

On the last day of February, my father's illness suddenly worsened.When a person is about to die, animals are often the first to notice it.At first, centipedes would fall from the beams of the house, and then mice would emerge from the grass.The father's room was heavily lit with sandalwood, and even my own room could smell that smell.When my father was about to fail, there were actually flies who took risks and darted around.Looking at his father's face as red as red, Fujita Nayan felt that this fragrance was actually covering up the rotten smell on his body.Father had a lot to say, but he couldn't make it clear, the prisoner Zuo Jin or himself had no choice but to lean over and listen to each word.So much so that the bright sun turned into stars without knowing it.

In the middle of the night, a large group of mosquitoes and flies lingered in the room.When I moved closer to my father's mouth, I could hear a buzzing noise, and when I moved closer, there was only rustling.At that time, my mother died in a different place, which was a scene I had never seen before.Even though he was eagerly looking forward to his father's death, Fujita Nayan couldn't help but feel scared.

The father's order is nothing more than the division of the family property, the care of the children, and a little-known past, which must be explained clearly at this time.Listening to his confession one by one, Fujita Nayan was not at all happy.Every time one more sin is confessed, one more point of respect should be given to him.This is very tormenting for myself.After serving for a long time, I have already felt troublesome.If he continues like this, he will lose even the bargaining chip of complaining.

There is still one important thing that has not been said for a long time, and it is good not to say it, but it is a relief to die now.That kind of murmur, which seemed to be nothing, was like a spider web that was about to be broken, and Fujida Nayan was restless because of this.

At a certain point, my father suddenly sat up, just like the previous flashback, but at this time my father's face had completely turned sallow. Was that yellow because of the lights shining on it?He actually said in a voice audible to everyone in the room, "I'm talking to Zheng Rong alone, you all have to go out."

There are a lot of family members gathered, and it will take a while for all of them to leave.Footsteps followed one after another, and the candles flickered accordingly.Fuji Da Nayan said, "If you have anything to say, let's talk quickly."

His father's eyes hung on his body, and his face was clearly reflected in those eyes, but it seemed that no light could be reflected.Like the eyes of a fish.When that kind of eyes are born on a human body, there is a strange feeling of not knowing who is staring at.

Father remained silent until the sound of footsteps faded away.Suddenly said, "Can you forgive Dad?"

Fujida Nayan's eye sockets burned, and there was a rumble in his head for a while, and his father's next words gradually became inaudible.

"Actually, I also know that you resent me very much. For a long time, after your brother became like that, it was a dream to forgive. But before I went to that world, I didn't mention it again, and I was really sad. .My thoughts are very simple. In fact, I think that whoever of you is going to be Guan Bai, you just need to continue the blood. But you also know that like Zhengxin, there is no other way..."

The so-called people who are about to die, their words are also good.Isn't it an example right in front of you?The motionless lights, like a soft silk, covered the father's body.My father's face was damp like a clay sculpture, and it was slightly sunken.

But why didn't you say it sooner?Even on the night when my brother was tortured, as long as he said it earlier, maybe he could be recognized at the beginning.Whatever sincere apologies were used to make up for it now seemed as cheap as small talk.The last hope before death is to receive the mercy of the Buddha and go to bliss before reincarnation.

The more my father confessed, he seemed to be gradually shaken by the helplessness he had built, and unknowingly, he shed a lot of tears.Therefore, the hazy facial features will melt at any time.

"When Nadeko grows up, we will marry her into the East Palace. Dad will hand over the patriarch to you."

The lights suddenly brightened up, like the pine light of that night piercing the eyes.Father's breath hit his face like a heat wave.This sentence is more frightening than going to death, and Fujita Nayan almost jumped up.

At that time, my father's face turned into Asura, and this scene will never be forgotten in this life.

"I've said it all, don't treat me like this! Patriarch, Guan Bai, Minister of the Taizheng, what does this have to do with you?"

Father's eyeballs seemed to be falling out of their sockets, "Xiao Rong, what are you talking about?" Sobbing suddenly overflowed from the beam.He was going to die, where did he have the strength to cry?

"Then never know!"

This movement was truly earth-shattering. Locust-like attendants rushed into the room, each asking, "What's the matter? What else can I order?"

"Xiao Rong, listen to Dad..."

Fujida Nayan stood up and said without making a sound, "If you are going to die, you'd better die quickly." His father's collapsed face quickly disappeared into the panicked crowd.

The will of this old man is really respectable. It was not until the next night that Fujita Nayan was still in a state of anxiety about his slip of the tongue, and only then did he receive the news that his father had passed away.

Onomiya's main hall is brightly lit, where the remains of the dead are kept for several days.People in ancient times believed that death might be the result of the soul accidentally leaving the body.As long as the physical body is kept intact, there is a possibility of waking up after all.Therefore, I searched for respected mages everywhere and arranged the resurrection ceremony.In the eyes of Fujida Nayan, this is another stupid act of self-indulgence.Instead, I often heard about the stupidity of letting the body stink, so that the attendants in the room could not get close to it.It would be horrifying if the dead suddenly sat up and moved about as usual.It is especially tormenting in winter. In the next few days, whenever you pass through the main hall, you will encounter such a large piece of rotten meat.Just imagining one or two, I almost feel sick.Just pull it away and burn it. How did this group of people grow their brains?

The father's farewell did not bring the imagined happiness.At first, guests came in an endless stream, under the banner of condolences, but actually ate and drank in their own homes.I once waited outside the east gate, and waited until several ministers who worked with the former Taizheng came out, and the crying in the bullock cart stopped suddenly when they stepped out of the four-legged gate.As if returning home from the court, the owner of the ox cart and the pioneers waiting outside talked about the simplicity of Onomiya's dishes.

"I've never eaten such unpalatable food in my life." Several people laughed loudly, as if they were completely different from the mourners in the palace just now.This is just a trivial example.

It seems that dreams are more fragile now than when my father is alive.For several days, my father's ghost seemed to be wandering in my room.In the dream, it was full of the voice and smile of his father when he was alive.The thought of succeeding in the past has disappeared.Fujita Nayan gradually realized that the death of the Taizheng Minister was the weight of a political family, which would also force him to feel sad.

Things in this world never go their way.Temporary wish fulfillment must be the prelude to long-term disobedience.On an early morning when the dew is not yet shining, through the opened lattice window, one can see a large piece of connected white on the mirror pool not far away.At first I thought it was snow, melting ice or something.Perhaps it is the soul at this moment that has a desire to touch the scene.The cold morning breeze hits the face, and the feeling of refreshing is especially wonderful.

Teng Da Nayan put on his half boots and walked towards the edge of the pool unconsciously.In fact, not far away, that thing is clearly in the eyes.But he considers himself a person who has experienced life and death events, so he must look at that thing carefully.So he walked all the way to the place a few inches away, Ming Zi was floating half up, no one could understand better than himself.

Akiko's body was quite complete.If it hadn't grown to such a length, if it was said that other fish died here, I would have believed it.After standing there for a long time, my hands and feet became cold, and I wanted to go back.An unfortunate servant ran over here and asked, "What happened here?"

Fujita Nayan just thought, let me say something, and he was not in the mood.Stretch out a finger and point to the mirror pool.They all suddenly realized "ahhh".

"How can this be done?"

"It's better to call the right soldier Wei Zuo over to take a look."

Several people left in a hurry.After a while, General Prison Zuo Jin trotted over.It turned out that this person had been promoted to the right soldier Weizuo at this time.Seeing this scene, the right guard said, "Ah, what happened?"

The servants looked at each other, and Daito Danayan replied to You Weizuo, "When you saw it, it became like this, right?"

I don't know who made a head like a model first, and everyone followed suit, showing a very regretful look.Someone said, "After all, it was the master's favorite fish during his lifetime."

"It's so pitiful."

"It seems to have gone with the master."

"I really can't see any scars, fish have feelings too?"

"It's still a fish with a name, called, called?"

"When did you recover?" Fujita Nayan asked You Weizuo.You Weizuo looked at himself, "What?"

"This fish was seriously injured before, and the dorsal fin was split into three sections..."

Speaking of this, You Weizuo couldn't help laughing, "I almost forgot about it. It seems that this fish is really dying, and I didn't expect it to be the one that survived. The one that died the year before last or the year before... Ah, Did he come here together with this tail? It seems bigger and lower? He died suddenly one morning, maybe at noon..."

In such a rambling manner, he said a lot of irrelevant things.As a last resort, I asked him the previous question again.Only then did he answer awkwardly, "Last year in mid-autumn, I met by chance, and she looked very pretty."

"Zhong Qiu, you remember correctly, right?"

You Weizuo hesitated, "Then, it seems to be Lixia? Or Gu Yu, I really can't remember clearly." Saying this, he laughed again, "Last time, it seems that you were the first to discover this beast and left without saying goodbye. Well! In this way, there is indeed a predestined relationship. This is because the fish remembers you very much."

Teng Da Nayan felt that this person spoke upside down, and on weekdays, just listening to him say the last sentence would make him angry.At this time, I even laughed, "Do you have a certainty in what you say? What's the name of this fish, I'll ask you."

"It seems to be called 'Crane-kun'?" Seeing that Teng Da Nayan just laughed, he quickly changed his words, "Or else, Chiyo, Chiaki? Oh, is it called Akiko?"

Having said this, Fujida Nayan turned and left.There was another commotion at the edge of the mirror pool, ordering this to bring straw mats and that to bring fishing nets.Then there was another complaint that the body of the fish was too big to handle, and he said this and that, as if he was distributing the property.

At one time, the servant Ruojun came to look for him specially, and had news from Minister Fujiuchi that he needed to report.But Teng Da Nayan said, "The family is about to be divided, so is there a lot of meaning in saying such low words?" He looked unhappy and worried.Ruojun felt strange in his heart, previously he was very concerned about the day-to-day life of the Minister of Internal Affairs, why is he saying such depressing words at this time?Because of this, he insisted on saying, "The Minister of Internal Affairs has gone to Heyuan Courtyard." Sure enough, he asked "what's the matter to Heyuan Courtyard".

However, if you only pass on the news, you don't know anything else.Hatred is indeed the only hope one has.Teng Da Nayan immediately changed his clothes, regardless of good or bad, and rode out in a short while.

As far as the front of the Heyuan courtyard, the walls are tall, and the surroundings are barren, and there is no place to hide.Originally, based on what I did to Miss Heyuanyuan, the rumors were not too much.Let's keep the two safe for the time being, if you do something rude again at this time, it will be ridiculous.After much deliberation, he chose a bodyguard who was sensitive in his hands and feet, and told him to be extremely careful, and if necessary, he could also cover up people's eyes and ears.

The guard sneaked into the Heyuan courtyard quietly, but there was no news for a long time.Waiting here by myself, but not daring to visit when I come to the door, I am like a resentful woman who "guards the long night and misses the king", which is really ridiculous.In my heart, I was very disturbed. The seven or eight cherry branches protruding from the wall, a clump of calamus growing in the southeast, and every plant and tree here are actually familiar to me.Familiarity will inevitably lead to troublesome problems.What I did in Heyuan Courtyard, I always have to think about it over and over again.The so-called thinking about people or things when seeing things is probably like this. The "Last Year's Peach Blossoms" naturally don't care how dirty the past is, it's like a thorn in the heart, and it's impossible not to see the blood.

The sudden arrival of Matsukaze is very annoying.At this time of uneasiness, every slightest movement will make people suspicious.What's more, this kind of wind sounds, sometimes big and sometimes small, suddenly looking back at the wall, the swaying branches are like the shadow of Miss Heyuan Courtyard.Fuji Da Nayan's heart skipped a beat, and he immediately got on his horse.

But at this time, the previous guards came towards him and called him to stop.I was frightened again, which was really terrible, and a lot of cold sweat oozed from my palms.Fujita Nayan scolded him in a low voice:

"Reckless, how did you do it?"

But the guard said, "Oh, I was so anxious that I was almost discovered. It was a last resort to run out in such a panic."

"Didn't you find out?"

"Fortunately not," Wu Wei said seriously. "Looking at the magnificent mansion, the servants are walking around in twos and threes. There is no place to hide. It is really colder than the place Ziqing went to. It has been going around like this for a long time." , I finally heard a voice in one place. The tone and tone were very familiar, so I looked around. Oh, isn’t that Mr. Fujiuchi? Amiable tone, alas, just like that to tell everyone about the family funeral. So the crying was loud, and the grief was so great that those who had nothing to do with it felt heartbroken when they heard it. There was a lady who heard about it and couldn't take due etiquette into consideration at all. , came out slowly from behind a few tents, sat in the room, tears flowed like a waterfall. At that time, everyone was tired of mourning, and no one accused this woman of arrogance. Even I thought she was pitiful at that time. Then the lady explained a lot of family affairs of Heyuanyuan to Minister Fujiuchi. She took a smart girl and asked him to take care of her. Mother's tone. She also said that she committed crimes in the previous life and lived in this life. It is not uncommon if she dies tomorrow. She said many sad things. Others are afraid that the words will become a prophecy, so they will not allow her to die again. As for the girl, at first she didn't understand the situation at all, the Minister of Internal Affairs called her to stop, whispered something, afraid that she was telling her the truth, then threw herself into the Minister's arms and wept sadly. This is really unbearable! I can’t restrain my grief, and my legs can hardly walk. A maid came from nowhere, as if a Beijing official was inspecting the place, and her footsteps came thumping, which was very unpleasant. ! There is no way to listen to what they have to say for a while, so I have to come out from there. It looks like this."

After the guard finished speaking, someone who knew the inside story said, "I always thought that Mrs. Liu Tiao would die before the master, but the reality is completely opposite. Seeing the eternal parting of a dear and lovely person, it is really sad!"

Even the team of attendants shed tears because of this, and they were very embarrassed on the way back.Only Fuji Da Nayan thought to himself, this is extremely absurd.It is so difficult to say that you dare to break with the king, miss your husband and son-in-law so much, why don't you die together?Throughout the dynasty, only one father passed away abruptly. Aren't the abandoned people very pitiful?Thinking about it this way, he should die even more resolutely.These low false tears are not worth shedding.

At night, there was no news of my brother's return, so maybe he stayed there overnight.Originally, I thought that my mind was so heavy that it was not easy to fall asleep, but unexpectedly I fell asleep quickly.In the dream, his father's face appeared clearly in front of him, and he seemed to be smiling, "Xiao Rong, what would you like to eat tonight?"

Not hungry at all, why ask such a strange thing?The nurse on the side squatted down and said, "Why don't you talk?"

Fujita Nayan was at a loss and remained silent.

"People from the Song Kingdom just came here, and they brought back some very good things. Let's go and have a look together, shall we?" Father hugged himself, and pulled the fan in his arms to play with himself.

Why are you still obsessing over dinner?Now it's not a question of whether you're hungry or not.My stomach still hurts a little, and my mouth is a little sour.He turned his head away.

Father stood up, took his hand, and walked outside.When passing through the corridor, there was a crisp sound, and through the open door, I saw a woman in the room, taking out the folded clothes from the wooden box.

"Little master, good afternoon." The wife smiled like a mother.

"Qingmingfu, you are too busy at this time." Father said with a smile.

"This morning, the cherry blossoms bloomed in the yard. Dr. Dashan asked me to tell you specially. I am really happy with such a bright weather."

The two continued walking, walked through the corridor, and came to the door of the west hall.My father suddenly said, "By the way, I have something very important to show you."

What, it must be something very boring again.It looks like Jigua with a painted face, and a chic Hina doll, don't let yourself see such things.Tang Guo's dried fruit is also unpalatable.

The slatted door of Nishidou opened, and a little white dog came running along, licking his ankles.My father knelt down and asked, "What should I call it?"

The white and small things seem to be very weak, and they are extremely cute.White puppy, white fish, white snowman, white fruit.

"Sure enough, it's still called Mei Jun, right?" Father asked cautiously.

Why, the name is too dignified to be a dog's name.The puppy called "Mei Jun" suddenly became very uncute.With his head shaking, he opened his mouth.Is this fierce look about to bite him?I couldn't help but hit its nose.The puppy barked.

"Oh, you don't like it very much. There is one more thing. There is an artist from Yuanle in the yard today, so let's go and have a look." He said, holding his hand again.Mei Jun followed and bit her trousers.When he looked back at it, he stopped and wagged his tail at himself.

"Okay, okay, go back quickly." Father said to it.

No, no, it's better to follow me.Looking at it now, it is still very well-behaved. The nose and eyes are connected together, as if three black beans were put into the rice cake.It's a pity that I didn't touch it just now. If my father walked away, I could play with it for a long time.

"Go away." The father said, and the attendants carried it away.Mei Jun's head disappeared behind the light green straight clothes.

"What kind of program will there be, maybe there will be a lock dance?" The two walked, and Zhaohui went to the corridor, and the white petals fell on the ground like confetti.

I can't honestly tell my likes and dislikes. Is it to please my father?But if it doesn't make him happy, it doesn't seem to matter.The warm spring breeze blows away the fallen flowers in the corridor.As I walked, two lines of tears flowed down my face.

After another period of time, my father's body rotted so badly that there was no hope of returning his soul, so he had to be sent to a crematorium outside Beijing for the funeral.

The funeral procession stretched from Xiao Ye Palace to Luocheng Gate.Somewhere along the Nangamo River, monks from various temples were crowded, and the sounds of chanting and condolences were as noisy as flies.The strange torso of a ghost was stuffed into the luxurious and incomparable clothing. Under the flickering lights, the withered face seemed to be moving.But in a short while, everything turned into a cloud of smoke that ascended to the sky.By the time the ceremony was over, it was almost dawn.

When the sky was getting brighter, the surroundings became clearer.But I saw miscanthus with white flowers growing everywhere, clinging to the ground like snow.Not far from here, there is an unpainted torii gate, which seems to be covered with a lot of dust. The dilapidated building looks particularly pitiful.

Fujida Nayan was stunned for a while, neither talking nor walking.Others thought he was too sad and said words of comfort one after another.After a long time, there was still no improvement, and the retainers were also at a loss.When I had no other choice, I had to ask him to get into the car by force and go back to the house for further discussion.

At this time, a farmer from the forest passed by here.Fuji Da Nayan called him to him like a ghost, and asked, "What god is enshrined in the shrine here?"

The farmer said, "How can you still remember such a thing? I don't know when this shrine was abandoned."

Fuji Da Nayan thought that he was talking nonsense, so he couldn't help but get angry from his heart, and cursed, "Absurd! I saw people visiting worship a few days ago. I told a lie, and I will never forgive it."

The farmer said, "Why should I lie to you? If someone really visits this place, then there is nothing to say. Oh, people near and far know something, just ask!"

With that said, he had to be released.Fujida Nayan thought to himself, the Minister of Internal Affairs is also in this funeral procession, so don't be too presumptuous now.Had to go back angrily.Afterwards, I came here many times to inquire about good families nearby, but none of them knew about Kamogawa Shrine.I came to the torii in person, thinking that I sneaked here to peep before, although there is no shelter from the rain, at least there is a stage for setting up the gods.But looking at it now, the past is like a dream. The stage disappeared somewhere, and I searched everywhere, but there was no result.Before the torii gate, there was only one sycamore tree with no leaves.Originally, there should have been many fallen leaves on this muddy field, but now it is early spring, and there are no traces of fallen leaves.

When the new wind blows, it starts to rain.