Receive with the sky

After Gao Busheng moved away, the side sleeper became vacant.Super Chen just wanted to find someone he knew to live next to.So, he thought of Zhang Xiang.Zhang Xiang is a classmate of Chen Chao's primary school for six years.Zhang Xiang originally lived in a roast duck family at the back door of No. [-] Middle School.Zhang Xiang once took Chen Chao there.

As soon as Chen Chao walked into the door of that house, he smelled the aggressive aroma of roast duck.Then walk along the hollow stairs welded with iron blocks to the second floor, where Zhang Xiang lives.But this room is not the so-called second floor, but just a small attic on the roof.Compared with this house, Chao Chen lived in a western-style building.What surprised Chen Chao even more was that the rent of this small attic was even more expensive than that of a room in a western-style building.

Therefore, when the side sleeper of Xiaoyanglou was vacated, Chao Chen immediately found Zhang Xiang.When Zhang Xiang heard about the situation, he immediately agreed and moved here.Along with Zhang Xiang's people, there were also a stack of CDs, a guitar and an adjustable speed bicycle.

Zhang Xiang likes to connect the CD player to the stereo.At this time, Chen Chao stood at the door of Zhang Xiang's room.He had heard this song before and was quite familiar with it, but he just couldn't remember the name of the song.So Chen Chao asked Zhang Xiang. "Angel", Zhang Xiang said.Chen Chao simply walked into Zhang Xiang's room, told Zhang Xiang to turn back the CD player, played it again, and then he listened carefully.

How I wish to meet you,

Maybe I'm waiting for you to unravel all the secrets,

Then you smiled and showed the miracle,

Instead of insisting on being happy, it makes people happy.

Listening to "Angel", Chao Chen unconsciously remembered that the girl dressed up by a boy on the playground was as indistinguishable as an angel.Does the angel look male or female?Chen Chao originally wanted to ask Zhang Xiang, but he didn't ask.Chen Chao was sure that Zhang Xiang would answer that it was a woman, which was the opposite of his own answer.

A few days later, a grade speech contest was held in the school hall.The auditorium was set up as if a major student movement was about to take place.A red banner was hung directly above the podium, and a few white words were pasted on the banner-"I have a dream" speech contest in the first grade.

The six words in the quotation marks are deliberately enlarged and placed in the center.Several judges sat on both sides of the podium, holding the power of life and death of the contestants.The more than 800 spectators in the audience are just spectators, and the only way they can participate in this game is to listen and applaud with their mouths closed.

But the head teacher said that everyone must be present.Therefore, before going to the synagogue, Chen Chao made a special trip to the library.

The library is located to one side of the science building.This science building is considered to be the most advanced building in No. [-] Middle School of the city.There are large trapezoidal classrooms and laboratories for physics, chemistry and biology.The library has two floors. The first floor is the reading room, mainly magazines, periodicals and newspapers.The second floor is the lending room, where books of various categories are displayed on rows of bookshelves.Chao Chen likes novels and science fiction books.

Chao Chen borrowed a set of "The Ordinary World", a total of three volumes.When watching the first part, Chen Chao cried. He felt sad for the difficult years of that era, and at the same time was inspired and moved by the firm belief of the people of that era.After watching the second part, Chen Chao felt at a loss and was not moved by the story.He only felt that the lines between the lines were full of praises for the new era.This was not the story he wanted to see, and it had nothing to do with the fantasies in Chao Chen's mind.So Chen Chao had no desire to read the third part. He stared at the third part in a daze, not daring to turn to the first page.It seems that if you don't end it, the illusion in your heart will not be shattered.Later, Chao Chen borrowed some books about aliens.He looked carefully at those exquisite and strange pictures and those unimaginable events, as if he really believed that all of them were facts.

Now, Chen Chao came to the library, he wanted to borrow a book and take it to the synagogue.Chen Chao felt that instead of listening to other people talking about meaningless dreams, it would be better to hide in his own world and watch other people's golden years.Therefore, Chen Chao found this book on the shelf of Japanese literature. The title of the book is "Confessions of a Mask", and the author is Yukio Mishima.This author, Chao Chen, knew something about it, but this time he was completely attracted by the title of the book, and Chao Chen liked the title of the book.Confessing in a mask, he also needs a confession to tell his secret, even if others think it is false, it doesn't matter.

"Whoever has a disease in his body can't help but talk about it." There is such a sentence at the beginning of the book.After Chen Chao saw it, he sat in the last few rows of seats extremely impatiently.He didn't think there was any artistry or functionality in the speech before him.A real speech should tell the truth. Chen Chao longed to tell the truth, longed for a real speech, but he couldn't find a place to speak, and no one to tell.

The contestants on the stage spoke vigorously about their lofty ambitions, and the judges showed funny smiles, but they could write serious scores with the pens in their hands.The more than 800 spectators in the audience sat quietly in their seats, dumbstruck.They didn't enter into the state of pretending to be encouraged, they were waiting for the players from their class to come on stage, and then gave them warm applause.

Chao Chen was immersed in Yukio Mishima's confession.He was stunned by the man's sharp words.The "I" in the book is deeply obsessed with men's bodies, which shocked me who has the same life experience.Chen Chao still remembers sleeping with someone of the same sex several times, which made him sleepless all night.Although one night of insomnia caused great sleepiness, Super Chen didn't feel any pain. He thought it was a very beautiful experience.As he saw in "Confessions of a Mask" at this time, Yukio Mishima wrote about that feeling of beauty.

Just as Chen Chao was about to enter that beautiful world, a shout pulled him back to the scene of the speech contest.

"Chen Chao, come to the stands, remember that male and female?" It was Fan Dao, who was sitting a few rows ahead.

"Different sex?" Of course Super Chen remembered, and he immediately shifted his gaze to the podium. It really was the dichotomy that day. He had just stepped onto the podium and was approaching the microphone.There was warm cheers from somewhere under the stage.The androgynous man showed a bright smile, the same as what Super Chen saw that day, and started his speech:

"Hi everyone, my name is Lin Xian, and I'm from Class One (3) of Senior High."

The indistinguishable voice caused Chen Chao to fall into great doubts, because it was clearly a boy's voice.Chen Chao glanced at Fan Dao in front of him. He was staring at the stage dumbfounded, as if he was also caught in doubt.

The voice on the stage continued:

"Today, I'm here to tell you one thing. The students may think that I'm a girl when they see me for the first time. But I want to solemnly tell you that I'm actually a boy."

At this point, any doubts were completely dispelled.Difficult to tell is a boy, Chen Chao and Fan Dao both guessed wrong.Fan Dao rushed to the side of Super Chen's seat in desperation, with a look of dumbfounding.He said with uncontrollable emotion:

"You still have the nerve to say that you can tell at a glance, that she is a girl. She is obviously a boy. I laugh so hard, we all got it wrong."

Chen Chao was in shock at that time, he just felt that all this was too unrealistic, as if the boy was conjured from his subconscious.Seeing Fan Dao burst into tears, Super Chen didn't feel embarrassed to ignore him, so he pretended to laugh twice.Chen Chao seized the opportunity and seriously admired this beautiful boy on the stage.

Chao Chen was completely immersed in this perfect androgynous face, he turned off his sense of hearing, his sense of smell, his sense of touch, his sense of taste, and left his vision alone.look!The slender phoenix eyes, neither big nor small, are so elegant; the highly artistic nose, with perfect streamlines and no blemishes, starts to rise from the brow bone and the corner of the eyes; It looks playful.How delicate these facial features are, they are only slightly beautiful to look feminine.But to Chen Chao, this added a bit of beauty.

After enjoying the sight, Chen Chao turned on his hearing.The confession at the beginning of the speech had shaken him, and now came the end.

"Finally, I would like to sum up my dream, that is, I hope that everyone will not judge people by their appearance and their gender. I hope that people will not look at this society from the perspective of judging gender. Here, I hope that students can accept the appearance of my mask and accept My real gender, Lin Xian who accepts the mask but is real. Thank you everyone!"

After Lin Xian finished his speech, the audience unexpectedly burst into warm applause.

"Oh, this kid is really good at talking!" Fan Dao, who had recovered to normal, came to such a conclusion.

But Super Chen heard something different.He subconsciously felt that Lin Xian's ending revealed hidden meaning, which was a secret confession of gender orientation, Chao Chen thought so in his heart.But as always, the more he subconsciously thought so, the less he believed it was true.But there is no doubt about it, Super Chen felt that he liked Lin Xian, and he didn't dislike him at all.

In the next few days, Super Chen couldn't forget Lin Xian.Walking around the campus during the day, he always looked around, as if Lin Xian would appear not far away.Before going to bed at night, Lin Xian's face always comes to mind, what a beautiful and gentle face it is.Super Chen even felt that Lin Xian had the same loneliness as himself.Subconsciously, he unknowingly regarded Lin Xian as his own kind.However, Lin Xian has an extremely beautiful face. "Beauty is a very scary thing!" Chao Chen finally understood why Mishima quoted this sentence at the beginning of "Confessions of a Mask".Mishima's description of Goethe's painting "Saint Sebastian" fully demonstrates the answer.

"The incomparably white naked body was placed in front of the twilight background, dazzling, and the strong arms, which were accustomed to bending bows and dancing swords as a big inner tiger, were lifted to an undue angle, so that the tied hands were just on top of the hair The upper part intersects, the face is slightly raised, and the eyes gazing at the glory of the sky are opened peacefully. What floats in the outstretched chest, tightened abdomen, and slightly twisted waist is not pain, but swaying some kind of pain. Musical melancholy pleasure."

After reading Mishima's words, Chen Chao suddenly realized that the inner worlds of himself and Mishima were so similar.As a result, those past years in memory came one after another.The past is unbearable, but the pictures of those memories still came to my mind one by one, as if with some kind of premeditation and certain procedures.Memories, however, not only do not eliminate sorrow, but add to it.