throbbing for you

That year, Chen Xizhu was busy preparing to go abroad. Two days after Fu Sitian broke up with Shi Yi, she learned about it from Jian Luhe's call for help.

Jian Luhe begged her to talk to Fu Sitian again, and asked her what she was thinking. Is there really no possibility of turning back at all?She said that she was not qualified to do this kind of thing for Shi Yi, but she really felt sorry for Shi Yi.After knowing each other for so many years, she has never seen Shi Yi look so depressed and carefree.It was as if all the spirit and brilliance had been emptied, leaving only a decayed, tired, lifeless shell.

Even Chen Xizhu felt heartbroken after visiting.

She was horrified and in disbelief.But she couldn't get in touch with Fu Sitian.Fu Sitian didn't answer her call, nor did he reply to her messages.She had to go to the dormitory to block her, but her roommate also said that she was not there.

She waited in the dormitory until it was dark and she didn't come back. She was worried, so she made several calls, and Fu Sitian finally answered.

She said she was on the playground.

Chen Xizhu immediately ran to the playground without stopping.

Fu Sitian was indeed there.She sat on the stone steps near the flag raising platform, watching Chen Xizhu from far to near with gentle eyes, as if nothing had happened.The night set off her figure very thinly, and Chen Xizhu felt that she was not doing well.

She stood on a step lower than Fu Sitian, looked at Fu Sitian, and her voice was astringent when she opened her mouth: "You and Shi Yi broke up?"

Fu Sitian nodded, looking very calm.

Chen Xizhu's throat choked, and he asked, "Why?"

Fu Sitian looked at her, lowered his eyes and said, "Xizhu, Shi Yi and I are not suitable."

"Where is it inappropriate? Are you going to say that you are not good enough and not worthy of her?" She was a little excited.

Fu Sitian lowered his head and was silent for two seconds before saying, "Yes."

"I'm not good enough, not brave enough, not worthy of her."

"You say that again." Chen Xizhu was angry and anxious, grabbed her hand and said loudly: "Whether you are good enough and worthy of her is not up to you, Shi Yi said That's right. There are many excellent people in this world, but Shi Yi only wants you."

Fu Sitian was yelled at by Chen Xizhu and raised his head, looking at her, his eye circles finally turned red slowly.Chen Xizhu thought she was awake and shaken, but in the next second, she withdrew her hand forcefully, and said in a low voice, "I'm sorry for her."

Chen Xizhu clenched his empty hands, his eyes were full of hurt and puzzlement.

Fu Sitian said: "After I graduate, I'm going to get married on a blind date."

Chen Xizhu didn't blink for several seconds: "What did you say?"

There was unconcealable sadness in Fu Sitian's eyes, but he looked at her and repeated clearly: "I'm going to go on a blind date and get married."

Chen Xizhu was speechless for a moment.Ever since she heard the news of their breakup, she had thought of many excuses for Fu Sitian, wondered if she had a hard time, whether she had committed a foolish act for Shi Yi's good, and even wondered if Shi Yi's mother was the villain. Her mother-in-law forced her, but she never thought that she was going to get married?

"I don't believe it. You obviously like her that much." In same-sex love, this alone is the most powerless reason.She dropped her hand, but she still didn't want to believe it.She stared at her, trying to see where she was lying.

But no, Fu Sitian and her looked at each other without any concealment, and Chen Xizhu could even clearly see her reluctance: "But I can't love her anymore."

She said the cruelest words in the gentlest tone.

She said that sometimes, love is a kind of ability, not a state.And she was unable to give Shi Yi the kind of love she wanted to give.Her grandma was very ill, and she didn't know how long it would last. In the end, she only had one wish, which was to see her get married and start a career. She didn't want her to leave with regrets.She has responsibilities that she must fulfill.

Good-sounding, righteous words.Chen Xizhu was in pain, angry and weak, and her family has always been their most painful weakness.She knew that on this road, countless people had compromised or would compromise for this, but she never thought that this person would be Fu Sitian.

"Do you really know what it's like to live your life with someone you don't love? Just for this shitty responsibility?"

"What about Yi at that time, what about your responsibilities to her? Don't you have any responsibilities to her? Are you really willing to love the person you have worked so hard to love, and are you really not unwilling at all?" She tried to wake her up.

To no avail.Fu Sitian turned his eyes away, not looking at her: "I'm sorry for her, I overestimated myself at first."

"She's in a bad state right now."

"It's like this when you lose a relationship at the beginning. The long-term pain is worse than the short-term pain. She will definitely meet someone more suitable for her than me in the future."

Chen Xizhu was stunned, with tears streaming down his eyes, extremely disappointed: "Fu Sitian." She rarely called her by her full name: "I don't seem to know you anymore."

Fu Sitian's lips trembled, and there was water in his eyes, but he remained indifferent.

Chen Xizhu felt that something was broken.Not just the love fairy tales of Shi Yi and Fu Sitian, but also their own dreams and beliefs.She suddenly felt that love is really fragile. Maybe the words Shi Yi curled up by the window and asked her before coming here were true: "Actually, there is nothing in this world that will never change." Brave people will People who become cowardly and affectionate will also become ruthless, and no amount of deep love can match the reality.So, is it worth the effort?

Is the stack of application materials for going abroad piled up on her desk still useful?

Tears fell uncontrollably, and she couldn't face this calm and cold Fu Sitian: "You will regret it. You will definitely regret it!"

She muttered, turned around, staggered, and ran down crying all the way.

Fu Sitian sat motionless and didn't call her.The wind in the winter night was so strong that the blood in their bodies was cold.

That was the last time they met in college.

From the beginning to the end, Fu Sitian didn't say that she didn't love Shi Yi anymore, she just said that she couldn't love Shi Yi anymore.

Shi Yi's heart felt like it was on fire, it was hot and painful.She couldn't tell what was real and what was fake.Was it because her previous attitude was not good enough that Si Tian didn't dare to say it?But from the very first meeting, Si Tian never showed any extra affection.Even those so-called clues became ridiculous evidence of her self-deception and self-love under her sentence "no regrets".

Shi Yi knew too well what Kong joy felt like.She couldn't hold the cup anymore, and leaned against the tea table with her hands out of strength, her expression dazed.

Chen Xizhu and Yin Fanlu looked at each other, and then fell silent.

After a long while, Shi Yi finally regained his composure, regained his usual composure, and said softly, "Ask her if we want to play together tomorrow."

Chen Xizhu's eyes widened unexpectedly, Yin Fanlu reacted before her, and laughed: "Okay, try to lure her here."

Being willing to take the initiative is always a good thing.Whether it is to untie the knot, or to continue the relationship.

Shi Yi snorted, and smiled from his eyes for a long time.

In the evening, Chen Xizhu and Yin Fanlu decided on their speaking skills, and called Fu Sitian anxiously.Although he made a strong promise in front of Shi Yi in the afternoon, when he calmed down later, Chen Xizhu was unavoidably a little afraid—afraid that he would be meddling and not helping.

So this phone call was not only a test of Shi Yi's attitude towards her, but also a confirmation of their attitude towards her.

The phone was connected quickly, and Fu Sitian's gentle voice came out: "Xizhu?"

Chen Xizhu felt nostalgic when he heard it, and his mood relaxed a lot. "Did it bother you at work?"

"No." She seemed to laugh: "Don't think of me so much."

Not long after Chen Xizhu left, she was in low spirits and went back to the apartment to rest.

Chen Xizhu felt more relaxed after listening to her soft words: "That's just right, I'm also here to borrow time from you."

"Ok?"

"Isn't it convenient to accompany me and Lulu to Huizhou tomorrow or tomorrow? We will leave tomorrow morning, spend the night there, and come back the day after tomorrow. Lulu and I will return to Beicheng the day after tomorrow." Huizhou is a well-known province next door to Haicheng. The ancient town is about an hour's drive from Haicheng.

Fu Sitian said without hesitation, "That's fine. I'll just arrange things in the restaurant tonight."

Chen Xizhu's brows were beaming with joy, and with a natural look, he said carefully and boldly: "Then you will send me your address later, and I will ask Shi Yi to drive over to pick you up tomorrow morning. It is just right for the four of us to drive in one car."

Fu Sitian's heart skipped a beat, he sat up straight from the back of the bed, and asked hesitantly, "Is Shi Yi going too?"

Chen Xizhu affirmed: "Yes."

Fu Sitian didn't speak for a moment.

Chen Xizhu probed: "What's wrong? You...don't want to go with her?"

how could be.Fu Sitian bit his lip while looking at the vast stars on the ceiling.She was just afraid, it was too disturbing.Shi Yi's voice of "some people are only suitable to be kept in memory" seems to be still in his ears.

"Does Shi Yi know?"

"Know what? Are we inviting you?"

"Ah."

"I know." Chen Xizhu said briskly, "She still has to book a hotel tonight, and I'm just waiting for your reply."

Fu Sitian was stunned, and his heartbeat suddenly became disordered.Shi Yi, what do you want to do?

"Promise, promise, I don't know when the next opportunity like this will be." Chen Xizhu urged on the other end of the phone.

Yes, next time, when will it be?Fu Sitian looked at the starry sky with sad and nostalgic eyes. "Okay, here at Jinshan Rongzhu, I'll send you a text message." She agreed softly.

Chen Xizhu's joy overflowed the speaker: "Okay. See you tomorrow."

"Ah."

After hanging up the phone, Fu Sitian sat quietly under the dark starry sky, a little dazed.

After Chen Xizhu and Yin Fanlu left, Chen Xizhu's words were "not very good", "We never saw her smile like before", "She has been celebrating the New Year in Haicheng alone, and it seems that she has only been with her in the past two years." Mom's relationship has eased a little" echoed in her mind over and over again, like a file, repeatedly poking and grinding the rotten flesh in her body that hadn't healed for years.

She thought she had already lost consciousness.But after meeting Shi Yi again, she realized that it wasn't that there was no pain anymore, it was just that the pain had lasted so long that she forgot what it was like not to feel pain.

She couldn't imagine how Shi Yi spent the Spring Festival in a rented house that year, and couldn't imagine how much hardship and grievance she must have suffered and suffered all these years alone in a foreign country.

Shi Yi's cold, mocking, and contemptuous face since the reunion appeared before his eyes again, and Fu Sitian thought that it was his unforgivable crime and what he deserved.

She turned off the starry sky light, plunged herself into darkness, hugged the thin photo in the palm of her hand, like hugging her eternal mirror.

The tighter you hug, the more empty your heart becomes.

It's okay baby.You can do whatever you want with me.She whispered in her heart.