throbbing for you

Fu Sitian's breathing subconsciously paused for a moment. The name "Jiang Cunxi" seals up too many complicated memories. It is the beautiful beginning of her meeting with Shi Yi, but it is also the painful end of Shi Yi's complete denial of her.For a long time, Shi Yi's disdainful face when he opened his lips and read these three words word by word was the blunt knife she repeatedly tortured herself with insomnia in the middle of the night.

For a time, she couldn't find the meaning of her own existence, couldn't find her sense of identity with herself, and didn't understand what kind of monster and what kind of existence "Jiang Cunxi" was, wearing the mask of "Fu Sitian" to deceive herself and live.

"Is that your mother's name for you?" Shi Yi started the conversation naturally.

Fu Sitian overcame the lingering fear in his heart, and answered by Shi Yi's neck: "Well, she took it. It means the dawn of existence, the hope of existence."

Shi Yi said: "It's a beautiful meaning."

Fu Sitian laughed lightly.This reminded her after a long absence, as if at the beginning, she was also born in love and hope - father's and mother's.

"My mother's parents died when she was very young, and her grandparents raised her up. When she was fifteen or sixteen, her grandpa passed away, and her grandma was also very old. She followed the neighbor's house. My sister dropped out of school and went to work. At that time, she was working as a wine girl in the dance hall. She met my dad who was hanging out with her classmates. By chance, my dad helped her out, and the two saw each other. But, my grandma despises my mother. My father was also defending my mother, fighting with people who harassed her outside the school. The defendant went to the school and recorded a serious demerit. My grandma was so angry that he cut off his finances Source. When they were pregnant with me, their lives were at their worst. But they were reluctant to get rid of it, so my dad dropped out of school secretly, went to buy some groceries, and went to the streets to sell things every day."

"When my mother found out, dropping out of school was a foregone conclusion. She was distressed and touched by his dedication, so the two lived together without a certificate or a drink, in the name of husband and wife."

"When I was about to be born, my mother reached the age of marriage. My father wanted to go back and steal the household registration book to get married, but my mother refused. She told my father that she didn't want to use this method to get in, and she didn't want to lose my grandma for the rest of her life. My father believed it, and the matter of marriage was shelved."

"What about the reality?" Shi Yi caught the point with one sentence.

There was a touch of tenderness in Fu Sitian's eyes: "Actually, my mother felt that my father was being delayed too much and wanted to leave him a way out."

Shi Yi was surprised but not unexpected, and sighed helplessly: "I know who you inherited your stupidity from."

Fu Sitian forced a smile, rubbed his forehead against her chin, dissatisfied: "You scolded my mother."

Shi Yi played with the belt of the nightgown around her waist, confidently: "What? Do you want to sue her?"

Fu Sitian smiled and acquiesced in her arrogance.She put her hand on the back of Shi Yi's hand, and continued: "So, my parents were never married, and my mother gave birth out of wedlock. My grandma Zeng was not happy that my father could not give my mother a title, so she asked I took my mother's surname. It seems to be to annoy my grandma. Because I don't have a formal household registration, it doesn't matter what my surname is, and my father felt wronged, so he agreed."

Jiang Cunxi was thus born.

"They sound like they are very in love." Shi Yi wanted to ask what happened after that.Her father still sounds difficult to connect with the rumored murderous "murderer".However, she was afraid of poking Fu Sitian's sore spot.

Fu Sitian's eyes darkened: "The beginning is always good."

"Later, after I was born, the two of them did have a happy and stable life. When I was two or three years old, my father met a friend and invited him to set up a store together to start a business. My father was full of ambition, and my mother couldn't bear to splash He was cold water, and agreed that he invested all his savings in it, and borrowed another sum of money. As a result, his friend lied to him, and they lost everything. My dad couldn't accept it, so he went out early and returned late every day, trying to find That friend recovered the money, but no one saw it, and was beaten and humiliated. Since then, my dad has been devastated, becoming extreme, suspicious, and trusting no one. My mother lives for life, for To pay off the debt, I went to a friend’s dance hall to sell alcohol again. My dad couldn’t accept the rumors from the neighbors, and the two began to quarrel frequently. My dad thought that my mother thought he was incompetent, and swore that he would show her what he looked like. As a result, he borrowed usurious loans to gamble, owed more and more, and made a group of cronies, became addicted to drugs, and completely lost his appearance. Later...he committed a crime because of drug addiction, Negligently causing death during robbery, he was arrested and imprisoned.”

At the end of Fu Sitian's speech, his voice was almost inaudible. "Shi Yi..." She said, "I was scared, very scared, very scared."

"When you are cut off from your source of income by your mother, and when you are deprived of your postgraduate quota by the school, you are very afraid. My grandma often said that if my father hadn't met my mother and hadn't insisted on being with my mother, he wouldn't have It ended up like this."

Her hand covering the back of Shi Yi's hand was wet and cold, covered with painful cold sweat, "I often dream that you were taken away just like my father. I am afraid that we will repeat the mistakes of my parents. The reality is not true. It’s going to be a fairy tale, I figured that out a long time ago.”

Shi Yi's heart seemed to be tightly held by something, and he couldn't breathe.

She pulled Fu Sitian into her arms with strength, "Why didn't you tell me?" In addition to reproach, her tone was more loving, "Aren't you asking for my opinion?"

Fu Sitian nestled in her arms, holding her nightgown, his chest was astringent and warm.

Because you can't say it.

It was also because, later on, Shi Yi never gave her the attitude to speak out.

She didn't argue, just said: "I know your answer. It's me, and the burden of thinking is too heavy."

Shi Yi didn't know what to do with her.It's always been like this, in fact, she understands the truth, she just can't let go, can't let go.Shi Yi is really too gentle and kind to her, and loves and hates her at the same time.

"Jiang Cunxi." She called her real name.

Fu Sitian looked up at Shi Yi's cold and gentle face, and heard her say: "The reality may indeed not be a fairy tale."

"But our story, can be."

"I used to say, if I let it be, it will be." Shi Yi's tone was still calm, but with a little frustration, "Now, I admit, whether it is a fairy tale or a nightmare, the right to decide has never belonged to me. "

"Good or bad is just a lifetime." Almost all the weaknesses in life were given to Fu Sitian, she asked: "This time, can you give me a new answer?"

Fu Sitian was moved.

She opened her mouth, bit her lip again, opened her mouth again, and finally responded in a low voice: "I can."

Shi Yi looked at her steadfastly, as if he wanted to look into her bones: "I don't want to be perfunctory, I don't want to force, I don't want sweet talk for a while." She frowned slightly, tenderness and coldness, like a request, like an order, " I want to hear the truth, your truth."

Fu Sitian stared at her, slowly clenched his fists, and his gentle eyes showed firmness: "I can. Shi Yi, I can."

Shi Yi frowned slightly, and asked, "What can you do?"

Fu Sitian raised his hand to touch the small creases on her eyebrows, and slowly, a smile bloomed: "I can give you happiness."

"Shi Yi, I can." Her eyes shone brightly, and she exhaled like blue.

Shi Yi looked at her without blinking, then suddenly opened his brows completely, stretched out his hand and pulled her hand down, pressed it on the bed sheet, and kissed her all over his body, bit her tightly, fierce and lingering, Fu Sitian I can't stand it at all.

"I believe you again." Shi Yi whispered against the tip of her nose.

Fu Sitian was short of breath, his lips were shiny, and his eyes were as deep as the sea.She lifted Shi Yi's forehead hair, bent her eyes with a smile, said nothing, and replaced the answer with a warm kiss.

The temperature is rising, the air is full of sweet smell, Fu Sitian easily reached the first time.

Shi Yi eats the marrow and knows the taste, and can't help but ask for it again, still not satisfied.But he was worried that Fu Sitian had been frightened during the day and would not be able to bear it if he had to get up early tomorrow, so he restrained himself and wanted to endure it.

Unexpectedly, it gave Fu Sitian more energy to do bad things.

By the time Shi Yi reacted, he was already defeated.

Under the bright moonlight outside the window, the awning boat docked quietly on the river bank.The night wind blew the canopy continuously and slowly, not swiftly, but still at a certain moment, the boat unexpectedly swayed slightly, causing ripples in the river.It took a long time to stop.

Fu Sitian came again.

Shi Yi could hardly stand it anymore.In the eyes blurred by tears, she saw that Fu Sitian bent down to kiss her, her fluffy fine hair fell down like a waterfall, she softened her eyes, and smiled at her, shining like peaches and plums, pure and charming.

It is wanton and confusing that has never been seen before.

Shi Yi tightened his grip on Fu Sitian's shoulders, bit her shoulders, and trembled fragilely in her arms.

Fu Sitian hugged her, clumsily but tenderly kissed her face and ears, comforting her, until his soul seemed to be fused with her.

Shi Yi calmed down, kissed the tooth marks on Fu Sitian's shoulder, and lay face to face with Fu Sitian, smiling at each other with a soft heart.

Still a little bit ashamed.

She was... a little too fast...

Shi Yi tried to be calm, and teased Fu Sitian with a sexy and lazy dumb voice: "Jiang Lailai."

Fu Sitian responded softly, "Huh?"

He has returned to his usual docile and pure appearance.

Shi Yi raised his eyebrows and asked, "Did you secretly practice on yourself?"

Fu Sitian was caught off guard, and the roots of his ears, which were already red, were instantly red as if they were about to bleed. "I didn't." She was shy and funny.

Shi Yi smiled but was not a smile, with doubts in his eyes.

Fu Sitian hugged Shi Yi, buried his head in her neck and acted like a baby.

Shi Yi thought she was embarrassed, and was about to continue teasing her, when she suddenly heard her softly say in front of her: "I really don't."

"Shi Yi, I just miss you very much. I miss you every day. Loving you and pleasing you are instincts like breathing."

"Have you heard anyone say that breathing needs to be practiced?"

She was just on the brink of suffocation.

Breathed harder and harder.