Conan's Dark Night Festival

The material fits perfectly, the arc of his mouth when he smiles is surprisingly similar to his raised smile, his breathing when he falls asleep is almost exactly the same as the breathing rate I used to count when he fell asleep on the lawn, he...

Obviously, he is not him.

He clearly knew it, the one in front of him.

No matter how much he resembles him, he is still not him.

So... can I beg you... since it's not him, don't show his familiar smile.Since it's not him, don't talk to me in his unique way of speaking.Since it's not him... don't tell me so firmly that I care when you see me talking about what others don't care about when I'm hurt...

I'm afraid I'm going to drop all pretense and show the frail me—

I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself and cry loudly while hugging your shapeless face——

So... please-

Can... can you not be so like him——

please--

Shaoyu said:

... Shiho's writing here may be a bit broken.However, Shaoyu personally thinks that as a 14-year-old Zhibao, it is not easy to be so strong in front of others, pretending not to care about anything, pretending to be indifferent to everything.She is also a normal girl, she can smile when she is happy, and she will be so sad that she wants to cry when she is sad, and her emotions can be said to come almost as soon as she says it.She took all the emotions, all the sorrow and loneliness to herself like this, Shaoyu really felt very distressed.That's why I wrote this chapter. Shiho is alone in the organization except for his sister.

【Chapter59】Miyano Shiho's Diary (2)

[3]

Assuming that extravagant warmth is what humans should do, then as a cold-blooded animal, it would be too shameless for me to extravagantly seek warmth.

I have been telling myself countless times in my heart, don't accept any sympathy from others, don't accept any warmth from others.Even if... that person is him.Even if he is him, even if he is not him, he cannot show any acceptance.Did you forget, did you forget what that guy in black from Gin told himself?

——"Don't get along too closely with anyone, otherwise you will develop redundant things, and you will be of little use to the organization."

——"That means you can die, understand?"

——"Including the guy who was in close contact with you."

That's right, once feelings appear in any member of the organization, no matter how beneficial you are to the organization, they will still be disposed of as waste in the end.

Just ah, gin.I want to beg you, even if one day I no longer have a beneficial effect on the organization, even if one day you will kill me because I am useless——

Please...let my sister go, please?

She should not be in contact with the organization, she should not be a normal college student in college life, but be watched like a prisoner, she should be like a normal college student, make close friends, live Living the most ordinary but happiest days of normal people.

but,

but......

I don't dare...I don't even have the courage to speed you up...I'm afraid, I'm afraid after telling you this, I'm afraid after I tell you these thoughts that may seem stupid to you , the evil gun in your hand that has been stained with the blood of many dead people will hit my temple... like killing those members of the organization who once thought of betrayal and whose eyes were not filled with emptiness, Without any memory, pressing the trigger without redemption... Laughing at my delusion with the torture of death...

Yes, I am afraid of death.

I was afraid that I would never get my sister's warm hug again.I was afraid to die, and I would never be able to see Xiye's smile as bright as the sun in my dream again.I'm scared to death... I will never be able to keep my promise to Xi Ye.

——“So, don’t die.”

At the end of that farewell speech, he suddenly pressed my shoulder, and his warm blue eyes shone with determination.

--"what?"

Yes, I asked back in a daze, and I didn't understand until now.

——"I said, so before I find you, before I meet you, don't die. You know? I don't allow you to die, no matter how painful it is, please, for your sister, for this promise, for... .I'm... not allowed to die."

Perhaps, Xi Ye knew something.Therefore, I remember every word and every punctuation mark of this sentence clearly.Then, obey it.Learn to keep your promises in the most cowardly and stupid way.Finally, with my little guts, I wrote down these expectations in my diary, and wrote down my only extravagant hope.

So, Zhe Yu Xiye, although you are not him.But the warmth you give, please allow me to seriously refuse to accept your sympathy, your gentleness like him.

A dark star like me, a lousy person like me...a person like me who only brings bad luck to people, brings you...only endless hate.

So god did you hear me?

Then I stay away from him, then I no longer extravagantly seek his warmth, no longer accept his warmth as hot as the sun, no longer greedy for his tenderness as soft as moonlight when it falls on the ground.

This is the only price, this is the only exchange condition.

Can you not let him get hurt because of me——

I don't want to see anyone fall into endless hell because of me...

really don't want to...

[4]

When I am far away from you, can you please also stay away from me, do you know the feeling of supporting the bottom line... It is uncomfortable?

The hot milk that I threw into the trash can with my own hands, deliberately bypassing you when I saw you, ignoring you when you chatted up in class, taking a magazine away from you after class, and so on... Don't you see it?Why would you put milk on my table the next day after I threw it away?Why did you deliberately meet me again and again after I saw you taking a detour?Why do you ignore me when you talk to me, but still tell me many things that happened to you?Why...why do I clearly see the sense of loss in your eyes, but still treat me so unrequitedly...

Are you stupid?

Why do you make things so difficult and painful so easy...

——Zhe Yu Xiye, are you enough?

After I finally couldn't bear your gratuitous foolish behavior, I originally wanted to ask my doubts softly, but the words turned into angry words.

--Um?

With an inexplicable look on his face, he actually knows it, right?You actually knew what I was going to say at that time, right?

——Isn't my behavior and doing too much these days not enough for you to stay away from me? !

Stay away from me, Zhe Yu Xiye, stay away from me... I hate you the most, sitting at the same table with you, and the most annoying thing is that you always do things that I hate endlessly.Like being indifferent to what I do... But, do you really want to?Miyano Shiho... Do you really want him to stop talking to you?The answer, obviously...

— Not enough, never enough.

No, not at all.

——Since you like to throw the milk I give you once a day, then I will fulfill you.Since you don't want to meet me by chance so much, then I want to meet you in the same place by chance.Since you like to only answer one or two words when I talk to you so much, then I must hear those few short replies from you every day.Since you are so happy to stay away from me after class, then I will appear in front of you at this time.

——Don't you know that letting you down is the greatest pleasure of my day?

——But, Shiho...

He raised his hand and gently ravaged my hair, the warmth that emanated from that made my eyes moist.

— If you are tired, stop.I'm fine, I'm safe.This is the case now, and it will be in the future.

The arc of his mouth was unexpectedly bitter.At that moment, I was weak again... He told me that he was fine, that he was safe.This is the case now... in the future... also...

【Chapter60】Please be strong

"Hey, what are you looking for?" Just when he reached the door of the classroom, he heard a sarcastic voice from inside.

"If you're so flustered, it must be something very important, right? Oh, I can't find it, so let us help~ Sisters are very friendly~~"

"However—"

"If you want to ask us for help, you have to kneel down and beg carefully. Otherwise, I can't help if the other sisters don't help."

Such vulgar language, did not expect people to use it now?Unexpectedly, the quality of Princeton students is like this.When I was thinking this way and wanted to push the door open and be a hero to save the beauty, a cold girl's voice suddenly came out from inside.

"roll."

At that moment, I don't know why the heart that was beating steadily in the chest suddenly missed half of it, and then there was a severe pain.

"what?"

"I told you to go, didn't you hear clearly?"

At that moment, Mingming and the girl who was talking in the classroom were not only separated by a door, but also separated by a few centimeters.I could hear the tiny vibrato in her words very clearly.

"What, we kindly came here to help. Such an attitude!"