For the sake of my brother debut, I decided to become a Uranus superstar

This familiar and tiresome taste always rushes to my heart along with the instinctive feeling of nausea and vomiting.

The pain that cannot be forgotten no matter how long it takes, is like being deeply carved by a carving knife on the dense white bones, deeply penetrating into every slender nerve ending, and rubbing against the flesh and blood with the ups and downs of breathing It was a dull pain, and finally rotted into the shackles that imprisoned him.

Presumptuously, those who were once locked in the darkest bottom of the sea of ​​memory, thinking that running with all their strength can escape the shadow of the nightmare, finally found that it was Sisyphus who was cursed by God, forever exhausted and futile pushing the helpless Reaching the stone on the top of the mountain - just let go, and then turn back, it turns out that I have never escaped from the cold cloud, but I just stood there wishfully and closed my eyes, hypnotizing myself in heaven.

The moment he opened his eyes, he didn't feel surprised, only the expected numbness.

The mother squatting down in front of her said softly: "Ah Xiao, let's work hard for today's stage play."

He lowered his head, looked at his soft and fleshy little hands, which were obviously childish, and obediently responded.

He knew it was a dream, but he still couldn't help it. He gently stroked the bruises around his mother's eyes, and said with a sob: "Mom, you should divorce him."

"What are you talking about?" She gently kissed him on the forehead, "In order to give you a complete family, Mom will not divorce."

He heard this sentence thousands of times, even if he heard it again, it was as clear as it happened yesterday.

Wen Rou held his hand, which was covered with bloodstains cut by shards of glass.

He raised his head.

The sky was clear blue and cloudless.

It should be a sunny day, but why can I only feel the oppression that pales in color?

Already aware of the next direction, he still couldn't help feeling dizzy, as if he had swallowed a whole bottle of expired low-quality milk, a strong nausea flooded his stomach.

But in the dream, he was still young, but he didn't feel anything wrong. There was a rare smile on his always gloomy and cold face, and his footsteps even showed some eagerness.

Standing at the door of the classroom, the female teacher, whose face was blank because his memory was gradually blurring, greeted him: "Are you Zhou Xiao's parent? Thank you for coming to watch our school's art performance today despite your busy schedule... Oh, yours." Eyes, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, I accidentally bumped into it..." Luo Zhi said lightly, "My son has always been shy, thank you for giving him a chance to perform."

"No, he took the initiative to ask me if he could play a role on stage... I was also very surprised, after all, Classmate Zhou has always been quiet. I was a little worried that he would not be able to integrate into the group, but I didn't expect the effect It's pretty good. Have you considered letting him take the path of acting in the future? His talent in this area is really the best I have brought so many students down..."

Facing the teacher's praise, what was he thinking at that moment?

I don't have any impression of it anymore, but it's probably the uncontrollable excitement and the tears in my eyes when I finally got the affirmation.

For an elementary school student—especially an elementary school student who has suffered from domestic violence for a long time and only dares to wear long sleeves to cover his wounds before coming to school, with a withdrawn and weird personality, even if the teacher was just to encourage him at that time, he would put Let it be the truth.

It's just that the experience of going on stage for the first time quickly became...a nightmare that he would never forget.

He purposely only quietly called his mother to come over, but he didn't expect that the teacher would also enthusiastically inform his father, let alone his father's sudden whim that day, even though he never even attended the parent-teacher meeting, he actually showed up that time.

The scene where all the teachers and students in the school saw him being dragged off the rostrum by his father, insulting and beating at the same time, this part of his memory was almost completely blank—he only remembered that his head was buzzing all the time, as if something Countless flies were rampaging in his mind and muddied his consciousness. The dull pain in his body quickly turned into an unspeakable sense of humiliation, and then the numbness of everything disappearing.As if the soul was completely out of touch with the body, he looked on blankly at the trembling self with thin arms holding his head, curled up instinctively like a malnourished kitten, whimpering and sobbing in pain.

How did this farce end that day, he didn't remember at all, only his father's crazy roar filled his ears, lingering.

"It's not good to be a good student, but to be an actor!"

"How could our Zhou family produce a bastard like you!"

There was also the cry of the mother's collapse: "Old Zhou, I beg you to stop beating, the child will have trouble if he beats again..."

It would have been nice if I hadn't been on this stage.

It would be nice not to be on this stage.

Delusion to get something that you can't get at all is really wrong.

Don't think about anything, don't ask for anything, just throw away everything you want.

"Have you considered letting him take the path of acting in the future? His talent in this area is really the best I have brought so many students down..."

forget.

forget.

Forget it all.

The joyful mood of standing on the stage for the first time, being encouraged by the teacher who gently touched his head and said "Student Zhou performed very well", finally confessed to his mother, and harbored the courage to let her come to see his handsome appearance ——It’s all fake.

So, just throw it away, this kind of thing that he doesn't care about at all will only bring about nightmares.

The flowers that are about to bloom in the heart have withered ahead of time before they are in full bloom.

The surrounding environment quickly blurred, splashing like fragments, and when they were pieced together again, he was already sitting at the dining table, tremblingly putting a chopstick of cabbage into the bowl.

Sitting beside him, his mother flattered his father and said, "Old Zhou, look at the child saying that there will be a spring outing at school next week..."

don't say...

Mom, stop talking...

"Oh, so what?"

"That's right, the spring outing fee...you see, it's not expensive, just the price of two packs of cigarettes..."

"What do you mean!?" Father suddenly slapped the table furiously, and the plastic cup on the table was knocked down, and his chopsticks fell to the ground with a deafening roar, "I work so hard every day The money you make outside is just to support you bunch of wastes. Is it for you to go out here and there? I can’t smoke two packs of cigarettes? Are you going to let me pay for you as a blood sucker if I don’t eat or drink? Worm?"

The mother was at a loss and said, "I, I didn't mean that..."

"Then what do you mean? What do you mean? I earn money every day, do you know how tired and hard I am? What kind of dishes do you cook when you get home? You want to poison me to death? That old friend before I went back to find you no?"

This scolding sound, which is enough to wake up the whole building, can almost stop a person's heart. He watched his mother crying helplessly and being dragged by her hair from the dining table to the living room. The smashing sound sounded again.

"Zhou Xiao, you fucking ate all the dishes for me! If you waste a dish, I'll break your mother's arm!"

If there is a god in the world, can you save him?

Now, he was in so much pain that he wished he could die.

If being born as a human needs such pain, wouldn't it be happier to grow into a tree by the side of the road and watch the dust fly?

If there is a god in the world, can he be taken away?

He also wants to be strong for his mother.

Rather, I have to be strong... If he falls down, what will my mother do?

but……

Really, it hurts.

The pain was so bad that he could barely catch his breath.

"Stop hitting...don't hit my mother..."

The sobbing, which was so weak that it was almost whimpering, was drowned in the cracking of the cup, and the desire to vomit surged up to the throat along with the twitching of the stomach, followed by an irresistible self-loathing.

Difficult to scoop up the tofu in the bowl and stuff it into his mouth, the originally soft and refreshing tofu cubes exude a disgusting smell that makes him dizzy and dizzy.

Swallow it quickly, swallow it...

I feel sick.

It seemed that what was stuffed into his mouth was a spoonful of milk that had been exposed to the sun for three days. Even though his throat was rolling up and down desperately trying to swallow it, he couldn't stop the rancid taste from stirring his stomach.

Hate cabbage.

Hate tofu.

Hate shiitake mushrooms.

Hate eggplant.

Hate onions.

I hate all the food that makes me want to throw up even if I look at it more, but I have to force myself to feed it.

His whole body was depressed as if he was buried in the deep sea. He mechanically stuffed the tofu into his mouth spoon by spoon, and only tasted the salty sea water.

The spoon in his hand softened as if it had been roasted by high temperature, and the messy cups, plates and chopsticks in front of him also flowed like melting, and when they gathered together again, the person standing in front of him was calling his name, also A naive friend.

I'm used to my friend's blond hair, and seeing him smiling at him with a bulging face and black hair, I actually... miss it very much.

"Do you want to get rid of him?" My friend smiled brightly, it was a very innocent and innocent smile, "I have a way here, which can make him disappear completely."

No longer have to endure the fear of being woken up by the sound of things breaking in the middle of the night.

I no longer have to watch my mother limping to pick up the glass shards all over the floor after being beaten with blood all over her face. The blood dripped from her forehead to her pure white skirt and smeared with blood.

No longer have to forcefully swallow the cabbage and tofu that I loathe to the extreme, kneel in the toilet and vomit collapsed.

"Nod if you want. Trust me."

Probably bewitched by his friend's steadfast gaze, he was stunned for a while, then nodded his head.

Then, there was the raging fire that alarmed most of the block.

When he rushed into the house while other people were not paying attention, Lin Suyu sat alone in the living room, with his father who was in a mess at his feet, a bottle of sleeping pills opened and fell to the ground, and a few pills fell out , scattered on the wooden floor piecemeal.

Hearing the movement, Lin Suyu turned around and looked at him, his eyes were so calm that he didn't feel that the tongues of fire that could roast people alive were licking him, the tranquility was like the moonlight shining, without waves. sparkling lake water.

The scorching hot air was clamoring to destroy everything, the sweat dripping from his forehead blurred his vision, and the crackling and detonating sound was like thousands of marbles scattered in his ears. It sounded so frequently that it made people feel frightened.The whine of the fire engine came from far and near, accompanied by the noise of the crowd, and the hysterical scream of my mother.

"My Ah Xiao and Su Su—"

It was a cry of despair that almost screamed out all the blood in his heart, and the grief reached the extreme.

But even in such a messy situation, he still heard Lin Suyu's voice, which was as clear as snow water that could freeze bones to pieces.

"Xiaoxiao, welcome back."

It was as if a fire was burning in his lungs, and the scorching heat in the air made him feel as if he was being torn by a saw repeatedly until he was riddled with holes, but he still ran and shouted at the top of his lungs——

"Suyu, run—"

Then, the beams of the house crashed down.

…………

The sound of the second hand ticking across the clock face is always quiet like a low solo chant in the early morning, round and round, as if it will go on like this forever, never ending.

Trembling, Luo Xiao stretched out her hand, wiped the quilt twice, wiped off the sweat from her palm, and then turned sideways carefully.

Lin Suyu's sleeping appearance was ugly, and at this time he was sleeping soundly with his hands on the climbing pole of the dormitory. The moonlight shone on half of his side face, and his slender and thick eyelashes silently cast a small fan-shaped shadow, like a solidified oil painting.

— still alive.

Relieved, he helped Lin Suyu pull down the blanket that was about to be kicked under the bed by him. Luo Xiao shrank back into his quilt, and the cruiser beside him vaguely felt the movement, and turned his head with force, and said sleepily: " What's the matter?"

It was as vague as a lump of paper stuck in his throat.

Luo Xiao said softly: "Nothing."

After hearing this, You Yi was relieved, tilted his head, and fell back on the pillow again, feeling sleepy again.

When he almost completely fell into a dream, he heard a faint "good night" floating in the cool air in the early morning.

It seems that the last ray of cooking smoke painted in the sunset at dusk has finally dissipated without a trace.