[Net King] Please play tennis with the professional me

I hate flashing spotlights, and I hate mics poking up to my lips.

I hate the increasingly tired self under the camera, and I hate the life without privacy in the camera.

I have asked myself countless times why I am still in this world.

I haven't found an answer so far, I just live like this.

Like a walking dead, like a faded tattoo, like a wind-up robot, like a broken portkey in a keyhole, like a protagonist struggling to live in the world of Truman.

Out of place in this world, I'm like all the down and out things except not myself.

How long is a person's life?

When I grew up to the moment of death, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, thinking in my heart, "Ah, this is how I will be relieved."

How short is a person's life?

It was so short that at the moment of death, I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, not reconciled to the end of this life.

I used to have nothing but tennis balls, and I used to have everything but tennis balls.

Open your eyes every day, the whole world is related to tennis.

The jumping yellow-green ball runs through my whole life, from the prologue when I swung the shot without hesitation, to the moment the ball hits the ground, and then bounces out of the court. I expect my whole life to be this pure track line, Clean and neat.

Until that day, until the second before I passed out on the court, everyone thought that I was about to win the women's tennis championship for five consecutive years, but I was not included in all of them.

Who would be unaware of their physical condition, but dare not leave easily, as if they have been persistently walking on the road of tennis for so many years.

But what seemed like a long sleep woke up and I was unilaterally kicked out of the world of tennis.

"What's going on, where does she have so many problems? What's the water in her knees, what's the serious damage to her elbows, what else... Tsk, does she have so many problems playing tennis?"

"What do you know as a female star? That's what sports are like. Who knew she was so disappointing! I thought she could have a few more years of success."

"Speaking of it, it's not a problem with following you in sports. Wouldn't it be better to join me in the showbiz earlier! I'm selling my feelings here, and earning a few years of youth with my face is better than doing sports. too much."

"What's wrong with sports? It's not that she has been interested in tennis since she was a child, and she wants to play tennis desperately! If it weren't for seeing that she has a bit of talent in tennis, for the sake of the child's future, I, a sports star, need to be with you all the time?"

"Hey? Are you a sports star? I was also a well-known and popular actress in the entertainment industry, okay? After so many years of hyping up a loving couple with you, do you think I am willing? Isn't that for the child, for her to be promising? ?”

Here we go again, again, for the children, for me.

In short, it is not for the once-glamorous sports star and the once-popular actress, not for their "fairy couple".

The so-called for me, forcibly binding two people who don't love each other, they are such a close family in front of the camera, but they are like enemies behind the scenes, complaining and scolding each other.

It's just that I sometimes think that at least they are still husband and wife in each other's eyes, what about me?What kind of existence am I who is always talked about in a funny way?

It's garbage collection, it's waste disposal, it's the things in life that lose their meaning and are not expected to suddenly have value.

The reclaimed parents discussed their future in front of me, and the money-making machine was finally pushed to the showbiz.

"Oh my God, that guy, the guy who was a good tennis player, but he insisted on acting for the money."

"Actually, I think her acting is okay..."

"What's the matter? It's just to make money, acting like a robot. It's really shameless."

I really worked hard.

I have worked very hard to live.

Whenever I open the hotel curtains and try to say hello to the sun every morning, I try to tell myself, "Today will be different, life will be better."

Every day, at least when I'm acting, it's like living in another person's life. Thinking of this, I don't feel sad.

But after a play, voices from all directions told me that I was just a money-making machine for playing tennis, and changed my job to become a money-making machine for acting.

"Actually, I wanted to ask from the beginning, did she know that she was going to lose, so she retired early."

"What do you mean?"

"The sports world is saying that she has been going downhill for the past few years. She is getting worse and worse. There are many new players in the tennis world. She must be dying."

The rumor is like a cockroach with double wings, bringing overwhelming nausea.No matter where I go, the camera, the camera is always with me.

The spotlight captured every moment of my loneliness, and thousands of malicious conjectures emerged on the Internet.

The microphone records every second of my efforts, and no one can look down on the efforts of a money-making machine.

The same question starts with "You as a former professional tennis player", but no one cares about my tennis history.

Even my gold digger parents never knew why I started playing tennis.

It all started one summer when they were young, and one day they had another argument.

The watermelon tasted good that year, and after they split it in half, they were busy arguing, rummaging through boxes and boxes for ID cards and trying to divorce again.

Holding the watermelon, I rarely obtained the remote control of the TV. Amidst the loud noise of pots and pans, I saw that person for the first time.

The boy with a pair of cat eyes appeared for the first time, accompanied by the sound of the train, appearing in the light and dark.

Before my forehead was cut by a fragment of a vase, I swallowed the sweet watermelon flesh in my mouth, and an idea quietly popped up in my heart, so I started my 20-year tennis career.

It's just a pity that my tennis ball is now out of bounds.

I can't find the meaning of playing tennis in the first place.My love is painted in the color of money, and I can't see the original color clearly.

The screen of my mobile phone is still the same as before, and the light of those firm cat eyes is still there, but I dare not look at it with a guilty conscience.

It's as if it really violated the promise of childhood.

"I want to be like you and play tennis all the time!"

Until I was admitted to the hospital for the second time because of being busy, I finally had some free time.

When I heard that the boy I liked had someone he liked, I suddenly realized——

For so many years, I have not lived under anyone's gaze.

No one expected me to achieve anything.

No one will love me, support me, or believe me.

There is nothing more ridiculous than a machine thinking that it has feelings, blood and flesh.

There's nothing more ridiculous than trying to get on with life, trying to love life, trying to believe it's going to get better....

Life, never got better.

They are all liars.

And I am a fool.