I Just Came to Borrow a Light

"It's a big face," Yuan Wu clicked his tongue on the screen, threw the phone aside, and put down the camera, "Did you just say you were doing supper?"

"You know both Jiang Chengyu and Guo Xiaoshuai." Lin Chengbu sat next to him, facing him face to face, "Be active, even if it passes by briefly, you can't escape."

Yuan Wu frowned.

"Tell me if you know them," Lin Chengbu said, "You said it, and I'll make you something delicious."

"What if I'm the big head?" Yuan Wu glanced at him.

"The big head is more capable than you," Lin Chengbu sighed, "If you were the big head, you could solve everything. The big head is smart and sensible."

Yuan Wu clicked his tongue: "What do you mean?"

"It means you're bored to death," Lin Chengbu stood up and went to the kitchen, "There's no supper, go hungry."

"I remember it all," Yuan Wu leaned his head back on the sofa, half-closed his eyes, "I remember it all, I don't know about it later, but I remember it all now."

"Remember what?" Lin Chengbu quickly walked back to him.

"Sometimes I remember a lot of things," Yuan Wu closed his eyes, "a lot..."

"Remember what?" Lin Chengbu asked.

"I don't know," Yuan Wu suddenly got a little irritable, and opened his eyes to look at him, "I don't know! I can't tell what it is! Don't keep saying that I am not active or active! I don't even know what I want to be active!"

Lin Chengbu didn't speak.

"I don't want to avoid anything! Face something positive!" Yuan Wu stood up and walked back and forth in the room, "It's very annoying! It's a mess!"

"Don't worry..." Lin Chengbu stopped him, and put a cup of yogurt in his hand.

"But you are in a hurry!" Yuan Wu stared at him, "You are in a hurry!"

"...Yes." Lin Chengbu nodded.

Yuan Wu didn't say anything else, sat back on the sofa, put his arms on his knees and held his head.

Lin Chengbu moved very lightly in the kitchen and didn't know what to do. Is it a supper?

I answered his question by myself, probably doing supper.

remember.

Yes, I remember Jiang Chengyu and Guo Xiaoshuai.

But he couldn't remember what the names had to do with him, what they were supposed to look like in his memory.

His mind wasn't blank, it wasn't that there was nothing, he had memories, memories, but they were all mixed together, chaotic and without a clue.

Many times he couldn't even tell if it was real or just his imagination.

I'm so tired...I've been tired all the time... Tell me, are there many people in this world who shouldn't exist...For example, me...

You are not happy because of me... a lot of things are because of me... why don't you laugh, I told you a joke, I think it's very funny, why don't you laugh... am I superfluous, superfluous actually it's me right...

You said, should we be alone, if there is only one person, it would be fine, right?

One should not exist.

it's me.

Yuan Wu inserted his fingers into his hair and scratched fiercely a few times.

It was the voice again, and the words again.

He didn't want to escape, but he felt afraid in the confusion, afraid that his thoughts would become clear, and afraid of suddenly seeing and thinking of some kind of truth that seemed to make him despair.

Yes, the truth.

He knew something was waiting for him in the chaos.

Getting closer.

After a long period of repression and avoidance, I still couldn't escape, and got closer little by little.

Like he didn't know who was saying it and what it was saying all along.

Now I have to tell myself.

understood.

It's Yuan Shen.

Once this name is remembered, it seems to break some kind of balance, suddenly throwing him into confusion and fear, followed by uncontrollable anxiety and more and more frequent headaches.

And sleepiness wrapped in dizziness.

Is this an escape?

If you don't know anything, it won't be so uncomfortable.

Is it an escape?

When Lin Chengbu poured the boiled fermented eggs out of the pot, he saw Yuan Wu who had been sitting on the sofa holding his head and began to tremble.

He threw the pot into the sink and ran to Yuan Wu.

"What's the matter?" He hugged Yuan Wu, and found that he was shaking badly, and his whole body was covered with sweat. In this kind of weather, he would have to run for more than ten minutes to break out in such a sweat.

Yuan Wu didn't answer him, but just frowned, his expression wasn't painful, but it wasn't uncomfortable either.

"What's uncomfortable?" Lin Chengbu hugged him tightly, "Tell me what's uncomfortable?"

"Very sleepy." Yuan Wu said in a low voice.

"Sleepy?" Lin Chengbu glanced at the time, it was almost 12 o'clock, and it seemed that there was nothing abnormal about being sleepy, "Do you want to sleep?"

"En." Yuan Wu responded, and slowly stopped shaking.

"Then..." Lin Chengbu was about to tell you to go back to the bedroom to sleep, but Yuan Wu suddenly leaned against him. He was a little tight with him at first, but now it suddenly loosened. He was a little shocked and supported Yuan Wu shoulder, "I fell asleep relying on you?"

Yuan Wu didn't answer, closed his eyes, and even slowed down his breathing.

Lin Chengbu stared at his face, and when his head was tilted back, he quickly reached out to support him: "You don't, do you have other problems? Are you asleep or fainted!"

Yuan Wu's eyes suddenly opened a crack: "Shut up."

After speaking, he closed his eyes again and fell asleep as if he had passed out.

"...Oh," Lin Chengbu responded after a long time: "Then you go to bed, do you want me to help you sit up and sleep?"

Yuan Wu did not respond.

Lin Chengbu hesitated, dragged Yuan Wu into the bedroom, and threw him on the bed.

He originally wanted to carry Yuan Wu in, but he was afraid that Yuan Wu's stomach would be uncomfortable in that posture, so he wanted to carry him in. Yuan Wu is not small, and he was afraid that half of his hand would slip and throw Yuan Wu on the ground, so he probably wouldn't be able to run away. Beat me up, in case you lose your mind again...

Yuan Wu turned over quickly after being thrown on the bed, and pulled the pillow to make himself sleep more comfortably.

"Damn it," Lin Chengbu looked at him suspiciously, "Are you faking it, falling asleep or fainting?"

"Just sleepy." Yuan Wu said with a nasal voice.

"No," Lin Chengbu was speechless, "Are you still asleep?"

"What's the matter?" Yuan Wu lowered his voice, as if he was about to fall asleep, "You're exhausted."

"...Forget it, you go to sleep." Lin Chengbu sighed.

After standing beside the bed for a few more minutes, after confirming that Yuan Wu was indeed asleep, he turned around and left the bedroom, went to the kitchen and ate the bowl of fermented eggs.

That night, Yuan took a peaceful nap, and nothing unusual happened. Lin Chengbu didn't pour ice into his crotch, and just lay down next to him to sleep.

Because the information provided by Guo Xiaoshuai was too surprising, he had no other thoughts at all, and fell asleep and dreamed of two yuan noon all night.

He also chanted the curse for a while like an idiot, trying to distinguish the real Yuan Wu from the fake one.

And the recitation was very similar to that, it was so long, in the dream he looked at himself with admiration several times.

But I forgot about it when I woke up.

It's a pity.

When he opened his eyes, his first move was to turn his head to look at Yuan Wu, and after realizing that Yuan Wu was not on the bed, he rushed to the living room in only a second.

"It's very agile." Yuan Wu stood in the kitchen.

"Hungry?" Lin Chengbu heaved a sigh of relief, "Let me cook, I don't have your only special dish here."

"What?" Yuan Wu asked.

"Instant noodles." Lin Chengbu opened the refrigerator, "Have a sandwich? Or go out to eat? I have nothing to take you out to eat today."

"Let me do it," Yuan Wu said, "These things in your kitchen look quite complete."

"What are you going to do?" Lin Chengbu sat down at the table.

"Sandwiches," Yuan Wu smiled at him, "You guide me to make it."

Lin Chengbu didn't speak, staring at Yuan Wu's face, a chill crept up from his back little by little.

"Is it okay?" Yuan Wu asked again.

"Okay." Lin Chengbu nodded.

Yuan Wu took out the eggs from the refrigerator, took a bowl and began to beat them: "Actually, I'm quite skilled at breaking eggs."

"En." Lin Chengbu responded.

Yuan Wu's smile just now made him feel scared.

He had seen that smile before, but he didn't know at that time that such a sunny smile belonged to Yuan Shen.

"Yuanwu." He tried to call out.

"Huh?" Yuan Wu looked up at him.

"You never told me about your brother," he said.

"Brother?" Yuan Wu's eyes were blank for a moment, but soon lowered his eyelids, and continued to beat eggs without speaking.

"Your brother's name is Yuan Shen," Lin Chengbu continued, "You mentioned it once before, when Xiao Nier came to ask you to get something, you said that it was Yuan Shen's ex-girlfriend."

The movements of Yuan Wu's hands stopped.

"Do you still remember?" Lin Chengbu paid attention to his reaction, and tried to continue, "Remember Xiao Ni?"

Yuan Wu didn't speak, put down the bowl in his hand, leaned on the table and stared at the bowl in silence.

"Where is Yuanshen?" Lin Chengbu bit his lip and asked, he felt that he was asking a bit risky, "Guo Xiaoshuai said he hadn't heard from him for a long time."

"What do you want to know?" Yuan Wu's voice suddenly turned cold, and when he looked up, his eyes were as sharp as a knife.

Lin Chengbu could almost feel the pain on his face.

He regretted it a bit, he should have waited until Yuan Wu finished making the sandwiches, at least he could eat the breakfast Yuan Wu made for him...

But the plot has developed to this point, and it is impossible to rewind, and it turns out that if you continue to slow down and move forward, you will leave too many opportunities for "self-regulation" for Yuan Wu, and you will take one step back and half a step back.

"I want to know," Lin Chengbu took out the photo from his pocket, put it in front of Yuan Wu, pointed at Yuan Shen, "Where is Yuan Shen?"

Yuan Wu looked down at the photo.

When his gaze fell in front of his fingertips, his breathing suddenly became rapid, and he couldn't tell whether it was fear, anxiety, or sadness.

Maybe both.

Before Lin Chengbu could figure out what to say next, Yuan Wu grabbed the photo and tore it into pieces.

Lin Chengbu didn't go to grab the photos, it doesn't matter whether the photos are complete or not, the important thing is that Yuan Wu saw it.

Saw two people.

The photo fragments were taken by Yuan Wu to the toilet and thrown into the toilet, and flushed twice in a row.

Lin Chengbu waited for a while, but did not see Yuan Wu coming out. Although he felt that the possibility of committing suicide with the water in the toilet was too low, he got up and went into the toilet.

Yuan Wu sat against the wall, like the first time he saw it on the boat, holding his head and crying bitterly.

Lin Chengbu's heart twitched at the painful howl that was forced into his throat, and the pain spread from his chest to his arms, causing numbness in waves.

He didn't know why Yuan Wu was crying.

I didn't know last time either.

But this sadness can be conveyed, and it can be clearly felt.

Whatever the reason, Yuan Wu was in great pain.

Lin Chengbu didn't speak, and sat down opposite him against the wall, looking at him face to face.

It was a kind of torment. He sat opposite Yuan Wu, watching him cry as if he was struggling, and clearly felt the pain emanating from Yuan Wu's body.

But nothing can be done.

There was nothing to comfort, nothing to say.

Time passed little by little, Lin Chengbu didn't look at his watch, he didn't know how long it had passed, he just felt his whole body began to ache, and his head swelled up badly, all he knew was that Yuan Wu hadn't made a sound for quite a long time.

Just sat there quietly holding his head.

Lin Chengbu thought he was asleep, but he could still see his crossed fingers gently rubbing against each other.

"He's dead." Yuan Wu said suddenly.

This sentence was said too suddenly, with a little resonance in the small space, Lin Chengbu bounced on the ground as if frightened, and sat up straight.

Yuan Wu still didn't move from the previous posture, as if he didn't say that sentence.

"Who's dead?" Lin Chengbu asked softly.

"Yuan Shen." Yuan Wu's voice was hoarse and deep, but the word Yuan Shen was clearly stated.

Yuan Shen died.

Lin Chengbu looked at Yuan Wu, feeling that he didn't know what to say, what else to say, Yuan Wu was silent, so he could only keep silent.

Yuan Wu went from being silent to speaking and then to silent again, holding his head like that all the time, as if trying to separate himself from the things around him.

Lin Chengbu wanted to touch him, squeeze his arms, put his arms around his shoulders, but he didn't dare to move.

Yuan Wu's body language clearly refused any contact.

Just like for a long time before, he didn't allow anyone to touch him, Lin Chengbu grabbed his arm and was whipped casually.

It can only be like this, silently accompany.

Until the early morning sun slowly turned from the window into the bright noon sun, Yuan Wu didn't speak again, he wasn't even sure if Yuan Wu knew he was still here.

The sun slowly slanted over again, and the small square of light that came in from the small window climbed up the wall little by little, and finally disappeared.

Lin Chengbu felt that he had probably reached his limit.

The soreness in the whole body has disappeared, replaced by numbness. He has moved his legs a few times, but he can't move his buttocks very much. Now the buttocks don't belong to him anymore.

I don't know how long it will take to get my butt back.

If the butt is necrotic, can he ask Yuan Wu for compensation.

What about Yuan Wu's ass?

Is there any necrosis... Do you want to force it to check...

"Did you know?" Yuan Wu, who had settled down, suddenly opened his mouth.

Lin Chengbu was still taken aback, but because of his butt, he couldn't jump on the spot, so he could only raise his head abruptly.

Yuan Wu also raised his head, maybe because he kept his head down for too long, when he raised his head, he seemed to lean back because of dizziness.

"What?" Lin Chengbu asked, and after speaking, he realized that his throat seemed to be on fire.

"If a person really wants to die," Yuan Wu said, "how powerful it is."

Lin Chengbu didn't answer, and didn't know how to answer.

"Is there really someone who shouldn't exist?" Yuan Wu looked at him.

"No." Lin Chengbu said.

"Yeah...no..." Yuan Wu sighed softly, "I'm hungry."

"Want to eat?" Lin Chengbu asked.

"Yeah." Yuan Wu nodded.

"I... go cook," Lin Chengbu wanted to stand up, but as soon as he moved his legs, he felt so sore that he almost cried out. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his legs, "Damn."

"Hungry." Yuan Wu said.

"I know, you wait..."

"very hungry."

"Ah..." Lin Chengbu groaned. Not only were his legs sore and numb, but he also had no strength at all. He gave up the idea of ​​standing up and put his arms on the ground, "Wait for me..."

"I'm starving to death." Yuan Wu looked at him.

"I see," Lin Chengbu slowly crawled towards the door, "Do you know how I feel now?"

"I know," Yuan Wu said, "I'm so numb that I can't move."

"I thought you didn't know," Lin Chengbu climbed to the door, held the door and turned to look at him, "If you know, don't rush me."

"I didn't rush you," Yuan Wu said, "I just expressed my inner desire."

"I have received your desire." Lin Chengbu sighed.

"Xiao Bubu," Yuan Wu said in a low voice, "You think I'm Yuan Wu, right?"

Lin Chengbu, who had already stood up halfway holding the door, knelt back to the ground after he said this, and turned to look at him: "Yes."

"What if I'm really not," Yuan Wu said, "Have you thought about it?"

"I thought about it," Lin Chengbu's voice trembled, "but you must be."

"Do you know Yuan Shen?" Yuan Wu looked at him and asked, "Why are you so sure?"

"Because," Lin Chengbu approached him, "From the day I met you, you have been like that, just like your high school photo, when I met you, you hadn't turned into this bird, I just saw looking at you..."

"The one that turned into a bird." Yuan Wu took his words.

"...Yes." Lin Chengbu nodded.

Yuan Wu smiled.

This smile gave Lin Chengbu the strength to stand up at once. This was Yuan Wu's smile, the kind of smile that didn't make him happy.

"What time is it?" Yuan Wu asked.

"It's past six o'clock," Lin Chengbu looked at his watch, "It's just after six o'clock, and today we have a day trip to the toilet."

"Are you free tonight?" Yuan Wu looked up at him, "I want to go out for a walk, I'm bored to death."

"Okay," Lin Chengbu replied immediately, "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it," Yuan Wu rubbed his forehead, "I just want to walk around."

"Then go out after dinner?" Lin Chengbu asked, "Or go out to eat?"

"Go out after eating," Yuan Wu stood up slowly against the wall, "I'm too hungry to walk."

"You're not hungry, it's the cat's." Lin Chengbu helped him up.

"It's not easy for you," Yuan Wu walked out slowly, "Take some time to see a psychiatrist, do you have a tendency to be abused?"

"It's you who should go and see." Lin Chengbu said.

"Me?" Yuan Wu turned his head, frowned after thinking about it, "I'm not going, my scars cannot be torn apart by others."

"Will you tear it up?" Lin Chengbu chased after him.

"Sometimes," Yuan Wu answered irrelevantly, "there will be some complete small fragments, like other people's stories, the feeling of what happened to other people, but... have my name."

Lin Chengbu walked up to him: "Which name?"

"Want to hear a story?" Yuan Wu looked at him.

"I think." Lin Chengbu replied very simply.

"I suddenly remembered something," Yuan Wu said, walked slowly to the living room, stretched, "I will suddenly tell you."

"Whose story?" Lin Chengbu asked while moving his arms and legs.

"Yuan Shen and Yuan Wu."