Continuously

The first time he met Yao Jianqi was in the first-year student apartment.

Arriving in Z City one month in advance will only make people more comfortable. I contacted the Chinese students here and made an appointment to be a volunteer for the Asian Contemporary Abstract Art Exhibition. I became familiar with the new faces, and then I joined the international students who came one after another. Go to the beach and have fun.I also came back several times during the period, and they all fell asleep without paying attention to the closed door next door.

Until one morning.

Once again, he had to sit in a banjo bar all night because he didn't have a taxi. In order to relieve his sleepiness, he even offered to sing "Candy Street" on stage.

he sings:

"My sweet lamb."

"My Christmas dessert."

"That ice cube on top of my lemongrass."

One night is enough to dry out the alcohol, but he still has an RDV in the morning to open a bank account for the short-lived cash flow.He needed to wake up, or even get a little drunker, so he rummaged through the three bottles of whiskey he had stored away from a week ago.

And the above, all turned into a dream after he faced the empty refrigerator.

Like most international students, using their mother tongue when swearing is a natural expression of nostalgia. He is sure that he did say hundreds of "fuck" at that time. After searching the kitchen, living room and various rooms to no avail, only the last one is left. door.

Is there anyone here?

After getting the same blank eyes from his sleepy roommates in response, he knocked on the door twice in a perfunctory manner in accordance with basic etiquette. In fact, he planned to kick it up after the third knock.

And the door opened at the last moment.

Instead, an Asian face with a sobriety and a calmness that shouldn't be at this time of day.

Strangely, at that moment, the song he sang to the wired microphone not long ago rang in his ears.

"Is something wrong?" He heard the other party ask in the strange melody.

Oh, almost forgot, he unaccounted for alcohol.

"Honey, do you know the crazy Dylan?" Although he could already smell it through the pores of the other party, but with a completely different purpose from before, he said slightly annoyed but excitedly, "This poet is drinking 18 Sad death after a glass of whiskey and I hope you don't follow in his footsteps."

To this day, Da Ling can still remember that early summer morning, when he looked up, the thick morning mist rising from the arched window, and the unapologetic look in Yao Jianqi's eyes when he said "the money is in the refrigerator".

"If there was a need to give a start to what happened next, I think this would be it.

"There is always an endless amount of white beer and light wine at the kitchen counter, and he always has brandy in his coffee.

"Later, the concentration of alcohol gradually increased, and he drank it almost as soon as he woke up, but no one felt ill, after all...he seemed really self-sufficient. With various types of scholarships, he did not participate in any entertainment activities ——Besides having extra money, he can usually work while drinking, and he doesn't talk nonsense.

"When it gets out of control, the first person to realize it is himself."

In the safe passage where the emergency lights failed, Yao An recalled Da Ling's words step by step.

"He tried to quit drinking alone. During one summer vacation, he said he would go on a trip, and everyone believed him. At that time, we had rented together, so there was no way, I happened to see that appearance. And, how should I put it, to be euphemistic is—— The attempt failed.

"I still went to the hospital and prescribed a lot of medicines, which should be the ones you saw in the medicine cabinet. Metadoxin or something, I bet he must have hidden it. After I can communicate normally, I signed up for A.A. Yes, he is reluctant, but I think it's safe, you can't tell about addiction.

"Everything will be fine after that. As you can see, he also helps alcoholics from time to time, and this badge has been kept there. It is long overdue."

Yao An spread out his hand, the bottle cap full of bad marks and feats was biting his palm tightly.

"Oh, by the way, you asked about the taste before.

"That should be regarded as a sequela?

"It's like chewing gum to relieve anxiety when quitting smoking. At that time, he used sugar as a substitute for alcohol, so much that you can't imagine. If he didn't insist on exercising, he would definitely not be at the weight he is now.

"When we lived in the dormitory, we had a roommate who was learning desserts. He often made a lot of failed trials. It was really a... In short, it was nothing but sweet, but Yao Jianqi could really eat it all.

"But now he gets sick when he tastes something sweet."

The door opened, and the night fell, forms rolled past the bed one after another, the thin blanket left by Yao An was still waiting for a place, and on the other side, the lying person had already sat up, at first glance it looked like a moonlight.

That was a completely carefree Yao Jianqi.

"Waiting for you for a long time."

His voice was still soft, revealing the long-awaited tenderness.

The door gnawed on Yao An's back like a key, but he didn't say a word.

"Aren't you coming?"

Yao Jianqi tilted his head, exposing his white forehead, he lifted a corner of the blanket on his lap, and put his hand on the other side of the pillow.

"Ok."

After receiving no reply, Yao Jianqi touched the ground with his left and right legs one by one, and easily put on his slippers.

Just standing up, the shadow that swooped over knocked him down in place, his two chests collided, and the bed that had endured the weight of the two men suddenly sank and bounced back.

Yao Jianqi's eyes dazed for a moment, and when he recovered, he opened his eyes, which were accustomed to the darkness, and saw a face that had filtered out too many emotions.

"Yao Jianqi..." Just saying these three words made Yao An exhausted.

"Hey." Yao Jianqi tried to take out his right hand from the gap as if he was treating someone who had finished a long-distance race, and put it on Yao An's back, soothing him little by little.

"Don't be like this." Yao An's voice was low, and he lowered his head, pressing against his nose.

"Which one?" Yao Jianqi didn't look at him, so he touched and rubbed his wrinkled face, "Have you cried once?"

Yao An buried his head even more, and buried it in the soft hair around his neck, the touch was itchy and timid.

"I'm stupid." Yao An rolled his throat, "Every time I found out so late."

Yao Jianqi didn't speak, but wrapped his arms around him.

"The first time I came here, I searched all over the room and there was no sugar. I obviously... should have asked you from then on." Yao An's words were full of remorseful introspection, "You don't drink sweet milk in restaurants, others You didn't even try the wine you gave me, how stupid am I that I didn't notice the contradiction..."

His voice gradually sank: "On the way to the bar, you clearly said that you haven't had a drink for a long time, but I didn't even realize what that meant..."

He fell into Yao Jianqi like a position, until Yao Jianqi rolled halfway around him with his arms around him, and finally faced each other.

"Are you going to memorize this for more than a month, Yao An?" Yao Jianqi gently pinched Yao An's nose, contradicting him with ease.

Maybe he really thought so, but Yao An's full of remorse was turned on like a switch by Yao Jianqi, leaving only a final sigh.

"I just, wish I'd known sooner," he said.

"I wish I never drank too much, just to make you feel less sad." Yao Jianqi returned his hand to his shoulder, "But even if you don't know, so what, you won't love me less because of it."

Yao An's eyes blinked for a moment, and his words almost convinced him for a while.

"Even so." He admitted, "You can't...keep it from me for so long."

He really doesn't mean to blame one bit, although it sounds like it, but in fact he is all directed at himself.But Yao Jianqi nodded, but said, "Yes."

"Actually, when I was waiting for you just now, I had some setbacks." Yao Jianqi's eyes drooped slightly, "I was wondering why you chose to ask others instead of me."

Yao An was a little surprised, and hurriedly explained: "I, I am because..."

But he couldn't explain it.

Indeed, he didn't know why, but he chose an indirect way to learn about something that was directly related to Yao Jianqi.

"Because this is my problem." Yao Jianqi raised his eyes, "I'm always used to hiding my embarrassment from you."

Yao An looked straight at him, feeling the hand on his shoulder tightening.

"If I could be honest from the beginning, not just in France, but earlier, when I was at home." Yao Jianqi's voice faded into the night, "The first time I received an anonymous attack text message, the painting was splashed by someone else. Dirty, if I can tell you honestly, those are the moments that break me down, even if it makes me look weak..."

"If you knew how much I need you and only you, wouldn't we be apart?"

The place being stroked suddenly burned, Yao An spoke hoarsely, and called his name.

"I know, I know, this is a very extravagant assumption." Yao Jianqi smiled sullenly, chasing after his end, "But even if this is just an assumption, I hope, at least, I don't hold back Let it go, but... I will give you a call when I can't hold on any longer."

Yao An was suddenly defeated, he hugged this person again, God knows, only in this way can they not let them fall.

"You will answer it, right?" Yao Jianqi said with a nasal voice, "Even if you don't answer it the first time, or the second time, you will always be able to answer it the third time and the fourth time? Dozens and hundreds of times will do." right?"

He used to think highly of himself, thinking that he would never grieve for the past, but when the future that could have existed but was imprisoned by stubbornness, misunderstanding and erroneous circumstances emerged again, he finally couldn't help but choked up.

"Wait until the call is connected, then the ends of the earth will become brighter." His tears fell into Yao An's ears, "If the time is right, we can all see the night sky, just like today, I will tell you that I still love you, Not even the moon will forget."

Lover, asks the moon, where shall this night begin.

From Ling Xiao, the rhyme of the poem, a child's sleepy talk full of flowers.

From the shepherd bell, the hint of cleanliness, the entreaty and forgetfulness of an ant.

Still, from your breath, your signifier, your perseverance and cowardice.

I kiss with all my heart, with pure intent, until your tears stop, when I realize it's no longer comforting.

"Jian Qi..." Yao An raised his head, like an animal that contributed its vital energy, "Now?"

The person who has already bitten the first button, his raised eyebrows are graceful under the moonlight but no longer quiet.

"Now." Yao Jianqi said.

Yao An was rubbed and lay flat, and saw the dark clothes suddenly rise up, facing the ribs and being kissed one by one, until the jade around the neck was picked up, Yao Jianqi pushed up his clothes, from the jaw to the wrist.

This should be a night where black and white meet, but they see unknown colors in each other's eyes.

Yao Jianqi put the cool jade between Yao An's teeth, sat up, took off his clothes, Yao An's half-drawn hand suddenly stopped, and he saw him parked on his body, the uneven appearance was moving and delicate.

And the moonlight is soft, drunk in every ups and downs, dressing him as a silver-clad bride.

An upside-down, Yao Jianqi fell back into Yao An's arms, with his head on the bed, Yao An didn't even have time to shake off the sleeve of his right hand, his expression was fixed, and sweat dripped from the tip of his nose.

"I want it." Yao An said.

The masked person looked hazy and said, "Me?"

"Yes." Yao An gathered his fingers on the bed sheet and propped up with half his arms, "Is it okay?"

Now Yao Jianqi's face became clear again, he touched Yao An's face with the back of his hand, and replied: "You can do whatever you want to me."

Yao An suddenly had a feeling that he didn't know what to do, as if there was an extra baby out of thin air, he couldn't help but bend down, and bit his lip as usual.

The last sleeve was thrown on the ground, Yao An kissed down along the veins of the bones, he felt another body rippled by him, which made his soul ecstatic.

Yao Jianqi uttered a sound, he sat up a little, and saw Yao An already kneeling on the ground, his articulate clumsy and sensational.

"I'll catch a cold."

Yao An couldn't use his tongue to answer, so he could only turn his head, which made Yao Jianqi's body tighten suddenly.

He held the back of Yao An's neck with both hands, and taught him how to linger, how to go deep, how to absorb and indulge.

Yao Jianqi is a very good teacher.

Yao An raised his eyes to catch him with an unstoppable look, and he swore that he loved his obsession so much.

The consequence of being distracted was that Yao Jianqi became a little sober from forgetting to return. He stared at Yao An and rubbed his earlobe.

"Okay."

"But you haven't..."

"Keep it." Yao Jianqi pulled him up, covered his cool knees, and drew with his fingertips.

This is probably hinting too.

Yao An somewhat recalled the night before they separated, it had been a long time since he could not remember whether they were so patient back then.

Yao Jianqi turned sideways to the head of the bed, followed by the sound of drawers being opened and flipped.

Yao An thought about what he saw inside last time, and asked, "...what are you looking for?"

Yao Jianqi looked back at him, didn't speak, and waited for him to react slowly.

And Yao An didn't have any more self-consciousness except that he looked at him harder and harder.

Afterwards, Yao Jianqi kicked the drawer shut, walked over on his knees, and placed a hand on his left heart.

With his strength increasing, the cold and greasy touch pushed Yao An to the side of the bed. Yao Jianqi's face fell from a high place, and he asked in his ear, "Do you know what it is now?"

Yao An looked down, and along the texture of Yao Jianqi's fingers, something flashed quietly.

He got it.

Yao Jianqi rubbed his forehead with him, and said softly, "Can I still give it to you?"

Yao An was already a little nervous, and he urgently explained: "It's been a long time... I don't even remember."

Yao Jianqi slid his forehead and nodded: "It's been a long time..."

"Last time..." He squeezed more into his palm, dripping, and asked, "Is it comfortable?"

Yao An was so ashamed that he shook his head subconsciously.

When he realized the implication, he quickly stopped and said, "No, I, I really..."

"It doesn't seem very comfortable." Yao Jianqi concluded for him.

Yao An choked and was speechless.

He didn't acquiesce to Yao Jianqi's words, but the intimacy of that night was so full of parting that he didn't have time to rejoice when he was indulging.

"Come on." Yao An changed his mind when the thing that fell between his fingers fell on him, and tremblingly said this sentence.

"Huh?" Yao Jianqi hung his hand on his palm.

"You come." Yao An turned his head away, not even looking directly at the air, "Fuck me."

Yao An originally thought that Yao Jianqi would at least ask why.

In fact, Yao Jianqi did ask, but at that time he had already pressed Yao An against the wall, and while cutting him naked, he whispered heat into his ears.

"I'm... not very good at it." Yao An leaned into his arm, and it was difficult to explain one more word.

Yao Jianqi seemed to smile behind his shoulder, he fished Yao An's cheek back, pecked it, and said, "Afraid I'll be hurt?"

Yao An opened his mouth to say something, but Yao Jianqi filled it up with a kiss.

At first he was still obsessed with this kiss, and he didn't even realize it when Yao Jianqi was pulling his hand, until he got close to the tailbone, suddenly he shrank forward suddenly, but was blocked by the wall.

"you!……"

"No way." Yao Jianqi said innocently, "Everything is in your hands."

Yao An gritted his teeth, put his hands behind his back awkwardly, and carved a mark on the wall: "Isn't there still?"

"Make the most of it."

He led Yao An, finger by finger, some things are more embarrassing to do by two than by one, at least Yao An thinks so, otherwise he wouldn't even dare to look at it.

And Yao Jianqi was still kissing the vein-like veins on his back, and now it became more alive.

"Tell me." He talked to him and taught him to relax, "What were you afraid of me taking?"

"What, what?" Yao An was still in embarrassment.

"When I opened the bedside table." Yao Jianqi said.

At this moment, Yao An was finally not confused, the corner of his mouth twitched, and he said dryly, "I'm not afraid, there's nothing to be afraid of."

"You saw it the day you helped me find the thermometer." Yao Jianqi groaned behind his ear, "That masturbation device."

"!"

Yao An was startled, and at the same time, Yao Jianqi also hissed.

"Relax." Yao Jianqi lowered his voice.

Yao An's original arrogance was captured by this sentence, he gave up his plan to turn back, and could only sternly say: "You asked me to look for it on purpose?!"

"So what." Yao Jianqi's tone was calm, but what he said would kill him, "It was originally prepared for you."

I have to turn around now, Yao An stared at him angrily, and the latter was beautiful and rascal, he stuttered for a long time and only said one sentence: "...when?"

Yao Jianqi put his face close to him, put his arms around Yao An's armpit, and knocked him to himself.

"On the day we meet again." He said, "The first time I saw you, I wanted to have sex with you."

The body in his arms shook violently, whether it was because of his words or actions, Yao An didn't expect it at all, it happened so suddenly, he almost bit the tip of his tongue.

"I'm sorry." Yao Jianqi licked away his intense sweat and trembling, "I can't wait."