hate time

I have been an old friend for so many years, let me walk the last part of the journey with me. ’ ‘It’s cruel, you know? "Let me see with my own eyes...

July [-]th

When Zhang Qi left, he was very quiet.I even heard the sound of maple leaves falling gently.

Obviously not autumn.

July [-]

Liangyue sent me a letter, saying it was Zhang Qi's will.

There is only one sentence on it: "Zhang Qi, editor in charge of "Passing Eternal Times"."

Yes, he said that his life can be finished in a few words.

☆, 25, 86 years old, 41 years old

August [-]

Put Jasmine in front of your grave, play the "Gada Meilin" recorded that year, pull up the erhu you gave me, and sing:

"Little swan geese flying from the south

Don't fall on the Yangtze River, no, don't take off"

When we first met, you were still young, you didn't like to talk, you just smirked.That short period of more than a month was the purest time in my life.

I still remember the rain in the West Lake, and the moment when you looked back...

The love words of "By the West Lake, the beauty is by my side" will only be told to you.

The thousands of copies of the first edition of "Sea People's Ballad", all of which are not bad, are all here.

Jasmine in Suzhou, rapeseed in Wenzhou.

Alleys, corridors, river ports.

I still wear the string of Sapindus with one missing.

However, even today, I still can't write the word "love" well.

☆, extra episode ([-])

Liang Xiang committed suicide by taking sleeping pills at the age of 87.No suicide note was left when he died.We only found an old photo in his coat pocket.The photo shows a slender man in the rain, holding an umbrella and looking back.

"Passers-by of Hundred Generations" ("Shi Shu") is a representative work of Liangxiang.He spent almost his whole life writing this work.From 21 to 87 years old. "Passers-by of EMI" has a total of 2000 volumes and more than [-] million words.It was written from the Qin Dynasty to [-].

He seemed to be able to see time.He likes to watch the time go by slowly, just like children like to watch the sand in the hourglass slowly leak out.But the important thing is engraved in the heart, which cannot be erased by time, and will never be forgotten in a lifetime.

The cold alley is like a mystery to everyone.He seldom shows up in front of people, and rarely expounds his writing thoughts and ideas to the public.The lecture he gave in Shanghai when he was 32 years old was the only lecture in his life.

Some people find Liangxiang's behavior incomprehensible.Is it necessary for a person whose body is half buried in the soil to commit suicide?In fact, after "Passers-by of EMI" was finished, Liangxiang couldn't write anything anymore.Suicide is the backbone of being a writer.

Abnormal person is a noun contributed by Zhuangzi to Chinese.He believes that such people are "deformed from humans but superior to heaven", which means that they are unparalleled in the world, but they are in perfect harmony with the way of heaven.Liang Xiang is exactly such a person.

Liangxiang became famous at a young age because of his only time-travel novel "Death".Later, it disappeared for a while because of public opinion.What really brought him to the pinnacle of his career was "Sea People Ballad".

"Sea People's Ballad" is known as "the pearl lost in the deep sea".Its first and second editions were neglected.Its first edition is no longer available on the market, and its second edition has become a favorite of collectors.

Liang Xiang has been nominated for more than a dozen awards for "Sea People's Ballad", so he is called "a miracle in the history of modern literature".

"Sea People's Ballad" narrates a not-so-relaxed story in a relaxed tone, which makes it a bit heavy to read.Like "My Name Is Red", it uses a multi-perspective narrative technique.But that doesn't make the story any more confusing.The story is not difficult to read.It allows readers to look down on those weak but great people in the story as a bystander.

Different from the complicated narrative technique of "My Name Is Red", it has only three perspectives—pearl oyster, pearl diver, and folk singer.The self-narration of the pearl oyster gives this story a romantic atmosphere, like a magnificent myth.The pearl divers are interpreting tragedy with optimism.The troubadour exists to give this work social significance.He was originally a mediocre person buried in modern urban life, but he started wandering because of a vacation at the seaside.There is only one work in his life - "Sea People's Ballad".

In the late period of Liangxiang, there is another work that received a lot of attention - "Because Life Is Just a Dream".It's autobiographical, but it's written in prose-like style, and it has some obvious fictional episodes in it.Some people criticize this work with John Gassner's criticism of "Our Town": to affirm human nature-a simple human nature that just wants to quietly complete its cycle of life, love and death.

Liangxiang's life was full of ups and downs, which made people deeply moved.

In the end, we should be thankful that we have not become the kind of person we hate the most.

☆, extra episode ([-])

I can't write articles.But my wife told me that I must write this eulogy.Because I have seen his real appearance when he took off the mask of Liangxiang.

He really belongs to the gay group despised by the world.His colleagues died very early.According to my father, he was very decadent at that time and drank heavily every night.After losing his lover, he became even more devout to the Buddha, and copied the Buddhist scriptures one hundred and eight times one hundred and eight times.Later, he changed the name of "Shi Shu" to "Passing Passers-by of EMI" and continued to create.He wrote it by hand first, and then it was converted to electronic manuscript by my father.When a book was finished, he would burn the manuscript.Burn it to his lover who is separated from him by yin and yang.The act of burning the manuscript is to commemorate the deceased.

He promised his lover that he would finish writing this book.It is also because of this that he committed suicide after completing "Passers-by of EMI".Affected by his negative emotions, "Passers-by of EMI" has a sense of historical helplessness and disillusionment in the vicissitudes of life.

He stayed in Canada for a while to be with my dying father.

That day, I went to the city with him to buy daily necessities.I met a homeless man on the side of the road and played a very sad piece on a dilapidated piano.He stopped and listened for a long time.Later, I talked with the homeless man, who wrote the piano piece himself, in memory of his deceased wife.

Music has no borders.

The last time I saw him was in Hangzhou West Lake.A silver-haired old man on the bank stood in the afterglow and stared into the distance, peacefully and kindly.

Most of us go to our grave with music.I didn't use mourning for his funeral.My father once told me which two songs to use.

"Jasmine" and "Gada Merlin".

☆, Extra Story ([-])

My brother's name is Xia Han, and his pet name is A Xiao, because he graduated from elementary school and still has only a small one, which doesn't seem to grow up.Like his mother, he started growing very late.

Ah Xiao's birth was bought at the price of her mother's life.That summer, the weather was very sultry.There was a thunderstorm on the day Ah Xiao was born, which made me feel a little cold.On that day, my mother left me and this world.She left me a younger brother who has exactly the same eyes as my mother.

Ah Xiao was born prematurely and stayed in the incubator for a long time.After he was discharged from the hospital, his father directly threw him to his grandmother who was far away in Suzhou, ignoring Ah Xiao on the pretext of being busy with business.I lived with my father and lived a very peaceful life, as if there were only the two of us since a long time ago.I only go to Suzhou every summer vacation to live for a month, to accompany A Xiao.Grandma raised him as a girl, and she didn't do it again until he was four or five years old and started to remember.

I am very disgusted with the way my grandmother was raised.Grandma has always only told her mother to study hard, and seldom taught her other things.My mother still doesn't know how to use chopsticks as an adult, and she always uses spoons to eat, thanks to her.Now, grandma is repeating herself on Ah Xiao.

Grandma works in the Education Bureau, often has meetings and does not go home.Ah Xiaoxiao moved the bench by himself, stood in front of the stove, and skillfully washed rice for cooking.He was still so young, he learned to cook by himself, and he learned to use children's nutrition meat for Panasonic rice.Grandma keeps saying she loves him, but she ignores him in the most basic way, and makes him learn to take care of himself prematurely.When he grew up, he subconsciously ignored the various dishes because he only remembered that rice filled his stomach.The purpose of eating is the task, and eating food is irrelevant.

On Ah Xiao's tenth birthday, his father finally visited him.Seeing his father coming, Ah Xiaobian smiled foolishly at him, and turned to this man who was completely unfamiliar to him.Then, this summer, Ah Xiao was brought back to Yiwu by his father.

Ah Xiao is still unhappy.

I am five years younger than Ah, I can speak better than him, and I am healthier than him. He can't eat what I can eat, and he can't do what I can do.I can travel and socialize with my father everywhere, but he cannot.

He is too fragile.Life is short as a summer worm.Even childhood is a fleeting pain.

☆, Extra Story ([-])

Our businessmen here in Wenzhou are actually quite creative.We have a very special way of borrowing money.For example, if someone is short of money and wants to borrow some money, he will organize a banquet.Generally speaking, one hundred thousand is borrowed, which has something to do with the rules of drinking.A person who borrows money will find nine business partners or friends who have a good relationship with him, because this meeting is a test of trust between people.Ten people, each with [-] cash to the banquet.For the first banquet, the [-] yuan was given to the borrower.A month later, the ten people gathered again for a drink, and this time each brought [-] in cash.Who will get the [-] this time will be decided by lottery.Draw from the remaining nine people, whoever is drawn will give it to whom.Then after another month, we will gather again for a drink, and draw lots from the remaining eight people, and whoever is drawn will get the [-] yuan this time.Ten months later, the borrower's [-] yuan was paid off, and the ten people owed each other nothing.This way of borrowing money is very risky if you do it with someone you don't know well.What if he did something wrong during the lottery draw, and you were not the one who was drawn in the first eight draws, and he ran away again in the last eight draws, then didn't you lose [-] in vain?

Wu Chou invited me to this reception.Wu Chou's father is an upstart, but he is not a prodigal, on the contrary, he is a businessman who is even more successful than his father.I have more business contacts with Wu Chou, so we are acquaintances.However, it was the first time for me to meet the other eight people who participated in the banquet.They don't know me, but I know them.Among them are the big bosses in the leather shoe, rubber shoe, and suitcase industries.There is also a rich man who sits on a lamp in Chongqing.Their net worth is more than 30 million, and some of them are over [-] million, such as Wu Chou.Only I am a small boss with an annual income of [-].I am a cloth shoe maker, and I opened a shoe factory as a joint venture with several other shareholders.In the first few years, the business was not bad, but now the business is slowly cooling down.

One hundred thousand is nothing to those bigwigs. Their participation in this kind of dinner is just like playing. The purpose is nothing more than to meet some business partners.But one hundred thousand is not a small number for me.When I participated in this banquet, I actually panicked and was afraid of being cheated.

This time the reception was initiated by Xia Han.I've never even heard the man's name.Wu Chou said that Xia Han had just entered the sea, and the [-] yuan was regarded as a venture fund.Those big guys were invited by Wu Chou for him. While borrowing money, they can also increase their relationship and establish a network of relationships through drinking.I may have been invited by Wu Chou as a representative of the small merchant group.

Boss Xia is pretty and gentle.It's just that he doesn't drink or smoke, and he doesn't look like a businessman at all, which makes us have a sense of distance from him.Although he is in poor health to have so many taboos.But we will inevitably have pimples in our hearts.Wenzhou people attach great importance to eating and drinking.When you come out to socialize, it’s always unreasonable not to drink, and you can’t talk about business until the favor is reached.

Three months passed, and I was not drawn twice in the lottery, which made me feel a little uneasy.In addition, I have been busy recently and have a lot of troubles.The Industrial and Commercial Bureau conducts surprise inspections every day.I was busy treating guests to dinner and stuffed red envelopes, so that they would cover them up next time.

Five months later, I still haven't been drawn.I began to wonder why every time they get together, they have to get me drunk before drawing lots.

Recently, the economy is also very difficult. The factory has not had a big business for a long time, and it is losing money bit by bit.There are also many things at home.My mother fell and her lumbar disc protruded.My son is going from primary school to junior high school, and I am annoyed every day, what school should I find for him.My daughter is in high school, very rebellious, and doesn't talk to me very much.

In the penultimate draw, I was finally drawn.I finally got my hundred thousand and made friends with some high society people.At first I really thought I was cheated.It's okay, okay, I'm not so unlucky yet.

Boss Xia and I have also become good business partners.Boss Xia is a casual merchant. He does not produce commodities, but resells them, profiting from the price difference.For example, if I make a pair of shoes, the cost is about ten yuan, and the ex-factory price is twenty yuan.Boss Xia bought the shoes at ex-factory price and then resold them for 100 or [-] yuan.Because there will always be such a group of fools, the more expensive things are, the more they buy.So when I see an expensive item, I subconsciously calculate its cost.A five-hundred-yuan watch, if you ask me, costs only thirty, and those one- or two-thousand-dollar watches are about the same.A pair of spectacle frames costing five or six hundred, if you ask me, the cost is only thirty.It costs several thousand to fill a tooth. If I ask you, the cost is only [-].From the eyes of ordinary people, the price difference seems to be huge, and the merchants are making huge profits.Especially those scholars, like the ancient Confucian scholars, chattered non-stop.If you have the ability, go to sea and see which of us makes more money.Sell ​​things at cost price, aren't you a fool?Moreover, if it is not mass-produced and sold like me, you can't make money at such a low profit.You may work for the rest of your life without me having any money.

The cultural level of the big bosses is quite low. I have a high school diploma, which is considered a super high degree among them.Most of them did not go to junior high school, and basically did not even finish elementary school.Xia Han has a college degree, and he still has a book, which is really rare among businessmen.

Later, after a few years, Xia Han made a lot of money with the initial [-] yuan, which was richer than the eight people who were drinking at the beginning.However, at this time, he spent all his money and gave all his assets to people who had contacts in the business field: they were all small manufacturers engaged in the real economy, not casual merchants like himself.He knew very well that those people would do nothing but make money.

I was one of the objects he spent all his money on.He gave me 500 million.The 500 million is not for nothing. He asked me to donate at least [-]% of my annual income to charity every year.I asked him, don't you sign the contract?He said, I believe in you.

trust.

Me and him, that is, ten meals of friendship.

The author has something to say: Because it is a businessman as No. 1, it is inevitable to be a philistine.There are some words, just look at them casually.

☆, extra episode (five)

My mother said she was moving and asked me to help her.It happened that the May Day holiday was about to come, so I asked my boss for two days off, which was exactly five days after the May Day holiday.My husband still has to work, but he said he would come to help during the May Day holiday.So I went one step ahead of him and returned to my hometown Suzhou.

Before, I lived in the alley with my mother.After I got married, she lived alone in the alley.Now that she is old, she suffers from rheumatic bone pain, and the alley is sometimes too damp and cold for her to live in, so she thinks about moving.Cars cannot drive into the alleys, and all the furniture has to be moved out bit by bit by manpower.

Two days later, my husband also came.Only then did my mother tell me that the children's hospital was going to be demolished.

This afternoon, my husband and I went to a teahouse for tea, and we happened to find a seat by the window.The sun slanted in from the window and reflected on my hands like golden silk.A comfortable feeling that penetrates from the skin into the body.

"What are you in a daze for?" My husband asked me. "I'm confused" "Again"

Whenever I don't know how to describe my mood, I say "I'm confused". The word "confused" was taught to me by him.He often looks out the window and says "I'm lost".I asked him what he meant by confused. "The appearance is vast and cannot be seen clearly. The expression is blurred. Confusion has these two meanings."

I said to my husband, "I want to say goodbye to my first love."

I was still young.As for how small, I can't remember.Maybe in elementary school, maybe still in kindergarten.I was very wild when I was young, unlike girls from other families.I like to run around, and I don't know how to go home after the sun goes down, which makes my mother worry.

The alleys are intricate, and you can go to different places by turning out from different intersections.There is a relatively long road. After going out, you will see a wide and large bridge.Unlike the stone bridge near my house, it is very ugly, and the steps have not been repaired.For me, crossing the bridge was like climbing a mountain.

On the other side of the bridge is a white house, which is dazzling in the sun.Among the countless small windows on its first floor, there is a window in which lives a very special person to me.

I remember that it was also spring, and the willows had just turned green.I moved a stone and stood on it, so I saw the scene in the small window.

It was a small, pale man.He was sitting on the bed with pillows on his back, holding an open book in his hand.His head was tilted, as if he had fallen asleep.I have never seen such a good-looking person, and I was stunned for a while.Then, unexpectedly climbed in from the window sill.He was awakened by my movement.I stopped and looked at him motionless.One of my feet was on his snow-white sheets, and the other leg was still outside the window.After a while, he smiled: "You haven't taken off your shoes yet."

The wind outside the window blows in, turning the pages of the book.

After that, every time I got out of school, I would run to the white house, skilfully turn the window in, take off my shoes and put them on the window sill, and sit on his bed and chat with him about what happened at school today.He just listened quietly, smiling slightly, giving people a light feeling, a very comfortable feeling.

Sometimes, he would meet a group of people in white clothes, and they would give him injections and medicines.If they found me, they'd kick me out and lock the windows.After they're gone, he'll come over and open the window for me.

Sometimes, he was sleeping and couldn't wake up.I just lay down next to him and stared at him.The sun slanted in from the window, reflecting on his delicate face, emitting a soft light.He looked so fragile, as if he had disappeared in the sun.

A lazy afternoon at the end of spring.I asked him outside the window if he wanted to come outside.He hesitated for a moment, then offered me his hand.

I took his hand from the window.

That afternoon, we sat in the shade and played a game of throwing stones.

The setting sun dyed the white house red.The two of us sat on the windowsill, our four short legs dangling.I casually asked his age.

"You're the same age as me? Then why are you so much shorter than me?" He wasn't annoyed, but said nonchalantly, "They say girls grow faster."

Later, I sang a few nursery rhymes with my broken gong voice, and asked him if he could sing. "Yes" "Then I will listen to the song"

"What a beautiful jasmine flower" "You really only sing one line? Go on" "I only know this one line"

Spring is over and it is summer, and the cicadas on the trees are noisy again.This means that I don't have to go to school anymore and I can take a vacation.I bounced all the way and picked a few jasmine flowers along the way.After arriving at the White House, he gave him the flowers.

He smiled very brightly: "Thank you" I think he is too exaggerated, just a few flowers.

I didn't understand it then, and I didn't understand it for a long time afterwards.Until I read a book, there is a sentence in the book:

"For those who live next to death, the smile of a flower is more engraved in their hearts than the question of life and death."