33 degrees southwest

At that time, Shen Zhifei and Zhang Yao had broken up for nearly a month.

A month ago, Shen Zhifei was in a bad mood because of her mother's affairs. She was afraid of affecting Zhang Yao's mood, so she didn't answer Zhang Yao's calls very often. After a long time, Zhang Yao would inevitably feel a little unhappy.

Once as a joke, to Zhang Yao's surprise, Shen Zhifei agreed to break up.

Shen Zhifei's taking advantage of the situation completely annoyed Zhang Yao. She acted like she was angry and didn't say anything, and she turned around and left without finding a step for herself.

Shen Zhifei was too rational in dealing with feelings. When she agreed to break up, she was thinking that after a while after the family affairs were over, she would coax Zhang Yao well and chase her back.

It seems that Shen Zhifei subconsciously believes that Zhang Yao will not belong to others, even if she does not belong to him at the moment.

What Shen Zhifei didn't expect was that things didn't turn around for his mother, and his father also fell ill suddenly.

Everything is going in the worst direction.

At the most helpless moment, Shen Zhifei desperately wanted to see Zhang Yao, wanted to hug her, and talk to her about his fear.

But reason made Shen Zhifei stop.She has always known that no one in the world can empathize with others. After telling her troubles, others may not feel them, and maybe they will find herself troublesome.

What Shen Zhifei is most afraid of is being a trouble to others, especially Zhang Yao who is on top of his heart.

If Zhang Yao also felt that she was troublesome, Shen Zhifei really didn't know what to do.

So she didn't say anything, and she gritted her teeth to survive.

In September, Shen Zhifei's birthday is approaching. She went to school early and was still dissatisfied until the college entrance examination. Zhang Yao prepared an adult gift and planned to get back together with Shen Zhifei.

It's just that the gift was not sent out, and Shen Zhifei's cold expression and merciless words became Zhang Yao's nightmare for many years afterwards.

At that moment, Shen Zhifei suddenly felt an inexplicable panic when she saw Zhang Yao, who was more mature than before. She felt that her light was getting farther and farther away. I can't even catch it.

Shen Zhifei looked down at himself in casual clothes again, and felt that he was a naive child who didn't know how to dress up in front of his sweetheart. It seemed that he no longer had the confidence to stand beside her.

Should she let Zhang Yao go?If she is like this all her life.

It's just that Shen Zhifei, who rejected Zhang Yao's reunion, was still depressed for a long time.

Her birthday was spent in the hospital. Accompanied by her father and younger brother, she made a birthday wish by the shadowy candlelight.

That was the last time she believed that her birthday wish would come true.

The family's savings were exhausted, and Shen Zhifei had to find a job singing in bars at night after the day was full, and he only slept for three or four hours a day, and the cycle repeated.

She lived her life like a pool of stagnant water, without waves and waves, knowing that the end is death, but she can only go forward step by step.

Whenever she was waiting in the background with the guitar that An Shu lent her, she would always think about a lot of things in her mind.

She thought about her own future, Zhang Yao's future, and the future of the two of them.

If she can only live like this in this life, without going to college, without even a diploma, and living in an ordinary way, at least she will not regret not pulling Zhang Yao to sink with herself.

Zhang Yao is a bird, she wants to spread her wings and fly high, to the sky that Shen Zhifei will never see.

Shen Zhifei didn't want to be the cage that locked Zhang Yao.

She didn't know if the change she was suffering could get over quickly, and if she could become a better version of herself after that.

In Shen Zhifei's eyes, her Yaoyao should be radiant, and then meet someone who likes her like her, hold her in the palm of his hand and live happily through this life.

At that time, Zhang Yao was on the university campus, vigorously participating in large and small activities, and became the object of the stars again and again.Zhang Yao arranges herself to the full every day, so that she has no time to think about Shen Zhifei.

"Later my father passed away." Shen Zhifei thought she had gotten used to it long ago, but she didn't expect that it would still hurt when she said it, and she would never let it go.

Back then, Shen Zhifei took Shen Zhiming away just to avoid seeing things and thinking about others.

After Shen Zhifei finished speaking for a while, the living room was very quiet, and she looked at Zhang Yao with some anxiety.

Zhang Yao's eyes were also a little red, and there were tears in her eyes, but they didn't fall. Her lips were also pursed, and she just looked at Shen Zhifei without saying a word.

"I know......"

"so--"

The two spoke together, Zhang Yao's voice was as cold as an ice cream just taken out of the freezer, and there was even air-conditioning lingering around.

Shen Zhifei just got up, and the courage she had accumulated with great difficulty disappeared in an instant. She clasped her hands tightly, and quietly waited for Zhang Yao's next words.

"So you broke up with me because of this?" Zhang Yao slowly added the rest, if you listen carefully, it's not hard to hear the slight tremor in her voice.

Shen Zhifei looked a little ashamed, she nodded her head lightly, and said "um" in a small voice.

"Heh." Zhang Yao gave a short laugh, mocking herself, and said, "Have you ever asked me?"

"Ah?" Shen Zhifei looked confused, looked up at Zhang Yao, the woman's angry and helpless expression made her a little confused, "What?"

Zhang Yao's chest rose and fell, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "I said, have you ever asked me?"

ask you what?

Shen Zhifei still looked blank, she shook her head and said, "No."

Zhang Yao opened her eyes, looked at Shen Zhifei, and suddenly smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

She has always been like this.

She has never been willing to confide in herself, and is open and honest. Although she is the closest lover, she is the one who understands her the least.

Zhang Yao didn't even know Shen Zhifei as well as Fang Han and the others.

She never asked herself if she would like to accompany her through the darkness, so she took away this right on her own initiative.

"Shen Zhifei." Zhang Yao withdrew her hand.

"Here." Shen Zhifei was in a panic, but he could only answer her.

Zhang Yao said: "Why do you make decisions for me?"

"I..." Shen Zhifei was speechless, she wanted to say that she was doing it for her own good, but Zhang Yao didn't seem to agree.

She can't say it, what should she say?

Are you saying that you are her burden?

At that time, Shen Zhifei's last pride was probably to prevent Zhang Yao from seeing the slightest bit of his embarrassment.

It's just that this is the point of the conversation, as smart as Zhang Yao, she naturally knows what is going on in Shen Zhifei's mind.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Zhang Yao suddenly opened her mouth lightly.

Shen Zhifei became more and more uneasy, she nodded: "Yeah."

The water in the cup was no longer hot, Zhang Yao looked at the family portrait on the TV cabinet, "I'm angry, and I don't plan to forgive you for the time being."

Shen Zhifei breathed a sigh of relief.

What she was most afraid of was that the two of them had no chance. She was afraid that Zhang Yao would miss it if she said the next sentence, and the two of them would have no chance.

Fortunately, Zhang Yao is just angry, and just doesn't plan to forgive for the time being.

"Okay, I know I have a lot of problems," Shen Zhifei sat obediently, "I will correct it slowly."

Hearing her saying that she was not good, Zhang Yao frowned indistinctly, and did not say anything to stop her.

Regardless of liking this layer of filters, objectively speaking, Shen Zhifei was too dull when he was in a relationship. It's just trivial things, so she seldom said anything to Zhang Yao.

But Piansheng is such a boring person, and when he flirts, he looks like two different people.

Zhang Yao is also very conflicted, but she understands that if the communication problem between the two of them is not resolved, even if she says she forgives Shen Zhifei now, and the two reconcile, the same problem will appear soon.

Zhang Yao was relieved to see that Shen Zhifei was not too disappointed, and even had a hint of surprise on her face. Shen Zhifei, who was like wood, knew her good intentions when she grew up.

At this point in the conversation, the conversation has basically come to an end. Shen Zhifei picked up the boiled automatic kettle and filled Zhang Yao with a cup of tea.

"Do you smoke?"

Zhang Yao's light words fell into Shen Zhifei's ears. She shook her hand holding the kettle, and accidentally spilled a few drops on her sleeves. She lowered her head, like a child who made a mistake, and murmured: "You... ...how did you find out?"

She smokes, but she has no addiction, she just smokes occasionally when she is in a bad mood.

"Ashtray." Zhang Yao slightly raised her chin, "There are both over there and here."

After she mentioned it, Shen Zhifei finally understood why Zhang Yao's eyes would stay for a few more seconds every time he saw the coffee table.

"Why can't it be used by guests?" Seeing that Zhang Yao's expression was flat, as if he didn't care about this matter, Shen Zhifei dared to ask back.

"You are not hospitable." Zhang Yao said with certainty, "It should be more common to put it on the top."

Shen Zhifei felt a little warm in her heart. She really didn't like to bring friends to the house, except for Han Youcheng, Fang Han, and Wu Wanwan, who had a good relationship.

Such a cold-faced and warm-hearted Zhang Yao seemed to bring her back to the feeling she had back then. The urge to hug her and kiss her almost overwhelmed her rationality.

Shen Zhifei stopped the thought of raising his hand in time.

She was afraid that Zhang Yao would be unhappy with her recklessness, and she was even more afraid that Zhang Yao would break away from her.

"I'll go first." After drinking a glass of water for an hour, Zhang Yao got up and tidied up her clothes.

"Did you drive? Do you want me to see you off?" Shen Zhifei followed suit and stood up.

She hadn't planned to keep Zhang Yao at home, after all, she still remembered that Zhang Yao's parents were still waiting for her to come home, and reunion is the most important thing for Chinese New Year.

"I'll drive by myself, so you don't need to see me off." Zhang Yao shook her head, as if she noticed that her tone was a bit stiff, and added, "You've been drinking."

Shen Zhifei only had a little drink at Anshu's, and Anshu's bar was relatively close, so Shen Zhifei dared to drive for such a distance, but she didn't dare to drive any farther away.

"Ok."

She forgot that Zhang Yao's house is still a little far away from her own.