Fog River

The next morning, Chi Shu woke up earlier than Bian Yan, and in his hazy vision, he was fascinated by the light of snow falling outside the window.

The snowflakes were falling all over the sky, like a goose feather, which appeared brighter and whiter against the dark sky.

Chi Shu turned over and looked at the scenery by the window from the side, fascinated, until Bian Yan's embrace enveloped him before regaining his composure.

"Why did you wake up so early?" Bian Yan's voice sounded hoarse, "Didn't you not study early today?"

"I'm used to it." Chi Shu tilted his head and kissed his forehead, "Did it wake you up?"

Hearing Chi Shu's question, Bian Yan blinked, suppressed the smile in his eyes, rubbed his head against his cheek, and gave a low hum.

Raising the tune, the ending sounds full of satisfaction.

"That's really embarrassing." Chi Shu turned over and hugged him, touched the back of his head and asked, "Do you want to continue sleeping?"

After Chi Shu asked this question, Bian Yan knew exactly what he meant and guessed what he wanted to do, so Bian Yan was willing to follow suit.

Bian Yan twitched at Chi Shu's back where the air was leaking: "No, what does Teacher Chi want to do?"

While getting tired of understanding himself, Chi Shu felt comfortable listening, his voice was a little soft: "Let's watch the snow, Boss Bian will accompany me to watch the snow."

"Okay." Bian Yan responded without hesitation.

The two brought out a goose blanket, one wrapped it by a corner, and sat on the bay window to watch the snow.

The outdoor temperature is low, and the cold air sticks to the warm glass to form sheets of water mist, which looks like ice flowers blooming from the glass.

Chi Shu moved towards Bian Yan, and the two of them leaned their shoulders together, listening to the sound of snowflakes falling, and watching the dawn break through the darkness outside the window.

Looking at the dazzling white light at the end of the distance.

The two watched for a long time until the sky became clear.

Bian Yan blinked his dry eye sockets, in fact, the buffering is almost done, and there are many things that should be said.

It's just that Bian was tired of this when he was about to say something, but was interrupted by Chi Shu's sudden pressure on his head.

Chi Shu rested his head on Bian Yan's shoulder, put his fingertips on the back of his hand, and spoke first: "Bian Yan, the day you were discharged from the hospital, I had a chat with Aunt Guan. It was about your illness. .”

The heavy snow outside the window was still falling, pressing on the branches, and falling to the ground in a flutter.

For a moment, only the sound of breathing and the sound of snow falling could be heard by the two of them.

After a long while, Bian Yan held Chi Shu's hand back during the contact, and hummed in a low voice: "You are right to talk to her. She has always been my psychiatrist, and she understands a lot of situations better."

Hearing Bian Yan's words, Chi Shu lowered his eyes, and after being silent for a while, he said nonchalantly, "I know you love me. I know."

Chi Shu said this with a bit of inexplicable stubbornness, like a three-year-old child insisting on winning his favorite toy.

But Bian Yan's eyes were reddened by this childish stubbornness.

Chi Shu repeated it again on his own, then stretched out his hand to hold Bian Yan's face, raised his head and kissed him lightly.

Chi Shu held his face, looked into his eyes and said, "It's okay, I trust you, Boss Bian dare not play tricks on me, right?"

The topic has not changed, but Chi Shu never mentioned those two words from the beginning to the end.

In the rigor and dullness, the last tenderness is reserved.

Bian Yan kissed him in response, stroked his hair and said, "I dare not fool you. I dare not."

Bian Yan looked at Chi Shu in front of him, his face illuminated by the white snow outside the window, and a smile overflowed from the broken barrier.

"Probably when I was ten years old. My grandfather passed away. He was a very kind person. He took care of me when my mother didn't care about me. It can be regarded as growing up by his side." Bian tired of rubbing Chi Shu's browbones, "But from his death to the end of the funeral, I couldn't feel any sadness, and I couldn't even cry."

Speaking of this, Bian Yan frowned, his face looked a little uncomfortable.

"It's okay, don't say it if you don't want to." Chi Shu hastily smoothed his brows with his hands, "There is no rush, let's take our time."

Bian Yan's brows stretched following the movement of Chi Shu's fingertips, and he responded and continued: "I remember that day, Aunt Guan took me for a lot of checkups, and there were too many items for me to remember. But, Chi Shu, I will never forget the moment when the test results came out."

"My mother... told me in that tone of disgust and excitement that I was an unsympathetic monster."

Empathy, monster.

This is a word that Chi Shu has been carefully avoiding all along, but now Bian Yan has torn it apart in such a tragic way and placed it between the two of them.

The nerves in Chi Shu's brain snapped instantly, his blood coagulated, and his fingertips felt cold.

Chi Shu wanted to stop talking, but he couldn't open his mouth. He could only look up at him, watching the white snow outside the window melt in his eyes.

"I have tried many ways to perceive other people's emotions, but in the end I ended up imitating and stealing them," Bian Yan said in a soft tone, "gradually, I don't know when I started, and I don't know how to feel them." I can feel my own emotions, happiness and sadness seem to be stripped out of my mind little by little, and I gradually become incapable of loving, becoming indifferent and selfish, and even... dark."

Speaking of this, Bian Yan's drooping eyes staggered the gaze of each other, and seemed to be disdainful: "Those people in the past were deeply hurt when they finally left. I know I can't help them, and I will try my best to go Make up, but I never learned how to love them."

"Chi Shu, I'm very selfish. I'm so selfish that I can neither love others nor myself."

"But I want to learn how to love you. I am willing to strip away the nature of this disease to love you. Can you, trust me once?"

When he said these words, the emotions in Bian Yan's eyes were very complicated, but Chi Shu didn't miss a single bit.

Hearing the end, Chi Shu was really angry and distressed at the same time. The mixed emotions were choked in his heart. After a long time, he was softened by the distress, soft and soft, like snow falling outside the window into the bottom of his heart.

"Bian Yan, as I said at the beginning, I have eyes, and I can see with them, so I never believe that your love for me is fake." Chi Shu pulled his hand closer, "It's not a problem if you can't empathize, and if you don't have emotions, but...don't watch those videos anymore, can I teach you, I don't want to see you love me in other ways."

Chi Shu paused, and suppressed the sobs in his voice: "Bian Yan, I teach very well, excellent teachers have won many prizes, and even the most naughty students are obedient to me, I..."

Chi Shu didn't know what he was talking nonsense, he choked in the middle of the speech, and when he spoke again, there was an uncontrollable cry in his voice.

"Bian Yan, I can teach you well, let me... teach you."

In fact, Chi Shu shouldn't be involved in the treatment of illnesses, but he couldn't convince himself.

He couldn't accept the treatment methods Guan Yue said.

If Bian Yan really wants to learn, how to react emotionally, how to perceive emotions, then Chi Shu would rather be taught by him than Bian Yan watching those blunt videos and then experimenting with real life .

Chi Shu believes in Bian Yan's love, but it doesn't mean he can bear such emotional behavior.

Whether it is the initial perception object or the later input object, it can and can only be him.

Chi Shu knew that Bian Yan would not reject him, but what he wanted more was Bian Yan's sincere answer, so before he started speaking, Chi Shu kept staring into Bian Yan's eyes, not letting go of any emotion inside .

Chi Shu can see through his careful thinking, and understands it, and he doesn't want him to be so cautious.

His Teacher Chi should have made progress without fear.

Bian Yan smiled at him, bent his back under Daxue's witness, and pressed a kiss on Chi Shu's palm.

"Then trouble Teacher Chi to teach me how to love you."

——The full text is over.